I Hate All Men aka I Wish My Heart Was Made of Stone

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 4:39 AM GMT
    Sigh....icon_cry.gif (edited with story)

    I'm hesitant to put this out there but fuck it...please don't judge me too harshly...

    My last boyfriend suffered from bipolar disorder. He attempted suicide 3 times during our 6 year relationship and was hospitalized once for it. I felt his pain and stayed because, at the time, I loved him.

    If some of you may remember 2 years ago I also met a man when I first moved to Miami who I very much liked. His name was Charlie. He also had bipolar disorder. Soon after, he committed suicide.


    (that story here) icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2794415

    Recently I have been "talking" to this guy in Miami for a few weeks now, let's call him The Brazilian. He is physical perfection. Nothing official but I do like him. A lot. But I fear he has a lot of the qualities of the others.

    Last night we had an incredible night. We made love and talked for hours until the sun came out. He admitted to me he suffered from depression and had a drug problem he was trying to work out. This comes as no surprise to me as I've suspected it. I could see and feel his pain as he was talking about it.

    We were supposed to meet tonight but I fear he is blowing me off to party and do drugs with some other guys. He told me he was just exhausted all day and not feeling well. But I know the look in someones eyes when they have been high.

    I don't own him. He can do whatever he wants. I just feel so.....left out. It's not drugs or sex I want from him but I fear thats all he wants sometimes.

    Like I said, maybe it's all in my head and he really is just tired. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I wish I didn't care so much. I just needed to clear my head. icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif








    TL; DR: I'm falling in love with a drug addict.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 22, 2015 4:59 AM GMT
    But I'm a dog......................................woof.
  • mystery905

    Posts: 745

    Jul 22, 2015 5:03 AM GMT
    ....says man's best friend
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 5:10 AM GMT
    Sometimes I just think I put too much faith into some people.

    I may this reputation of being a man eater, but deep down inside I'm a hopeless romantic.

    I fear I'm becoming more bitter and jaded as I get older.


    You always hurt the ones you love the most. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 22, 2015 5:15 AM GMT
    Chulo saidSometimes I just think I put too much faith into some people.

    I may this reputation of being a man eater, but deep down inside I'm a hopeless romantic.

    I fear I'm becoming more bitter and jaded as I get older.


    You always hurt the ones you love the most. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
    Babe.. love cures jadiness..Chin up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 5:16 AM GMT
    Chulo saidSometimes I just think I put too much faith into some people.

    I may this reputation of being a man eater, but deep down inside I'm a hopeless romantic.

    I fear I'm becoming more bitter and jaded as I get older.


    You always hurt the ones you love the most. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gif



    To who? icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 5:19 AM GMT
    mybud said
    Chulo saidSometimes I just think I put too much faith into some people.

    I may this reputation of being a man eater, but deep down inside I'm a hopeless romantic.

    I fear I'm becoming more bitter and jaded as I get older.


    You always hurt the ones you love the most. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
    Babe.. love cures jadiness..Chin up.


    Meh.

    Hopefully I wake up in a better mood and it's all in my head.

    I don't know why I do this every time. Put too much stock into one guy and his words rather than his actions.


    And truthfully, it's sadly I probably will never learn. I keep attracting and find myself attracted to the same type of guy.


    But how can I help guys if I can't even help myself????
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 5:20 AM GMT
    Bonaparts said
    Chulo saidSometimes I just think I put too much faith into some people.

    I may this reputation of being a man eater, but deep down inside I'm a hopeless romantic.

    I fear I'm becoming more bitter and jaded as I get older.


    You always hurt the ones you love the most. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gif



    To who? icon_lol.gif


    Everyone that knows me basically. icon_confused.gif
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 22, 2015 5:22 AM GMT
    Chulo said
    mybud said
    Chulo saidSometimes I just think I put too much faith into some people.

    I may this reputation of being a man eater, but deep down inside I'm a hopeless romantic.

    I fear I'm becoming more bitter and jaded as I get older.


    You always hurt the ones you love the most. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
    Babe.. love cures jadiness..Chin up.


    Meh.

    Hopefully I wake up in a better mood and it's all in my head.

    I don't know why I do this every time. Put too much stock into one guy and his words rather than his actions.


    And truthfully, it's sadly I probably will never learn. I keep attracting and find myself attracted to the same type of guy.


    But how can I help guys if I can't even help myself????
    Maybe unconsciously you enjoy the pain.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 5:31 AM GMT
    mybud said
    Chulo said
    mybud said
    Chulo saidSometimes I just think I put too much faith into some people.

    I may this reputation of being a man eater, but deep down inside I'm a hopeless romantic.

