Ever just want to talk but there is nobody to talk to?

  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    Aug 17, 2015 6:42 AM GMT
    I have been feeling this way a lot lately. I don't really have many people to talk to in my life. I just feel lonely most of the time. Apps like Grindr and Scruff don't make things any easier because most people judge you based on a photo. I just feel like I have nobody I can turn to.

    Anyone feel this way?
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    Aug 17, 2015 8:46 AM GMT
    Sadly, it's almost like that here. icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 17, 2015 9:19 AM GMT
    Sometimes. That's why when you find a good friend you hold hold on to them.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Aug 17, 2015 9:48 AM GMT
    There are many people who feel the same way you do. I think forums can often fill that void because you can get various opinions on one situation. For many gay men if you are not someone they are willing to sleep with, they can care less about what you have to say.
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    Aug 17, 2015 10:56 AM GMT
    MrFuscle saidSometimes. That's why when you find a good friend you hold hold on to them.


    Wise words.
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    Aug 17, 2015 11:49 AM GMT
    Yes, I do feel this way at times. Mostly because my partner and I have the same friends and I can't talk to them about relationship problems....so I just keep it all to myself. I'd like to be able to open up to someone.
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    Aug 17, 2015 12:23 PM GMT
    NyRuinz saidThere are many people who feel the same way you do. I think forums can often fill that void because you can get various opinions on one situation. For many gay men if you are not someone they are willing to sleep with, they can care less about what you have to say.


    Harsh, but this statement carries so much truth T_T
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    Aug 17, 2015 12:52 PM GMT
    PhoenixNYC saidYes, I do feel this way at times. Mostly because my partner and I have the same friends and I can't talk to them about relationship problems....so I just keep it all to myself. I'd like to be able to open up to someone.


    Talk to your partner about relationship problems. I'd be furious to learn my partner was talking to anyone other than me about our relationship. If you can't talk to your partner, why is he your partner?

    OP, I too do not have many gay friends. I enjoy the RJ forums because it somehow makes me feel connected to the community.
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    Aug 17, 2015 2:06 PM GMT
    NyRuinz saidThere are many people who feel the same way you do. I think forums can often fill that void because you can get various opinions on one situation. For many gay men if you are not someone they are willing to sleep with, they can care less about what you have to say.


    I think there is some truth to this, with exceptions of course. I've met plenty of guys where the moment I said I wasn't into them sexually, they stopped returning texts... or once they found a boyfriend they felt it was inappropriate to remain in touch. Never, ever had this issue with straight guys, hence all my buddies are straight.

    So my suggestion to the OP would be to join a group or volunteer and make friends based on activities and interests versus sexual orientation alone. You could also join a gay softball or volleyball team too.
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    Aug 17, 2015 2:29 PM GMT
    woodfordr said
    NyRuinz saidThere are many people who feel the same way you do. I think forums can often fill that void because you can get various opinions on one situation. For many gay men if you are not someone they are willing to sleep with, they can care less about what you have to say.


    I think there is some truth to this, with exceptions of course. I've met plenty of guys where the moment I said I wasn't into them sexually, they stopped returning texts... or once they found a boyfriend they felt it was inappropriate to remain in touch. Never, ever had this issue with straight guys, hence all my buddies are straight.

    So my suggestion to the OP would be to join a group or volunteer and make friends based on activities and interests versus sexual orientation alone. You could also join a gay softball or volleyball team too.


    See when I said this someone told me I was being sexually negative. I just want to have gay friends when sex is not the glue that bonds us. Lol, I thanked my roommate last night for being the only gay guy in Houston who has spent more than an hour with me without trying to sleep with me.
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    Aug 17, 2015 3:20 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    PhoenixNYC saidYes, I do feel this way at times. Mostly because my partner and I have the same friends and I can't talk to them about relationship problems....so I just keep it all to myself. I'd like to be able to open up to someone.


    Talk to your partner about relationship problems. I'd be furious to learn my partner was talking to anyone other than me about our relationship. If you can't talk to your partner, why is he your partner?

    OP, I too do not have many gay friends. I enjoy the RJ forums because it somehow makes me feel connected to the community.


    That's why I don't talk to anyone else about my relationship except for my partner. However, there are times I need an objective opinion or a sounding board.
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    Aug 17, 2015 3:25 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    PhoenixNYC saidYes, I do feel this way at times. Mostly because my partner and I have the same friends and I can't talk to them about relationship problems....so I just keep it all to myself. I'd like to be able to open up to someone.


    Talk to your partner about relationship problems. I'd be furious to learn my partner was talking to anyone other than me about our relationship. If you can't talk to your partner, why is he your partner?

    OP, I too do not have many gay friends. I enjoy the RJ forums because it somehow makes me feel connected to the community.


    My partners were also my best friends and I could discuss with them anything. But also I most certainly did talk to other friends and family about our relationship. In developing my thinking I found it real helpful to bounce my ideas off as many people as I could to get their perspective. I don't think that violates an intimacy. I think that enhances it, especially when you are younger and trying figure shit out. Otherwise you can just get wrapped up in the other person's reality, maybe even living a shared delusion.

    The more you look from different angles the more you see what's really there. That doesn't mean I won't reject some bullshit opinion and by now it might seem out of hand but I'll at least, for whatever time it was worth--the time to snuff it out, for instance haha--have considered it.

