Guys in the office, interpretation of touching another guy...

  • Shark100

    Posts: 234

    Jul 20, 2015 11:34 AM GMT
    I have been working with this guy for about 2 years, nothing out of normal, we used to speak only work related things until few months ago when he requested a Facebook friendship while I was in Europe. Since then we have talked and for some reason he started been closer to me...physically, in the way that he massages my shoulders from time to time, gets closer to my ear and whispers what am I doing?, also rubs his beard against my head...well it might be tempting as I shave my head.

    I have not had any feeling towards him all this time, but now it is happening and quiet strong attraction ...I'm afraid I have a crush on him, which at my age is not very common, specially for a guy 9 years younger.

    For what I know, he is hetero, had girlfriends in the past, but now single. Same for me. Sometimes He messages me on weekdays but on the weekends it's like I do not exist.

    I am not very spontaneous and never been in a relationship with a guy, however I have had bad experiences in the past when trying to approach to a guy and it ends up being hetero.

    My question is, how can you tell if he is interested, but not been that obvious?, another mate from work has told him to stop touching me that way as people can talk about us and I sense some sort of homophobia. But it seems he does not care. I am not sure if it is because he is immature, or if he does that for fun. Please note that I'm a guy who is not very sociable and serious at work,also very quiet , but, I'm also his senior colleague. He is the clown in the office and likes to go to the pub and plays football. Both of us are quiet masculine tho, except for the fact that we touch each other the way I describe above. ( he does more often than me).

    It might sound stupid, but my feelings are quiet strong for him, but honestly I don't want to end up a good friendship and work relationship for an idiotic fantasy. I have been thinking to tell him to stop doin it, in this way I will stop thinking that he likes me.

    I would really appreciate any advice, prefer respectful comments if I am not asking too much. Thanks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2015 12:45 PM GMT
    Damned! Where are the straight guys to help us fags to decipher their behavior?

    I would assume that he is not coming on to you, but instead that you just made it to bro-status. He's comfortable with you and happy to share these affections because it's assumed that things will not go any further.

    Enjoy it for what it is, an office bromance, and keep looking elsewhere for a boyfriend.
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    Jul 20, 2015 1:50 PM GMT
    Shark100 said... He is the clown in the office...

    gay or straight little value in dating a clown.

    chances are low he is gay and has a life outside work.

    -If you two hook up would you know what to do with each other or would it be clumsy and lots of guilt.
    -your profile says how you are looking for that LTR so its work, stay away.
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    Jul 20, 2015 1:57 PM GMT
    Next time he massages your shoulders you should take your pants off and say that needs massaged too. icon_wink.gif
  • jeep334

    Posts: 409

    Jul 20, 2015 2:39 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidDamned! Where are the straight guys to help us fags to decipher their behavior?

    I would assume that he is not coming on to you, but instead that you just made it to bro-status. He's comfortable with you and happy to share these affections because it's assumed that things will not go any further.

    Enjoy it for what it is, an office bromance, and keep looking elsewhere for a boyfriend.


    Good thoughts from bhp91126. I worked in a 98% male environment and have over the years come across the same situation you're talking about. None of these guys were gay although one enjoyed having anal done to him. It's a difficult situation for you as I'm sure you wish it would go further. Somehow you will have to figure that out. I found that after a certain number of obvious hints as such that at some point if the other guy was interested in that way, he would let you know. I'll be honest though, even though none of the guys I found myself in the same situation as you to be were gay, touching is a nice feeling and being able to just enjoy another guy's closeness is good. Bottom line though is if you can't accept the bromance atmosphere, stop. If you can accept it, then enjoy it. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2015 7:59 PM GMT
    Sounds awfully touchy-feely (rubbing his beard against you?) for normal bro behaviour.

