compassion and expectations

  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Aug 13, 2015 8:12 PM GMT
    So two weeks ago on a friday, i was t a party and saw a good friend, (let's call her Kate) with a friend i didnt know (let's call him mark)

    So as the night goes on we dance and make merry, and mark gets drunk for the first time in his life.

    Long story short i spend an extra two hours at the party helping Katy take of Mark who was throwing up and crying about the fact that sylvia plaith k=committed suicide. Both of us consoled him, complemented him and made him feel better.

    They both explicitly told me i could leave and didn't need to be at their side, but mark couldn't walk, and kate was half his size so i stayed and helped him into a cab, took him back to his student residence residence (which is across the road from mine) helped him back to his room. In his room, kate and i wiped the vomit from his face, placed buckets and bowls in strategic places, supplied him with Panados (the south african version of aspirins). We stayed until we were sure he was safe and sound asleep before leaving.

    Fast forward two weeks, i catch a chest cold and the geyser in my residence burst. We've had no hot water for three days and my cold gets worse. So i contact Mark and ask him if he could please sign me into his res so that i can take a warm shower there, because if i kept washing myself with cold water my cold would get worse. He replies by saying
    "Sorry i don't know you well enough to sign you into my res. That would be irresponsible etc etc"
    So i plead my case again and he said that he doesn't know me well enough to feel obliged to help, So i said that i helped him in his tie of need and that there was no bro code, to which he responded that he told me that i could leave and that i stayed of my own volition (which is true)and apologised if it seemed "rude or went against the bro code" but he just did feel the need to help me, but that he was truly grateful to me for what i did the previous evening but he did not see why his gratitude should manifest into his own inconvenience

    So i ended the exchange with some unsavoury words among which i said that he must be a shitty poet if he can't understand basic human compassion.

    Is he right: is expecting someone's help because you helped them unrealistic, because i don't think it is.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Aug 13, 2015 8:23 PM GMT
    Do not read too much into this.

    The dude made an ass of himself, and would want this little episode to go away ASAP. Reminding him of his failure was not welcome on his part.

    Whereas your quest was fully legit, he chose to make an ass of himself again, which by now, can be seen as his MO.

    Delete the dude from your contacts, and ignore him. He is not worth your time and energy.

    There has to be a better way of getting a hot shower somewhere than talking to someone who sports such an attitude.

    SC
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Aug 13, 2015 8:26 PM GMT
    Yeah i thought the same thing. I did delete him from my contacts. Such people aren't deserving of any effort
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    Aug 13, 2015 8:31 PM GMT
    Unfortunately "expecting someone's help because you helped them" is unrealistic.

    Do it for your own personal reasons. Expect nothing in return. If you gave someone a dollar who was homeless, do you expect to get it back?

    You may, but not from him. It's a pay it forward thing. Good things (usually) happen to good people.

    Allowing another MAN to take a shower at his dorm residence might make tongues wag? Does he know you are gay? "Irresponsible" seems extreme for just allowing someone to take a warm shower.
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    Aug 13, 2015 9:18 PM GMT
    Sorry but I agree with the other guy. He doesn't owe you anything since you two are not even good friends. Also, reminding him about you helping out is somewhat useless because that guy was drunk off his ass and probably doesn't remember much of that night.
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    Aug 13, 2015 9:46 PM GMT
    Mark
    Mark's Low life experience does not justify the entitled attitude he shown to her or you.

    Kate
    the OP should push her down few flights of stairs next time you see her. She should be more careful who she hangs out with. Sounds like her BF is only looking for a free ride and does her like he did you.

    the OP
    I am sure this sit was hurtful but dont loose your desire to be helpful. your a wonderful person.
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    Aug 14, 2015 2:13 AM GMT
    What a dick
    it's a shower not a kidney; seriously what's wrong with people.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Aug 14, 2015 4:16 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidWhat a dick
    it's a shower not a kidney; seriously what's wrong with people.


    Somehow, being a prick in moral sense has become more acceptable these days than it has been so far.

    Say, you vaguely know the dude. He needs a hot shower (not a kidney), it ain't going to cost you a dime; you just pen his name on piece of paper, and a dude raises concerns, and rejects someone???

    SC
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Aug 14, 2015 8:17 AM GMT
    timmm55 saidUnfortunately "expecting someone's help because you helped them" is unrealistic.

    Do it for your own personal reasons. Expect nothing in return. If you gave someone a dollar who was homeless, do you expect to get it back?

    You may, but not from him. It's a pay it forward thing. Good things (usually) happen to good people.

    Allowing another MAN to take a shower at his dorm residence might make tongues wag? Does he know you are gay? "Irresponsible" seems extreme for just allowing someone to take a warm shower.


    we met at a party on upper campus held by the LGBTQIA organisation at my university. So yes, he knows I'm gay, and he is asexual despite babbling on about hot men on campus and attractive guy faces and bodies while he was drunk, when he's sober he identifies as asexual. I really don't buy it.
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    Aug 14, 2015 5:21 PM GMT
    I can see how showing up at a stranger's place out of the blue and asking to use his shower would raise red flags. I don't think your helping him when he was drunk two weeks earlier moves you out of the stranger category. Your bitching about this minor incident online is also a red flag.