Intamacy between Men is too often unspoken & in our sexually focused community often ignored. What consititutes intamacy to you as an individual

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2015 3:49 AM GMT
    Acheiving Intamacy between us & our partners, as gay men, is not as easy as it could be but that may depend on your personal idea of intamacy. What would you feels consititutes intamacy and have you felt like you had achieved it according to your definition of intamacy?

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    Aug 15, 2015 3:53 AM GMT
    The majority of my male friends love to wrestle (playfully) and do quite a bit of body contact sports. That even includes the friends I don't find attractive (and that feeling is mutual cause they're straight). Yet we're still "intimate" as friends and would probably take a bullet for each other if we had to.

    I think the macho terminology for it is "bro love." We just call it friends.
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    Aug 15, 2015 3:59 AM GMT
    Sex is easy...it's the sole beneficiary designation in my 93-year-old multi-millionaire boyfriend's will that brings tears to mah eyes...

    *sniff*
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    Aug 15, 2015 4:00 AM GMT
    purposely forgetting the beach chairs
    tumblr_niz4ayc4C21sj5zi0o1_540.jpg
    I love laundry day
    tumblr_njev6r3kJU1sr4eqmo1_500.jpg


    --when he whispers your name and it causes an unstoppable metabolic reaction, one of which closely resembles the fight or flight reaction--hyperarousal, or acute stress response)
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    Aug 15, 2015 4:06 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidpurposely forgetting the beach chairs
    tumblr_niz4ayc4C21sj5zi0o1_540.jpg
    That's exactly what I inadvertently found myself doing tonight - and vice versa - a few times with one of my neighbor's kids. Fortunately he's not my type (nor are the rest of them), but falling down on each other while playing b-ball is kinda normal. icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 15, 2015 4:06 AM GMT
    bon_pan saidSex is easy...it's the sole beneficiary designation in my 93-year-old multi-millionaire boyfriend's will that brings tears to mah eyes...

    *sniff*

    LOL
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 873

    Aug 15, 2015 7:07 AM GMT
    Getting sexual gratification is pretty easy these days. Achieving intimacy - not so.

    Achieving intimacy requires an investment in time, energy and emotions, to mention the few.

    Besides the obvious things as lots of body contact, to which, I guess, most guys subscribe when thinking about m2m intimacy, knowing the other guy, his likes and dislikes, and showing that you care adds up to the feeling of intimacy.

    A str8 friend who is a good chef conspired with couple of my gay friends and they threw in a nice home-cooked meal for me, after I returned from a grueling business trip. This took some time and trouble, and since they cooked up a pretty fancy dinner, much to my personal liking, I felt that this was an expression of intimacy.

    Few dudes I am friends with tend to exchange clothes with me, and wear my clothes because they are going to a party, and want to scoreicon_lol.gif and I wear theirs admittedly for the same purpose. Actually, we are just exchanging acts of intimacy.

    Years ago, when most of the world smoked, my Dutch friends would always light a cigarette and passed it on to me, and I would do the same for them. This used to be some sort of kissing the other guy without actually doing so.

    A dude, I am friends with enjoys stealing food from my plate. There is no shortage of food where we live, hence, there is no need for stealing the food from other dude's plate, but I see this as a subtle expression of intimacy.

    Some of the college friends of mine str8 and gay alike used to express their sense of intimacy by using the bathroom together. Actually, no one thought of locking the bathroom door if your buddies were in the house with you. A dude was showering, taking a dump, shaving or even jerking off. Another dude bumped in, cracked a joke, and sometimes fooled around, and sometimes just 'reported' him to the rest of us, who always agreed that the dude was 'disgusting' just as much as we were, too.

    SC
  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    Aug 15, 2015 11:38 AM GMT
    Intimacy can be in different ways.. it can be just a certain look from your guy, or a touch.. or can be him doing something thoughtful for you, or vice versa.. I find intimacy improves sex too, even if it's not in a longterm relationship..
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    Aug 15, 2015 12:04 PM GMT
    how is intimacy NOT easy??? Perhaps my perspective is different since I've been with my guy for six years, but I find it suuuper easy to be intimate with him.
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    Aug 15, 2015 3:56 PM GMT
    The ability to be vulnerable and show vulnerability is a central issue with guys, particularly gay guys. We don't want to be hurt. At the same time, when we're angry or feel wronged we have the tendency to say and do very hurtful things in retaliation to counter the hurt. I think you sometimes need someone to help you learn how to be intimate.