    Just ask him if he's gay - or likes guys. You're 33 and he's 9 years younger - that makes him 24. 24 year olds should have an easy time discussing sex these days.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 20, 2015 8:13 PM GMT
    Sex in the office is usually not smart. I mean, think about it. That this guy is your eternal love is unlikely, though possible. So what happens when your possible bromance goes south? You ready to quit and look for a job elsewhere? What if he's baiting you and the minute you reciprocate he starts talking about you to your co-workers? You ready for that? If you can handle it, no problem. Just don't be surprised if things get ugly after they're momentarily good. Keep work for work and find your guys somewhere else.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Jul 20, 2015 8:23 PM GMT
    Straight guys do stuff like that all the time and don't try to read into it like that. If he tried to kiss you or something, that would be a sure sign but we both know that will never happen. I would let it go, you don't want to botch up work relations.
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    Jul 21, 2015 9:44 AM GMT
    If I were you I'd ask him to stop. Regardless of whether he has an issue with it or not, it's certainly bringing feelings up for you which may not be reciprocated. Limit the damage and keep your distance.

    Also, don't message him at the weekends. You spend the whole week together. Chill.

  • Shark100

    Posts: 234

    Jul 21, 2015 11:21 AM GMT
    A bromance will be then ..., it's funny because all these months working together, never kept eye contact with him, recently I've been looking at him directly in the eye and he does the same, it seems he does not feel uncomfortable ...or it's just me trying to justify my feelings...

    I am a professional and always been aware of the issues that can bring to have a relationship at work, so you guys are right. I don't mind the bro touch, it makes the environment more easy to cope. But yeah I guess it's better to set the limits and show no interest, maybe tell him to stop doing it. Ultimately, keeping the distance will help me to stop my desires and feelings towards him.

    Any other comment(s) will be appreciated, thanks for taking time to read and reply. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2015 11:53 AM GMT
    Are you in anyway his supervisor? Can you give him a raise/promotion/demotion?


    IF yes, then put a stop to it immediately. He may be setting up a sexual discrimination suit against you or the company.

    At the very least, he's trying to 'sleep his way' up the ladder.
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Jul 21, 2015 12:22 PM GMT
    I feel you should ask yourself if the touching is a requirement in order for you two to joke around? If it is not a requirement maybe you could consider asking him to not do it since it seems the touching is doing more to you than what it should. You do have to keep in mind it is an office setting and the touching might be inappropriate to others.

    Also, if you never hear from him on the weekend it's best to assume you're just his office "hubby" icon_redface.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2015 3:35 PM GMT
    Workplace.
    Don't complicate it.
    Sexual harassment.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 21, 2015 7:50 PM GMT
    He's a str8 cock tease. Trust me ...if you play, you'll pay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 8:53 AM GMT
    Lol This is highly inappropriate office behaviors. Lol, Ask him to stop, if he doesn't, go to HR about it. And if you're still falling for him, you're a fool. Heard of the expression *Don't shit where you eat. Office co-workers, hm don't get involved.


  • jeep334

    Posts: 409

    Jul 22, 2015 2:49 PM GMT
    hey Shark100: One time I had a younger guy who was like this with me. I had returned to the office from another location and there was a period of refreshing time that was required for me and he quite often was the person overseeing me. This allowed for us to sit side by side behind a computer on a counter-type desk area where there was only enough room for 1 so there was a lot of touching just in the simple process of the work day. He was way over-sexed and during the quiet times, we always diverted to sex talk. A conversation turned to lubricants once and I offered that I preferred KY because of the lingering smell. He was amazed at that thought and agreed. He was on the black list of management though. Always getting in trouble. He had to wear sweat type pants because if he had something with a zipper, it always seemed to be down and the few women in the office rightfully complained. Anyway, one day the boss came out of his office to yell at the two of us becuase of a major mistake we had made (mostly his fault) and in response, he was standing behind me and as a reaction, put me into a body hold to show the boss that he and I had straightened out the problem and now we were best buds. The front of his body was up tight against the rear of my body the whole time. This made the boss flip out. He screamed and yelled at my co-worker for about 5 minutes straight. The whole time he kept me in the body hold. I would have to tilt my head from side to side as we all moved around a little so that the boss could have eye contact with the other guy becuase it was him getting yelled at. The office had about 20 people in it and all eyes were on us. I thought it was fantastic. But then I had the ability to place actions, feeling and so forth in their proper place. I knew from the get-go that this was just his style - a bromance of sorts and accepted it. I never told him to stop because I enjoyed it as well but at the same time I accepted it for simply what it was. It you can't accept that and take your feelings for him out of the picture, bring a stop to it. Now before it does get out of hand. icon_cool.gif
  • Shark100

