Dating someone who isn't my type...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2015 6:13 AM GMT
    I had my second date with this guy on Tuesday. Technically it's more like a first date, since on our actual first date, I was with friends all afternoon/evening and forgot about it until he phoned upon arrival (I'm too old to be excited about dates anymore). To salvage his long drive into the city, I had him join us... I know, I'm terrible.

    One of my friends knows the guy and warned me that he's a top. My gut says that can be changed, though I had my doubts, since he's a bit taller and way more muscular. My gay best friend told me he's surprised at my choice and expects this relationship to fail, since my previous dates and ex's were all the pretty type. Actually I like both pretty and muscular, except I rarely get both, and usually prioritized pretty. This guy's face is just average, and doesn't excite me nearly as much as anyone else I've been with.

    What I was more interested in was that he was intelligent, mature, genuine, just older than me by 1 year (usually they are dumb and much younger icon_redface.gif), masculine, and an ambitious architect. And Chinese. Everything looks so good on paper that even my homophobic parents might approve. Yeah it sounds silly, but when infatuations and romance have proven to be so fleeting, concrete factors look surprisingly reassuring sometimes.

    Ironically, one of my ex's (whom the same friend deems cutest and is convinced I'll crawl back to), who stuck with me despite our bad chemistry until I broke it off, admittedly did so purely for my looks and on-paper qualities.

    The date was fun, and we managed to talk for 5 hours. It's refreshing to finally engage someone who is on your level, though simultaneously unsettling since it means he's wise and savvy enough to be a good liar. Still the chemistry was nowhere as good as the one I have with a friend of mine/sometimes-fwb... he was exactly my type inside and out, but it would never work out because we're both tops and he has tons of baggage. Knowing that that makes my pursuit of other guys seem forced.

    No specific questions or conclusions here, just writing a diary entry while trolling for random advice/criticism lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2015 2:55 PM GMT
    This seems stupid. So why not just be his friend if you get along but aren't interested in him sexually? If you don't get along, why are you wasting your time?
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    Aug 14, 2015 2:59 PM GMT
    Animus saidThis seems stupid. So why not just be his friend if you get along but aren't interested in him sexually? If you don't get along, why are you wasting your time?


    That is true D: If he is not your type, why force the relationship?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2015 4:05 PM GMT
    wasn't this an episode of "Looking"?
    Old plot line--never move on or have a relationship because you're in love with your best (sometime with benefits) friend.
    --new narratives are hard yo
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2015 4:14 PM GMT
    What is cool about being gay and a top is that you get to try out all the guys you want to and why not? The thing is you only think you can predict the outcome. I've ended up in long term relationships with guys I could never have imagined.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2015 7:34 PM GMT
    It's good to date outside your comfort zone. I'm doing that lately, dating guys whom are not my type, I'm being open-minded but yeah IDK, it seems like I'm a serial dater and looking for perfection or at least close to it. LOL Guilty icon_razz.gificon_razz.gif
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    Aug 15, 2015 1:03 AM GMT
    "He's tall".
    "My friends warned me he's a top".
    "I usually go for the pretty type".
    "This guy's face is just average".
    "He's intelligent".
    "He's mature".
    "He's Chinese."
    "Even my homophobic parents might approve".

    No offense, but this sounds like such a sterile analysis. Almost like a checklist. There's so much judgement and evaluating of him, were you able to let your walls down enough to show him who you were and see if you two could connect? What does he like to do for fun? Did you two laugh at anything? What do you have in common? Did you make each other smile? Was there any eye contact or connection?

    If you had fun for 5 hours, sounds like you have the potential for friendship at the very least. Quit analyzing him and give yourself a shot at connecting with someone again....

  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Aug 15, 2015 1:13 AM GMT

    He sounds great! Don't drag your ass!

    .....................
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Aug 16, 2015 9:23 AM GMT
    Sounds like you are pretty young, because you are taking your friends opinions on this guy way too seriously, and not very aware of your own feelings towards him. Especially don't take other peoples opinions on whether a guy is a top or bottom seriously. A guy can act very different depending on who he is with in the bedroom, and what he says publicly to HIS friends.

    As long as you like hanging out with him, and there is some sexual chemistry, go for it and have a few more dates. You might surprise yourself and start to be into him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2015 10:59 AM GMT
    5 hour date and no chemistry?

    Here go hell come.

    Sweetheart, you're gonna have a wet dream about him and regret typing that.
  • RaulMoonPride

    Posts: 107

    Aug 22, 2015 4:07 AM GMT
    As someone that have dated people who aren't my type, the results may vary depending on how much bonding you have done, for example, I dated a guy I really didn't found attraction at first, but we kept talking and even interest grew in me, later we found we had pretty much in common (career, hobbies and stuff) and now we are still dating and I adore himicon_redface.gif.
    Or it can like another guy i dated, he looked pretty serious, but then he was a bit prissy and liked gaga, and that kind of stuff ( Im not into gay agenda), so i had to told him that I didnt like him.

    At the end you have to be both open minded and truthful about your feelings and what you like. You and only you can see if it works or not, just dig in and be introspective.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2015 5:20 AM GMT
    It's fine to date someone who isn't your type, as long as there's a vibe between you two and both parties are interested. Or else, quit wasting each other's time.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 22, 2015 7:31 PM GMT
    You really have to ask yourself this. Despite him being a top, are you still attracted to him? And I hope that you're not letting your friends dictate who you should date if it's based off looks. If you like him, that's all that should matter. I only say this because you mentioned your friends a lot and it gave some mixed signals there.

    But other than that, if you're not feeling it with this guy, just end things and be friends because life is short and you don't want to get yourself into things you don't want to be in.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2015 8:08 PM GMT
    woodfordr said"He's tall".
    "My friends warned me he's a top".
    "I usually go for the pretty type".
    "This guy's face is just average".
    "He's intelligent".
    "He's mature".
    "He's Chinese."
    "Even my homophobic parents might approve".

    No offense, but this sounds like such a sterile analysis. Almost like a checklist. There's so much judgement and evaluating of him, were you able to let your walls down enough to show him who you were and see if you two could connect? What does he like to do for fun? Did you two laugh at anything? What do you have in common? Did you make each other smile? Was there any eye contact or connection?

    If you had fun for 5 hours, sounds like you have the potential for friendship at the very least. Quit analyzing him and give yourself a shot at connecting with someone again....




    +1
    Sounds like this guy deserves better than the OP.