    In fact, thinking back with this topic in mind, when my betraying cousin destroyed our relationship at a time when she was destroying many of them--just months before me she screwed her own brother--for a few years before that she had stopped talking about her relationships as was her usual pattern. And I think by a guy who got real upset to learn that she was talking about their relationship. She went from discussing everything to discussing nothing personal. That's right about when she imploded, when the worst of her--which was always evident but somewhat tolerable--took over what redeeming good was there.

    Here's a sad story but I think it well illustrates the point...

    http://www.autismdailynewscast.com/teenage-girl-autism-dies-heart-attack-following-chronic-constipation/28876/adn/
    St Austell, Cornwall, UK – This week an inquest heard that a teenage girl with autism sadly died from a heart attack that was caused by chronic constipation. The sixteen-year-old girl had gone three months without having a bowel movement.
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    Aug 17, 2015 4:26 PM GMT
    Since you like to talk with people I'd say you need to find some kind of club to join, preferably some kind of not-too-competitive sports team. A friend of mine joined a singles club because she was bored and lonely and I was astounded at all the fun things they had going (bike trips, skip trips, rally's, etc). She was pretty out of shape but that wasn't a problem at all. Dig around. Who's knows what you might come up with?
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    Aug 17, 2015 4:27 PM GMT
    PhoenixNYC said
    UndercoverMan said
    PhoenixNYC saidYes, I do feel this way at times. Mostly because my partner and I have the same friends and I can't talk to them about relationship problems....so I just keep it all to myself. I'd like to be able to open up to someone.


    Talk to your partner about relationship problems. I'd be furious to learn my partner was talking to anyone other than me about our relationship. If you can't talk to your partner, why is he your partner?

    OP, I too do not have many gay friends. I enjoy the RJ forums because it somehow makes me feel connected to the community.


    That's why I don't talk to anyone else about my relationship except for my partner. However, there are times I need an objective opinion or a sounding board.


    Then that's what the RJ forums are good for. Is your partner part of this community? If not then use these forums as a sounding board. Of course you will have to wade through some bullshit but a lot of guys here give well thought out advice.
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    Aug 17, 2015 7:17 PM GMT
    Looking at this thread it seems there are many who share how you feel. I too find myself in that position, not knowing anyone (gay) and I dont ascribe to the party lifestyle. It is tough to make new quality friends whom you can develope trust and really talk with.

    Hope things shape up for you. And all the other men who share similar situation in their life.
  • AttisXVI

    Posts: 293

    Aug 17, 2015 7:20 PM GMT
    No. Because I can talk to myself.
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    Aug 17, 2015 7:42 PM GMT
    I have one person who I can talk to pretty much about anything if I want, I don't call that person my friend, but it is pretty safe to give my secrets to that person, although to be fair I don't really talk much about myself

    relying on other people can be draining and not worth it
  • fitartistsf

    Posts: 638

    Aug 18, 2015 2:45 AM GMT
    One of the many reasons I have loved this site... We all seem to have a lot in common, able to get a little help, albeit sometimes a little off-topic or over opinionated, but usually pretty good in the advice giving, on sooo many topics... It helps to know that I am not alone in many of the feelings and experiences (or lack thereof...) that I have had...
    I for one may not say it all too often, but thanks guys for your solicited, and unsolicited, good, as well as bad, advice over time.... ;oD
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    Aug 18, 2015 2:57 AM GMT
    Musicman91 saidEver just want to talk but there is nobody to talk to?
    Yep, and that's exactly why I took up some artistic endeavors as a hobby.

    Nothing says "talking to random people" like writing a song, snapping a beautiful photograph, or putting together a montage of video clips to tell a story. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 18, 2015 2:59 AM GMT
    AttisXVI saidNo. Because I can talk to myself.
    But can you email yourself? icon_idea.gif
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    Aug 18, 2015 6:58 AM GMT
    I have a couple of close friends (gay and straight), women and men both. But yeah one gal got married and have a baby, I don't really talk to her much anymore. The other gay bff I have, he lives in San Francisco, kinda far from me. We keep in touch and talk now and then. But yeah, I feel like I want my future boyfriend to be the bf/best friend that I can talk to at the same time. It's hard I guess, I'm still enjoy dating doing some trial and errors on different guys. Just cheer up, go to a group, meet up or a meeting. Don't lock yourself up in the house.
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    Aug 18, 2015 1:56 PM GMT
    MrFuscle said...Lol, I thanked my roommate last night for being the only gay guy in Houston who has spent more than an hour with me without trying to sleep with me.

    #hotguyproblems

    Many people feel the way you do. If they didn't, personal training wouldn't be such a booming business.
  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    Aug 19, 2015 5:05 AM GMT
    For the past two weeks I was starting to feel that way, even when I text a few friends around Toronto I never get a responce back. Want to believe they are just too busy lately, but it kinda bugs me to think I may have done something wrong unintentionally. Maybe I have a wrong aproach on here, anyone view my profile and tell me your first impression, advice on what to change and be completely honest.
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    Aug 19, 2015 5:10 AM GMT
    eagermuscle said
    MrFuscle said...Lol, I thanked my roommate last night for being the only gay guy in Houston who has spent more than an hour with me without trying to sleep with me.

    #hotguyproblems

    Many people feel the way you do. If they didn't, personal training wouldn't be such a booming business.


    I'm not hot though. Honestly this actually holds me back a little from loosing weight. If guys treat me like this while I am chubby, it will be worse when I am in shape.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 19, 2015 5:12 AM GMT
    smoke a joint ... you'll forget all about it