#realtalk Gotta get some things off my chest. "Confessions of a 20 something year old"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2015 11:33 PM GMT
    1.) I'm still single. I'm 27. Never DATED=had a boyfriend. Been out for 7-8 years now (sort of a late bloomer). I now live in NYC where there are plenty of good looking gay men, but still....

    Yes i've gone on a few dates (dinner, drinks etc.) since i've moved here but all have been dead ends. Once or twice, but nothing moves forward.

    Tired of chasing boys, been there done, and I am exhausted.

    All of the guys that i have seen for a few months (in the past), were ALL not "ready" to date or be exclusive.

    It's been the story of my life for the past few years. I find someone that's really compatible, but when we talk about being bf's and labeling what we have, he says he's not ready...

    Getting kind of frustrated. Any thoughts? Encouragement?

    Can a boy get a break soon?!?!?!

    Some people say that you'll find love when you least expect it. Is this true?

    I don't get it. I just don't.

    frustrated-gif.gif



  • AttisXVI

    Posts: 293

    Aug 11, 2015 11:36 PM GMT
    Know what? Finding the right guy isnt easy. It's hard and it can suck, but ultimately there is a guy out there that you will meet who is perfect for you. Just keep searching and he'll turn up.
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    Aug 11, 2015 11:54 PM GMT
    This thread could also be titled: "The Wailing Of A Hopeless Romantic"

    The problem that many hopeless romantics eventually find is that "expecting" a romantic/exclusive relationship is the very thing that prevents it from happening. In fact, that's one of the many reasons I got burned out with random hookups...too many times we got finished sexing and the guy said "oh that was great! We should be exclusive! I love you!" And I'm like...uhhh, yeah...call me, maybe.

    ...crickets...

    Of course that was heavily paraphrased, but you get the drift. If you can't be happy being with yourself, it's simply unfair to expect anyone else to be happy being with you either. icon_wink.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 11, 2015 11:55 PM GMT
    Maybe broaden your search? As for finding love when you least expect it, that is exactly how it happened for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2015 12:02 AM GMT
    Youve been out for a few months only give it some time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2015 12:13 AM GMT
    maybe stop chasing boys and allow yourself to be courted by Men.
    If he hasn't paid all or most of his student loan off,(35ish) then move on...
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    Aug 12, 2015 12:16 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidmaybe stop chasing boys and allow yourself to be courted by Men.
    If he hasn't paid all or most of his student loan off,(35ish) then move on...
    Well, that certainly leaves out the OP. icon_wink.gif

    Of course I could add "if he doesn't have at least four expensive mountain bikes and know how to ride them, then move on." icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2015 12:21 AM GMT
    NYC is intense. just maybe they are career first and dont have time for a romance. Seems you have time, so enjoy the city life.

    I dont see how your biological clock is ticking anyways. If your 40 and find someone all the same difference. Both of you will have more experience and able to make better decisions. The relationship will be more successful and everyone will be jealous.



  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Aug 12, 2015 1:32 AM GMT
    David666k saidYouve been out for a few months only give it some time.


    The OP said he's been out for 7-8 years, not months.

    In the real world (and not just the day world), people do not decide that they're going to be "exclusive" or be "dating" or be "boyfriends" until after they've met and hung out a bunch of times (and I mean a bunch). People want to keep playing the field to keep their options open while testing the waters. If after a few weeks, a guy likes you and it seems like your relationship might go somewhere, they very well may stop going on dates with other people.

    It's crazytown to expect someone to date and/or sleep with you and only you after one or two dates. So keep looking, keep dating, and maybe you'll find a guy who likes you as much as you like him. You live in NYC, for goodness sake; it's not like you have slim pickings!
  • oldfart

    Posts: 328

    Aug 12, 2015 4:19 AM GMT
    You Hopeful romantic: a good man is hard to find, and hard men are good to find too.

    Keep looking, but don't be needy. Yes it can be frustrating. Be sure you're growing into beingthe kind of guy you want to be with.

    Good luck, keep your chin up, and have some fun in the mmaen time!
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    Aug 12, 2015 5:37 AM GMT
    youngRJ1 said1.) I'm still single. I'm 27. Never DATED=had a boyfriend. Been out for 7-8 years now (sort of a late bloomer). I now live in NYC where there are plenty of good looking gay men, but still....

    Yes i've gone on a few dates (dinner, drinks etc.) since i've moved here but all have been dead ends. Once or twice, but nothing moves forward.

    Tired of chasing boys, been there done, and I am exhausted.

    All of the guys that i have seen for a few months (in the past), were ALL not "ready" to date or be exclusive.

    It's been the story of my life for the past few years. I find someone that's really compatible, but when we talk about being bf's and labeling what we have, he says he's not ready...

    Getting kind of frustrated. Any thoughts? Encouragement?

