India Indian

  • jeep334

    Posts: 409

    Jul 14, 2015 11:51 PM GMT
    I am not sophisticated enough to understand all of the cultures of the world. Added to this, I have never really had a fondness for the Asian culture. Members of my family have married and lived in Japan and two of my very best friends lived and worked in South Korea for over 10 years. Through all of this I never really understood their culture. Historically I find it interesting. And to add to this, for whatever reason I can't explain, I never considered India to be Asian. Ignorance on my part.

    However, in the last couple of years, I've had the opportunity to become platonically friendly to some Indian men. While they have come to this country to achieve success, I find that they are still pretty well connected to family/friends still in India. They have a good grasp of the English language but sometimes it's comical and challenging for me to understand them and them to understand me.

    I have become Facebook friends with them and have found that the only pictures they post on line are those of themselves with other guys. Doing all sorts of touristy things as well as simply living their lives. But a big absence of women. It's my general understanding that being gay is not a welcomed concept in India. Reality shows me that there are lots of gay men who are Indian. So my question is (sorry for being the Edith Bunker of RJ in getting a point across) have you guys found that the Indian guys you have become acquainted with keep their sexuality DL? Have you ever known any to be openly gay? Just curious here and would appreciate your thoughts. icon_cool.gif
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1766

    Jul 14, 2015 11:57 PM GMT
    Yes, there are gay men from India.

    #endthread
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    Jul 14, 2015 11:58 PM GMT
    It's clear you lack basic understanding of the world or you would know that India is a very backward country regarding sexuality. To this day many marriages are arranged, let alone the possibility for indian guys to "come out" to their families. In India none of that is socially accepted.

    Many indians living abroad probably have their family on facebook so I don't think they're gonna post pictures of them with their boyfriends.

    Indians around women are just awkward. There is a international company or something near where I live that hired many indians (small city so we know them from miles away) and they literally don't speak to our women but they STARE a lot icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 15, 2015 12:08 AM GMT
    Yes! Two of my Indian friends are openly gay. One of them is marrying his bf that he's been in a longterm relationship with.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1766

    Jul 15, 2015 12:18 AM GMT
    And yes socializing for romantic partners in India isn't common. People just become friends with other people and one day your parents marry you to their friend's kid. That's why when you get messages from Indian guys on RJ, they profess their life-long love for you with their faceless profile. Because somehow that seemed normal.

    Arranged marriage is so common, people trade their kids as if they were Pokémon-cards. Apparently my mom has shown my picture to some "NICE BENGALI GIRLS WHO ARE INTERESTED", which also tells you the low standards seeing as the only pictures my mom has of me are the ones when I'm eating and she snaps photos.

    Homosexuality in India, like with most colonized countries, got majorly fucked up by Christianity. But Islam has also infected its fair share by the time the Brits threw down their rules.

    All of this is starting to get better though with the second wave of western of influence. Clubs are opening up and more and more Indians are reaching middle-class and taking part a lot of the modern world. Or so I've heard, the fuck if I know.
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    Jul 15, 2015 12:19 AM GMT
    Some are out, some are not. But wait, the same goes for White men icon_lol.gif
    I used to live in Kingston, Ontario and went to Syracuse quite often. It is not a very cosmopolitan place and hence your contact with Indian men may not be completely representative of all.
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    Jul 15, 2015 12:43 AM GMT
    So on a "write scary story about the guy above you" thread I had the privilege of crossing the cultural divide with this ditty:

    "Curiosity Kills"

    Bicuriouscool was unhappy in his two year arranged marriage but Pune, despite being a metropolis, was surprisingly uncosmopolitan even for India, a place where prospective father-in-laws would accost new arrivals at the train station to see whether those men would make suitable husbands for their daughters. He'd have been ostracized had its denizens known about his, er, proclivities. Despite Wahita, a softspoken woman to whom he'd been joined since the age of 18, he was becoming increasingly a slave to his forbidden desires but fancied himself discreet and capable of hiding his homosexuality. That ended, of course, with a cat.

