Staying safe

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2015 9:48 PM GMT
    Hi,

    I have been separated a little over a year and want to start acknowledging my desires for other men. So I put Grindr and Scruff on my smartphone and was a little overwhelmed at the response. I'm 55 and though I look young for my age and workout almost everyday I got a huge number of texts from guys in their 20s.

    Has anyone had an experience like this? I'm just wondering if they're all looking for sugar daddies, or whether they're hoping to lure someone who has discreet in their profile into a compromising situation if you get my drift. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. I definitely plan to meet anyone somewhere neutral. Just hoping for some good advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thanks.

    Greg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2015 1:58 AM GMT
    Not sure what you're asking. Are you not out, and asking how to stay on the down low? Or asking how to protect yourself from gold diggers?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2015 4:18 AM GMT
    No, I'm not out. Just not sure whether these guys are legit or what their story is. If they see me coming down the street in my '02 Sentra they'll figure there's not much gold to dig.icon_biggrin.gif I'm sure it's best to meet somewhere neutral and not to go to their place or let them come to yours until you're comfortable.

    Twice now I've had guys come on really strong on the app and then all of a sudden we're making arrangements to meet and everything goes silent. Guess they got a better offer. Thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2015 5:09 AM GMT
    All the time... (!) Fickle, flaky, "free spirited". Some are real - many seem transiently interested. Many don't know what they want and when faced with "reality" Freak Out. LOL! Well - that's my best guess.
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Aug 08, 2015 5:44 AM GMT

    You're on hook up sites, try SilverDaddies or Daddy Dater - granted, hook up sites too, but a lot more geared toward older men and younger admirers as opposed to younger guys looking for sex and will make do with an older man - Grindr, Scruff.

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 08, 2015 6:52 AM GMT
    With age comes wisdom (and experience) go on a date with a couple of them, you'll find out soon enough
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2015 7:34 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidWith age comes wisdom (and experience) go on a date with a couple of them, you'll find out soon enough

    yeah, OP as an older guy should be faster in finding out what these guys are looking for. Whether they just want a sugar daddy or are genuine. I doubt any of those kids hitting on OP can make him do anything which you aren't interested in. Some of us are genuine, some aren't. That also goes for the older guys like you who are genuine, and then those who are just looking for the newest twink in town.
    Or the point of this thread was to just boast about the fact that see hot still I am? In that case, just ignore me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2015 8:24 AM GMT
    Be very careful. Your wife's divorce lawyer will have you followed by a PI and your name will be dragged through the mud in court. I suggest you keep it in your pants until the divorce is final.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Aug 08, 2015 9:40 AM GMT
    grinder has a lot of fake automatic profiles,usualy with pics of ''all american'' young guys pics,i guess its to increase the volume of try to stirr things up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2015 12:30 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the good advice. I really should try to keep it in my pants since I managed to go this long. Like Jimmy Buffet says, there's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning.

    Maybe I should go see my urologist about getting a hormone shot to tide me over but I've got a crush on him too. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2015 8:00 PM GMT
    i am a divorced man from a straight relaionship
    i really knew i was gay for a loooong time before taking action.


    i met my now partner of 6 years when i was still married. I started the divorce and my gay partner bailed. Could not stand the emotions flowing out of the kitchen. We got back together after the divorce.

    -gay men avoid men with wives
    -I can say with all my heart my x wife is a good person
    -I have no regrets
    -i read your profile; gay men dont ever make friend material. Not ever.
    -know up front what you want; hookup or husband but just be honest with everyone + your self
    -divorce is so emotional, i would get a cat for now
    -relationships, gay or straight are the same and take a lot of work
    -i dated or hooked up with about ten guys, made me appreciate my current partner
    -you need to come out to have a proper serious boy friend
    -being gay has changed a lot in say the last 3-5 years
    -never ever feel ashamed for being who you are. If you do change yourself for the better.


    My partner and I have been through a LOT in the 6 years. We are still together because we want to be. Someone you love does you a big bad, given enough time, you too will commit a bigger sin.

    I have said this many times no reason your big gay relationship is not as important as that you had with your wife or the one your parents had.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2015 11:27 PM GMT
    Thanks all for your advice (especially Undercover man and Pellaz). I think I just avoided a catfish episode by finally stopping the little head from doing the thinking for the big head. So time to get out the uke and play Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody. icon_sad.gif (not to mention shut down Grindr and Scruff). Don't know what else to say. I guess I really am a confused log cabin Republican. Never cheated on my wife but my moral compass is all a farce if I keep living this lie. Despite her false accusations of adultery, I don't go to the gym to fantasize about women if you get my drift. I have to make a choice.

    My wife is a liberal democrat who's become increasingly intolerant over the years. She taught my daughter well enough to get her to unfriend me on Facebook. Strange how I could be okay with my daughter bringing home an African American boyfriend but she isn't okay with having a "Republican" for a father. We've never even had a face-to-face political discussion so she doesn't even know that I think the Donald, Ted Cruz and Rush Limpdick are total assholes. Enough political vomit, that's not what this post was about.

    As far as coming out, I know I need to do it and it will surely be a lot easier now than it would have been 30 years ago when I first figured out that heterosexuality wasn't my preferred bag. The divorce has totally turned my world upside down and I have relied heavily on my family and church to get to this point. Sorry if that offends anyone. I'm sure I can at least come out to Mom for now since I'm pretty sure she's the closeted liberal of the family herself. My minister father is probably rolling over in his urn however.