    Can a boy get a break soon?!?!?!

    Some people say that you'll find love when you least expect it. Is this true?

    I don't get it. I just don't.

    frustrated-gif.gif




    I think once you stop referring to yourself as a "boy", you'll make some progress.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2015 6:20 PM GMT
    NYC is a big place which equals a lot of options for everyone. It's difficult to keep a good guy interested unless you have something of substance to offer (non tangible). If being yourself isn't enough then the 2nd 3rd or 4th date is pointless anyway.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Aug 12, 2015 6:50 PM GMT
    You are probably in the toughest dating market in the world. While opportunities abound, the market requirements are usually stratospheric, too.

    I like HolyHex's approach. Why should this hot, smart, cute, etc., dude go for you, and not for the next guy? What makes you special, unique, desirable?

    What is it that you are passionate about? How can you add value to the life of the guy who may be interested in being your BF?

    Generic guys are mostly good for casual, NSA hookups. Guys with more than just being generic tend to be a good BF material.

    NYC was made for playing field. Being 27, and not having a LTR is more of a norm than an exception.

    The folks out there are not ready. If you are looking into your peer group, they are aware of the fact that we all live longer these days, and few men see any reason to go for an LTR before they get into the 30's and 40's. This does not go on to say that some dudes in their 20's do not live in LTRs. But the trend is not there.

    When it comes to marketing, you either sell by frequency or by price. You either keep on trying, though you say that you are exhausted, or you look for a dude who may be interested but may not be in your league.

    Last but not least, very few guys are likely to be ready after 3-4 dates. Relationships are built over the time, and not found in a pret-a-porter form.

    SC
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    Aug 12, 2015 9:13 PM GMT
    I don't normally post in the forums, but your message spoke to me as someone who needed help, so here's my advice.

    Hang out with guys, be friends with those you like / get along with but don't want to be in a relationship with. Maybe they'll have friends or their friends will have friends that spark your interest.

    Go out, have fun, be yourself.

    I've also found sometimes a good friend can blossom into something more. It's a nice surprise.

    Most of all, you'll find Mr Right when you aren't looking.

    Good luck!
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    Aug 12, 2015 9:21 PM GMT
    The world owes you nothing. It didn't ask for you to be born, and when you go just a handful of people will notice. Even then they'll find a way to go on without you.

    While you're here make the world see you. Be something the world wants and the world will come to meet you. That's it. There's no such thing as magic. There's no gift of romance you're entitled to. It's all up to you. Get busy.
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    Aug 12, 2015 9:24 PM GMT
    I forgot to add:

    #realtalk
    #stopwhining
    #outmanwontshowfaceongaysite
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    Aug 12, 2015 9:53 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidI forgot to add:

    #realtalk
    #stopwhining
    #outmanwontshowfaceongaysite


    wow really dude. who asked for your opinion?

    Oh I forget, you're one of the "prized" muscular white guys that everyone "wants."
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    Aug 12, 2015 10:01 PM GMT
    youngRJ1 said
    mickeytopogigio saidI forgot to add:

    #realtalk
    #stopwhining
    #outmanwontshowfaceongaysite


    wow really dude. who asked for your opinion?

    Oh I forget, you're one of the "prized" muscular white guys that everyone "wants."


    If you are jealous, then go to the gym.
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    Aug 12, 2015 10:02 PM GMT
    IsigVinter said
    youngRJ1 said
    mickeytopogigio saidI forgot to add:

    #realtalk
    #stopwhining
    #outmanwontshowfaceongaysite


    wow really dude. who asked for your opinion?

    Oh I forget, you're one of the "prized" muscular white guys that everyone "wants."


    If you are jealous, then go to the gym.


    oh honey i'm not jealous. trust me. i'm just stating the facts.
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    Aug 12, 2015 10:05 PM GMT
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    Aug 12, 2015 10:10 PM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    David666k saidYouve been out for a few months only give it some time.


    The OP said he's been out for 7-8 years, not months.

    In the real world (and not just the day world), people do not decide that they're going to be "exclusive" or be "dating" or be "boyfriends" until after they've met and hung out a bunch of times (and I mean a bunch). People want to keep playing the field to keep their options open while testing the waters. If after a few weeks, a guy likes you and it seems like your relationship might go somewhere, they very well may stop going on dates with other people.

    It's crazytown to expect someone to date and/or sleep with you and only you after one or two dates. So keep looking, keep dating, and maybe you'll find a guy who likes you as much as you like him. You live in NYC, for goodness sake; it's not like you have slim pickings!


    what i can say about this (and i am being COMPLETELY transparent) is that yes, even though I live in NYC and you say I don't have slim pickings... I actually do. Being a slim gay asian can only take get me "such and such." just being honest. and most of you know that i'm just brave enough to say it.

