“Why do straight women behave so horribly in gay bars?”

  • metta

    Posts: 39153

    Aug 18, 2015 6:46 PM GMT
    “Why do straight women behave so horribly in gay bars?”



    http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2015/08/why-do-straight-women-behave-so-horribly-in-gay-bars/


    http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2015/08/13/should_straight_women_go_to_gay_bars_a_drag_queen_reports_on_the_lady_invasion.html
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2015 7:29 PM GMT
    Bachelorette parties seem to be popular in Palm Springs too. It must be a national phenomenon.

    I recall seeing a sign that said essentially "This is a Gay Bar, please respect that"

    While everyone is welcome, bad behavior never is.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 18, 2015 7:33 PM GMT
    Straight women can be loud and shrill, especially when drinking, and they take the gay out of "gay bar."
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 18, 2015 8:18 PM GMT
    A lot of gay men have groups of female friends, especially in younger crowds, so that's usually a big part of it.

    However, I've noticed that as they get older many of these female friends end up no longer having anything to do with any type of gay scene, but some might become mothers and so we want them to remember us fondly when they have gay kids.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Aug 18, 2015 8:26 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidA lot of gay men have groups of female friends, especially in younger crowds, so that's usually a big part of it.

    However, I've noticed that as they get older many of these female friends end up no longer having anything to do with any type of gay scene, but some might become mothers and so we want them to remember us fondly when they have gay kids.


    100% agreed. When I was younger in college and law school I would go to gay bars with groups of girls all the time. I suppose the outdated/mean term "fag hag" could apply to them. But from what I could tell, we were each openly using each other (I don't mean 'using' in a bad way, just in a real way). The girls used me because it got them out partying without having to be hit on, and I used them because at the time I didn't have a real tight cadre of gay friends I could go out with. Back then, when I went out with gay male friends it was usually because one of them liked me or I liked one of them, and it was a weird dating kinda dynamic. We weren't mature enough to have gay male friends without some kind of sexual component.

    Now that we're all older, sometimes a real close girl or two clings along to the gay bar, but that's the exception and not the rule. And I generally go out with one of any number of groups of gay friends I have--and there's nothing sexual or flirty about it, we just roll together and enjoy each other as friends.

    Think of girls like training wheels. It's a mutually beneficial relationship and guys grow out of it by the age of 30 or so. I say don't sweat it. Girls are some of our number one allies when we're younger, we shouldn't be so quick to shut the bar door on them when we're older and--apparently--only care about scoring dick in a club. If it's not about girls messing up the cruising, then I'm unsure how their presence takes the gay out of the gay bar. Honey two bachelorette parties couldn't counteract that outdated disco ball, the slew of shirtless club boys, and the blaring Madonna and Rihanna. Trust me, that bar is NOT turning straight anytime soon.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2015 8:29 PM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2015 8:59 PM GMT
    Svnw688 said
    HottJoe saidA lot of gay men have groups of female friends, especially in younger crowds, so that's usually a big part of it.

    However, I've noticed that as they get older many of these female friends end up no longer having anything to do with any type of gay scene, but some might become mothers and so we want them to remember us fondly when they have gay kids.


    100% agreed. When I was younger in college and law school I would go to gay bars with groups of girls all the time. I suppose the outdated/mean term "fag hag" could apply to them. But from what I could tell, we were each openly using each other (I don't mean 'using' in a bad way, just in a real way). The girls used me because it got them out partying without having to be hit on, and I used them because at the time I didn't have a real tight cadre of gay friends I could go out with. Back then, when I went out with gay male friends it was usually because one of them liked me or I liked one of them, and it was a weird dating kinda dynamic. We weren't mature enough to have gay male friends without some kind of sexual component.

    Now that we're all older, sometimes a real close girl or two clings along to the gay bar, but that's the exception and not the rule. And I generally go out with one of any number of groups of gay friends I have--and there's nothing sexual or flirty about it, we just roll together and enjoy each other as friends.

    Think of girls like training wheels. It's a mutually beneficial relationship and guys grow out of it by the age of 30 or so. I say don't sweat it. Girls are some of our number one allies when we're younger, we shouldn't be so quick to shut the bar door on them when we're older and--apparently--only care about scoring dick in a club. If it's not about girls messing up the cruising, then I'm unsure how their presence takes the gay out of the gay bar. Honey two bachelorette parties couldn't counteract that outdated disco ball, the slew of shirtless club boys, and the blaring Madonna and Rihanna. Trust me, that bar is NOT turning straight anytime soon.


    I think you missed the gist of the article. This isn't about a girl "friend", niece, sister or other female friend. It's about a large wedding group that comes in, takes over the place and acts downright offensive. They don't have a gay chaperon. They come for the 'entertainment' of say a drag show. They come in for the freak value and are not entertaining in or of themselves.

    They are slumming at our expense. A lot of women find drag to be misogynistic, but these bachelorettes seem to pick these events most often. I'm not a drag fan. But it's just odd and seems 'off' to me.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 18, 2015 9:11 PM GMT
    timmm55 said
    Svnw688 said
    HottJoe saidA lot of gay men have groups of female friends, especially in younger crowds, so that's usually a big part of it.