    Posts: 234

    Jul 23, 2015 8:56 AM GMT
    jeep334 saidhey Shark100: One time I had a younger guy who was like this with me. I had returned to the office from another location and there was a period of refreshing time that was required for me and he quite often was the person overseeing me. This allowed for us to sit side by side behind a computer on a counter-type desk area where there was only enough room for 1 so there was a lot of touching just in the simple process of the work day. He was way over-sexed and during the quiet times, we always diverted to sex talk. A conversation turned to lubricants once and I offered that I preferred KY because of the lingering smell. He was amazed at that thought and agreed. He was on the black list of management though. Always getting in trouble. He had to wear sweat type pants because if he had something with a zipper, it always seemed to be down and the few women in the office rightfully complained. Anyway, one day the boss came out of his office to yell at the two of us becuase of a major mistake we had made (mostly his fault) and in response, he was standing behind me and as a reaction, put me into a body hold to show the boss that he and I had straightened out the problem and now we were best buds. The front of his body was up tight against the rear of my body the whole time. This made the boss flip out. He screamed and yelled at my co-worker for about 5 minutes straight. The whole time he kept me in the body hold. I would have to tilt my head from side to side as we all moved around a little so that the boss could have eye contact with the other guy becuase it was him getting yelled at. The office had about 20 people in it and all eyes were on us. I thought it was fantastic. But then I had the ability to place actions, feeling and so forth in their proper place. I knew from the get-go that this was just his style - a bromance of sorts and accepted it. I never told him to stop because I enjoyed it as well but at the same time I accepted it for simply what it was. It you can't accept that and take your feelings for him out of the picture, bring a stop to it. Now before it does get out of hand. icon_cool.gif


    Thanks buddy for the story, it is hilarious I just imagine him behind you while your boss was screaming haha, I guess I accepted the way he is and the bromance, precisely for the way he is, simple and uncomplicated. However after certain time I started enjoying him rubbing my head and getting closer to me. Recently he started breathing near my neck and I could feel his warm breath on my skin...a couple of times I had a boner that I could not stand up from my chair.

    Yesterday I got news, "good" or "bad"...not sure. He was moved to another department and we won't work together anymore...

    As a joke I told him yesterday when he left the office :" dude...now who is gonna scratch my head?", he replied: " I will come to visit you ...and scratch your head...play with your balls... and eat your nuts".

    Let me explain, I have a Newton's cradle on my desk, and he likes to play with it, also one time I had a bag of peanuts in my drawer and he ate them while I was out for lunch.

    I guess the bromance is finished...it was good to meet him and it is time to move on... Sadly he was not the one, but honestly it felt awesome to have him so close not only physically but he is also a nice guy, always smiling and he makes me laugh. He is a good guy, I hope he does good in his new role.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2015 11:46 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidNext time he massages your shoulders you should take your pants off and say that needs massaged too. icon_wink.gif


