A Nice Body Won’t Get You a Boyfriend, But a Better Personality Will

  • andreduce

    Posts: 76

    Jul 09, 2015 12:21 AM GMT
    Sometimes as gay dudes I don't think we all think about this too often. What do you guys think?

    http://www.gayguys.com/2015/07/nice-body-wont-get-boyfriend-better-personality-will/
  • mystery905

    Posts: 745

    Jul 09, 2015 12:27 AM GMT
    so true....it's all about balance.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 09, 2015 12:47 AM GMT
    Idk, all this self-help stuff just seems misleading. The writer says that guys with good bodies are a dime a dozen, and that a good personality is rare. That's not true. Most regular everyday people have fine personalities. Almost everyone likes a good laugh and has interests beyond just staring in the mirror all day.

    I think the reason guys flake out in relationships is because relationships involve things like compromise, trust, fidelity (arguably), and patience. Relationships take much more commitment, much more willingness to forgive, because there are going to be rough patches.

    I think working out is good for health reasons and self esteem. I think people who are unsatisfied with their appearance because they are out of shape end up getting mad at everyone else for being so shallow, and that just makes them bitter, which is the worst thing that can happen to someone's personality.

    You just have to follow your passion, take good care of yourself, not take things so seriously, and have goals. And when you do find someone, flatter him. Find out what he thinks is romantic. Make him feel special. Don't hesitate to fall in love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2015 1:39 AM GMT
    LOL. That article is all full of wishful thinking. And it's not limited to gay men. Wish these writers would stop perpetuating gay stereotypes.

    Everyone (gay and straight) is chasing after perfect unicorns. It's just a matter of finding the unicorn with a tolerable personality.

    A bland looking person with a great personality will always get overlooked in favor of an attractive person with a bland personality.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2015 1:40 AM GMT
    A nice body won't get you a boyfriend, but it'll definitely get you laid.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2015 2:06 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidA nice body won't get you a boyfriend, but it'll definitely get you laid.

    TRUTH! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2015 2:19 AM GMT
    xrichx said

    A bland looking person with a great personality will always get overlooked in favor of an attractive person with a bland personality.


    Yep!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2015 2:30 AM GMT
    It's true to a certain extent. A good personality will help you potentially have a long lasting relationship but unfortunately physical appearance usually is the first thing other people see you and even just want to give you a chance to get to know your wonderful personality.

    Just like, how many people actually read the text on someone's profile? Not a whole lot. And, how many people actually read the profile first before he looks at someone's picture? Probably none.

  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Jul 09, 2015 10:15 AM GMT
    false,tried that,didnt work
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2015 10:45 AM GMT
    Glad I have both, great body and great personality ... and obviously a Big head ahah icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2015 1:54 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidIdk, all this self-help stuff just seems misleading. The writer says that guys with good bodies are a dime a dozen, and that a good personality is rare. That's not true. Most regular everyday people have fine personalities. Almost everyone likes a good laugh and has interests beyond just staring in the mirror all day.

    I think the reason guys flake out in relationships is because relationships involve things like compromise, trust, fidelity (arguably), and patience. Relationships take much more commitment, much more willingness to forgive, because there are going to be rough patches.

    I think working out is good for health reasons and self esteem. I think people who are unsatisfied with their appearance because they are out of shape end up getting mad at everyone else for being so shallow, and that just makes them bitter, which is the worst thing that can happen to someone's personality.

    You just have to follow your passion, take good care of yourself, not take things so seriously, and have goals. And when you do find someone, flatter him. Find out what he thinks is romantic. Make him feel special. Don't hesitate to fall in love.


    I think this is spot on. I think the average gay guy today has less self-esteem and less general happiness than the average straight guy today due to history and attitudes towards us. As we get more rights and are more accepted this will continue to change in a positive direction. But because we're not there yet, compromise, trust, fidelity, patience, intimacy are harder for us to wrap our hearts around. We're generally fearful... of missing out, getting plaid, getting our heart broken, investing in the wrong person, of letting ourselves go or overinvesting. A nice body and physical attraction are the only sure things we can actually see and feel evidence of right away.
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    Jul 09, 2015 2:15 PM GMT
    On the bright side, hot body or not, many people end up never finding what they were looking for lol.
  • mwolverine

    Posts: 3386

    Jul 09, 2015 3:06 PM GMT
    A nice body WILL get you a boyfriend.
    A nice personality will KEEP him.
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    Jul 09, 2015 4:47 PM GMT
    mwolverine saidA nice body WILL get you a boyfriend.
    A nice personality will KEEP him.


    By nice personality being the factor in keeping a guy, do you mean the ability to charm with your wit and humor? That only lasts so long.

