Double standards regarding preference within the gay community

  • Hurley615

    Posts: 8

    Jul 30, 2015 2:47 PM GMT
    Why is it that a minority is allowed to express their preference in a certain race , body type, or mannerism, yet when someone who identifies as.. masculine for instance, states amy sort of preference, they are shamed as homophobic or shallow? I can't count how many profiles I've read hating on the term "masculine" as not appropriate to use period. Another example... a black guy can state on his profile "blacks only," which is no different than a white guy stating "whites only," yet guess which one is shunned and labeled a douchebag. Personally I've never used that phrase, but you can't look at 3 profiles without seeing some variation of it.

    I have my preferences just like everyone else. Masculinity and femininity are innate traits, just like other factors you can't change about yourself like height, race, etc. So why are the only ones being shamed the ones that are honest about their preferences up front? And God forbid you use the word masculine at a gay bar..instantly shot down.

    When one group of people states their preferences they are left alone. Yet when a tall white guy who doesn't involve himself in gay culture or the scene tries to put himself out there, he's shamed. I'm ready to be enlightened. Whethere you think it's shallow or not, my preference in both friends and a relationship would NOT be to hang around someone super obnoxious and flamboyant who goes around "Yassss"-ing all the time. It's annoying, and I'm not prejudice for feeling that way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2015 3:06 PM GMT
    I like trains.
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    Jul 30, 2015 4:58 PM GMT
    Great another trollicon_rolleyes.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 30, 2015 5:18 PM GMT
    If you don't want to be around "those people" then why do you care if they think you're a douche?
  • Hurley615

    Posts: 8

    Jul 30, 2015 5:26 PM GMT
    Awesome. Another ignorant person calling me a troll for bringing up a very real double standard that needs to be addressed.

    I should not have to hide on social media, and avoid gay bars simply because of my preferences. Not a single comment has yet addressed any example I provided.

    It's funny on these forums..when a long time member makes a post about something like this, they get genuine replies that don't ignore the issue. I've tried to have the same conversations on here and I'm labeled a troll and told I'm lying about my personal experiences.

    If you are GENUINELY interested in this topic, this thread posted months ago explains the issue better than I can, and is actually from the perspective of a black member.

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4026766/
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 30, 2015 5:50 PM GMT
    Hurley615 saidAwesome. Another ignorant person calling me a troll for bringing up a very real double standard that needs to be addressed.

    I should not have to hide on social media, and avoid gay bars simply because of my preferences. Not a single comment has yet addressed any example I provided.

    It's funny on these forums..when a long time member makes a post about something like this, they get genuine replies that don't ignore the issue. I've tried to have the same conversations on here and I'm labeled a troll and told I'm lying about my personal experiences.

    If you are GENUINELY interested in this topic, this thread posted months ago explains the issue better than I can, and is actually from the perspective of a black member.

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4026766/

    Who said you have to hide?

    You don't like fem guys? That's not their problem. No one is making you hide.

    I didn't know hiding was a masculine quality.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 30, 2015 6:16 PM GMT
    because if minorities are racist it does not count icon_lol.gif
    didn't you know that it is only racist if white people do it?
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    Jul 31, 2015 1:48 AM GMT
    Life is full of double standards. It's not just a gay thing. Don't waste your energy on things you can't change.
  • you_know_Its_...

    Posts: 260

    Jul 31, 2015 2:08 AM GMT
    I suppose it's for the same reason that gays and western society in general will find a "straight pride" parade distasteful. The same act has a different meaning depending on whether the group is disenfranchised.
  • SuntoryTime

    Posts: 656

    Jul 31, 2015 2:33 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidIf you don't want to be around "those people" then why do you care if they think you're a douche?


    I like this question. It's weird how most racists, sexists, homophobes need whatever race, sex, or people of whatever sexual persuasion to agree with them. It isn't enough to simply avoid them and be done with it.
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    Jul 31, 2015 2:49 AM GMT
    Who cares, do what you want, be into whoever you want.
  • Chastize

    Posts: 56

    Jul 31, 2015 3:04 AM GMT
    I heard that people are inherently attracted to those most like themselves; physically, attitude-wise, etc..

    Maybe a black guy likes black guys because he already likes himself, so why not date someone similar to himself? Same for white people, and all others.

    I actually find it odd when I see a black guy who only dates whites or who are only interested in whites (and any other race that excludes their own race)

    But then again, that's none of my business. icon_redface.gif
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    Jul 31, 2015 3:54 AM GMT
    There are plenty of double standards in this community. I see Black and Latino guys state they prefer their own ethnic groups or flat out state "no pink people". No one ever calls them racist. No one ever even makes a big deal over their preference. Fems can be as fem and proud as they please, but a guy that's comfortable with more masculine ways is automatically self-loathing and/or closeted. You can't even say the word masculine without some queen getting feelings over it.
  • SuntoryTime

    Posts: 656

    Jul 31, 2015 4:06 AM GMT
    CODY4U saidThere are plenty of double standards in this community. I see Black and Latino guys state they prefer their own ethnic groups or flat out state "no pink people". No one ever calls them racist. No one ever even makes a big deal over their preference. Fems can be as fem and proud as they please, but a guy that's comfortable with more masculine ways is automatically self-loathing and/or closeted. You can't even say the word masculine without some queen getting feelings over it.


