Touching Someone's Beard Without Permission

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    Aug 03, 2015 5:05 AM GMT
    I'm quickly developing a new pet peeve: Complete strangers touching my beard without asking. It happened to me twice tonight and a couple nights ago it happened four times without the span of one hour. These were not people I know mind you but complete strangers. Often times it's accompanied by a compliment like "great beard" or "it looks so soft" but that's really beside the point. I'm just curious why people think it's okay to put their nasty hands on a total stranger's face? Anyone else get this?
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    Aug 03, 2015 5:54 AM GMT
    now you know how black people feel, especially black women.
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    Aug 03, 2015 5:56 AM GMT
    Start rubbing the top of their head. Moan very faintly. That usually shuts 'em down.

    I've never had the urge to touch a stranger's beard. My hair used to be medium-long. People used to touch my hair in high school and tell me how soft my hair is. Didn't understand that either.
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    Aug 03, 2015 6:00 AM GMT
    MrFuscle saidnow you know how black people feel, especially black women.


    I've never had the desire to touch a black woman's beard.
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    Aug 03, 2015 7:31 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    MrFuscle saidnow you know how black people feel, especially black women.


    I've never had the desire to touch a black woman's beard.


    Post of the day.
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    Aug 03, 2015 8:08 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    MrFuscle saidnow you know how black people feel, especially black women.


    I've never had the desire to touch a black woman's beard.


    You just reminded me of the third grade teacher who had us hold her mirror while she combed her mustache. I came out the following year.
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    Aug 03, 2015 8:10 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI can relate in my own way. I've had people either grab my pecs or, if I'm wearing a t-shirt, they lift up my sleeve to get a thorough look at my tattoos. These are people I don't know from Adam and think they have the right to handle and inspect me as if I were some fruit or vegetable at the produce section of a grocery store. They didn't even address me first in any way or ask for my permission. They just started fondling and grabbing.

    These have been either women or men and these instances did not happen in a social setting like a bar. This happened in residential public areas like waiting for an elevator, or in an elevator or at a food bank I used to work for and once when I was entering a grocery store in Chicago. This freaky ass bitch once just grabbed my balls.

    MrFuscle saidnow you know how black people feel, especially black women.

    Curiously enough, in all five instances it was either a black man or a black woman that disrespected my person in this way.


    I'm surprised its only happened 5 times. My muscular exes were constantly being groped by some random chick. I have never seen a dude touch a strange dudes body outside of a gay bar or club unless he knew the dude was gay.
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    Aug 03, 2015 8:12 AM GMT
    AutumnalStride saidStart rubbing the top of their head. Moan very faintly. That usually shuts 'em down.

    I've never had the urge to touch a stranger's beard. My hair used to be medium-long. People used to touch my hair in high school and tell me how soft my hair is. Didn't understand that either.


    I would think that would get some gay men pulling you towards the bathroom
  • Shark100

    Posts: 234

    Aug 03, 2015 8:51 AM GMT
    I have beard and I shave my head, it does not happen to me with strangers, but in the office, it seems the guys love to rub my head... quiet often, specially when hair grows a bit, one of them says it feels fluffy, today he rubed my head at least 4 times with both hands...for some reason the same guy likes to grab my nipples...mostly when I am talking with someone else (this used to happen in high school too now that I remember). He says they are perky nipples, I know that my nips are kinda erected all the time, but I cannot do anything about it, it's just nature lol..and damn why he has to be hetero... I love to feel his hands moving slowly around my head and beard....huh... sorry, what was the subject...oh yeah, strangers should not touch anything without asking...it's rude!!!
  • eckilegs

    Posts: 223

    Aug 03, 2015 9:51 AM GMT
    Occasionally, I'll get someone who will ask to touch my hair. While I don't understand why people can't appreciate it without feeling the need to touch it, this doesn't phase me much and will usually allow it. Once in a while, someone will take the liberty of touching it without asking. And while I'm not a germophobe... I can think in my head is "I don't know you. I don't know where your hands have been. I don't know where YOU have been. All I know is that you have no manners. Please get your hands OUT of my hair."

