Really really shitty first impressions

  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Jul 19, 2015 7:28 AM GMT
    So, I'm at university, I've got a plethora of friends. I have to rotate my friendship circles so i don't ignore people and my schedule is often fully booked with hang-out requests. People often say that I'm a really fun person to be with, and my conversation is stimulating, but not too serious all the time.

    But here's the thing - I got into a convo with a friend the other day, and she subsequently said that she didn't like me the first time she met me because i came off as aggressive. But because we do tae kwan do together we were forced to interact ad we became friends, and now we speak daily.

    I did a little more investigating, and found that the kids from my maths class said the same thing - most of them really didn't like me when i first attended class because i was too aggressive and said really strange things (i have a weird sense of humour). Only a few weeks later they wanted to vote me class president in place of our then current one.

    More and more people said that they really didn't like me when they first met me - a significant number, but through forced interaction (clubs, martial arts, class work) they really started liking me, and now i have a large network of friends.

    My concern is that I'm repulsing potential boyfriends because of the shitty first impression i make with people. Gay men are the most judgmental people in my personal experience, so one bad impression kills a relationship before it begins, and i seem to be an expert at giving off bad first impressions.

    Does anybody have the same issue: being a nice person but being mistaken for a douschbag because of their lack of social graces upon initial interaction? Because i think that it's a real problem
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    Jul 19, 2015 8:43 AM GMT
    didn't read the text, but why do you have pictures with other people in them? Do those people consented ?
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Jul 19, 2015 9:07 AM GMT
    I think its great that you're finding this out now, and since you already know now that you come off as aggressive you could try toning that down a little bit. From what you said, it seems like everyone thinks that you're a great guy after getting to know you. Use the info you've gathered from others to improve yourself icon_smile.gif
  • hebrewman

    Posts: 1367

    Jul 19, 2015 9:18 AM GMT
    shes a woman. bitches are dangerous. in every sense of the word. move on buddy. move on.
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    Jul 19, 2015 9:19 AM GMT
    Bonaparts saiddidn't read the text, but why do you have pictures with other people in them? Do those people consented ?


    Did you ask Santa to use one of his reindeer as your profil pic ? icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 19, 2015 9:26 AM GMT
    HFrenchM said
    Bonaparts saiddidn't read the text, but why do you have pictures with other people in them? Do those people consented ?


    Did you ask Santa to use one of his reindeer as your profil pic ? icon_biggrin.gif


    of course I did and Santa said yes, Santa always says yes to me.
  • mystery905

    Posts: 745

    Jul 19, 2015 11:03 AM GMT
    Bonaparts said
    HFrenchM said
    Bonaparts saiddidn't read the text, but why do you have pictures with other people in them? Do those people consented ?


    Did you ask Santa to use one of his reindeer as your profil pic ? icon_biggrin.gif


    of course I did and Santa said yes, Santa always says yes to me.


    Did you have to sit on Santa's 'knee' icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2015 12:37 PM GMT
    Be yourself! Yes you have made different impressions when making friends but in the end the result was positive, don't come off as any different beyond who you are...in this case, coming off as aggressive may make you more appealing to a potential boyfriend especially once they get to know you and find out you're a nice guy.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Jul 19, 2015 12:47 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advice guys - it's something that's been bothering for a while.

    I have pictures with other people in the because my cellphone has shitty resolution (It's a blackberry) and I'm only getting a new phone in two months time when my contract expires. So at the moment I'm taking pictures with other people's cellphones, so I have to include them lest I be perceived as a narcissist.
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    Jul 19, 2015 9:35 PM GMT
    you could use programs online to blur out their faces. Google's your best friend, brother!
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    Jul 19, 2015 10:01 PM GMT
    I think you worry too much. Be yourself.
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    Jul 19, 2015 10:16 PM GMT
    From the sound of your social schedule you don't have time for a boyfriend.
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    Jul 20, 2015 12:12 AM GMT
    I think you stated you own answer already,.....if you are not conforming to a social grace or manners and your are coming off as aggressive is your mechanism to try to fit in...ask yourself...if the common denominator is that I am aggressive.... Why I am projecting and doing this in a social environment? What is that I fear that I act aggressive, is it rejection? So next time instead of being aggressive try something else...you say you also say weird things, this can also be trying to compensate and fit in...again, what is that you fear the most? From what you describe there seems to be a self esteem issue, no expert but if you are acting in a certain manner you are projecting something that you truly are not...why is the case? what is the real inner fear?
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    Jul 20, 2015 12:46 AM GMT
    Random thought: See if your friends can come up with a signal -- a kick under the table, an elbow in the ribs, an exaggerated throat clearing, whatever -- when you say something that would alienate a new acquaintance. Just enough to make you conscious of whatever it is that gives people the wrong impression, and if they don't like the idea, trust their judgement and don't push the issue.

    Once you're conscious of it, learn to gauge others' reactions to the same, and pay special attention when it's a guy you would want to get to know better (possibly, but necessarily, a prospective BF) and see if you can tell whether you're putting him off.

    Not saying that whatever it is that people are misreading about you is a bad attribute in and of itself, but the art of learning how to judge others' reactions is a good one to develop, especially if you're a strong personality type with a weird sense of humor. Best case it will land you a great boyfriend, and worst case, it will make you a better boyfriend yourself.
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    Jul 20, 2015 4:36 AM GMT
    So what's the problem? People like you once they get to know you. Don't you want a boyfriend to get to know YOU? Why try being something you're not? Be yourself from the get go because your true self will come out sooner or later anyway.
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    Jul 20, 2015 7:40 PM GMT
    My first impression, after reading this post, is that English is not your friend. Lol.
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    Jul 21, 2015 4:15 AM GMT
    at age 18 you have plenty of time to refine your social skills and soften the sharp edges of a first impression. Have you ever bothered to ask these people what they found so dis-likable about you initially? Have you ever tried to consciously change that approach?icon_rolleyes.gif
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Jul 21, 2015 6:33 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidMy first impression, after reading this post, is that English is not your friend. Lol.


    There's nothing wrong with the way i speak. What on earth are you on about?
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    Jul 22, 2015 7:36 PM GMT
    I've never heard you speak (obviously), but I see how you type and proof reading is clearly something they don't teach at your university. Lol.