    However, I've noticed that as they get older many of these female friends end up no longer having anything to do with any type of gay scene, but some might become mothers and so we want them to remember us fondly when they have gay kids.


    100% agreed. When I was younger in college and law school I would go to gay bars with groups of girls all the time. I suppose the outdated/mean term "fag hag" could apply to them. But from what I could tell, we were each openly using each other (I don't mean 'using' in a bad way, just in a real way). The girls used me because it got them out partying without having to be hit on, and I used them because at the time I didn't have a real tight cadre of gay friends I could go out with. Back then, when I went out with gay male friends it was usually because one of them liked me or I liked one of them, and it was a weird dating kinda dynamic. We weren't mature enough to have gay male friends without some kind of sexual component.

    Now that we're all older, sometimes a real close girl or two clings along to the gay bar, but that's the exception and not the rule. And I generally go out with one of any number of groups of gay friends I have--and there's nothing sexual or flirty about it, we just roll together and enjoy each other as friends.

    Think of girls like training wheels. It's a mutually beneficial relationship and guys grow out of it by the age of 30 or so. I say don't sweat it. Girls are some of our number one allies when we're younger, we shouldn't be so quick to shut the bar door on them when we're older and--apparently--only care about scoring dick in a club. If it's not about girls messing up the cruising, then I'm unsure how their presence takes the gay out of the gay bar. Honey two bachelorette parties couldn't counteract that outdated disco ball, the slew of shirtless club boys, and the blaring Madonna and Rihanna. Trust me, that bar is NOT turning straight anytime soon.


    I think you missed the gist of the article. This isn't about a girl "friend", niece, sister or other female friend. It's about a large wedding group that comes in, takes over the place and acts downright offensive. They don't have a gay chaperon. They come for the 'entertainment' of say a drag show. They come in for the freak value and are not entertaining in or of themselves.

    They are slumming at our expense. A lot of women find drag to be misogynistic, but these bachelorettes seem to pick these events most often. I'm not a drag fan. But it's just odd and seems 'off' to me.

    Well they shouldn't lump all drag together, because men have been dressing like women and women have been dressing like men for as long as humans have had clothes. People want to explore gender and what it means to be human, and they'll do it even if the angry mob throws stones.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Aug 18, 2015 9:27 PM GMT
    Most of the gay bars around here are woman-free. So, we do not get to have the problem.icon_biggrin.gif

    I have always had female friends, and managed to keep them out of my gay context. Sure, they knew I was gay. I knew that some of them were straight, a couple were lesbian, and some of the girls were bisexual. The deal was to meet, talk, travel, have fun but stop short of dragging each other into the respective hunting grounds.

    Frankly, though I like my female friends, I go to a gay bar to hang out with the dudes.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2015 10:13 PM GMT
    I went to a gay club once there were no girls, not even lesbians, but there were lots of fairy boys to make up for that icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2015 10:35 PM GMT
    Hmmm, idk, maybe I just have really good women friends. They never act like that. It's the obnoxious gays that get on my nerves way before the women do. I definitely have more women friends than gay friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2015 10:45 PM GMT
    In general I don't like being around drunks whatever their sex, but the drunken bachelorette parties are truly obnoxious on a whole different level. The shrill high pitched voices and whoohoo shouting is irritating as shit. They giggle like middle school girls at the go go boys like they hadn't seen a guy in his underwear.

    I actually witnessed a bartender tell the girls of a bachelorette party and their sole gay boy that if they got rowdy and screamed at the go go boys they were out. Evidently it's a problem.
  • hebrewman

    Posts: 1367

    Aug 18, 2015 11:33 PM GMT
    BITCHES ARE DANGEROUS. ESPECIALLY INTOXICATED ONES. EWWWW. NO THANK YOU.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2015 12:30 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    David666k saidI went to a gay club once there were no girls, not even lesbians, but there were lots of fairy boys to make up for that icon_lol.gif


    Keep it up.

    Being so manly while hiding behind a cartoon always makes you look so good when you make fun of effeminate gay men.


    Why do you keep talking to me? Can't you keep your word and ignore me as I ignore you? It's clear you miss me but I can't stand you, get away from my sight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2015 1:03 AM GMT
    For a number of years my regular gay club in an upper-midwest US city was the only one within 200 miles. Literally. So it was one-size-fits-all.

    We had gays, lesbians, trannies, bears, leather guys, twinks, drag queens, etc, the whole LGBT spectrum. But also a good number of straight college students from the 3 nearby universities.

    For some of them it was a wicked pleasure, featuring the best DJ and techno dance floor in the entire region, a strong draw for the college crowd. When most of the other area bars and clubs offered CW boredom.

    The girls would arrive in packs, I presume for mutual support. Sometimes they'd drag along their obviously uncomfortable boyfriends, who were grimly determined to defend their masculine reputations, scowling at the gay patrons the whole time.

