Rates of domestic violence and trauma are more prevalent in our community. Have you been involved in a relationship which was abusive and how did you deal with that??

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    Aug 09, 2015 3:43 PM GMT
    a fellow RJ member and close friend has been suffering a dysfunctional and abusive relationship for 6 months only now having called me at 3am after running away from their shared home to a cold Western Sydney night for the second time, he was rescued and looked after for the day. I have been aware of many other examples of this and I have noted a lack of a real conversation about the impact it is having on us all as a community even if not directly involved in such a relationship
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14388

    Aug 09, 2015 3:49 PM GMT
    Life is not all peaches and cream in the gay, lesbian, and bisexual community. We have our problems with domestic abuse just like the heterosexual married population. I think it is due to the fact that because it is same sex violence and abuse, the victim is highly uncomfortable reporting it to authorities because he or she might have an ignorant homophobe handling his/her case and become subject to ridicule and insults from the authority figure.
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    Aug 09, 2015 4:04 PM GMT
    to a large extent we are defined by our choice of friends and lovers. Chose the right people and you flourish but hook up with the bad and you suffer.

    everyone lives in the past but the reasons the gay community existed are fading away. I dont miss the gay emotional junk.
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    Aug 09, 2015 4:25 PM GMT
    Thread title: "Rates of domestic violence and trauma are more prevalent in our community"

    https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/lgbt/news/2011/06/14/9850/domestic-violence-in-the-lgbt-community/
    ...Research indicates that domestic violence among same-sex couples occurs at similar rates as domestic violence among straight couples...


    http://www.rohrbaughassociates.net/pdfs/same_sex.pdf
    Although incidents of violence occur at the same rate in same-gender couples and cross-gender couples, the violence appears to be milder in same-gender couples


    http://hwcstan.squarespace.com/lgbt/2010/5/28/ten-myths-regarding-domestic-violence-in-same-sex-relationsh.html
    Best estimates of same sex domestic violence according to research and statistics gathered from the Lesbian & Gay Community is that domestic violence in Gay & Lesbian relationships is approximately 25 – 32% (basically the same percentage as in the heterosexual community). About 1 in 4 lesbians and 1 in 4 gay men have experienced domestic violence in their same gender relationships.


    http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/01/25/us-usa-gays-violence-idUSBRE90O11W20130125
    Gay people in the United States are just as likely as heterosexuals to experience domestic violence, sexual violence or stalking...


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    Aug 09, 2015 10:09 PM GMT
    Gee pellaz, the problem is is that the abusive partner usually keeps that part of themselves secret until they get the other in a vulnerable situation - living together, interdependent, away from friends and family, etc. before the abuse begins. Many abusers are quite charming in the beginning. Most people are not stupid enough to freely choose friends and lovers who they know will abuse them.
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    Aug 09, 2015 10:21 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidGee pellaz, the problem is is that the abusive partner usually keeps that part of themselves secret until they get the other in a vulnerable situation - living together, interdependent, away from friends and family, etc. before the abuse begins. Many abusers are quite charming in the beginning. Most people are not stupid enough to freely choose friends and lovers who they know will abuse them.


    That's exactly what happened with my RJ friend who's hyper religious family are not supportive and having moved into the outer suburbs and cut off for 4 months from all his friends, I finally enticed him to visit me not initially being aware of what he wad dealing with. He wax nearly suicidal but luckily a reconnection with myself and other friends helped him gain the strength and confidence to take a stand against being abused.

    Simplistic dismissal of people suffering DV is too common the community needs to own up to the existence of DV and accept that it's prevalence is not just a few questionable characters.
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    Aug 10, 2015 8:57 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidGee pellaz, the problem is is that the abusive partner usually keeps that part of themselves secret until they get the other in a vulnerable situation - living together, interdependent, away from friends and family, etc. before the abuse begins. Many abusers are quite charming in the beginning. Most people are not stupid enough to freely choose friends and lovers who they know will abuse them.

    +1

    violence is never acceptable. It seems some people gay or straight crave emotional upheaval in their lives. They continually live beyond their abilities to manage it.
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    Aug 10, 2015 9:10 AM GMT
    roadbikeRob saidLife is not all peaches and cream in the gay, lesbian, and bisexual community. We have our problems with domestic abuse just like the heterosexual married population. I think it is due to the fact that because it is same sex violence and abuse, the victim is highly uncomfortable reporting it to authorities because he or she might have an ignorant homophobe handling his/her case and become subject to ridicule and insults from the authority figure.


    Building on this, it's worth noting that a lot of gay people don't have a strong network to fall back on for support, since many are still disowned by their families when they 'come out'.
  • NursePractiti...

    Posts: 232

    Aug 10, 2015 2:16 PM GMT
    I was in a psychologically abusive relationship for five years. When he got done with me and kicked me to the curb, and I mean literally with only the clothes on my back from work, I realized that I was free. It took a while to get over it, pick myself up, etc. But I did it with some help of course. He even tried to control me after. I let him know that was no longer going to be the case. I decided that I am my own man and no one would ever do that to me again. The only saving grace was at least it wasn't physically abusive. But the outcome and affects are very much the same. You feel helpless and afraid. But, this will not happen the me again. It is possible to recover from this. But your friends or family will have to help out.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 803

    Aug 10, 2015 4:27 PM GMT
    Sydneyrugbyjock73 saidHave you been involved in a relationship which was abusive and how did you deal with that??


    Yeah, my parents. I walked away as soon as I graduated high school.icon_smile.gif