PLEASE HELP --- Need Relationship Advice ?

  • Aug 07, 2015 10:54 AM GMT
    Hello all,

    I don't have any gay friends. Im not "out"... Yet... Need your serious and genuine input about my relationship. Please only respond with sincerity. Thanks!

    First, let me describe myself a little. I am 27 y/o. I live a pretty good life for someone my age. Im independent. I run my own little business. In relationships, i am totally committed, honest and loyal. I don't have any bad habits except drinking. I don't smoke. Don't do drugs. Got my own apartment. Own car... Everything is in order. Take care of myself. I eat healthy and workout 6x/ week. Overall I consider myself a decent guy.

    I have a boyfriend. We've been dating for 1 year. He's older. He's in his 40s. Despite the age difference, I really don't care nor feel any awkwardness. It goes for both of us. We met online. There was instant chemistry after we met. We went ln several dates until we decided to make it official. I love him. Alot.

    We are in a long distance relationship. I live in California and he's currently in Australia. We are both Americans. His hometown is the midwest. Despite the distance issue, we make it work by texting, phone calls, emails and face timing regularly. The distance doesn't really bother us much, honestly.

    My boyfriend is not a very sexual person and that is perfectly fine because he is HUNG... A little too hung for me, actually. Haha... But it's a good thing that he's not very sexual because i don't have to worry about him hooking up and physically cheat on me. And he doesn't. Our relationship is more based on chemistry, mental and emotional connection. Which, i think, in the gay community, is reallllllly hard to find.

    Long story short, a year later, his birthday comes. He spent it here in the U.S. He invited me of course, but i couldn't do it because of work issues.... It wasn't a problem at all because i was flying to Australia in a couple of weeks to visit him anyways. And i will stay for 2 weeks, so we'll have alot of time with each other.


    A week later, while being back in the U.S, i found out that his 24 y/o personal trainer (he is straight) is with him. He had invited him. He was to stay with him for 2 weeks. He never mentioned it to me. My BF is a VERY detailed story teller. He will mention everything from A-Z about something, but somehow "forgot" to tell me this. I asked if he is paying for his travels, and he said no. I knew he was lying because no way a 24y/o personal trainer can afford a lavish trip like that. I even know this guy. I've met him in person at the gym.

    I always ask him who he's with and he never mentioned him. I only found out because i asked "Did anybody from Australia come?"... And he told me yes and who it was. I showed annoyance but nothing more than that. He was apologetic and said sorry. But I didn't want to react fully until I see him in person.

    So 2 weeks later, I arrive in Australia. I snooped on his phone. Facebook. Emails. My suspicion was right. He paid for all of his travels. He even paid for his little trip to Los Angeles for a few days. Hotel/plane tickets and all. I didn't tell him i snooped on his phone. But i did confront him about the whole situation. He was ashamed and guilty that he kept lying to cover himself. But at the end, he said his apologies and realized his wrong. But i wasn't content with a sorry.

    I also found out that he sent him a message on Facebook to "downplay" the whole trip because I'm still mad. That pissed me off the most.

    While snooping on his phone, i also found out that he is planning on bringing 2 straight guys to Australia. Of course, he will pay for everything. This is not confirmed yet. I will await for the confirmation until i react.

    Now mind you, he does the same thing to me... I can definitely afford all those things.... But he makes 5x than me... So why the hell not let him. But i thought he only does it because i am someone he's dating... Turns out, he does it for other guys too... Guys that aren't even all that close to him... Id totally understand if these are his close friends or family.... But they aren't close. At all. He is just a very generous guy to everyone.

    PS: He did not and has not physically cheated on me.

    Lastly, i came to Australia because it was 1 year anniverssary. He didn't get me anything.

    So... If you were on my situation, what would you do?

    Hope someone can give me a genuine and heartfelt advice.

    Thanks for reading!

  • Aug 08, 2015 1:04 PM GMT
    Anyone? icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 08, 2015 3:19 PM GMT
    If he didn't cheat then why are you even mad?icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 08, 2015 3:28 PM GMT
    you really really want to do this the rest of your life?

    does this just annoy you? that you have one black spot in your life. You said your 27 and love your self. Why do you need an alternative relationship like this. If you cant control it (he has been doing this for years) you need to consider living w/o. He is using you the same way as everyone. Play the game or have an exit plan.

    I met a gay guy, friend of a friend. Got invited over to his house. Lets say he has a very professional position of trust. He had several live in gay straight male and female peeps.
    -They were all fresh meat.
    -They had no where else to go.
    -The ones that were there were his success stories? No one was saying anything bad. I cant figure how this gay guy does it. All it would take is one accusation and his career would be out the window. He has been doing it for years. There is some sit that makes certain people like your BF want to hoard people's lives.

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    Aug 08, 2015 5:21 PM GMT
    I did not read your long winded mindless boring essay. My advice would be to stop thinking your problems are unique, stop pretending you are smart and seek therapy for creating new profiles to seek answers to questions most 5 years olds have already dealt with.
  • thedaniell

    Posts: 3

    Aug 08, 2015 5:32 PM GMT
    The whole thing sounds bad... Why is he lying about paying for his friend's trip? I mean, I understand it's his money and he can do whatever he wants with it, but if there was more trust, he would've told you about it. To me, it sounds like he is hiding something. And don't be so sure about the cheating part... He lied to you once, he will do it again. I wonder what would happen if you tell him that you read the messages on his phone... I'm sure he'd get mad, but then what? He would have no other choice but to tell the truth.
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    Aug 09, 2015 1:56 AM GMT
    Try to boil it down to no more than five sentences.