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  • strawbeary

    Posts: 6

    Aug 13, 2015 5:53 PM GMT
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    Aug 13, 2015 6:03 PM GMT
    Just let it go and move on. He told your brother that because he's not messy and didn't want to bad mouth you.
  • strawbeary

    Posts: 6

    Aug 13, 2015 6:17 PM GMT
    sounds reasonable and thats what I thought too first.

    its just that it seems I cant move on, unless I talk to him and know the truth... although we havent talked for 2 years, I still love him. I think about him a lot and also dream about him a lot. Its something I cant control. Our ways crossed twiced in those 2 years and each time my heart pounded like crazy....

    Thats what scares me. I cannot control those feelings. And I dont want to live with those doubts and regrets...

    is it really the best solution to be ignorant of everything?
  • MarvinMartian

    Posts: 128

    Aug 13, 2015 6:21 PM GMT
    strawbeary saidsounds reasonable and thats what I thought too first.

    its just that it seems I cant move on, unless I talk to him and know the truth... although we havent talked for 2 years, I still love him. I think about him a lot and also dream about him a lot. Its something I cant control. Our ways crossed twiced in those 2 years and each time my heart pounded like crazy....

    Thats what scares me. I cannot control those feelings. And I dont want to live with those doubts and regrets...

    is it really the best solution to be ignorant of everything?


    There are some things that happen in our lives that just can't be fixed.
    They can't.
    And it's a lot of time wasted in the trying.
    I'm sorry not to say something more optimistic.
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    Aug 13, 2015 6:23 PM GMT
    strawbeary saidsounds reasonable and thats what I thought too first.

    its just that it seems I cant move on, unless I talk to him and know the truth... although we havent talked for 2 years, I still love him. I think about him a lot and also dream about him a lot. Its something I cant control. Our ways crossed twiced in those 2 years and each time my heart pounded like crazy....

    Thats what scares me. I cannot control those feelings. And I dont want to live with those doubts and regrets...

    is it really the best solution to be ignorant of everything?


    You aren't being ignorant of anything. You want him and he doesn't want you. You telling him you love him will not change anything. He already knows you were in love with him. You can't control these feeling but you can move on. I have been down a similar road and it did not end well. If he wanted you he'd be with you. You cannot make someone love you. You deserve better than obsessing about someone who doesn't want you at all.
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    Aug 13, 2015 6:50 PM GMT
    You need to take control of your own emotions and look objectively at your situation. You've grown apart from someone for whom you had unexpressed deep feelings that may or may not have been reciprocated. It feels very intense to you, but you need to deal with that intensity yourself. How? By waiting for time to pass (intense feelings always dissipate over time) and in the meantime developing and pursuing interests and goals in life. Once you're feelings are not so volatile you can reach out to him for something casual and fun ... meeting for coffee and a walk or something like that. He may say yes or he may say no ... just accept his response and move on. If you'd like to tell him about your sexuality or your feelings for him weigh the pro and cons of doing that and then either do it or not do it. If you tell him do not have any expectations of how he will or should respond. Rinse and repeat.
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    Aug 13, 2015 7:06 PM GMT
    strawbeary saidI am not trying to make him love me.
    I think here's a misunderstanding.

    It is just for me. I already accepted that he doesnt want or cant be with me. Its alright.

    Its just that I feel like I need to tell him the truth about me and I also want to know the truth about him in order to move on.

    I'm not hoping for a happy end or that he confesses to me too.
    Whether he loved me or not, it doesnt matter. I just need certainty, confirmation.

    Its just that my brother told me he thinks I'm mad at him.
    Everybody who knows me knows that I'm not unforgiving. People do mistakes and if someone realized that I am always willing to forgive.

    I hate to think "what would be if..."

    I feel like if I just ask, I will feel better.

