Is an app ruining our relationship?

  • saunj11

    Posts: 10

    Jul 23, 2015 4:55 PM GMT
    So as the title explains, Im having abit of a feeling recently that my boyfriend of 10 months may be fooling around. On snap chat that is. Well at least I hope it is just that.

    Some things that make me think this.

    - I walked in on him opening a Dick pic on snapchat. He quickly closed it when i walked in the room. I saw and asked him he said that the guy who sent it said it was a mistake and must have sent a "mass dic pic" icon_confused.gif

    - I woke up one morning, actually about two days after incident 1, heard some shuffling next to me. I quickly turned around and he had his phone open (On snapchat of course) and was jerking off. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he said that he was going to send me a dick pic, and tell me to look at it when I woke up. Somehow I call BS on this one.

    -He talks to some guy on snapchat CONSTANTLY that he told me before we started dating that he had "fooled around" with him and it was nothing serious and they are now just friends. However I've seen him multiple times sending selfies of himself in bed in the morning, randomly on the couch to him. I also know that this guy who he is talking to on snapchat is dating someone (But at the same time he is cheating on that person because my roommate said he caught him on grindricon_mad.gif he sent me screenshots too) WTF?

    My whole point is. Should I really have to worry over this? I feel like it is just unfair to me that this is happening and is causing unnecessary difficulties in our relationship. I feel like out of respect for me he shouldn't be using this app if I have caught him twice now getting nudes etc on it. I seriously have no issue at all if he finds it as a way of "interactive porn", but the fact that I have no idea of knowing weather he is sending it to this other guy too makes me think this could be something more than a virtual fantasy for him. What can I do or say to not seem like "That guy" who is worrying over stupid things?
  • saunj11

    Posts: 10

    Jul 23, 2015 5:40 PM GMT
    Ok seriously? Read my post. I didnt say I was on grindricon_rolleyes.gif

    I said the guy who my boyfriend is talking to (Who also has a boyfriend) is on grinder. Ugh
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Jul 23, 2015 5:40 PM GMT
    Even if it was just a "virtual" fantasy, it could still potentially harm the relationship in the sense that the person can create unrealistic views and fall into addictive habits.

    I personally wouldn't put up with what you are going through.. It could impact your self-esteem down the road. In a loving relationship we can recognize that it's not perfect but the issue is when the other person makes you feel that you are not enough.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2015 6:00 PM GMT
    saunj11 saidIs an app ruining our relationship?
    No, your boyfriend is.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jul 23, 2015 6:03 PM GMT
    Have you discussed this with him? In a non-accusatory way? My guy and I went through something similar when we moved in together. His version of porn is a parade of still pics of guys rounded up from (mostly) tumblr and mine is profiles, your "interactive porn." Once we discussed it and had the "open or not" conversation, it became non-threatening. But the old habit of closing a pic when the other walks into the room persists even though we're both OK with the other looking and even messaging. I guess in a nutshell, we trust each other. Talk to your guy.
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    Jul 23, 2015 6:08 PM GMT
    Well... If I were you, I'd adress the elephant in the room here. That would absolutely NOT make you "that guy", to be honest, I think you're even UNDERreacting ! I'm not the jealous type, I trust people about their other relationships with other people : we're all intitled to have friends outside of the relationship. But he's clearly crossing a line !

    He's doing it WHILE BEING WITH YOU, and tries to cover it up (in a louzy and non-convincing way) even when you catch him in the act !!!

    So... yeah, talk to him, try to focus on how it makes you feel, and see where it will lead the conversation. But if he continues on this same bullshit, or if you no longer feel comfortable with the way he considers your relationship, RUN ! You deserve better ;)
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    Jul 23, 2015 6:09 PM GMT
    I think you have to consider that he might be capable of cheating on you bud if he's jerking it to the same guy and this is a guy he has access to.
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    Jul 23, 2015 6:17 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    saunj11 saidIs an app ruining our relationship?
    No, your boyfriend is.


    This. It's pretty clear at this point he isn't as invested in maintaining the relationship as you are. It's already clear that you don't trust him not to cheat which would strain the relationship even if he wasn't. Seems like the answer isn't whether the app is ruining your relationship, but that you need to have a talk about either modifying or just ending the relationship entirely.
  • saunj11

    Posts: 10

    Jul 23, 2015 6:23 PM GMT
    He knows I was upset by it. After the two incidents he just got very guilty and quite, and said that it was unfair what happened and it wasnt as it seemed.

    He doesn't hide that we are in a relationship at all, he posts stuff on facebook about us, also puts me on his snapchat stories? So this kind of throws me off. But I dont know its just still too fishy to me.

    I was going to have a talk with him later. I just feel that I can't put everything into a relationship if this is happening. Thanks for the replies so far! Oh one more thing to add. His password on his phone used to be my name in numbers and recently he changed that.
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    Jul 23, 2015 8:55 PM GMT
    Loll your boyfriend, he doesn't want to commit and want to have flings on the side too. Lol, check his grindr messages too. icon_wink.gificon_cool.gif
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    Jul 23, 2015 9:37 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    saunj11 saidIs an app ruining our relationship?
    No, your boyfriend is.


    I honestly don't understand why the thread kept going after this post. Case solved.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2015 10:59 PM GMT
    Guns don't kill people, people do!

    Apps don't kill relationships, but if your BF is jacking off to trick pics right next to you he has killed it.

    He should at least invite him over for a 3 way!icon_cool.gif It isn't like "just porn" when you are 2000 miles away on business....he's abandoning/not including you when you are 6" away!
  • Jonathan16

    Posts: 50

    Jul 24, 2015 12:17 AM GMT
    First of all why are you not taking care of your man? If he's horny enough to jackoff while you're in the same bed with him, join him or give him head. Problem solved.
  • DJEsco_

    Posts: 80

    Jul 24, 2015 12:23 AM GMT
    Jonathan16 saidFirst of all why are you not taking care of your man? If he's horny enough to jackoff while you're in the same bed with him, join him or give him head. Problem solved.