    For every profile of a black person saying they only prefer blacks, there are 100 rejecting blacks

    For every proud fem guy, there are a 100 that say they prefer to be as far from fem men as possible.
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    Jul 31, 2015 4:33 AM GMT
    CODY4U saidThere are plenty of double standards in this community. I see Black and Latino guys state they prefer their own ethnic groups or flat out state "no pink people". No one ever calls them racist. No one ever even makes a big deal over their preference. Fems can be as fem and proud as they please, but a guy that's comfortable with more masculine ways is automatically self-loathing and/or closeted. You can't even say the word masculine without some queen getting feelings over it.



    I could buy this if fem dudes weren't always told we are affecting our personality. I don't see it as a double standard because both feminine and masculine gay men are rude, and judgmental towards each other. If you go to any online dating site or hook up site it will take you hours to find someone who is disdainful of masculinity. You see something akin to no fems within five minutes though.
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    Jul 31, 2015 4:37 AM GMT
    SuntoryTime said
    CODY4U saidThere are plenty of double standards in this community. I see Black and Latino guys state they prefer their own ethnic groups or flat out state "no pink people". No one ever calls them racist. No one ever even makes a big deal over their preference. Fems can be as fem and proud as they please, but a guy that's comfortable with more masculine ways is automatically self-loathing and/or closeted. You can't even say the word masculine without some queen getting feelings over it.


    For every profile of a black person saying they only prefer blacks, there are 100 rejecting blacks

    For every proud fem guy, there are a 100 that say they prefer to be as far from fem men as possible.


    Its odd isn't it. Its as if the guys who are worshipped in the gay community are shocked that there are dudes who are proud of the fact that they want nothing to do with them. The OP whines and cries in his lazy attempt at trolling but then does the same thing he whines and cries about. I always roll my eyes when some white dudes says, "no blacks, sorry just my preference."
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    Jul 31, 2015 6:06 AM GMT
    Probably the only gay guys for whom appearance does not matter are blind ones. And they probably have preferences based on touch and smell.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    Jul 31, 2015 10:16 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI like trains.


    There's a perfect game for that!

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    Jul 31, 2015 10:23 AM GMT
    There are double standards.
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    Jul 31, 2015 10:31 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI like trains.

    Anyone have room for a muffin?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2015 2:03 PM GMT
    Because it's easier to label and shame than it is to understand and accept.

    People are lazy.
  • 5100s

    Posts: 188

    Jul 31, 2015 2:34 PM GMT
    I think you're correct, but I also think the poster who indicated you're wasting your time trying to change things is correct as well.

    I think it's best not to say anything in your profile about those kinds of preferences and then just ignore contacts from people who don't interest you. I don't mind if people ignore me--I just assume they aren't interested.
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    Jul 31, 2015 2:41 PM GMT
    AutumnalStride said
    paulflexes saidI like trains.

    Anyone have room for a muffin?
    No.
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    Jul 31, 2015 3:43 PM GMT
    Hurley615 saidAwesome. Another ignorant person calling me a troll for bringing up a very real double standard that needs to be addressed.

    I should not have to hide on social media, and avoid gay bars simply because of my preferences. Not a single comment has yet addressed any example I provided.

    It's funny on these forums..when a long time member makes a post about something like this, they get genuine replies that don't ignore the issue. I've tried to have the same conversations on here and I'm labeled a troll and told I'm lying about my personal experiences.

    If you are GENUINELY interested in this topic, this thread posted months ago explains the issue better than I can, and is actually from the perspective of a black member.

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4026766/



    If you want to be social you comply by social norms. If you want to be a member of a club you comply with club rules. It's that simple. If you don't want to adhere to the gay party line that is your prerogative but then you lose your umbrella group protection. There is strength in numbers so sometimes you compromise your personal beliefs in order to belong.
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    Jul 31, 2015 3:56 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    Hurley615 saidAwesome. Another ignorant person calling me a troll for bringing up a very real double standard that needs to be addressed.

    I should not have to hide on social media, and avoid gay bars simply because of my preferences. Not a single comment has yet addressed any example I provided.

    It's funny on these forums..when a long time member makes a post about something like this, they get genuine replies that don't ignore the issue. I've tried to have the same conversations on here and I'm labeled a troll and told I'm lying about my personal experiences.

    If you are GENUINELY interested in this topic, this thread posted months ago explains the issue better than I can, and is actually from the perspective of a black member.

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4026766/



    If you want to be social you comply by social norms. If you want to be a member of a club you comply with club rules. It's that simple. If you don't want to adhere to the gay party line that is your prerogative but then you lose your umbrella group protection. There is strength in numbers so sometimes you compromise your personal beliefs in order to belong.


    Luckily there are so many groups in the gay community that if you feel rejected by one group there is another group for you down the street.