Roasting Right: the Put-Down Thread

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    Jan 28, 2009 11:53 PM GMT
    There are a few guys on this site whom I love: the adorable jprichva, ObsceneWish, GuerrillaSodomite,
    McGay, and the MIA ursa_major. Thoughtful guys who scrap sarcastic or opine obligingly.

    But starting a love-fest is no fun. I'd like to show my love apropos to my object.

    Rules: pick a person you LOVE on this site. Drop a put-down, that, through your sardonic wit, illuminates the reason you'd kick Mario Lopez to the curb to have a drink with them. Keep to one paragraph. Pick one person per post, post as often as you wish. Be classy in an Aristocrats sort of way.

    My first: jprichva. "Jeff, I've never had as great an orgasm as the one where you made my skin crawl. That's a skill beyond massage. I thought you were tickling my prostate, but I realized you just forced a bowel movement. God I love you."

    My others coming later...please have at it.
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    Jan 29, 2009 12:11 AM GMT
    zimmy, i don't care what any of those bitches at vogue say. they're just jealous of your sense of proportion and personalized color palette. as if they could ever drink as much as you! puh-leeez! always remember, darling, that it doesn't matter how much talent you lack, so long as you have enthusiasm. oh, and next time you try to climb through my bedroom window, could you at least have the decency to make sure i'm not expecting you? i want a real good shriek next time...
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    Jan 29, 2009 5:01 AM GMT
    ObsceneWish: "That first time you topped me I wanted to tell you that it was the most enjoyable eight seconds of my life. I'm very impressed how you've whittled that down to seven seconds, leaving us more time to cuddle and contemplate how I've become your Maud Gonne."
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    Jan 29, 2009 5:02 AM GMT
    {Braces for the Worst}
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    Jan 29, 2009 5:12 AM GMT
    TheIStrat said{Braces for the Worst}
    Any douchebag can flame an enemy. True friends know how to roast with love. I think you should give it a try.
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    Jan 29, 2009 5:29 AM GMT
    GuerrillaSodomite: "I'm sorry for the ventriloquist act the last time I was fisting you. Even you have to admit you were surprised I could move your jaw. In my defense, I did improve your English, and you've never said such nice things to me."
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    Jan 29, 2009 5:32 AM GMT
    Dancerjack...I'm coming for you.
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    Jan 29, 2009 5:40 AM GMT
    i can't wait... lol you should probably make some reference to that ridiculous picture of me wrapped around a tree with my legs in the air.
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    Jan 29, 2009 5:47 AM GMT
    McGay: "You should never be embarrassed to ask me to shave your back. I'm very easygoing about such things. And your hair isn't as wiry as your mom's was. This might not be a good time to tell you I'm your dad."
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    Jan 29, 2009 5:50 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidi can't wait... lol you should probably make some reference to that ridiculous picture of me wrapped around a tree with my legs in the air.
    Only if you're afraid to use it in your church program.
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    Jan 29, 2009 6:11 AM GMT
    OK, Jack, you've asked for this: "I'd think by this time you'd have discovered a cream for your stretch marks...

    stretch.jpg

    ...it doesn't matter how many Kegels, Pilates or gymnast stretches you do, your anus is always going to have that flobbedy, old lady vagina look until you stop with the highway cones and arborvitae."

    157861_343680.jpg
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    Jan 29, 2009 6:20 AM GMT
    Fable.. You have wonderful teeth considering you british.. remember bitch, brush twice a day for no decay.icon_wink.gif

    That was lame ass.. I felt weird .. usually i'm mean to people I don't like.. And ... i'm British too... icon_eek.gif
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    Jan 29, 2009 6:22 AM GMT
    Chemboy(er... guy)79 (nick): I don't care how many people have taken their turn to ride you, that your massively inflated ego is only outdone by your waist size, or that at 30 you've really only got your AARP card and a colostomy bag to look forward too... I can't get that picture of you in your moo moo eating cookie dough out of my head!! You and your little penis are amazing!
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    Jan 29, 2009 6:25 AM GMT
    Sean_85 saidFable.. You have wonderful teeth considering you british.. remember bitch, brush twice a day for no decay.
    That was lame ass.. I felt weird .. usually i'm mean to people I don't like.. And ... i'm British too...
    The force is strong in you, my young apprentice. This power can corrupt you, but you must remain strong, to resist the temptations of the dark side.
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    Jan 29, 2009 10:08 AM GMT
    iguanaSF, I know you like guys who are scarred, snaggle toothed, limping, stuttering, have ears that stick out, have all-over genetically acquired tans, or are otherwise permanently horribly disfigured and psychologically disturbed, but... stop cruising mental hospitals forchrissakes! I mean, the circus was eyebrow-raising enough, but you could get stabbed with a spork in those wards! For real!

