Looking to stop overthinking stuff.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2015 5:24 AM GMT
    I want to put myself more out there to people, getting to know someone about my age and in my area. The thing is, it's something I've never had to do before, the whole online thing... and I don't want to be awkward about the whole thing.

    Basically, what's the best way for me to use an online dating app, while hoping to meet another guy willing to get to know me as a friend first? Is trying to take things gradually into a relationship a weird thing to try and explore?

    What are okay things to ask, or talk about? What are generally understood things not to do when just getting to know someone here? Ideally the people I'd be talking to are people about my age and area, but the part I stumble on is getting the courage to just go up to a total stranger and trying to make friends out from nowhere.

    I mean, christ, do people normally look at a random IM and think "Hmm, they messaged me, so they must want something from how I look", or what?

    And like I said, I know I'm probably looking too into this... so, a little help? icon_razz.gificon_smile.gif
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    Jul 18, 2015 7:00 AM GMT
    Oh sweetie. Relax. Breathe in. Breathe out.
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Jul 18, 2015 11:32 AM GMT
    You shouldn't overthink it. At the end of the day people are just people. Best way to make friends is by being active in social settings.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 18, 2015 6:17 PM GMT
    Let me give you some advice... just approach it as you do with anybody you are getting to know. Make it grounded, laid back and enjoyable. Know your ground rules (what you want out of it and the approach you want to take, the things that are within bounds and those that are not).. and just start talking.

    Don't overanalyze... I used to do that after I graduated from law school.. and I still can be challenged that way. You'll be successful, just be patient and have fun.
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    Jul 18, 2015 6:40 PM GMT
    DUDE YOU'RE A PUPPY!DON'T WEAR YOURSELF OUT,YOU'VE A LOT OF LIFE TO LIVE,PEACE
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Jul 18, 2015 11:43 PM GMT
    Good luck; if you figure it out, let me in on the secret...
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    Jul 19, 2015 2:31 AM GMT
    Overthinking can be hazardous to your mental health, unless you don't overthink too much. And sometimes it can actually be a good thing, provided the overthinking is correct the first time. On second thought, though, maybe it's not really as good as I think it is, but I guess it could be.

    Maybe I'm just overthinking this?
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    Jul 19, 2015 10:32 AM GMT
    My idea for a person to bond with doesn't involve just a hookup. I mean, don't you really have nowhere to go from there besides backwards?

    I'm more interested in making a connection than... that kind of connection.
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    Jul 19, 2015 6:56 PM GMT
    u get back wat u put out.. keep ur profile genuine and honest and youll meet others that are similar.
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    Jul 19, 2015 7:54 PM GMT
    demiguy12 saidMy idea for a person to bond with doesn't involve just a hookup. I mean, don't you really have nowhere to go from there besides backwards?

    I'm more interested in making a connection than... that kind of connection.


    You're underestimating the power of a hookup. Oh, and overestimating, but that's what you'd do as an over-thinker, right?

    A hookup can be fine, and each subsequent meeting can get better than the last. THEN it levels off and gets depressing. Have I said too much? Shit.

    However, you CAN learn a lot about a person with a hookup. How compatible are you sexually, for instance? Is he a leader or a follower? Is it wham bam thank you ma'am, or was there sweetness or courting involved?

    You'll never know until it happens, but you're definitely not in the position to pooh-pooh it.
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    Jul 20, 2015 9:52 AM GMT
    Hold on- just because I say I don't lean in favor of hookups doesn't mean I've never encountered one. The very reason I throw hookups out the window is as a result of trying them already.

    I might be looking for advice in relationships, and true is it that I need to have an open mind, but I think I'm well within reason to be able to judge my own personal character enough to say that, after having tried some hookups, if the concept itself puts me off, I can put it down from my own personal perspective.
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    Jul 21, 2015 1:10 AM GMT
    I think your questions seem due to anxiety, particularly with questions/unknowns you have about yourself. So you're trying to anticipate all the flaws others might find in you, in order to be perfect and avoid rejection. Great strategy in theory... life just doesn't work that way.

    Meet each guy along with his differences and expect the same in return. If you get rejected say to yourself, "we just weren't a match" instead of trying to figure out what went wrong. If the guy is the right match, he'll give you more than one chance of exposure. You'll be fine. Imperfect people have more success and happiness out of life than those who chase perfection. Always.

    My two cents.