“Everyone who loves me, -- hates me.”

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    Jan 29, 2009 8:26 PM GMT
    This poem is part of what is now an urban legend. The story (legend) is that it was found on the body of a street person (male) who died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. He had no identification. Supposedly buried as a "John Doe", this poem speaks the pain of many people who have lived and died - and were never truly known by those around them for who they really were; - Or they were discovered and then rejected. I just wanted to share it here and dedicate it to all people so badly treated...




    I was born in a little town in the land of free & brave;

    With waving flags & fireworks; where men are equal; -- they say.

    Dad wore a patch with a policeman’s hat, & mom kept house, -- cooked three;

    And life was a dream until I learned as a teen: “Everyone who loves me, -- they hate me.”



    The first time I heard queer mystery “words”, was on the school playground & bus;

    Those hurling the slurs & hate with mean looks, - spoke of some old faceless putts.

    Although I admit, I did not know the meanings, or the things that those words did imply;

    All I felt that I knew, was: “Whatever they meant, I was glad t’was another, -- not I”!



    As time passed on, between grades, friends & home; I heard those queer words more & more,

    At church & at camp, from strangers & Gramps: “’bominations” & strange “closet doors”.

    In Boy Scouts they showed us a strange ‘parade tape’; - Filmed by the town’s Brimstone preacher;

    Was a queer sight we saw; Left us all open jaw’d: - Now that tape was those “word’sonly teacher.



    I’m not sure when, if age 12 or 13, that I began having feelings of ‘shame’;

    Strange yearnings & passions - new to my mind; -- made me long for a closeness with same.

    My mind was a mess: These feelings, those words; - So, I put on ‘the mask of the saintly’,

    I was well disguised; but by their words I realized that … “Everyone who loves me, -- just hates me.”



    Like an albino-black-man; “Incognito” - my plan: Try to prosper in old Forsythe County!

    I’m at the front of the bus (don’t need Rosa Parks’ fuss); -- Oh Gawd … just don’t let them spy me!

    So, deep in disguise, right in front of their eyes, into sports, working hard at ‘guy stuff’,

    At the head of my troop, & leading youth group: I felt safe in the phrase: ”That guy’s tough!”



    As the calendar tree each week dropped its leaves, my teens gave way to my twenties.

    From my secret place, I NOW looked for real grace, but the “grace-store” in church – it was empty...

    Ex-this & “X”-that; & do “this” & stop “that”; Mouth these words & tomorrow we’ll see… if you're 'free';

    Yet, what was shown me by God was the scope of their fraud: They’re liars, & fakers, for fee!



    So I left them behind – at least in my mind; my departure must have upset their “ship”;

    A week into my job, on my office’s knob was a notice: a pink colored slip.

    My boss meekly said: “My performance was great, but this was the result of restaffing”;

    And, as he explained, I could hear from beyond: the sounds of cruel whispers & laughing.



    So, I wrote it all down, built my case on this “town” ; – at least I could pray to the courts…

    But my lawyers objection; – Overruled: “No protection”: - “Outlawed by God!” – Judge retorts.

    “Equal justice under the Law”, -- “A nation of Laws, - not of men”?

    But even when noone gets hurt or complains; -- they insist the "LAW’s" broken again!



    So now I’m writing this note, - not with ink, but with lead…

    Making sure they’ll remember – picked a color, -- use’n red…

    Look’n back in the past – how when cloaked, all did praise me,

    But the reality, the truth: “Everyone who 'loved' me, -- they hated me”.







    The poem has an interpretation and I can post it upon request.
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    Jan 29, 2009 8:42 PM GMT
    I'd like to see the full poem
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    Jan 29, 2009 10:31 PM GMT
    *
    I was born in a little town in the land of free & brave;

    o Small Town America
    * With waving flags & fireworks; where men are equal; -- they say.
    o Land of liberty - where all men are crated equal (or so it's alleged)
    * Dad wore a patch with a policeman’s hat, & mom kept house, -- cooked three;
    o Father was a policeman; Mother was a housewife.
    * And life was a dream until I learned as a teen: “Everyone who loves me, -- they hate me.”
    o At puberty (teenage), the author makes a grave discovery & then goes on to explain it...



