Where does one meet guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2015 1:01 PM GMT
    I haven't had any luck on dating/hookup apps or websites. I don't have any gay friends to go out with (besides one who really doesn't even bother with me unless I text him first, so I don't feel like even bothering anymore). I have a couple of straight female friends/cousins who are willing to go out to gay bars/clubs with me, but I feel bad making them go there when they probably want to meet straight guys for themselves (even though I'm always willing to go to any straight bar/club, I really don't mind). I'm a train ride away from NYC, so it's not like there's a lack of opportunities.

    I wish there was a way to make gay/bi friends so I could have people to go out with but I don't. I've never had a boyfriend and I'm almost 25. I feel like I was just meant to be alone.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jul 16, 2015 8:07 PM GMT
    ant811 said I'm a train ride away from NYC, so it's not like there's a lack of opportunities.


    Meeting people, whether it's friends or lovers, involves a certain about of vulnerability because you're exposing yourself to potential rejection. Apps/websites take a bit of that sting away, because there's very little emotional/monetary/time investment involved in expressing interest in someone online. If they say no, then hey, no worries.

    You need to put yourself out there. Like you said, the opportunities are at your fingertips. You're SO close to NYC. Find a group of people you can connect with (like these guys here: http://www.meetup.com/20SomethingNYC/). Put yourself out there. Make yourself vulnerable. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    And keep texting that one gay "friend" you have. Where there is one gay, there are more gays. Tell him to bring all of his friends and then you can befriend them, too.
  • NYC_BOI

    Posts: 80

    Jul 16, 2015 8:45 PM GMT
    You're close to NYC? Lets meetup lol I'll take you out to some Gay clubs in the city and get you layed icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2015 8:54 PM GMT
    Lol You're in NYC, just go to Chelsea and go to bars, make new friends. Lol, believe it or not, I do meet guys on App online dating. I'm dating a guy from OK Cupid at the moment. NYC has the highest of gays in the country. Just pick a Gay organization and join, volunteer. icon_razz.gificon_biggrin.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2015 9:21 PM GMT
    Good advice from each guy above me here. Some of the places where I've had great luck would include:

    * My alumni association. There are reunion activities; football game tailgate or t.v. parties; faculty lectures and brunches; dinners and other things where you'll meet other alums from your school.

    * Through your friends. Let them know you'd be receptive to meeting quality guys that they might know. You never know who has a friend or cousin, or neighbor that might be just right for you.

    * At your office. While we never want to 'fish off the company pier' we can still meet guys from other departments or divisions in a company......or guys from other companies we might deal with. Use appropriate care here, so you don't do anything that could jeopardize your career.

    * At the gym, or out running, swimming, playing tennis, or doing volunteer work.

    * At your church. If you go to a good one that embraces gay people, there might be some really cool people to meet. They in turn, have friends and associates you could meet.

    * Finally - at a Starbucks or Peet's Coffee (or any outdoor coffee place). If you can get or borrow a friendly dog, just get to one of these places - alone if you want, with a book. If you and the dog look approachable, people WILL come up to you to chat about the dog. (I'm not single anymore but this still happens to me almost every single time I'm with my dog). Seriously - - people who wouldn't have a reason to talk to me, do so because of the dog!

  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    Jul 16, 2015 9:28 PM GMT
    I have met a few guys while running and have talked to them when I take a break or just say "Hello" to them while running. Would talk running while taking a break and see how they react to it. When they see me running they always say HEY and maybe see who wants to talk more and take each experience as it comes...
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jul 17, 2015 12:53 AM GMT
    I pretty much second everyone else especially since you live near one of the biggest gay metro areas in the states. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2015 1:40 AM GMT
    ant811 saidI haven't had any luck on dating/hookup apps or websites. I don't have any gay friends to go out with (besides one who really doesn't even bother with me unless I text him first, so I don't feel like even bothering anymore). I have a couple of straight female friends/cousins who are willing to go out to gay bars/clubs with me, but I feel bad making them go there when they probably want to meet straight guys for themselves (even though I'm always willing to go to any straight bar/club, I really don't mind). I'm a train ride away from NYC, so it's not like there's a lack of opportunities.