    I think the thing that keeps a boyfriend is what you bring to the table, what he brings to the table, and the ability to manage all that. You both may have model looks and ripped muscular bodies, but will you be able to deal with his previous promiscuous past while yours has been completely monogamous? Will you be able to bring him up to your level of cleanliness whereas he still can't seem to put clothes and dirty dishes where they belong? Will you be able to satisfy his emotional needs so that he doesn't feel neglected? Will you both be able to abide by the sexual rules you have established for your relationship?

    It's a lot of hard work and discipline and takes a person with sound morals, strong emotional health, patience and selflessness to keep a guy. And the thing is, both people need to be on the same page.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 09, 2015 4:57 PM GMT
    mystery905 saidso true....it's all about balance.


    I like this answer. For me a guy with a good personality and good habits really adds. Of course nice physical traits only go so far if one is serious about pursuing a relationship.
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    Jul 09, 2015 7:59 PM GMT
    I was surprised when I came out 5 years ago how easy it was to take a ripped go go boy home but it was a turn off that they could not even speak in sentences . I learned that smart had more appeal to me then muscle but BF material is a good mix of body, mind and soul.
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    Jul 10, 2015 1:04 AM GMT
    I personal like a guy who had a mind, personality and body. I was far more attracted to guys who could talk and communicate. I also like a hot body...but that only gets a guy so far.

    I know an aging body builder in Dallas Texas who got by on his looks for decades...and now as he is aging and looks are fading has nothing to offer.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 803

    Jul 10, 2015 1:22 AM GMT
    Don't agree at all.

    It is ALL about the body, a pleasing personality is an after-thought.

    JUST LOOK at ALL "gay" sites...all of the porn bodies, how sites have a "top profile" rating system, which is based entirely on appearances.

  • mwolverine

    Posts: 3386

    Jul 10, 2015 4:30 AM GMT
    darius30 said
    mwolverine saidA nice body WILL get you a boyfriend.
    A nice personality will KEEP him.

    I think the thing that keeps a boyfriend is what you bring to the table... And the thing is, both people need to be on the same page.

    Absolutely. I was just trying to be humorous.

    Compatibility - how you look out on the world together, along with doing the work of maintaining a relationship, is the key to keeping someone.

    Ultimately it has to be the right combination of what one values, and thankfully different people value different things (just as different people like different "looks", body types, etc).

    Perhaps an over generalization given that at times opposites attract, but twinks tend to like twinks and bears tend to like bears. Smokers like other smokers. Smart people tend to like other smart people. Hmmm. Does that mean that stupid people like other stupid people? icon_eek.gificon_smile.gif
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    Jul 10, 2015 3:03 PM GMT
    FitBlackCuddler saidDon't agree at all.

    It is ALL about the body, a pleasing personality is an after-thought.




    Its upsetting but this unfortunately is relatively true. I've noticed a lot of guys are blind to being able to see beyond superficial layers into the depths of a persons character. Honestly, I just don't think they even care enough to look.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2015 6:42 PM GMT
    Everyone cares about looks to some degree, more or less than others, and appearances do matter. I've been called cute and handsome before, or to clarify in terms of looks/personality combination, "Tall, Dark, and Handsome Teddy Bear"...not sure how that combination is a dude magnet.
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    Jul 10, 2015 8:28 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidI was surprised when I came out 5 years ago how easy it was to take a ripped go go boy home but it was a turn off that they could not even speak in sentences . I learned that smart had more appeal to me then muscle but BF material is a good mix of body, mind and soul.


    On one of my online dating profiles I put a joke: looking for discrete dates (individual and distinct dates). Only one person understood that it was a joke - in 18 months!
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jul 10, 2015 9:04 PM GMT
    While that may be true to some extent, with gay men anyway. I think that looks will matter to a degree. I mean, seeing what the average gay man does like, it's inevitable. But the difference does show that not every guy finds the same thing aesthetically appealing.

    In the grand scheme of things, a combination of looks and personality would be the best factor for BF material but at times, it does feel like the two are mutual.

    But I've seen all sorts of gay couples happy and fulfilled which does invoke hope to others who are looking to meet the right guy for them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2015 9:09 PM GMT
    Well there are so many douche bag hot guys with no personality in the gay world. Lol, hahaha jk...but it's true to a certain point. I mean, if you're a hot guy with no personality then you're just good to F*** around with. Personality would keep a potential mate/husband in the long run. Having said that, I'd hate to see a guy who just give up on working out and just go all obese. icon_razz.gificon_redface.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 10, 2015 9:17 PM GMT
    I actually think it's worse when people reject me because they don't like my personality. If someone makes a snide comment on my looks, I can say, well, they're superficial/blind, but if they hate me because they think I'm an loud, dull, stupid, arrogant, abrasive, whiny, fem, annoying, etc, it seems to cut deeper.

    I know I can be just awful.icon_cry.gif But I have noodz!!!icon_eek.gif

    icon_wink.gif