    I fear I'm becoming more bitter and jaded as I get older.


    You always hurt the ones you love the most. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
    Babe.. love cures jadiness..Chin up.


    Meh.

    Hopefully I wake up in a better mood and it's all in my head.

    I don't know why I do this every time. Put too much stock into one guy and his words rather than his actions.


    And truthfully, it's sadly I probably will never learn. I keep attracting and find myself attracted to the same type of guy.


    But how can I help guys if I can't even help myself????
    Maybe unconsciously you enjoy the pain.


    You think thats possible?

    I'm hesitant to put this out there but fuck it...please don't judge me too harshly...

    My last boyfriend suffered from bipolar disorder. He attempted suicide 3 times during our 6 year relationship and was hospitalized once for it. I felt his pain and stayed because, at the time, I loved him.

    If some of you may remember 2 years ago I also met a man when I first moved to Miami who I very much liked. His name was Charlie. He also had bipolar disorder. Soon after, he committed suicide.

    Recently I have been "talking" to this guy in Miami for a few weeks now, let's call him The Brazilian. He is physical perfection. Nothing official but I do like him. A lot. But I fear he has a lot of the qualities of the others.

    Last night we had an incredible night. We made love and talked for hours until the sun came out. He admitted to me he suffered from depression and had a drug problem he was trying to work out. This comes as no surprise to me as I've suspected it. I could see and feel his pain.


    We were supposed to meet tonight but I fear he is blowing me off to party and do drugs with some other guys. He told me he was just exhausted all day and not feeling well. But I know the look in someones eyes when they have been high.

    I don't own him. He can do whatever he wants. I just feel so.....left out. It's not drugs or sex I want from him but I fear thats all he wants sometimes.

    Like I said, maybe it's all in my head and he really is just tired. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I need to clear my head. icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 5:45 AM GMT
    Maybe you need to look in the mirror and think what do you see there, choices you make and why you make those kind of choices, not trying to be judgemental or preachy, maybe you need time for yourself and to think what is best for yourself :-)
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    Jul 22, 2015 5:49 AM GMT
    Bonaparts saidMaybe you need to look in the mirror and think what do you see there, choices you make and why you make those kind of choices, not trying to be judgemental or preachy, maybe you need time for yourself and to think what is best for yourself :-)


    He has wrong written all over him. He is unstable. He is arrogant. He is vain. He is hot tempered. He is selfish.

    Yet, he is beautiful to me. icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif

    But I have the most amazing chemistry when I'm with him. I feel...safe. Being wrapped in his arms I forgot my problems. I can't get enough of him. I literally just want to melt and become one with him if that makes any sense. It can't be explained. This is something I don't feel with many other men.



    And when it comes to men, I don't do whats best for me till it's too late. It's probably a personality flaw but one I can't help. I just want to make my men happy at the expense of mine. That's what makes me happy.
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    Jul 22, 2015 6:13 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Chulo saidI just want to make my men happy at the expense of mine. That's what makes me happy.


    ^ The two key ingredients for a life filled with never ending drama.

    1) Helping or pleasing others at one's own expense.

    2) Believing that this will create happiness/fulfillment.


    I know, I know....I KNOW.


    yet I still do it....icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif

    And I don't know why. Which is why I know we are just destined to break each others hearts. I can feel it happening. He needs help. And I'm not sure if I can help him because I'm not totally together myself. I have my demons as well. But I don't judge him.

    I believe we, as humans, don't have just ONE love of our lives. We have many. I probably have a few men out there who I can love with all my heart if I just find them. I feel he is one.

    But I know it won't last. Sooner or later it will end. But I continue to peruse it because it offers me some confront in the here an now. Isn't it better to love and lost than not love at all????

    I don't know if I can "save" him. But I just want to ease his pain because he eases mine, somehow.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 22, 2015 6:32 AM GMT
    do you have a tendency to jump from one relationship to another if so you probably need to address this

    start by not falling in love

    Recognize it for what it is, a crush, then keep dating other guys

    A real relationship takes time to build ... Like maybe a year or two
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 6:34 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saiddo you have a tendency to jump from one relationship to another if so you probably need to address this

    start by not falling in love

    Recognize it for what it is, a crush, then keep dating other guys

    A real relationship takes time to build ... Like maybe a year or two


    I haven't been in a relationship since my last one, which ended in 2012. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 6:47 AM GMT
    I hope this is a true story and no other of your trolling threads or Ill save my advice.

    It's time you start to separate yourself from the trash, unless you consider yourself trash too.

    This guy is a drug addict that moves around the unhealthy party scene, do you want that kind of life for you at 30?