    * The first time I heard queer mystery “words”, was on the school playground & bus;
    o School is often the first time that people here about G.L.I.B. people; -- Usually in the form of profanity as "Fag, Dyke, Queer, Homo, Etc"
    * Those hurling the slurs & hate with mean looks, - spoke of some old faceless putts.
    o People using the language often don't actually know anyone like they're talking about...rather the slurs describe some socially-grotesque person or group that lacks specific identifiers - only vulgar innuendos.
    * Although I admit, I did not know the meanings, or the things that those words did imply;
    o Most children have no idea of the actual concepts behind the slurs against G.L.I.B people. They are usually repeating the 'jest' of things they've heard in equally uninformed circles.
    * All I felt that I knew, was: “Whatever they meant, I was glad t’was another, -- not I”!
    o The author reveals that at the time he first heard the terminology of hate against G.L.I.B. people, - he failed to make the connection between that speech & what he was as a future person. Again - the young age this assault starts at lacks even the experiences of puberty & sexual attractions.



    * As time passed on, between grades, friends & home; I heard those queer words more & more,
    o The exposure to this hate-speech increases over time...
    * At church & at camp, from strangers & Gramps: “’bominations” & strange “closet doors”.
    o The author identifies the places he is hearing derogatory things about G.L.I.B people. These include his church & summer camp, relatives, etc., & the terminology of "abominations" (probably heard from religious circles) & about people 'living in the closet'.
    * In Boy Scouts they showed us a strange ‘parade tape’; - Filmed by the town’s Brimstone preacher;
    o The connection between Boy-scouts & religious fundamentalism is well established as made obvious by several court rulings. The author explains how the town preacher showed a tape of some 'gay pride' event to the boy scout group.
    * Was a queer sight we saw; Left us all open jaw’d: - Now that tape was those “word’s” only teacher.
    o Gay pride events have as much to do with representing average G.L.I.B. people as Martigras has to do with representing "straight" people. However, the show is a bizarre one; -- & that material became those young guy's only imagery of what G.L.I.B. people were about or like.



    * I’m not sure when, if age 12 or 13, that I began having feelings of ‘shame’;
    o Puberty hits most guys at 12-13 & the feelings that come with it. The author felt shame because of those feelings he experienced at puberty conflicted with what he had been 'told' about such things.
    * Strange yearnings & passions - new to my mind; -- made me long for a closeness with same.
    o The feelings of wanting to be close & physical were felt toward his own gender.
    * My mind was a mess: These feelings, those words; - So, I put on ‘the mask of the saintly’,
    o The conflict between what he was brought up to believe about same-sex feelings & the experience of having them - causes the author great inner turmoil. He decided to hide them behind a mask of religious rhetoric.
    * I was well disguised; but by their words I realized that … “Everyone who loves me, -- just hates me.”
    o Because he was not open with what he felt, nobody talked about him with the same hate speech he'd been hearing about G.L.I.B. people his entire life ... but what he realized is that all those people who spoke that way, were really talking about him. His conclusion was that everybody who professed that they loved him (family, friends, etc.), actually hated him because of their words of hate directed at a group of people to whom he actually belonged.



    * Like an albino-black-man; “Incognito” - my plan: Try to prosper in old Forsythe County!
    o An ALBINO BLACK MAN looks white due to lack of any pigmentation. Forsythe county is located in Georgia - & has the reputation of being one of the most racially divided & violent counties in the USA's history. The author says he felt like a white (black-man) who was trying to live life (under cover of his white skin) in a place noted for hating blacks.
    * I’m at the front of the bus (don’t need Rosa Parks’ fuss); -- Oh Gawd … just don’t let them spy me!
    o The author blends in so well that he's able to do all of the things that "everyone else" can & doesn't need a Rosa Parks in order to ride in the proverbial front of the bus. The point is, that G.L.I.B. people often blend in so well that they can't be discerned by merely looking at them outwardly (one needs to look closely at their lives - dating, relationships, etc). The author simply hopes that nobody will scrutinize him close enough to figure that out.
    * So, deep in disguise, right in front of their eyes, into sports, working hard at ‘guy stuff’,
    o Completely blended in, the author points out that what he does is stereotyped as "straight" activity & contrary to the image that people had in their minds about G.L.I.B. people (probably from the likes of the pride tape).
    * At the head of my troop, & leading youth group: I felt safe in the phrase: ”That guy’s tough!”
    o He's IN the BOY SCOUTS (troop) & a youth leader. People saying that he's a "tough guy" gives him a sense of security because "tough" was not the way G.I.B. men were portrayed in stereotype.