    I get that they are inquisitive while wanting to provide a compliment. That doesn't, however, make it ok to start touching people without asking. After beards saw a rebirth in popularity a few years back, I could only empathize with my friends that started growing them.
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    Aug 03, 2015 1:05 PM GMT
    that is kinda weird. why would someone do that? i don't think i'd like people coming up and randomly touching my face. the top of my head is one thing but nowhere else.
  • AttisXVI

    Posts: 293

    Aug 03, 2015 1:19 PM GMT
    *confused black girl*

    "And you thought you could just touch my beard?"
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    Aug 03, 2015 1:31 PM GMT
    We had a similar thread recently about ass touching & grabbing. Some guys thought that habit was OK. I do not, at least not by strangers. Some gay friends will sneak up behind my behind (sounds like a Cole Porter song) for a little joke tweak, to watch me jump, then I laugh when I see who it is.

    I've had a few beard touchers, when my short beard was more of a novelty over 15 years ago in upper midwest gay bars. "Nice facial hair" or a similar compliment always accompanied the glancing touch, often with the back of the fingers.

    My reaction depended on my own ultimate intentions with the guy. First time it ever happened (the beard new, I'd grow and lose my beard all the time) I'd already been sizing this nice guy up. So his unsolicited touch was the invite I wanted in order to pursue this further, and we ended up in bed that night.

    But if a troll touches me I go all cold, and may move away from him. Nobody ever said I have to be consistent. Yah touch me yah takes yer chances.
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    Aug 03, 2015 1:41 PM GMT
    I'm with you; I think it's creepy to the point of being bizarre unless the person is immediate family or close friend (and even that would be a bit socially awkward). If it happened to me my first thought would be that I am dealing with someone who isn't all there.

    If they asked and I thought it was a sign of interest I probably wouldn't be too averse to it, I guess.
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    Aug 03, 2015 2:14 PM GMT
    YVRguy saidI'm with you; I think it's creepy to the point of being bizarre unless the person is immediate family or close friend (and even that would be a bit socially awkward). If it happened to me my first thought would be that I am dealing with someone who isn't all there.

    Either not all there, or too full of himself or his liquor, or both.

    There are different kinds of drunks, including the happy drunk, grumpy drunk, sleepy drunk, talkative drunk, know-it-all drunk, belligerent confrontational drunk, etc. And among them also is the sloppy drunk, who wants to get in your face and put his hands all over you.

    That may be what's driving some of these experiences being related here. But that's not what I'm talking about myself, because I don't waste my time with bar or party drunks under any circumstances.

    Back when I was cruising the last thing I wanted was a take-home drunk. And his unwanted attentions towards me were depriving me of time with sober guys having real potential, and even scaring them away if they saw me bothering with a repulsive character like that.

    So yeah, beard or other inappropriate personal touching can be a warning sign, of creepy personality traits or a guy under some kind of influence of which I want no part. Unless, as I wrote previously, he's already on my radar, and then a touch can make me purr (but still not not from a drunk). Relationship consistency is not one of my strong suits. icon_redface.gif
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    Aug 03, 2015 2:27 PM GMT
    Excellent point! I forgot about how touchy-feely some people get when drunk. My sister is one of the worst. Thanks to her I would only be mildly annoyed if the person was drunk since I would assume they lost all sense of propriety in that case.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Aug 03, 2015 2:48 PM GMT
    Radd saidI'm just curious why people think it's okay to put their nasty hands on a total stranger's face?


    If this was in a "gay" setting like a gathering or a pub, am informed that if you are there then you acknowledge a tacit agreement to surrender your personhood to the "sexual tension".
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    Aug 03, 2015 3:12 PM GMT
    YVRguy saidExcellent point! I forgot about how touchy-feely some people get when drunk. My sister is one of the worst. Thanks to her I would only be mildly annoyed if the person was drunk since I would assume they lost all sense of propriety in that case.

