Affirmations in a starting relationship.

  • reed1993

    Posts: 18

    Aug 05, 2015 6:33 PM GMT
    I guess I should start out by saying that my "love language" is definitely words of affirmation. I tend to be open in relationships, and express how I feel.

    I'm starting out something that seems to be progressing into a relationship with a guy, and we do pretty good together in person. We've been talking for 6 months or so, and started hanging out in person about 2 months ago. We've both discussed how we feel and we like each other and we both see it heading for a relationship. The issue is we only get to see each other a couple times a week so we're left texting to communicate in between.. The thing that bothers me about this is everything can be great in person then when it comes down to him texting I get almost no feedback of anything remotely like a relationship.. no affirmations, anything. I've spoke to him about this and he understood and said he would try, but nothing came of it yet.

    I sort of feel outrageous for thinking that I would like to hear more feedback from him.. and maybe it has to do with my own insecurities? I don't know. Do you guys think it's reasonable to expect some affirmation over text in the beginning of a relationship? I just like to be reminded every now and again that things are pointing in the right direction, affirmations seem like the best way for this. ~
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    Aug 05, 2015 6:38 PM GMT
    I'm torn about this. Part of me definitely understands. My love language touch and I know how those small, seemingly insignificant actions can actually rock your world. Its funny because I actually show love using words of affirmation. I can tell a dude I love you 10 times a day and truly mean it. Few things make me happier than telling someone how wonderful they are.

    What concerns me is that this early in the relationship, you are not a couple yet, you need daily meaningful attention. In my opinion when you start to combine your lives in a deep meaningful way that's understandable. In the beginning it can be over kill. If I were with you I would probably give you all the words of affirmation you need when we are together. I'd probably text you little silly things that remind me of why I love you as well. However that kind of interaction would only come after I have decided to commit to you on some level. If I felt pressured to text you multiple times a day to affirm my love I would feel you are relying on my love, nut using it a supplement for the love you have for yourself, not a replacement.

    Another thing you have to remember is that just as important as loving someone the way they best accept love is accepting love in the way the other person best shows love. Being loved is as much about having your need for love met as it is about helping someone meet their need to give love. How does he best show love? Are you missing out on his love by only looking for affirmation.
  • reed1993

    Posts: 18

    Aug 05, 2015 6:44 PM GMT
    I'm glad you took the time to make such an awesome response! A part of me knows it's unreasonable to expect too much in just the beginnings of a relationship.. it's just that he has no trouble saying cute affirming things when were together, it's just when we're apart that its like a desert ahaha. It's like "well have his feelings changed in this week we haven't seen each other?" "Did I make him mad?" That sort of thing when it goes from decent connection when were together to hardly any affirmation if any at all when we're apart.

    I will add that I also try to spark affirming things when we're apart, compliments, cute goodnight messages, ect. But to little to no response or reciprocation.

    I'm definitely thinking into it a little to far, it's just easy to second guess when it goes from 100 to 0 when you're in person to over messages ahaahah ;p
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    Aug 05, 2015 7:01 PM GMT
    reed1993 saidI'm glad you took the time to make such an awesome response! A part of me knows it's unreasonable to expect too much in just the beginnings of a relationship.. it's just that he has no trouble saying cute affirming things when were together, it's just when we're apart that its like a desert ahaha. It's like "well have his feelings changed in this week we haven't seen each other?" "Did I make him mad?" That sort of thing when it goes from decent connection when were together to hardly any affirmation if any at all when we're apart.

    I will add that I also try to spark affirming things when we're apart, compliments, cute goodnight messages, ect. But to little to no response or reciprocation.

    I'm definitely thinking into it a little to far, it's just easy to second guess when it goes from 100 to 0 when you're in person to over messages ahaahah ;p


    Its sounds like he doesn't communicate well when you are apart. This could just be a par of his personality. It could also be something he needs, his me time. I wouldn't fish for compliments. Do those feel as good as the ones that seemingly come out of the blue. If I were you I would meditate on why you feel threatened when he is not showing his emotions. Something he can not do 25/7 as that would be very taxing. Deepak Choprah talks about emotions from the past reasserting themselves in the present when they haven't been confronted, just buried. The only advice I would have for him is the advise I have for myself. When you think something nice, say it. There is no point in wasting a perfectly good act of love by keeping it to yourself. Its like exercising your gratitude muscle.