    The more you intimate you are, the more you have to let someone else in (and let yourself out) and that is very scary for a lot of guys. The most common analogy is a "total top" learning to bottom with his partner (from what I've been told). I've met so many guys who've told me that they used to be a total top and then they met a guy that they trusted enough to be willing explore with. They've always said that it was mostly mental... allowing themselves to not be in control, completely vulnerable thinking that the guy could do serious physical and mental damage them.
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    Aug 15, 2015 4:26 PM GMT
    brand new for realjock in 2015
    define your Intimacy if you must:
    get married like your parents or invent something new

    otherwise have serious fun
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    Aug 15, 2015 8:23 PM GMT
    I think in our hyper sexualized realm that we consider the "gay world" many men are able to separate sex from intimacy, and more then often confuse love for lust, distorting dreams, and the harsh realities. I feel that's where many men fail in finding something that is truly meaningful, and sadly to say that most men use sex as just something tangible to feel anything or something from someone else that isn't their own.

    I feel that the word intimacy can mean many different things for many different people. Some just view the word as a physical action, such as sex, while others refer to it on a more spiritual connection with another entity, I guess closer to the word- "love"?

    I guess being in a healthy relationship, my perception of intimacy expanded. For me it's the small things between two people that I view intimate. The subtleties, the attention to detail of your day to day life. It's said that lovers are able to create their own time warp, as time moves differently for lovers, and can alter one's own sense of time around them. Have I felt that I achieved the definition of the word intimacy? yes.

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    Aug 16, 2015 1:08 AM GMT
    I'm a very touchy person if I am comfortable with you. You can tell how comfortable I am around someone based on how feminine and touchy I get. Hugs, High fives, massages, shoulder slaps, that kind of stuff.
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    Aug 16, 2015 1:31 AM GMT
    For me intimacy is achieved by having meaningful conversations during which we talk about our past, our disappointments, our traumas, share experiences.
    All of this without awkwardness, just 2 vulnerable souls.
    I am kind of intense like that.
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    Aug 16, 2015 3:57 AM GMT
    The other day, I played some PS4 online with one of my good friends from High School who moved to a different city a year ago. He might as well have been on the chair right next to me because the bond was epic as always. I see that as a form of intimacy
  • Saffron69

    Posts: 121

    Aug 16, 2015 5:03 PM GMT
    This has been a source of frustration for me since before I started dating having and still continuing to be starved for affection and intimacy has been incredibly difficult because Im a guy who thirves on attachment n I'm currently living in a town where the guys don't know the meaning of intimacy. When I was younger n a lot more nieve I thought online dating would help me find a guy cause I couild spell out what I'm looking for but NOPE! Right now I am choosing to be single instead of hitting my head against a wall although not having to continue ending up with wrong guy all the time is a blessed relief but doesn't solve the problem I've been having nearly my whole life someone, who I can show my soul to, someone I can grow with, someone I can figure out what this love business is all about. The fortunate AND unfortunate thing about our generation is that we are pioneers of gay relationships once we were underground with nothing but truck stops, darkrooms gloy holes fuck clubs and shrubbery now we have the world most of now have the opportunity to marry but the only examples of gay relationships are from a generation of opportunism and tsking it where you can get it not a exactly warm fuzzy and emotionally secure right. Now here we are today with the chance to be shing examples to the next generation... we get to write some positve history and figure ourselves out n rly get this intimacy thing right cause without it a relationship either won't last or thier won't be any life in it
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    Aug 16, 2015 6:13 PM GMT
    The depth of intimacy one has with others depends on how open and vulnerable one is with others. To be successful, romantic spousal or spousal-like relationships demand the highest level of intimacy. Familial relationships require less. Friendships require even less, coworkers and acquaintances require the least.
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    Aug 19, 2015 11:22 AM GMT
    Some great responses here and I enjoy hearing the range of views on what constitutes intimacy for other guys. For me I think its about the non-sexual touching and those private moments when I and the guy I am with are relaxed and free to be ourselves which takes time to get to that point.

    What about sex? Is that intimacy too and if so what kind of sex would constitute intimacy?