    +1000. Maybe op isnt giving out
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2015 12:37 AM GMT
    DJEsco_ said
    Jonathan16 saidFirst of all why are you not taking care of your man? If he's horny enough to jackoff while you're in the same bed with him, join him or give him head. Problem solved.


    +1000. Maybe op isnt giving out



    Whoa! Why are you blaming the OP? It's his BF on the hook up site. Doing it right next to your lover is about as rude as possible.

    If it were me, that phone would be flying and he'd be fucked!

  • Apparition

    Posts: 3516

    Jul 24, 2015 2:05 AM GMT
    timmm55 said
    DJEsco_ said
    Jonathan16 saidFirst of all why are you not taking care of your man? If he's horny enough to jackoff while you're in the same bed with him, join him or give him head. Problem solved.


    +1000. Maybe op isnt giving out



    Whoa! Why are you blaming the OP? It's his BF on the hook up site. Doing it right next to your lover is about as rude as possible.

    If it were me, that phone would be flying and he'd be fucked!



    I think the best defense of monogamy is to make him too chafed to fuck anyone else because you do it so often. I will let you know when I find that guy...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2015 2:08 AM GMT
    Your boyfriend is cheating on you. icon_neutral.gif

    Now it's your move; are you going to become the neglected housewife and take the abuse or stand up for yourself and dump the douche?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2015 4:27 AM GMT
    ask him if he wants an open relationship
    if yes dump him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2015 5:11 AM GMT
    Common Sense Get Some


    Get out now, because it doesn't matter what he tells you he is going to lie until you break up. He is showing his dick to other guys and eventually he'll be hooking up if he hasn't already.

    It's not worth it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2015 11:17 PM GMT
    The addiction both of you have to your smartphones is ruining your relationship. Get some help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2015 11:54 PM GMT
    All relationships are open, you just didn't realize it.
  • DJEsco_

    Posts: 80

    Jul 25, 2015 6:25 PM GMT
    timmm55 said
    DJEsco_ said
    Jonathan16 saidFirst of all why are you not taking care of your man? If he's horny enough to jackoff while you're in the same bed with him, join him or give him head. Problem solved.


    +1000. Maybe op isnt giving out



    Whoa! Why are you blaming the OP? It's his BF on the hook up site. Doing it right next to your lover is about as rude as possible.

    If it were me, that phone would be flying and he'd be fucked!



    snapchat is not a hookup app. I am not blaming OP but what if he is not having sex at a all or often? if he answers this question we can either rule this out or see it as the cause. imagine being horny as hell and your boyfriend says no. what do you? Rub one out. if i wake up and see my bf jerking it to a pic of someone im gonna take over and say 'let me help you with that.' Can you really be mad at using picture for visual stimulus while jacking off?
  • saunj11

    Posts: 10

    Jul 30, 2015 6:39 PM GMT
    Well to update you.

    No its not my fault for not "pleasing" him enough thats pretty ridiculous. Trust me the sex life is all good and going well.

    I'm still having issues with the whole snapchat thing. Fuck that app seriously. Well we had a long talk about the first two incidents that happened and he pretty much said he was sorry and that again it wasnt as it seemed. He even cried his heart out when we talked saying he loved me so much and that he puts so much into our relationship.

    So now, we havnt stayed apart for 2 month. Last night he got off work at 1am and went home and I agreed with him that it was best because he had work again in the morning! Ok cool right? Well he snapped me in bed saying he missed me, then i sent him back. Then he sends me another one legs open showing him in his underwear. So i think ok let me try be cute and see where this goes right? I send him a pic of my backsideicon_redface.gif butttt.....silence after. He texted me he's going to bed and goodnight. I checked his snapchat score and could see he was still snapping god knows who at 2.30am last night. Its just so frustrating. And I dont want to sound like a little girl about it because I bet right now I do.

    I texted him after saying " You didn't respond to my snapicon_sad.gif" That was about 15 min after he text me goodnight. He replied about 1 minute later saying he set his alarm and rolled over. Meanwhile the past 10 minutes i been checking his score and he sent atleast 5 or 6 pics by the look of it. I keep acting like nothing is wrong but he keeps asking me if everything is ok too.

    Ok so what now? I seriously love this guy and feel like my world will end if I break up with him. Do I have a right to say something about whats going on here again? Id ont want to seem like a teenage girl who is latching onto her Boyfriend like a leech. But at the same time, I would rather end things now before we get into a more serious relationship (Move in) etc.

    Also I deleted my snapchat account this morning lol to try prove a point. He asked me if everything is ok when he saw my name gone from his contacts. I feel like he should man up and tell me what he did but he just acts innocent.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2015 8:29 PM GMT
    *Sigh*... the eternal equation :
    What you say
    What you think you said
    What you really meant
    What (s)he really understood...

    Well... at least you tried : you talked about it, you expressed how you feel, he did too, YOU even made an effort to reach out to him through this app', but in the end... you still feel like he's holding something back.


    So... the answer to your equation is quite simple if you ask me :

    Either you decide, from now on, to completely ignore all this "snaptchat drama", and stay with him for all the other reasons you appreciate him

    Either you consider he's not beeing faithful, and can't stay with him in those conditions


    I don't see any other option here... you could try to talk... again...
  • manny319

    Posts: 15

    Aug 03, 2015 8:56 AM GMT
    He is clearly cheating on you you already caught him and now he just lying to you but make sure you get proof before u drop his ass