    In time I hope to find happiness so I can have something to smile and laugh about again. Watching my Dad die of cancer last summer reinforced the importance of having someone you love to grow old with. I think I still have something special to give the right person despite my wife's favorite button pushing statements. Thanks for all your support. I've grown a lot this week.

    Greg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2015 5:08 AM GMT
    So Greg, if you continue to use these apps, practice a little personal safety.

    Agree to meet the guy in a public location. Like a coffee shop. That way you get to see that he matches his profile pic. Chat with him for a bit and determine if he's crazy or not. Can't always tell. But if he's really fuckin crazy, then you'll know right away. icon_lol.gif

    Avoid getting involved in pen pal/chat buddy situations. I mean, if the guy doesn't live within reasonable driving distance for a date or fuck, then why bother. Besides, most of the guys only looking for chat are fake profiles or minors.
  • Relajado

    Posts: 409

    Aug 09, 2015 9:26 AM GMT
    keleko saidStrange how I could be okay with my daughter bringing home an African American boyfriend but she isn't okay with having a "Republican" for a fathert.

    Greg


    Uhhhh I should HOPE you were 'ok' with it seeing as skin colour doesn't matter with anythin except aging and skin cáncer risk.

    Wooow cannot believe I just read that still.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2015 10:17 AM GMT
    Relajado said
    keleko saidStrange how I could be okay with my daughter bringing home an African American boyfriend but she isn't okay with having a "Republican" for a fathert.

    Greg


    Uhhhh I should HOPE you were 'ok' with it seeing as skin colour doesn't matter with anythin except aging and skin cáncer risk.

    Wooow cannot believe I just read that still.

    yeah, whatever sympathy I had for OP went down the drain when I read that line. What a great analogy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2015 5:00 PM GMT
    Of course skin color doesn't matter. I was trying to make the point that there isn't much difference between discriminating against someone because of the color of their skin and discriminating against someone because of their political beliefs.

    Fortunately I've come to my senses and deleted the app off my phone. For those of you who agree with my wife's favorite button pushing statement that I'm a "fucking selfish narcissistic asshole" I assure you that it was a momentary aberration. Sorry I started this post in the first place but at least I learned a lot this week even if the lesson was painful.
  • Rower1950

    Posts: 72

    Aug 10, 2015 2:14 AM GMT
    keleko saidI was trying to make the point that there isn't much difference between discriminating against someone because of the color of their skin and discriminating against someone because of their political beliefs.


    Wait just a minute, Greg! Are you telling us that discrimination based on someone having dark skin is like avoiding a closeted gay man who supports the one political party that declared war on the civil rights of gay men including himself?

    Republicanism is not exactly some random arbitrary political belief. Gay men who support the GOP are in fact supporting the GOP's aggressive anti-gay agenda. Fostering self-destructive beliefs is a serious pathology.

    This might be a reason those guys you contact are avoiding you.
  • oldfart

    Posts: 328

    Aug 10, 2015 12:34 PM GMT
    'Gay republicans are pathological' ? Yow...sweeping generalization. And hyperbolic.

    But Greg most of this thread should be useful to you. Stay squeaky clean and unimpeachable through the divorce.

    Then take your time exploring. Another place to look then is Daddyhunt - seems like a pretty sane and mature user base.

    And gay men can be great friends. One of mine since college (40+ yrs) has been treated by his sister like your daughter treats you. She had a baby with him and they aren't bothering to marry. But since my pal is out gay he is damnable for it. Splain it to me Lucy.
  • Rower1950

    Posts: 72

    Aug 10, 2015 3:54 PM GMT
    Like a lot of pathologies, self-loathing, and denial about it, can be treated. In extreme cases, such as self-loathing reinforced by religious political fundamentalism, a therapist has his work cut out for him. People who support religious/political organizations that campaign specifically to deny them basic rights are self-loathing.

    In the not-so-distant past, when gay men were required to be closeted to survive, we learned to hate and fear our true selves from an early age. It came with the territory. It takes a lot of work and support from friends and family to get around it.

    I'm relieved to see healthy, out, younger gay men who haven't had to go through that. Luckily for them, they might even have no idea what I'm talking about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2015 4:29 PM GMT
    keleko saidHi,

    I have been separated a little over a year and want to start acknowledging my desires for other men. So I put Grindr and Scruff on my smartphone and was a little overwhelmed at the response. I'm 55 and though I look young for my age and workout almost everyday I got a huge number of texts from guys in their 20s.

    Has anyone had an experience like this? I'm just wondering if they're all looking for sugar daddies, or whether they're hoping to lure someone who has discreet in their profile into a compromising situation if you get my drift. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. I definitely plan to meet anyone somewhere neutral. Just hoping for some good advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thanks.

    Greg



    Ha, ha. Yeah, I know its hard to believe but they actually think old guys are hot. There is some underlying father issues too but the smart ones are looking for something more substantial and less shallow then the typical flaky, narcissistic, 20 something gay twink. Oh, they are also looking for a top ...tops are rare in that demographic. Some are eager to contribute to a lasting relationship which I think is so admirable and cute.

    PS. The gay social apps are what you make if them. Use them for quick
    Hook ups or finding a quality life partner. They are also invaluable to catch up on your gay game.