    And no, those aren't air fuzzies, they're airborne fecal matter expelled from that last deadly eruption of flatulence by the head nurse while she was eating lunch.
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    Jan 29, 2009 12:19 PM GMT
    Sean_85 saidFable.. You have wonderful teeth considering you british.. remember bitch, brush twice a day for no decay.icon_wink.gif

    That was lame ass.. I felt weird .. usually i'm mean to people I don't like.. And ... i'm British too... icon_eek.gif



    I really don't know how to reply to this.

    But I like your underwear choice, no really, I DO!
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    Jan 29, 2009 2:53 PM GMT
    First, let me apologize to Adonis, er, I mean, Mickey, for not sticking to the rules of this thread, it's just too difficult and I'm too weak to try harder.

    Second, I'd like to compliment Mikemikemike on his superior taste in wood paneling and wallpaper. It comes as no surprise to me that there's a little decorator inside you.

    monstermike.jpg
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    Jan 29, 2009 2:57 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio the last time you fisted me you couldn't have found my prostate with a road map and a miner's helmet. Oh, and it's called a manicure, they aren't expensive. Your damned hangnails darn near lacerated poor little Mr. Lemmiwinks. Though it was very kind of you not to mention that I had eaten peanuts and corn the night before when you were cleaning under your nails.
  • coolarmydude

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    Jan 29, 2009 3:24 PM GMT
    Obscenewish's profile tagline reads: "I am more than my enormous penis."

    I regret to inform you that constipated shit terds are not penises.
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    Jan 29, 2009 3:27 PM GMT
    coolarmydude saidObscenewish's profile tagline reads: "I am more than my enormous penis."

    I regret to inform you that constipated shit terds are not penises.

    LMFAOicon_lol.gif
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    Jan 29, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    Hmmm. This is an intereting topic. roast someone you love. Well i would if I ever got any chats from you roastable bastards. LOL. Flame on and slow grilled.
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    Jan 29, 2009 3:40 PM GMT
    To CoolArmyDude: You have destroyed all that I believed in. Obscenewish is the sole factor why I came back on RJ and my reason
    for living. No wonder he wouldn't flash on me.

    OKAY I TRIED. THIS IS SO BRAIN-CONSUMING, MICKEY T! icon_evil.gif
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    Jan 29, 2009 6:04 PM GMT
    McGay saidFirst, let me apologize to Adonis, er, I mean, Mickey, for not sticking to the rules of this thread, it's just too difficult and I'm too weak to try harder.
    To my friend McGay, I forgive you for your infraction, in that I know you have no actual friends to roast. Thus amphibians with whom you've had angry sex with are sufficient surrogates for your declaration of love. And I know this overture may in fact earn you the friendships you are sorely lacking. Your prose has charmed me out of my pants more than once. I'm sure MikemikeMike is already pantsless, hoping to have his egg sac fertilized by your swim-by seeding.
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    Jan 29, 2009 6:25 PM GMT
    Jakebenson, I miss your posts. I always admired your ability to make people feel less like humans and more like the black hearted ugly jealous trolls they truly are. Jakebenson, you have a gay face that makes Maverick75 look like he has down syndrome. Since you were banned *ROFLMMFAO*, Terra22 has written a few ignorant threads that totally remind me of your constant need for validation. Perhaps the two of you could be daddy issue therapy buddies. One of my fondest memories of you will always be the time you posted pics of your pasty white and underdeveloped legs on RJ. Fable posted pics of his legs and much like Glitter starring Mariah Carey it was a bitter disappointment. I really hope that RJ some day lets you come back. The flames on RJ are going dim.
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    Jan 29, 2009 6:35 PM GMT
    advntrr2 (Paul)...I know it's hard to scrub scat stains off your upper lip, especially since you've thought it was an acceptable and fashionable thing to do since you were 20. But, you should probably know the dirty sanchez look was out a long time ago, much like the use of your penis. And while I appreciate the text message offer to turn my orgasms into into full body explosions, I suggest you spend more of your efforts on that darling boyfriend of yours who's been squirting bottles of elmers glue up your backside every time he pulls out just so you feel good about yourself. Its ok though, you have time. Don't think of 40 as old. Its really just a challenge to see how much you can beat off before it falls off. Everyone loves a challenge!



    PS.... Hi Paul!!!