    Bicurious would regularly get off on RealJock, an online community for gay jocks and their admirers. It began with a meme here, a photo comment there, and before he knew it he was posting to the forums daily. Influenced by one too many lolcats he brought a real one home to Wahita, hoping to fill her childless void, christening it with the unfortunate name of Mister Mistoffelees, at which point Wahita had a Missus Epiphany. She decapitated the cat, removed the bindi from the center of her forehead and applied one in cat's blood to her cheek like a beauty spot, ran out into the street, twirled the carcass about by the tail like a purse and sashayed her hips, alternately lisping "Hijra! My husband's a bloody poofter!" and singing the line "Oh! Well I never! Was there ever a cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!" from "Cats."

    He wasn't sure what was worse, being outed so shamefully by his love for musical theatre, being the cause of his wife to go starkers, or witnessing the murder of his beloved Mister Mistoffelees, but of one thing he was certain. Curious as to whether he'd be jinxing his cat by doing so, against his better judgment he'd posted in a RealJock thread of scary stories which seemed unusually rife with cat references.

    Wahita wasn't to blame - Bicuriosity killed the cat.
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    Jul 15, 2015 6:30 AM GMT
    I have many Indian friends from grad skool. Yes, they always hanged out (hung?) with the guys, but once they passed their oral exams, their mothers would send them The Book. A loose-leaf notebook catalog of potential brides. icon_rolleyes.gif Ew.

    OK, some of those girls turned out to be perfectly nice.

    I also shared an office with a very pretty, and smart, Indian woman who was getting her Ph.D. OMFG. Our office phone range day and night (this was way before cell phones). Every Indian guy within 500 miles wanted to court her. I was like, her unpaid social secretary. icon_mad.gif Every time we had a cook-out, or went on a hike, half a dozen of her admirers would show up. Actually, it's a long, but amusing story.
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    Jul 15, 2015 6:57 AM GMT
    Outside of a half Indian ex of mine and this muscle bound queen at the gym I don't know any gay or bi Indians.
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    Jul 15, 2015 11:53 AM GMT
    I prefer the "Sitting Bull" ones over the "Ghandi" ones.icon_lol.gif


    Smooth, sexy and built ...that describes the gay ones I know of.
  • jeep334

    Posts: 409

    Jul 15, 2015 4:51 PM GMT
    Thanks for the input guys, even the insulting remarks. icon_confused.gif However, I particularly appreciated Buddha's response becuase he offered the greatest insight. It is a culture that I am unacquainted with probably becuase of my WASP-y upbringing. I've been working my whole life to embellish that. I can say that I have enjoyed getting to know the few Indians that I have. I don't think there is any intent on their part to have a lasting friendship, simply a good time while we're together. icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 15, 2015 8:28 PM GMT
    David666k saidIt's clear you lack basic understanding of the world or you would know that India is a very backward country regarding sexuality. To this day many marriages are arranged, let alone the possibility for indian guys to "come out" to their families. In India none of that is socially accepted.

    Many indians living abroad probably have their family on facebook so I don't think they're gonna post pictures of them with their boyfriends.

    Indians around women are just awkward. There is a international company or something near where I live that hired many indians (small city so we know them from miles away) and they literally don't speak to our women but they STARE a lot icon_lol.gif

    I am Indian and I am out to my family. Yes, like many places around the world, being gay is still taboo in India. But saying that coming out isn't a possibility is far fetched. I have many other gay friends and acquaintances who are out to their family. Very recently two guys were in the News for getting married, even though there isn't gay marriage in India.
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    Jul 15, 2015 9:33 PM GMT
    __morphic__ said
    David666k saidIt's clear you lack basic understanding of the world or you would know that India is a very backward country regarding sexuality. To this day many marriages are arranged, let alone the possibility for indian guys to "come out" to their families. In India none of that is socially accepted.

    Many indians living abroad probably have their family on facebook so I don't think they're gonna post pictures of them with their boyfriends.

    Indians around women are just awkward. There is a international company or something near where I live that hired many indians (small city so we know them from miles away) and they literally don't speak to our women but they STARE a lot icon_lol.gif

    I am Indian and I am out to my family. Yes, like many places around the world, being gay is still taboo in India. But saying that coming out isn't a possibility is far fetched. I have many other gay friends and acquaintances who are out to their family. Very recently two guys were in the News for getting married, even though there isn't gay marriage in India.