    Yeah, losing all sense of propriety & dignity. A drink or two can loosen up a person, especially an inherently socially shy one like myself.
    ( icon_eek.gif )

    Or relax me enough to avoid the crowd anxiety I normally feel when facing the unpleasant task of packed holiday shopping. A gift to myself of a martini in a quiet oasis where I know the bar manager, before I plunge out into the busy mall, better allows me to face the mobs in order to buy gifts for others. And yes, I really do get mild anxiety attacks in bustling tight crowds of strangers.

    But a drink of 3 or 4, or more, has a negative & opposite effect in other ways. Which is why I won't do it myself, and am leery of those who do.

    Thank gawd my husband drinks very little, and then with such restraint he's a constant example to me. In 8 years I'm never seen him drunk, the most is a few times he's gotten a little giddy & silly, a rather charming side of him, actually.

    But a drunk who approaches me, even a friend, gets the cold shoulder. If I can do that to a friend, a stranger hasn't got a chance.
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    Aug 03, 2015 3:48 PM GMT
    Oh Art, your haters are gonna jump all over this with both feet. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 03, 2015 3:58 PM GMT
    Yup but when I was younger and had a big red/blond beard and it was a bit unusual to have a beard. I have several deep facial scars from a couple bad car accidents in my teens and 20's and other mishaps plus skin cancer surgeries in my 40's. My whiskers hide them nicely. These days younger women infrequently ask to stroke my beard and I assume quite likely because I am a "safe looking old grey beard"(?). Little do they know icon_twisted.gif

    People must have some impulse control issues and a lack of tact and understanding of personal space to touch w/o permission. It could easily be perceived as sexual harassment. Christ you ask a person if it's OK to pet their dog but not their body?

    I assume this inappropriate touching is common w/the dudes in PDX and their BIG Portland beards. Many BIG magnificent beards in Portland and Seattle. I'm loving this whiskery trend/will be sad when everyone starts shaving full face again.

    The OP is a head shaver. You must have a similar issue w/folks touching your scalp or at least did? I've been shaved head for 20 years (male pattern baldness) and back when that was a bit unique (I guess?) I would have a lot of young straight chicks want to touch my smooth shiny head lol but again they asked at least. I am happy to accommodate.

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    Aug 03, 2015 4:06 PM GMT
    flguy57 saidOh Art, your haters are gonna jump all over this with both feet. icon_wink.gif


    LOL! Don't I know it! But I will not be intimidated by those creeps of a different kind.
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    Aug 03, 2015 5:44 PM GMT
    Just this past Saturday a guy that has been after me for a while now grabbed my junk at the local bar as he was passing through the crowd. We exchanged pleasantries and continued about our business. Eh, we're guys. Guys do that shit. I'm sure he was surprised because I was free balling that night. LOL

    I guess my personal space doesn't take up as much room as most people's.
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    Aug 03, 2015 6:42 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidJust this past Saturday a guy that has been after me for a while now grabbed my junk at the local bar as he was passing through the crowd. We exchanged pleasantries and continued about our business. Eh, we're guys. Guys do that shit. I'm sure he was surprised because I was free balling that night. LOL

    I guess my personal space doesn't take up as much room as most people's.


    I'm with you, I don't get that uptight about it. As long as it's friendly....get too grabby, twisting nips hard or getting in my junk (always commando)and you'll get slapped!

    I don't have a beard, and my hair is rarely objectified.
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    Aug 03, 2015 6:52 PM GMT
    Yeah, I know what you mean.

    At almost every Sunday church service I want to stand up and scream "People, hands off my junk!" They can be so proprietary.
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    Aug 03, 2015 6:54 PM GMT
    AttisXVI said*confused black girl*

    "And you thought you could just touch my beard?"

    *Oh No you Dient!... You do not know me... You. Do. NOT. Know. ME!!!
    Bitch slap ensues, turns on heal and cranks head, struts off as I snap my fingers*

    Bitch thought she knew me....................icon_rolleyes.gif