    Thats all


    He has made it very clear how he feels about you over and over again. Your inability to accept that ruined your friendship. Their is no what if. You are misinterpreting his comment to your brother as a sign that miscommunication may have occurred. There was no miscommunication. He is very well aware of how you feel about him. I have been down this road before. I drove my ex away acting like you. Luckily he is not worthy of me so end the end it worked out for the best. I know from experience. Men go after what they want. If a man isn't perusing you he does not want you. Your friend took it a step further and pushed you away. He sent you a very clear message.
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    Aug 13, 2015 7:10 PM GMT
    strawbeary saidI am not trying to make him love me.
    I think here's a misunderstanding.

    It is just for me. I already accepted that he doesnt want or cant be with me. Its alright.

    Its just that I feel like I need to tell him the truth about me and I also want to know the truth about him in order to move on.

    I'm not hoping for a happy end or that he confesses to me too.
    Whether he loved me or not, it doesnt matter. I just need certainty, confirmation.

    I hate to think "what would be if..."

    I feel like if we talk to each other, I will feel better.

    Thats all


    Sorry Bubbs
    we don't believe you and no matter what or how we say move on or let it go, you won't do it.
    So do it: text him you've always loved him and want to have his babies.
    -report back for the "I told you so" party.
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    Aug 13, 2015 7:13 PM GMT
    What you're looking for is closure...to know for sure if he loves you or not. Of course it'll hurt if he doesn't, but you already know you're hurting more now by not knowing.

    So, go talk to him.
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    Aug 13, 2015 7:18 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidWhat you're looking for is closure...to know for sure if he loves you or not. Of course it'll hurt if he doesn't, but you already know you're hurting more now by not knowing.

    So, go talk to him.


    I think if a straight guy says he is not gay and doesn't want to be your friend anymore because you are acting like you are in a relationship closure has occurred. What do you want his friend to do commit a hate crime, file a restraining order? Hire you to fly a banner over his house saying "Leave me the fuck alone."
  • metta

    Posts: 39149

    Aug 13, 2015 7:19 PM GMT
    There is a bit of immaturity here but if you really want closure copy and paste your post into an email, make a few changes, adding that no reply is necessary, and send it to him. Closure...done!
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    Aug 13, 2015 7:23 PM GMT
    MrFuscle said
    paulflexes saidWhat you're looking for is closure...to know for sure if he loves you or not. Of course it'll hurt if he doesn't, but you already know you're hurting more now by not knowing.

    So, go talk to him.


    I think if a straight guy says he is not gay and doesn't want to be your friend anymore because you are acting like you are in a relationship closure has occurred. What do you want his friend to do commit a hate crime, file a restraining order? Hire you to fly a banner over his house saying "Leave me the fuck alone."
    Nope, I'm enjoying this week off and don't want an extra banner thrown at me just as I'm about to go ride a mountain. icon_lol.gif

    But that guy ain't straight. Bi, maybe, but not straight. And he obviously "had" feelings for the OP at one point, and the OP rejected those feelings due his insecurities.

    Now he can at least have a chance to find out for sure whether or not his friend actually wanted to take the relationship further, or if he's moved on after being rejected one too many times.
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    Aug 13, 2015 7:23 PM GMT
    MrFuscle said
    I think if a straight guy says he is not gay and doesn't want to be your friend anymore because you are acting like you are in a relationship closure has occurred. What do you want his friend to do commit a hate crime, file a restraining order? Hire you to fly a banner over his house saying "Leave me the fuck alone."

    pretty much...Took being punched in the face for me to move on.
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    Aug 14, 2015 9:52 PM GMT

    I caught my 2 year older, heterosexual brother, playing doctor with his friend in our family home basement, to this day I have never told him I saw him do this. I think now, the embarrassment would likely harm our already, shaky relationship



    Genital Play: What’s Normal, What’s Not
    http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/child-rearing-and-development/sexuality/genital-play-whats-normal-whats-not


    We have had many phone calls from distraught parents who have gone ballistic upon opening a bedroom door and discovering two little naked bodies playing “doctor and nurse.” This scene, common in even the most moral and loving homes, pushes panic buttons in parents who wonder where they have gone wrong, or react so strongly that the punishment leaves more scars than the innocent “crime.” To deal with this inevitable scene it helps parents to know what’s normal, what’s not, and what to do.