    And yes i know that there are plenty of RACE related forums on real jock. been on here long enough to know.

    Any way thank you to those who gave me some encouragement and some more hope.
    But to those who just mouthed off, I hope you know that you don't make being gay better you make it worse for me and gays like me. Aren't we suppose to support and give each encouragement and have each other's back? That's what I don't get. All i have to say is that i hope you realize what you say and how much negativity you are spreading WITHIN the gay community.

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    Aug 12, 2015 11:10 PM GMT
    To youngRJ1:

    Thank you for your private message. I have replied back to you, but I won't talk about that here. I'll reply to the follow-up posts you've made on this thread.

    Your post: "wow really dude. who asked for your opinion?

    Oh I forget, you're one of the "prized" muscular white guys that everyone 'wants.'"

    First off, in your OP, you ask: "Getting kind of frustrated. Any thoughts? Encouragement?" Does that answer your question, "Who asked for your opinion?" I'm just following your lead. Or perhaps opinions aren't welcome in a public thread...that ASKED for it. Do learn how the internet works.

    Second, my (European) whiteness is a product of my ancestry, of which I've had no say. If I'd had a chance to choose, I'd have been born Latino or Arabic. I just like those brown eyes and all that dashing hair stuff.

    My muscularity is a product of being in the gym 6 days a week. Yes, I planned that. It wasn't some gift of heredity (although I'll admit I'm lucky I have no congenital defects that seriously impinged on that).

    I'm not my husband's physical ideal. But any chance I have, I put in the time to make him want me physically. He's generally more attracted to dashing men with full heads of hair and blindingly straight teeth, but I'm working hard to overcome that prejudice by being--what's the term--fuckable anyway.

    I also fix things. Like your genius bar for your iPhone but for shit that matters, like air conditioners and roofs.

    So the point is, again, since you're butthurt by reality: make yourself desirable to the world. Since the world could give a shit that you're here, make the world pay attention to you (and not by whining like a five-year-old). Find a fucking husband who thinks you're a god because for all intents and purposes you are.

    But give the victimhood bullshit a rest.

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    Aug 12, 2015 11:29 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidTo youngRJ1:

    Thank you for your private message. I have replied back to you, but I won't talk about that here. I'll reply to the follow-up posts you've made on this thread.

    Your post: "wow really dude. who asked for your opinion?

    Oh I forget, you're one of the "prized" muscular white guys that everyone 'wants.'"

    First off, in your OP, you ask: "Getting kind of frustrated. Any thoughts? Encouragement?" Does that answer your question, "Who asked for your opinion?" I'm just following your lead. Or perhaps opinions aren't welcome in a public thread...that ASKED for it. Do learn how the internet works.

    Second, my (European) whiteness is a product of my ancestry, of which I've had no say. If I'd had a chance to choose, I'd have been born Latino or Arabic. I just like those brown eyes and all that dashing hair stuff.

    My muscularity is a product of being in the gym 6 days a week. Yes, I planned that. It wasn't some gift of heredity (although I'll admit I'm lucky I have no congenital defects that seriously impinged on that).

    I'm not my husband's physical ideal. But any chance I have, I put in the time to make him want me physically. He's generally more attracted to dashing men with full heads of hair and blindingly straight teeth, but I'm working hard to overcome that prejudice by being--what's the term--fuckable anyway.

    I also fix things. Like your genius bar for your iPhone but for shit that matters, like air conditioners and roofs.

    So the point is, again, since you're butthurt by reality: make yourself desirable to the world. Since the world could give a shit that you're here, make the world pay attention to you (and not by whining like a five-year-old). Find a fucking husband who thinks you're a god because for all intents and purposes you are.

    But give the victimhood bullshit a rest.



    i've got two words... NO TIME.

    you live in austin tx no wonder your perspective and values are SO FUCKING LIMITED... oh the south. thank god i don't live in the south anymore.

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    Aug 12, 2015 11:32 PM GMT
    youngRJ1 saidi've got two words... NO TIME.

    bye.


    OK, now I know why you're undatable. Good luck in your 30s.
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    Aug 12, 2015 11:42 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio said
    youngRJ1 saidi've got two words... NO TIME.

    bye.


    OK, now I know why you're undatable. Good luck in your 30s.


    so witty. at least you got a good gay gene in you.

    you hate so much. i don't get gays like you. you spread so much negativity within the gay community.

    like i said before, i hope that one day you see how much division you spread in the gay community rather than bring encouragement and unity and support for your fellow "brothers." your hatred and snarkiness is something I cannot and will not stand for.

    haven't we suffered enough, and yet you say "the world owes you shit. blah blah blah."

    Really? Love not hate. didn't we just celebrate a huge victory in June?

    Oh wait you probably already forgot that because youre so enveloped in your own little world that you can't see anything past yourself.