How do you know when a long term relationship is over?

  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Jul 23, 2015 11:39 AM GMT
    Anyone care to share their experiences?

    How do you know its gone beyond the point of redemption?

    How many last chances do you give?

    How do you go about separating your personal lives and finances?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2015 12:55 PM GMT
    When his overwhelming cynicism and negativity start making you yourself into a cynical, negative person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2015 3:05 PM GMT
    transient said

    How do you know its gone beyond the point of redemption?

    You just know.

    Last chances? Depends on why you are giving last chances - what was the behaviour or attitudes towards you that required giving a "last chance."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2015 6:23 PM GMT
    It's over when you stop caring about him, and even stop trying to care. You also know when it's over, it's just how long you decide to live in denial of the inevitability of the end.
  • metta

    Posts: 39089

    Jul 23, 2015 7:35 PM GMT
    How Do You Know When Your Gay Relationship Is Over?


    http://www.gaytherapyla.com/how-do-you-know-when-your-gay-relationship-is-over/
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    Jul 23, 2015 7:37 PM GMT
    Well... talk to each other, both of you need to express how you feel about your relationship : is it fulfilling ? do you still care about each other ? what things you would like to change ? What are your projects ?

    There is no absolute answer, it depends on what comes up from the questions above, and many others I did not even think of. If you disagree on the majority, well... there's your answer I guess !
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 800

    Jul 23, 2015 8:07 PM GMT
    When he calls you from his "new desk, at his new job", in the new city (which is 500 miles away) and there was no warning that what you thought was a stable relationship is now--over.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jul 23, 2015 8:35 PM GMT
    Animus saidIt's over when you stop caring about him, and even stop trying to care. You also know when it's over, it's just how long you decide to live in denial of the inevitability of the end.

    This is it. It is when you stop caring that you no longer care. You just don't care.
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    Jul 23, 2015 8:58 PM GMT
    When you decide to sleep with another guy and fool around because you don't find your ex/bf hot anymore. You stop caring for him and don't give a shit what he does or who he fucks. icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_confused.gif
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    Jul 23, 2015 11:07 PM GMT
    metta8 saidHow Do You Know When Your Gay Relationship Is Over?


    http://www.gaytherapyla.com/how-do-you-know-when-your-gay-relationship-is-over/


    Good link

    But "9. He abuses you verbally, emotionally, and especially physically. Physical violence even once needs intensive therapy for all concerned, usually separately and only later together."

    Sorry, but if there is any physical violence it is over NOW.
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Jul 24, 2015 12:37 AM GMT
    When you find out he has been hooking up with guys behind your back in the house you own. When your friends tell you it is time to end it. When you find excuses not to go home so you dont have to see him. When you don't want to lay in the same bed with him unless you are horny. When it burns to urinate but he insist he is faithful until the test results show an std and only then he confesses. If you wake up one day and start asking yourself, what does it say about myself if I choose to be with such a looser.
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    Jul 24, 2015 12:38 AM GMT
    Animus saidIt's over when you stop caring about him, and even stop trying to care. You also know when it's over, it's just how long you decide to live in denial of the inevitability of the end.



    THIS!!!
    And you can also add when you're finally at ease. After the depression period (well at least for me), you find something that get you out of the slump. Maybe a puppy? Or a temporary boy toy? Or some ice cream? Even better, all of the above!

    When my ex and I broke up, I was in a horrible state. It took longer for him which sucked for me. As I tried everything possible to ignore him, he would still want to talk. Eventually we both went our separate ways realizing that it was for the best. The constant lying was getting worse and whenever I caught him, he would lie some more or deny it. After several last chances, I threw in the white towel and went back home. He kept the puppy icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2015 2:59 AM GMT
    When you're served with divorce papers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2015 5:27 AM GMT
    When you're at a loss as to how to move forward AFTER having (terrifyingly sad) HONEST talks with him about "where you both ARE".

    icon_neutral.gificon_cry.gif None of it is fun. And sometimes... there's no absolute reason.
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    Jul 26, 2015 8:33 PM GMT
    Bjorkio saidWell... talk to each other, both of you need to express how you feel about your relationship : is it fulfilling ? do you still care about each other ? what things you would like to change ? What are your projects ?

    There is no absolute answer, it depends on what comes up from the questions above, and many others I did not even think of. If you disagree on the majority, well... there's your answer I guess !

    This wise words
    Like he said, there's no absolute answer, you have to question and reach a consensus with him and or your own self...
    Best of luck
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Jul 27, 2015 10:03 AM GMT
    Thanks for the replies guys, I'm just working my way through them.




    HikerSkier said
    transient said

    How do you know its gone beyond the point of redemption?

    You just know.

    Last chances? Depends on why you are giving last chances - what was the behaviour or attitudes towards you that required giving a "last chance."


    Well, its not really a last chance for my partner, more a last chance to save the relationship I guess.

    We have both been quite unhappy for some time, and its not as positive experience for either of us.

    The last chance I guess was for us to both make the extra effort and find a way through.

  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Jul 27, 2015 10:04 AM GMT
    metta8 saidHow Do You Know When Your Gay Relationship Is Over?


    http://www.gaytherapyla.com/how-do-you-know-when-your-gay-relationship-is-over/


    Bless you for this - totally unemotive reasoning.... this is exactly what I need to assess the situation.

  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Jul 27, 2015 10:08 AM GMT
    Bjorkio saidWell... talk to each other, both of you need to express how you feel about your relationship : is it fulfilling ? do you still care about each other ? what things you would like to change ? What are your projects ?

    There is no absolute answer, it depends on what comes up from the questions above, and many others I did not even think of. If you disagree on the majority, well... there's your answer I guess !


    We are struggling to find common ground and its sad, but we do seem to disagree on most things at the moment.

    It wasnt always like this, but we seem to resent each others difference of opinion........ in the past we could respect the differences and find a middle way.

    I guess this leads to both feeling invalidated in a way?
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Jul 27, 2015 10:12 AM GMT
    manboynyc saidWhen you're at a loss as to how to move forward AFTER having (terrifyingly sad) HONEST talks with him about "where you both ARE".

    icon_neutral.gificon_cry.gif None of it is fun. And sometimes... there's no absolute reason.


    Thank you for this.

    This is exactly where I'm at - I have no idea how to move forwards.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2015 12:26 PM GMT
    I let LingLang know its over by changing the security code to get into my place. He figured it out pretty quickly. The joy of being men in a gay relationship is ending a relationship without drama, just ending it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2015 3:12 PM GMT
    transient saidHow do you know when a long term relationship is over?
    giphy.gif