Moving back in with mother

  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Aug 09, 2015 6:14 PM GMT
    So my mother has taken ill recently and ive decided to move back in with her to help take care of her. She's also incredibly religious which means ive never been able to live authentically around my family

    Considering I'm from a very small town, I'm scared that most ppl will think I'm a norman bates, living with their mum in the their 30s.

    Can we all agree that ny life is going from worse to worser

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    Aug 09, 2015 6:56 PM GMT
    Hope she will be doing better :-)
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    Aug 09, 2015 7:57 PM GMT
    your mother is like 50-60 years old?
    i don't think at that age a decline in health is a permeant thing so plan to give her some quality time and have an exit plan.

    don't be so concerned what people think.
    have an agreement with your family that you have a private life and if you feel violated you get to leave at any time. Again have an exit plan.
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    Aug 09, 2015 8:17 PM GMT
    I had to do the same thing for my mom when she fell ill...

    I'm sorry for what you're going through.

    ::manhug::
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    Aug 09, 2015 8:38 PM GMT
    Been there.Best wishes to your mom!God grant her good health.
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    Aug 09, 2015 8:56 PM GMT
    We kept mom as independent as possible and then created the illusion for her of independence and I'd have then moved in with her or moved her to my place when safety became such an issue, hadn't she left specific instructions on what to do at that point, to place her in a community of her peers.

    I wouldn't have given a split single second's thought as to what someone might think of me living with my mom. She often stayed with me for weekends. And she was frequently seen during gay movie night at the Gateway Theater in Lauderdale. A very cool lady.

    Generally speaking, unless you are hurting someone, in which case you might want to pay attention to alternative opinions: fuck what people think. Live your life.

    Good luck with your mom.
  • vj2004t

    Posts: 203

    Aug 09, 2015 9:09 PM GMT
    I had to move back in with my dad when my mother died. It totally stresses me out. I went from haveing my own placr to a small bedroom. He is hard of hearing. I really enjoy going to the gym and working out with my partner...val
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    Aug 09, 2015 9:34 PM GMT
    Is this a joke?

    Your profile pic doesn't match someone who is 5'11" 450 lbs and overweight.
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    Aug 09, 2015 9:48 PM GMT
    ZakSayWhat saidSo my mother has taken ill recently and ive decided to move back in with her to help take care of her. She's also incredibly religious which means ive never been able to live authentically around my family

    Considering I'm from a very small town, I'm scared that most ppl will think I'm a norman bates, living with their mum in the their 30s.

    Can we all agree that ny life is going from worse to worser



    Ive dated guys that work their mothers into every conversation. When it's a 55 year old I always wonder why. In your case I wonder why you place your mother and family's welfare above your own life?
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    Aug 09, 2015 9:53 PM GMT
    First of all, your a great man for doing this - your honoring your mother to do this. People will see and notice this, and know that you have honor and care for her deeply to do this.

    If they can see that, who cares - you know what is right and what needs to be done for her and she appreciates that and loves your sacrifice.

    Also, it might be a chance to reconcile that part of your life that she most suspects, but yet she might not be able to come to terms with it. Most parents do. It will give you time to talk to her about who you are and if she does not accept in time she will.

    Here are some resources to help her:

    The Children are Free -Reexamine the Biblical Evidence of Same Sex Relationships by Miner, Jeff; John Tyler Connoley

    Stranger at the Gate- To be Gay and Christian in America by Mel White

    Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from Gays -vs Christians Debate by Justin Lee

    In terms of your life yes it will change, but find those areas that are still important to you while you are living with her... there will be times that you still have free time besides her care. Remember that everything in life has a beginning and an end is not a constant and enduring.

    I have been through it in terms of moving my mother to assisted living do to her illness and issues prompted it. Her primary doctor noted she could not longer live by herself and had lost 40 pounds almost a skeleton when I need to act upon it. I have been doing this for about 6 years, but created a support of social worker, doctors, etc. Now things are getting harder being long-distance care taker which I am considering moving closer to be with her, but first need to secure a remote job that would allow me to do this.

    In the meantime, I travel to her as much as its allowed managing her issues and mine. Somedays are harder than others but I take one day at a time...and if all does not get done in one day then there is another day or week to get it done. What I can tell you is that without me knowing it, this has prompted others at my work to admire and respect me more. I always try to keep things at work confidential, but sometimes an emergency call, etc. has prompted me to take action. This in turn sometimes has prompted comments like "I do not know how you do it with our projects, etc. and your life etc., but you are a great son for doing this." I say thank-you.

    Anyway big hug man and take it easy with yourself.

  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Aug 09, 2015 10:33 PM GMT
    You are doing a good thing. Don't worry about what other people think. If they see something wrong with you're caring for your mother, their opinions are not worth the air they use to express them.