    Best reply.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2015 11:05 AM GMT
    Tell him, "lets talk about this in the parking lot. Rent and bills are too damn high for me to get fired over workplace relations. I like you, you like me. Let's cut the bullshit."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2015 11:36 AM GMT
    Shark100 said
    jeep334 saidhey Shark100: One time I had a younger guy who was like this with me. I had returned to the office from another location and there was a period of refreshing time that was required for me and he quite often was the person overseeing me. This allowed for us to sit side by side behind a computer on a counter-type desk area where there was only enough room for 1 so there was a lot of touching just in the simple process of the work day. He was way over-sexed and during the quiet times, we always diverted to sex talk. A conversation turned to lubricants once and I offered that I preferred KY because of the lingering smell. He was amazed at that thought and agreed. He was on the black list of management though. Always getting in trouble. He had to wear sweat type pants because if he had something with a zipper, it always seemed to be down and the few women in the office rightfully complained. Anyway, one day the boss came out of his office to yell at the two of us becuase of a major mistake we had made (mostly his fault) and in response, he was standing behind me and as a reaction, put me into a body hold to show the boss that he and I had straightened out the problem and now we were best buds. The front of his body was up tight against the rear of my body the whole time. This made the boss flip out. He screamed and yelled at my co-worker for about 5 minutes straight. The whole time he kept me in the body hold. I would have to tilt my head from side to side as we all moved around a little so that the boss could have eye contact with the other guy becuase it was him getting yelled at. The office had about 20 people in it and all eyes were on us. I thought it was fantastic. But then I had the ability to place actions, feeling and so forth in their proper place. I knew from the get-go that this was just his style - a bromance of sorts and accepted it. I never told him to stop because I enjoyed it as well but at the same time I accepted it for simply what it was. It you can't accept that and take your feelings for him out of the picture, bring a stop to it. Now before it does get out of hand. icon_cool.gif


    Thanks buddy for the story, it is hilarious I just imagine him behind you while your boss was screaming haha, I guess I accepted the way he is and the bromance, precisely for the way he is, simple and uncomplicated. However after certain time I started enjoying him rubbing my head and getting closer to me. Recently he started breathing near my neck and I could feel his warm breath on my skin...a couple of times I had a boner that I could not stand up from my chair.

    Yesterday I got news, "good" or "bad"...not sure. He was moved to another department and we won't work together anymore...

    As a joke I told him yesterday when he left the office :" dude...now who is gonna scratch my head?", he replied: " I will come to visit you ...and scratch your head...play with your balls... and eat your nuts".

    Let me explain, I have a Newton's cradle on my desk, and he likes to play with it, also one time I had a bag of peanuts in my drawer and he ate them while I was out for lunch.

    I guess the bromance is finished...it was good to meet him and it is time to move on... Sadly he was not the one, but honestly it felt awesome to have him so close not only physically but he is also a nice guy, always smiling and he makes me laugh. He is a good guy, I hope he does good in his new role.


    Now's your chance to find out if there is something more to it than just a straight guy being flirty. He said he was going to come visit you...and from what you described it seems like there is more going on than just a straight guy being flirty. Next time he gets physical you could say something like, "Don't do that unless you're prepared to take it further." You could say it in a slightly joking way to see how he reacts. Or, you could just go out for drinks with him and find out where he stands.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2015 3:24 PM GMT
    Dude......are you that dense? icon_rolleyes.gif The guy's parting words were sexual in nature. He wants you. And now that you don't work together anymore you should ask him out for a drink.
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    Aug 19, 2015 3:52 PM GMT
  • RaulMoonPride

    Posts: 107

    Aug 22, 2015 3:24 AM GMT
    icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif

    As a guy with some experience, he could be guessing too if you are gay.

    In college I have this muscular classmate, which I can say he is good looking but I have never seen him as nothing else as my obnoxious classmate. He often calIs me by my second name which he teases me because a porn actor is named the same way (ignacio vidal) always liked to take my calculator and write stupid things to make me laugh, even stuff like suck my dick or let me fuck you, I always laughed and pranked him the same way, but sometimes he liked to tease me way too much and began to feel bothered, even by telling me that if I helped him he would let me suck him off. So I made worse the joke by being actually serious about it and he got frighten. We are still good classmates and we still prank but he doesn't go further anymore.

    My final advice for you is that if things get worse, do something about it. Even if he is not going to see you further anymore, it may happen anytime again


    PS: Many people likes to tease me because I am "teasable", in some answers I got told because I'm cute and makes people desire to hug me, touch me, poke me, etc.