Sex or no sex?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2007 4:57 AM GMT
    Hey everyone im new here and I just figured it would be a good place to ask this question.

    Basically im 22 years old and still a virgin. I just had my first boyfriend the begining of this year. Call me wrong but Im not one for choosing non-virgins.I mean dont get me wrong ive fooled around quite a bit, with some whores too. But I feel that one who has chosen to have sex withtout feelings can have no feelings. Plus i just like to cuddle and the snuggly wuggly crap like that, Dont really have a interest in having sex.



    Is that wrong? Is it unffair of me to have such HIGH standards?
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Oct 05, 2007 5:04 AM GMT
    Go at you own pace. Don't let any guy talk you into anything your not ready for. YOUR FINE THE WAY YOU ARE!

    Doug
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 05, 2007 9:40 AM GMT
    Having sex and for what reasons are a very personal matter
    If you feel that you want or need an emotional attachment to someone before having sex with them - that is your prerogative
    but also take a step back and make sure that there is a reason why you might be avoiding the issue also
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 05, 2007 12:57 PM GMT
    Considering some of the diseases out there, I think your approach is very refreshing.... keep thinking!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2007 2:05 PM GMT
    "Is that wrong? Is it unffair of me to have such HIGH standards?"

    I don't think you're wrong in having your standards. I do, however, think it's a bizarre and irrational judgment to think that just because someone can have and enjoy recreational sex means he's incapable of having feelings for someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2007 2:12 PM GMT
    glad you put that it was a damn site politer than I would have

    why do people judge by their own moral standards?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2007 2:46 PM GMT
    Everyone can have his own standards on private matters like this, but one person's high standards can be another's low, it all depends on the perspective.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2007 5:40 PM GMT
    You're a virgin?
    "dont get me wrong ive fooled around quite a bit, with some whores too."
    Oh and as much as many like to deny sex is intimate and emotions will always get carried away when in any sexual act. Even the feeling of love can arise when in the actual act of sex. That's why I'm picky with who i engage in sex with. Allthough maybe it's just me. Maybe i am the only man who get's motional during and after sex. But i find that highly improbable because there are too many men in this world to say it's just me.
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    Oct 05, 2007 11:43 PM GMT
    I'm 24 and still a virgin. It was by default for so long that now that my libido has calmed down, I should probably wait for someone non-douchely. I doubt I will only have sex with one person in my life, to be honest, but I do want to shoot for as few as possible.
  • GeorgeNJ

    Posts: 216

    Oct 06, 2007 3:57 AM GMT
    Sometimes a guy feels that he is being used, that he is being depersonalized, when the other guy comes on too strong and too fast.

    From what you said, I'm not sure "high standards" is the issue. I think you're simply looking for whole enchilada -- you want your lover to know you, and to love and affirm you, to care for you, to stand by you, to grow with you. You don't want to be used.

    There's nothing wrong with that.

    Sometimes a guy just has a low libido, and he would be happier with another guy whose level of libido is closer to his own. (I'm not saying this is true of you, I'm just saying it happens sometimes.)

    So I would say, stick to your guns. Especially in light of all the disease, and the carelessness of some guys, it's important to be careful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 06, 2007 10:05 AM GMT
    Do what feels right to you. Sex can complicate things in many ways, especially if you're not ready for it.

    As far as your standards go, everyone should have (and most probably does have) a personal set of standards. Don't feel bad for sticking to them. Never just settle for less, either. That applies to most anything in life, including relationships.

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    Oct 07, 2007 4:12 AM GMT
    My simplistic advice: be yourself.

    Personally, I don't enjoy anal sex at all, and I'm not too keen on oral either. I only like muscle-worship and mutual j/o sessions. So, next time you're thinking about how hard it is to find the right man, think about how much harder it is for people who identify as "gay" but don't participate in the one sexual act that identifies as "gay" by the general gay community. I'm 36yo, almost 37, and never found a man (other than long-distance internet) who shares my interest. I'm usually stuck with carrying out my feelings with "straight" men, knowing that an emotional attachment is absolutely impossible, cause they're straight. I've tried the gay community, but so far 100% of the guys I've encountered require anal sex for a relationship. But I won't die sad...I've embraced my lack of sexual desires, and consider it a great way to stay free of communicable diseases. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2007 4:19 AM GMT
    A virgin? What are you waiting for? You do realize that this isnt like some kind of bank. You cant save it up.

    That whole virginity thing is for straight people cuz they wanna know they are raising their own kid...and somebody else didnt get in there. Raising a kid takes a lot of investment.

    Now this doesnt mean you have to run out and lose your virginity. But the moral virtue of keeping it doesnt hold in a gay lifestyle.

    Now when you decide to settle down with somebody, you might want to be monogamous...again even a gay relationship requires a lot of "investment." And an open relationship provides a greater threat to your investment.
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    Oct 17, 2007 3:34 AM GMT
    Caslon, I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you. How is virginity for straight people? I like the idea of keeping my virginity for a special person. Having sex is a personal choice and everyone has their own reasons for choosing to have sex. I'm want something bigger than sexual attraction to play a part in it. If I have to wait 10 or 20 years for that to happen then. . . so what.

    Seanners, like I said before, sex is a personal choice so there's no wrong or right reason for doing it or not doing it. I don't see anything wrong with casual sex, I just wouldn't do it.