    Grow up, set some goals on the kind of person you want to be and the kind of person you want by your side. If you hang out with a depressive drug addict what do you expect? Dont try to be the hero, you cant save someone if they dont want to save themselves. Find someone new, move on.
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    Jul 22, 2015 6:50 AM GMT
    David666k saidI hope this is a true story and no other of your trolling threads or Ill save my advice.

    It's time you start to separate yourself from the trash, unless you consider yourself trash too.

    This guy is a drug addict that moves around the unhealthy party scene, do you want that kind of life for you at 30?

    Grow up, set some goals on the kind of person you want to be and the kind of person you want by your side. If you hang out with a depressive drug addict what do you expect? Dont try to be the hero, you cant save someone if they dont want to save themselves. Find someone new, move on.


    Everything you said makes perfect sense and deep down inside I know it's what I must do.

    It's just much easier said than done.....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 6:52 AM GMT
    I have a few words of advise. Take if you want.

    1. Spare yourself the grief with ANYONE on drugs. Fact is they never over come them completely!!
    2. Look for quality relationships. If you see some bad warning signs or red flags.....MOVE ON!
    3. Look for stability and teach them social skills. You can't reteach a alcoholic.
    4. Rule of thumb, when your getting to know some one......"If they don't have their shit together, don't expect me to hang with you or even like you".
    5. Baggage is a no no. Grown men need to really grow up and dump the drama, baggage, drugs, etc..... if they care about the person they are with!!

    Hope life gets better you little slut you!icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 22, 2015 6:58 AM GMT
    2bnaked saidI have a few words of advise. Take if you want.

    1. Spare yourself the grief with ANYONE on drugs. Fact is they never over come them completely!!
    2. Look for quality relationships. If you see some bad warning signs or red flags.....MOVE ON!
    3. Look for stability and teach them social skills. You can't reteach a alcoholic.
    4. Rule of thumb, when your getting to know some one......"If they don't have their shit together, don't expect me to hang with you or even like you".
    5. Baggage is a no no. Grown men need to really grow up and dump the drama, baggage, drugs, etc..... if they care about the person they are with!!

    Hope life gets better you little slut you!icon_wink.gif


    But I don't want to be a slut.

    I just want to be his little slut...icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jul 22, 2015 7:06 AM GMT
    I'm really sorry for your loss and the situation you're in right now but I think you did the right thing to get everything (or a portion) of it off your mind. Sometimes you need to just talk it out.

    I wish I can offer some sort of advice but having not been in a relationship, I doubt I can be of that much help. But I'll just offer something for moral clarity.

    From the sound of it, it sounds like you meet a lot of guys in the party scene and that alone is a bit risky because it tends to attract guys with substance abuse problems. My suggestion is maybe try to meet guys who aren't heavily in the circuit/party scene and try to meet someone in a more lax location if possible.

    Please don't take offense but when I read the later half of your problem, I get the feeling that you're the kind of guy who wants to try and help/fix someone. It's noble but often a futile effort because the guy needs to have the power to help himself. You don't need to be the hero all the time and you don't deserve to be treated like crap either. So if you can, try to meet some guys in a lax location. It's summer time so I'm sure there's plenty of well-adjusted men.

    Also, try not to fall into lust too soon. Try to get to know the guy and work your way up to it assuming you're looking for a relationship.

    I hope this helps and good luck!
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    Jul 22, 2015 7:12 AM GMT
    BloodFlame saidI'm really sorry for your loss and the situation you're in right now but I think you did the right thing to get everything (or a portion) of it off your mind. Sometimes you need to just talk it out.

    I wish I can offer some sort of advice but having not been in a relationship, I doubt I can be of that much help. But I'll just offer something for moral clarity.

    From the sound of it, it sounds like you meet a lot of guys in the party scene and that alone is a bit risky because it tends to attract guys with substance abuse problems. My suggestion is maybe try to meet guys who aren't heavily in the circuit/party scene and try to meet someone in a more lax location if possible.

    Please don't take offense but when I read the later half of your problem, I get the feeling that you're the kind of guy who wants to try and help/fix someone. It's noble but often a futile effort because the guy needs to have the power to help himself. You don't need to be the hero all the time and you don't deserve to be treated like crap either. So if you can, try to meet some guys in a lax location. It's summer time so I'm sure there's plenty of well-adjusted men.

    Also, try not to fall into lust too soon. Try to get to know the guy and work your way up to it assuming you're looking for a relationship.

    I hope this helps and good luck!


    I do tend to meet guys in the party scene.

    It's just the life I lead. I'll admit it's not the healthiest.

