Does an ex deserve a 2nd chance?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2009 12:55 AM GMT
    He was a little abusive. Lost his job 3 times. Car got repo'd. He got evicted from his apartment.

    Is it over the 1st time or can someone change?
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    Jan 30, 2009 12:57 AM GMT
    the more important question is, do you truly feel without any doubt what so ever that you can give him a second chance and he will hold him self up to be the man he truly can be....
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    Jan 30, 2009 1:20 AM GMT
    In general, no. Especially when abuse (of any magnitude) is involved.

    People can change, but it is quite rare. Aren't you worth a guy who has never been abusive in any way, and has generally been responsible? Or do you feel you have to settle for someone less than that?

    Sorry to be so harsh. But sometimes it can help people see the bigger picture.
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    Jan 30, 2009 1:25 AM GMT
    Probably not...

    I mean, why would you even want to put yourself through all that again? Sure, he might change for a while... but the bad stuff always comes back.

    Unless you like the abuse, I say keep it broken off.
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    Jan 30, 2009 1:27 AM GMT
    History repeats itself
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    Jan 30, 2009 1:33 AM GMT
    if his credit score is below 600...I would start searching for new boys icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 30, 2009 1:37 AM GMT
    no.
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    Jan 30, 2009 1:43 AM GMT
    I guess it all depends on alot of things. Having never really been in a relationship I guess it's hard for me to fully understand but I'll do my best.

    For the OP, the answer is no. Abuse was involed and that's on my list of no tolerance. His bags are packed and the curb is calling his name. You should listen to Beyonce' "Irreplaceable."

    Other that it all depends on how we broke, why and what I'm willing to tolerate. I'm not big into making the same mistakes twice so more then likely I wouldn't but I wouldn't mind still being friends. No reason I can't be an adult and civil depending on how things went before the break up that is.

  • Timbales

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    Jan 30, 2009 1:45 AM GMT
    I wouldn't go near him until he got his act together.
  • EricLA

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    Jan 30, 2009 1:50 AM GMT
    It depends what your standards are. What do you mean a "little" abusive, for instance? I'm a very responsible person, and I look for that in other people. For me, I'd say this guy has had several chances and could be the kind of guy to screw up YOUR finances. Personally, I would have cut him loose long ago. I don't need that kind of drama in my life. I deserve better. And I suspect, so do you.
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    Jan 30, 2009 1:51 AM GMT
    terra22 saidIf he is willing to really change, i'd say give him a 2nd chance. Warn him that you won't tolerate it even once more, or it'll be over!


    I wouldn't even say that.


    If he HAS changed and has some credible proof that he HAS changed and isn't going back to his old ways, then yes... I'd give him a second chance. But one screw up and he's out.

    Changing habits and one's personality is a hard and long process.

    Remember it is not your job to try and change someone who is that screwed up in life. Your happiness comes first. If you wish to help him as a friend... go for it. But i wouldn't start anything serious unless he has proof to show you.


    Take it slow too ... and i wouldn't have sex either for a while as that may complicate the emotions.... if he goes down again... you don't want to go down with him.
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    Jan 30, 2009 1:56 AM GMT
    I say NO because you're well being is in danger. If it were under any other circumstances it would be a YES but abusive personalities remain unstable and violent. They also never change.
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    Jan 30, 2009 1:59 AM GMT
    This is a great big FAIL. Move on. You're just checking for confirmation, aren't you?
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    Jan 30, 2009 2:01 AM GMT
    I'm still stuck on his being ABUSIVE! Everything else pales!!!!!!!

    How can you live with someone who would do that to himself as well as to you don't you and he deserve better??????
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    Jan 30, 2009 2:24 AM GMT
    Due to the fact that he slept with one of our friends, NO.
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    Jan 30, 2009 2:36 AM GMT
    Abusive? Can't keep a job? Car repo? Eviction? One of those alone would be enough for me.

    Why would you want that kind of drama in your life? Move on!
  • germanguy888

    Posts: 208

    Jan 30, 2009 2:36 AM GMT
    sorry to be blunt but in your situation i would not! most situations i wouldn't take an ex back especailly if he was abusive. sorry icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 30, 2009 2:42 AM GMT
    People do deserve a second chances but an ex is an EX for a reason. Go by the old saying....fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice.....your a dumbass.
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    Jan 30, 2009 3:00 AM GMT
    No! You were lucky enough to get out.....don't EVER look back.

    I've been there. If you (or anyone else) needs to talk, message me.

    George
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    Jan 30, 2009 3:51 AM GMT
    In my experience... no. It is not worth it in the end. Even when you think it will be; it won't.
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    Jan 30, 2009 4:00 AM GMT
    There is no such thing as being a "little" abusive...it's abuse or it's not. What can start as "little" name calling or slaps often snowballs into much more. Abusers like to start out testing what they can get away with...it only gets worse from there.
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    Jan 30, 2009 5:00 AM GMT
    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

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    Jan 30, 2009 6:21 AM GMT
    tko27 saidHe was a little abusive. Lost his job 3 times. Car got repo'd. He got evicted from his apartment.

    Is it over the 1st time or can someone change?


    Sometimes an ex can have a second or even third chance. This is not one of them.
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    Jan 30, 2009 6:29 AM GMT
    I might date my first boyfriend again. That was almost ten years ago that we got together and we have both changed a lot since then.

    But then, neither of us was abusive. That is a deal breaker for all eternity.
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    Jan 30, 2009 6:30 AM GMT
    growingbig said
    tko27 saidHe was a little abusive. Lost his job 3 times. Car got repo'd. He got evicted from his apartment.

    Is it over the 1st time or can someone change?


    Sometimes an ex can have a second or even third chance. This is not one of them.


    ditto