    What you are saying is expected, it's called "exceptions". Of course some indians who moved out from India will come out to their families, especially when they started a new life abroad. There will be some that will be brave enough to come out in India, but that's far from the norm. India is still a very backward country and the fact arranged marriages still exist prove how backward it is comparison to western countries.
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    Jul 15, 2015 9:53 PM GMT
    David666k said
    __morphic__ said
    David666k said

    What you are saying is expected, it's called "exceptions". Of course some indians who moved out from India will come out to their families, especially when they started a new life abroad. There will be some that will be brave enough to come out in India, but that's far from the norm. India is still a very backward country and the fact arranged marriages still exist prove how backward it is comparison to western countries.


    Though LGBT rights for India would be retrogressive rather than progressive since they were doing a lot better in that respect before the Europeans forced Christian values on to it.

    But it would be unusual now for someone to be openly gay, though the same could be said for Ireland 30 years ago and now they have voted for gay marriage, so things can change quickly. What are gay rights in Uruguay like?
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    Jul 15, 2015 10:17 PM GMT
    ^ LGBT rights in Uruguay are among the most liberal in the world. Same-sex sexual activity has been legal since 1934, anti-discrimination laws took place in 2003, civil unions are legal since 2008. Gays/lesbians can adopt children, join the military, etc since 2009, and gay marriage is legal since 2013.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Jul 15, 2015 11:31 PM GMT
    From what I read, India is not the most gay friendly of places but of course there are gay men living everywhere. There are no laws in effect against them, the last anti-gay law was abolished that was left over from when they were ruled by Britain. There are no pro-gay legislation and India in general is conservative. Indians are from India, the more politically correct term from American Indian is native American. American Indian is just a term left over from Columbus time when he thought he landed in India.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1766

    Jul 16, 2015 12:05 AM GMT
    jeep334 saidThanks for the input guys, even the insulting remarks. icon_confused.gif However, I particularly appreciated Buddha's response becuase he offered the greatest insight. It is a culture that I am unacquainted with probably becuase of my WASP-y upbringing. I've been working my whole life to embellish that. I can say that I have enjoyed getting to know the few Indians that I have. I don't think there is any intent on their part to have a lasting friendship, simply a good time while we're together. icon_cool.gif


    It's a wacky culture. And really, you don't need to blame yourself for not knowing this culture because Indians are really friendly on the outside, but they tend to keep all their cultural values within the community. Kind of like scientology, but without the millions of dollars.

    I usually notice that if there is a big South-asian community, people there stick to their kind. Nothing unusual, much like Chinatown, little Italy and the alike. Having that said, some Indians really don't like the Indian community and probably do want you as a friend even later in life, so I wouldn't automatically give up.
  • jeep334

    Posts: 409

    Jul 16, 2015 12:08 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]David666k said[/cite]

    It's clear you lack basic understanding of the world or you would know that India is a very backward country regarding sexuality. To this day many marriages are arranged, let alone the possibility for indian guys to "come out" to their families. In India none of that is socially accepted.

    [bDavid666k said[/b

    India is still a very backward country and the fact arranged marriages still exist prove how backward it is comparison to western countries.

    Do you really understand how you sound in these responses? You're saying that a culture that has existed probably since the beginning of time that their culture is very backward and you offer up proof that their arranged marriages prove this fact? Among other things, I've always been intrigued with the idea that one of the Three Kings came from this continent. Seems like a devoted and intelligent people to have a grasp on such concepts over 2,000 years ago.

    Perhaps backward to our present customs but is it fair to place our customs upon others for judgment?

    The reality is that a gay community should be able to take the high road and simply accept others, including cultures, for who they are, without any derogatory conversation just as they wish to be accepted. Yes, not everyone is for everyone else and yes there are cultures that are seemingly wrong by our standards, but I don't believe it is anyone's responsibility to cast judgment.

    Maybe you weren't casting judgment as such, just a bit painfully blunt. icon_cool.gif