    But I met the Brazilian on Grindr actually. I meet a lot of good people on Grindr. That's not the issue I think.

    It's not the location, it's the kind of men I meet all tend to fall into the same category.

    Emotionally unavailable. I feel in another life we would be perfect for each other.

    The same issue I had with him I had with Mr. X, Charlie, my ex fiancé and now the Brazilian. They were all emotionally unavailable.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2015 8:37 AM GMT
    Chulo, don't get too down. As David says, there are times that people don't give the effort on saving themselves even if you offered the rope for them to climb.
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    Jul 22, 2015 2:59 PM GMT
    Chulo said
    BloodFlame saidI'm really sorry for your loss and the situation you're in right now but I think you did the right thing to get everything (or a portion) of it off your mind. Sometimes you need to just talk it out.

    I wish I can offer some sort of advice but having not been in a relationship, I doubt I can be of that much help. But I'll just offer something for moral clarity.

    From the sound of it, it sounds like you meet a lot of guys in the party scene and that alone is a bit risky because it tends to attract guys with substance abuse problems. My suggestion is maybe try to meet guys who aren't heavily in the circuit/party scene and try to meet someone in a more lax location if possible.

    Please don't take offense but when I read the later half of your problem, I get the feeling that you're the kind of guy who wants to try and help/fix someone. It's noble but often a futile effort because the guy needs to have the power to help himself. You don't need to be the hero all the time and you don't deserve to be treated like crap either. So if you can, try to meet some guys in a lax location. It's summer time so I'm sure there's plenty of well-adjusted men.

    Also, try not to fall into lust too soon. Try to get to know the guy and work your way up to it assuming you're looking for a relationship.

    I hope this helps and good luck!


    I do tend to meet guys in the party scene.

    It's just the life I lead. I'll admit it's not the healthiest.

    But I met the Brazilian on Grindr actually. I meet a lot of good people on Grindr. That's not the issue I think.

    It's not the location, it's the kind of men I meet all tend to fall into the same category.

    Emotionally unavailable. I feel in another life we would be perfect for each other.

    The same issue I had with him I had with Mr. X, Charlie, my ex fiancé and now the Brazilian. They were all emotionally unavailable.


    Johnny, It's sad to read that you are hurting. You may not want to recognize or admit it, but it's probably your lifestyle - how you meet the guys in your life, and how you need to be with these emotionally unavailable guys. Now that you're over 30, maybe step back and take a good look at yourself (not in the mirror - you're still hot). Consider seeing a therapist? That's what these guys exist for - helping people like you make more reasonable decisions about their lives. Not what hunky ex-marines living in Uganda normally take on, I know, but maybe you should.

    All the best to you.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jul 22, 2015 6:34 PM GMT
    Chulo said
    BloodFlame saidI'm really sorry for your loss and the situation you're in right now but I think you did the right thing to get everything (or a portion) of it off your mind. Sometimes you need to just talk it out.

    I wish I can offer some sort of advice but having not been in a relationship, I doubt I can be of that much help. But I'll just offer something for moral clarity.

    From the sound of it, it sounds like you meet a lot of guys in the party scene and that alone is a bit risky because it tends to attract guys with substance abuse problems. My suggestion is maybe try to meet guys who aren't heavily in the circuit/party scene and try to meet someone in a more lax location if possible.

    Please don't take offense but when I read the later half of your problem, I get the feeling that you're the kind of guy who wants to try and help/fix someone. It's noble but often a futile effort because the guy needs to have the power to help himself. You don't need to be the hero all the time and you don't deserve to be treated like crap either. So if you can, try to meet some guys in a lax location. It's summer time so I'm sure there's plenty of well-adjusted men.

    Also, try not to fall into lust too soon. Try to get to know the guy and work your way up to it assuming you're looking for a relationship.

    I hope this helps and good luck!


    I do tend to meet guys in the party scene.

    It's just the life I lead. I'll admit it's not the healthiest.

    But I met the Brazilian on Grindr actually. I meet a lot of good people on Grindr. That's not the issue I think.

    It's not the location, it's the kind of men I meet all tend to fall into the same category.

    Emotionally unavailable. I feel in another life we would be perfect for each other.

    The same issue I had with him I had with Mr. X, Charlie, my ex fiancé and now the Brazilian. They were all emotionally unavailable.


    Well I guess the only other thing I can suggest is too keep your pool open and if you notice anything off with your potential guy, quickly distance yourself. I do believe it's harder when you stay with a guy longer as you do bond even if it's unhealthy (trying to cope with his emotional unavailability). And assuming you are looking for a relationship, just be sure to let that be known.