    * As the calendar tree each week dropped its leaves, my teens gave way to my twenties.
    o As time passed he finds a decade has gone by...
    * From my secret place, I NOW looked for real grace, but the “grace-store” in church – it was empty...
    o He explains his true feelings to his religious group & all they have to offer is an "ex-gay" program...
    * Ex-this & “X”-that; & do “this” & stop “that”; Mouth these words & tomorrow we’ll see… if you're "free"

    o His experience with the "Ex-gay" program was that they tried extreme behavioral modification - with religious overtones - telling people to stop doing this thing or that thing & then waiting to see if any of it actually works.
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    Jan 29, 2009 10:43 PM GMT

    * Yet, what was shown me by God was the scope of their fraud: They’re liars, & fakers, for fee!
    o What he discovers is that the "program" is a fraud - costing him a lot of time & money with its false promises of 'freedom'.



    * So I left them behind – at least in my mind; my departure must have upset their “ship”;
    o He left the program & in doing so suspects he must have caused people to begin to question the effectiveness of the entire thing.
    * A week into my job, on my office’s knob was a notice: a pink colored slip.
    o He got a job somewhere, but after being hired for only a week, he gets a pink-slip (dismissal notice).
    * My boss meekly said: “My performance was great, but this was the result of restaffing”;
    o His boss admits that his job performance was great - but makes an excuse that his job loss was merely the result of restaffing (after only a week)?
    * And, as he explained, I could hear from beyond: the sounds of cruel whispers & laughing.
    o As his boss told him these things, he could hear people whispering & laughing at him in the background. He was obviously being fired for his sexuality.



    * So, I wrote it all down, built my case on this “town” ; – at least I could pray to the courts…
    o The author documented it all & then petitioned (prayed to) the courts to seek justice.
    * But my lawyers objection; – Overruled: “No protection”: - “Outlawed by God!” – Judge retorts.
    o His lawyer's objections are overruled by a judge who is swayed by religious arguments - claiming the belief that the plaintiff's sexual orientation is 'Outlawed by God' & therefore has no standing before the court.
    * “Equal justice under the Law”, -- “A nation of Laws, - not of men”?
    o The author rhetorically points out that in America, we are supposed to be a nation of laws - ruled by law & not by the personal prejudices of men.
    * But even when noone gets hurt or complains; -- they insist the "LAW’s" broken again!
    o The poem's author notes that in the case of sexuality - even though nobody has been injured; -- Somebody is claiming the "Law's been broken" - simply because someone is expressing sexuality in a manner not consistent with the prejudices against G.L.I.B. people.



    * So now I’m writing this note, - not with ink, but with lead…
    o This is a play on words. The author is saying that "lead" is somehow important to the creation of this note -- this statement on how he feels. The word "lead" has a dual meaning; - while in pencils - is also in bullets.
    * Making sure they’ll remember – picked a color, -- use’n red…
    o To make people remember, he's going to use the color red. Red & Lead - both plays on words & images. Blood is also red.
    * Look’n back in the past – how when cloaked, all did praise me,
    o He remembers the past that when nobody knew how he really felt inside in ref to his sexuality - where everyone praised him for being who they THOUGHT he was.
    * But the reality, the truth: “Everyone who 'loved' me, -- they hated me”.
    o His analysis in the very end was that all those people who claimed to be his friends - who claimed to love him for who they thought he was (even his family) -- in reality - they hated him - proven by their words & ultimately their actions.

    BANG!...
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    Jan 30, 2009 12:03 AM GMT
    well I can't believe I just cried... to think, we are suppose to live in a world that is great...

    regardless of if its real... I think there's something in that for everyone... and not just about being gay, or having a religious believe or that our skin is different but that we as society need to stop forcing people into little boxes just to make it easier on our self's to "understand", people no matter who they are, are beautiful and should be loved and cared for and never left to felt unwanted or undesirable...

    I truly hope that its creator still lives on..