    Fortunately my mother was well fixed financially and checked herself into a nursing home, but prematurely in my opinion. My brother, sister, and I visited her when we could even though they lived in different cities and I lived out of the country. We also telephoned her occasionally and sent her faxes. As she was dying we were all with her.
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    Aug 09, 2015 10:49 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidIve dated guys that work their mothers into every conversation. When it's a 55 year old I always wonder why. In your case I wonder why you place your mother and family's welfare above your own life?


    Spoken like a true Republican.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Aug 09, 2015 11:09 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    ZakSayWhat saidSo my mother has taken ill recently and ive decided to move back in with her to help take care of her. She's also incredibly religious which means ive never been able to live authentically around my family

    Considering I'm from a very small town, I'm scared that most ppl will think I'm a norman bates, living with their mum in the their 30s.

    Can we all agree that ny life is going from worse to worser



    Ive dated guys that work their mothers into every conversation. When it's a 55 year old I always wonder why. In your case I wonder why you place your mother and family's welfare above your own life?


    Could it possibly be because his family took care of him when he was growing up? It it possible that he is not indifferent to his family? Perhaps he sometimes thinks about the wellbeing of other people; some people don't.

    It may be that he figures that if he sometime in the future needs help he will not deserve it unless he is willing to help others.
  • mystery905

    Posts: 745

    Aug 09, 2015 11:19 PM GMT
    That is a good thing you are doing for your mother. Don't worry about what other people think.

    I, myself, take care of my elderly mother.

    There's no shame in that!
  • NealJohn

    Posts: 187

    Aug 09, 2015 11:34 PM GMT
    ZakSayWhat saidSo my mother has taken ill recently and ive decided to move back in with her to help take care of her. She's also incredibly religious which means ive never been able to live authentically around my family

    Considering I'm from a very small town, I'm scared that most ppl will think I'm a norman bates, living with their mum in the their 30s.

    Can we all agree that ny life is going from worse to worser



    The best thing anybody could do is educate themselves when it comes to religion, even if you have no intention of practicing that religion. It will help you to relate to your mother and count her anything she might have to say about you. I can say this, if she is a Christian she should have no problem with your sexuality, as Christisns are not supposed to judge or shun people for their sins - Jesus said " let he who is without sin cast the first stone"
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    Aug 10, 2015 12:09 AM GMT
    been there man. my mom moved in with me a few years ago after she became disabled. and same religious kind of background. she already knew I was gay and gave me the whole "adam is supposed to be with Eve not with Steve" speech years before she moved in. but it's family, and sometimes when you're the only person left in the world who can help her out, it's just what you feel like you have to do. hang in there man.
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    Aug 10, 2015 1:04 AM GMT
    She needs your help, so you are doing the right thing by moving in to assist her. What others think is irrelevant.
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    Aug 10, 2015 1:33 AM GMT
    James_Thunder_Early saidShe needs your help, so you are doing the right thing by moving in to assist her. What others think is irrelevant.
    +1
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    Aug 10, 2015 1:43 AM GMT
    My mother was basically my child for the last decade or so.

    What comes around goes around... icon_confused.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 10, 2015 2:07 AM GMT
    Nice that you are doing that for her and to assist. Is there any way you can remain a bit separated by living in an adjacent house or area, but still check in on her?

    That would be a very difficult process, good luck with it and don't let it drive you crazy!
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    Aug 10, 2015 2:11 AM GMT
    ZakSayWhat said...Can we all agree that ny life is going from worse to worser


    No.

    Your life is going from bad to worse.
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    Aug 10, 2015 2:54 AM GMT
    Stop listen to people around you. Just take care of her.
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    Aug 10, 2015 3:15 AM GMT
    theantijock said
    Alpha13 saidIve dated guys that work their mothers into every conversation. When it's a 55 year old I always wonder why. In your case I wonder why you place your mother and family's welfare above your own life?


    Spoken like a true Republican.


    Spoken like a true selfish gay liberal who thinks only of himself. He's in San Francisco.
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    Aug 10, 2015 3:42 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidMy mother was basically my child for the last decade or so.

    What comes around goes around... icon_confused.gif


    The problem being that we forgot to have kids.

    So the merry go round stops here.

    Time to get off that wheel.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 10, 2015 4:40 AM GMT
    Am I correct that you're from the United Kingdom ? England ?
    Check to see what government services are available for your mother.

    Here in the United States, where I grew up in New York State, when my grandmother became unable to care for herself, our state government provided round-the-clock care for her, absolutely FREE.

    My grandmother got to stay in her home, where nurses worked 8 hour shifts, staying with her, caring for her, cooking, cleaning, etc., for the rest of her life.

    Find out if there is a similar program where you live.