    I wish there was a way to make gay/bi friends so I could have people to go out with but I don't. I've never had a boyfriend and I'm almost 25. I feel like I was just meant to be alone.


    Do not worry ant811! You will catch your man! You just need a good net, a protein shake, and a pair of Aussie bums.
  • KJayasuriya

    Posts: 1253

    Jul 17, 2015 3:10 AM GMT
    ant811, I am twenty-three I can relate. Within the last year or so, I have come to an understanding of my sexuality and while most of the people in my life know, I have not told my parents because I know it would be difficult for them to accept their child. All of this is very taboo in the Sri Lankan culture.

    I have never had a boyfriend, but I believe when you meet someone and there is chemistry, sparks will just fly. But, having gay/bi friends does help. I was very hesitant to do that because the ones in the GSA at SJSU seemed far too "flamboyant" for my taste. I also felt they were judging me, so that did not work out for me. But only a few days ago, I met up with Paul (PAULFLEXES). I was honestly nervous and almost wanted to back out. I had never met someone online, and was very hesitant because "online meet-ups" are not really my thing. I am glad I did though. He is such a nice guy, and we are going to meet up again on Monday, and go biking!

    This opened my eyes and has given me a new confidence to meet up with people here. We obviously have one thing in common, keeping ourselves in shape and I feel by meeting in person, we can share tips, and get to know someone better, and even have fun! All it takes is a bit of courage! I wish you all the best, ant811. <3
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2015 3:28 AM GMT
    I live in Florida and have the same problem. It's Really sucks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2015 6:29 PM GMT
    NYC_BOI saidYou're close to NYC? Lets meetup lol I'll take you out to some Gay clubs in the city and get you layed icon_wink.gif


    I might have to take you up on that! Haha.

    And thanks for the tips everyone. icon_smile.gif I definitely think I have self-esteem issues though. Especially about my body. I've been trying to lose weight as well, but it's been difficult. Most guys won't give me the time of day. I'm not morbidly obese, but I could afford to lose another 30 pounds or so.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2015 10:00 PM GMT
    I've been procrastinating about attending this group for gays and lesbians here on Long Island. They have a meeting twice a month on Fridays called "20 something" and it's for people in their 20s. There is one coming up this Friday and I plan on attending. Wish me luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 5:03 AM GMT
    ant811 saidI've been procrastinating about attending this group for gays and lesbians here on Long Island. They have a meeting twice a month on Fridays called "20 something" and it's for people in their 20s. There is one coming up this Friday and I plan on attending. Wish me luck!


    Luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 2:29 PM GMT
    ant811 saidI've been procrastinating about attending this group for gays and lesbians here on Long Island. They have a meeting twice a month on Fridays called "20 something" and it's for people in their 20s. There is one coming up this Friday and I plan on attending. Wish me luck!


    Nobody (except maybe Sylvia Plath and Franz Kafka) were meant to be alone.

    Have luck.

    Actually LOSE that weight NOW. At 23 it should be easy to do -especially if you run. Run every day, drink plenty of water, and cut out carbs. There was a time in my 20's when I lost 1/2 pound a day, doing that, running with my dog in the park.

    When you're in better shape take a short vacation at a gay resort - like P-Town. Seems like 1/2 of gay NYC goes there in the summer.

    Find friends through friends. Get invited to gay parties. No gay friends to start with to start with? Start hanging out at gay organizations (runners? cyclers? rugby? soccer? skiing?- whatever is your thing. Once you've met 50 guys, you are bound to acquire some friends unless you have a bad personality problem.

    And the dog idea is a good one. Borrow a dog for walks/runs in the park. People will approach dogs and people with them when they would never approach the person alone. Just make sure it is a friendly dog.

    Report back on your progress.