Can't Tell if it's a Date or Not

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2015 5:50 PM GMT
    I have a freind who I've been hanging out with for the last couple of months, I've noticed some strange behavior recently (the typical hot and cold stuff)

    We started hanging out nearly every weekend, there were times when I thought he liked me more than a freind but I'm not really sure since he's gotten a new job he's he's been busy; we're hanging out a bit less often and his responses times to texts have gotten a bit longer. He took about a week to respond to a text of mine asking if he wanted to hang out, responded by asking if I wanted to go to dinner.

    Hmmm... Alright. But did he ask me out or M I imagining things? I couldn't tell if my last BF liked me as much as I liked him until I told him. I was so nervous for no reason because he did like me and "that's why he was spending so much time with me" Oh, duh!

    Not sure though now, it's somewhat ambiguous. Maybe throw some flirty comments his way? Ask him directly over dinner tonight? IDK? I don't want to make things awkward if it isn't in fact a date though
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Jul 11, 2015 2:37 PM GMT
    The information you have provided here can have us all guessing. No one can really know what's going on in his mind?

    Well, he has invited you for a dinner. He very well may be interested in spending whatever little free time he has with you. Or he may be simply lonely, and thinks that having someone around is better than being totally alone.

    Take your time, and listen to what he has to say. More likely than not, he'll drop a hint on why is he spending the evening with you. Is he just socializing because there is no one more interesting (for him) on his radar or is he working towards showing some genuine interest in you.

    Resist the temptation to prod your friend with too many questions. But seek some clarification on his motives. He is spending his and YOUR time, too. You have a good right to know a bit more about this. Asking, 'Dude, is this a date?' may not be the wisest thing to do. But asking him about his future private life plans may reveal his interest (or lack thereof) in you. Tread lightly...

    SC

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    Jul 12, 2015 8:16 AM GMT
    Use the telephone / voice. Text is for for folks lacking in social skills / communications skills. Conversation is better for you, and your brain.

    Just ask him, "Are you asking me out?"

    Don't over think this.
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    Jul 12, 2015 6:21 PM GMT
    Well we went to dinner, his main motivation was craving a certain kind of cuisine and he wanted to go to a particular restaurant his other friend didn't want to try last weekend.

    Some things that had me thinking it's not a date during dinner: he mentioned a place that is a good date spot which made me up the ante a bit and I told him we should have gone there. this seed to throw him off and he responded by saying he doesn't usually take friends there but maybe we can check it out next time. Hmmm

    At times it didn't seem he was listening

    Paid separately for dinner and desert (maybe I'm old school but this is kind of a key when things are ambiguous)

    On a related note why are so many younger guys unwilling to call a date a date and use the veiled "let's hang out" Is it afraid of putting too much pressure on things? Hoping for a hookup?
  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    Jul 12, 2015 7:50 PM GMT
    A week to respond to a text is definitely not someone that's interested in anything serious.. I'd say he probably felt like things were getting a bit too close and that's why he got more distant.. but he's likely to be interested in you as a friend or keeping you as a future potential.. I would look for someone else to date.. be friends with him, but don't get attached.
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    Jul 13, 2015 3:03 PM GMT

    On a related note why are so many younger guys unwilling to call a date a date and use the veiled "let's hang out" Is it afraid of putting too much pressure on things? Hoping for a hookup?
    [/quote]

    Why are so many young gay guys unwillingly to make the first move? It tales about 30 seconds to determine if a guy is interested. You have nothing to lose.
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    Jul 13, 2015 5:15 PM GMT
    Erobert said
    I don't want to make things awkward if it isn't in fact a date though

    I suppose the first & fundamental question is: gay or not? Because if you don't know about him for sure, or he's definitely straight, then he's a buddy, and you're hanging out with him, you aren't gonna be dating. Your approach must be based on his orientation, which I don't think your post makes clear to us.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11832

    Jul 13, 2015 8:31 PM GMT
    Give it to ya straight...If you need to ask yourself if it was date...It wasn't.
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    Jul 13, 2015 9:51 PM GMT
    It wasn't date, in fact, I think he might just be a frdiend casually to you. I have a friend who I know for a fact that like me a lot, then his feelings changed he said he's not into me anymore but his actions were just weird after that. He kept asking me to hang out, go to bars, eat dinner, comment on his outfits, chin, face. I just got the point I was like uncomfortable **Um, you're not my BF bro! So I just waited for like a week to reply him. So now, I think he got the point, I just pushed him back to the Casual friend zone.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 15, 2015 3:52 AM GMT
    He's gay also Art Deco so no guessing there about sexuality. But I agree it's too much work to and could even ruin the friendship.

    Most likely not interested in dating or maybe he doesn't have much dating experience... Whatever the case actions (or lack thereof) are important since taking more than a day or so to respond to a text now a tell tale sign of not really being interested in dating.

    With my ex when we were friends moving toward the dating zone, whenever I texted him after "hanging out" saying I had a good time and we should hang out the next weekend he always texted back within the hour and would set something up for the following weekend. Getting the technological equivalent of the silent treatment for a few days doesn't bode well icon_confused.gif Friends it is.
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    Jul 16, 2015 2:06 AM GMT
    Erobert saidWell we went to dinner, his main motivation was craving a certain kind of cuisine and he wanted to go to a particular restaurant his other friend didn't want to try last weekend.

    Some things that had me thinking it's not a date during dinner: he mentioned a place that is a good date spot which made me up the ante a bit and I told him we should have gone there. this seed to throw him off and he responded by saying he doesn't usually take friends there but maybe we can check it out next time. Hmmm

    At times it didn't seem he was listening

    Paid separately for dinner and desert (maybe I'm old school but this is kind of a key when things are ambiguous)

    On a related note why are so many younger guys unwilling to call a date a date and use the veiled "let's hang out" Is it afraid of putting too much pressure on things? Hoping for a hookup?


    On a related note, why don't you ask him out on a date? Something like, "Hey, I would like to take you out to dinner next Saturday. Are you available?" And then you can pay the entire bill. Even if he says no you'll have clarity. Your confusion comes from your passivity.