    And these girls would be loudly screaming & squealing constantly, I have no idea why. Excitement? I can't guess. And our bar room, separate from the dance room, was normally rather quiet. Men normally don't squeal like that, certainly not in that octave, and disrupt the peace of others.

    Their sullen BFs, on the other hand, would skulk at the bar. If you went for a drink next to one of them you might be peremptorily informed: "I'm not gay! I'm with HER!" "Fine, I'm not interested in you OR her. My boyfriend's over there."

    So the mix was kinda awkward. And really disruptive at times.

    Here in Wilton Manors we routinely bring our straight women friends to our restaurants & clubs. In fact, we're scheduled to take my husband's (SB Alert) straight sister to one this Thursday. I love hosting straight women at our frequent haunts, I consider it good gay PR. But then in our age demographic, I doubt any of them will break into screams & shrieks. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2015 2:38 AM GMT
    David666k saidI went to a gay club once there were no girls, not even lesbians, but there were lots of fairy boys to make up for that icon_lol.gif
    You sound like a Catholic Priest here. You've probably had your fair share of "fairy boys" but just don't want to admit cause they were underage, so to keep the secret you bash them as though they're giblets of trash in your rug.

    Am I right? icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2015 2:44 AM GMT
    It's a gay bar for a reason.
    These loud fatties can't let go in a str8 bar because they would be escorted out for lewd loud behaviour and because they smell worse than a fart. I seen it a few weeks back and had to leave early. They also pig up the space and block all the views of some amazingly hot, sexy men.......#fatcows
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2015 3:25 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    David666k saidI went to a gay club once there were no girls, not even lesbians, but there were lots of fairy boys to make up for that icon_lol.gif
    You sound like a Catholic Priest here. You've probably had your fair share of "fairy boys" but just don't want to admit cause they were underage, so to keep the secret you bash them as though they're giblets of trash in your rug.

    Am I right? icon_wink.gif

    I've never denied that I do like some fairy boys myself, 18+ though icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2015 3:33 AM GMT
    David666k said
    paulflexes said
    David666k saidI went to a gay club once there were no girls, not even lesbians, but there were lots of fairy boys to make up for that icon_lol.gif
    You sound like a Catholic Priest here. You've probably had your fair share of "fairy boys" but just don't want to admit cause they were underage, so to keep the secret you bash them as though they're giblets of trash in your rug.

    Am I right? icon_wink.gif

    I've never denied that I do like some fairy boys myself, 18+ though icon_wink.gif
    Then it's probably a good idea to refer to them as respectable adult males, rather than belittling them just because their gender-biased mannerisms are different from what you proclaim yours to be.

    Anything less makes you seem like someone who has a strong dislike for women, both on a personal and sexual level. And since you allegedly have a new child, it could be emotional traumatizing for that child to be brought up in a misogynistic environment.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2015 4:12 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    David666k said
    paulflexes said
    David666k saidI went to a gay club once there were no girls, not even lesbians, but there were lots of fairy boys to make up for that icon_lol.gif
    You sound like a Catholic Priest here. You've probably had your fair share of "fairy boys" but just don't want to admit cause they were underage, so to keep the secret you bash them as though they're giblets of trash in your rug.

    Am I right? icon_wink.gif

    I've never denied that I do like some fairy boys myself, 18+ though icon_wink.gif
    Then it's probably a good idea to refer to them as respectable adult males, rather than belittling them just because their gender-biased mannerisms are different from what you proclaim yours to be.

    Anything less makes you seem like someone who has a strong dislike for women, both on a personal and sexual level. And since you allegedly have a new child, it could be emotional traumatizing for that child to be brought up in a misogynistic environment.

    Look, I will call fairy boys the way I want. You're no one to dictate what's considered an insult or not. There are more than a few grown ups here that call themselves 'boys', so mind your own business and don't try to tell the rest how to live their lives.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Aug 19, 2015 4:13 AM GMT
    In bars gay or straight, I've always found that it's the women who tend to get the most rowdy. Like pack mentality, especially when you add alcohol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2015 4:18 AM GMT
    David666k saidLook, I will call fairy boys the way I want.
    And if your child grows up to be a "fairy boy" as you describe, don't be surprised if he kills himself with a note expressing his disgust with the way you treated him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2015 4:23 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    David666k saidLook, I will call fairy boys the way I want.
    And if your child grows up to be a "fairy boy" as you describe, don't be surprised if he kills himself with a note expressing his disgust with the way you treated him.


    the fuck are you talking about? You think I speak to kids the same way I do here to you motherfuckers? Also my kid will never be a fairy boy because it's a SHE. But let's hypothetically say I have a boy in the future and he turns out gay and the fem kind, then I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'm very open minded and always encourage people to express themselves. You obviously never pay attention to what I say around the forums, but I dont blame you I dont pay attention to what you say either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2015 4:43 AM GMT
    David666k said
    paulflexes said
    David666k saidLook, I will call fairy boys the way I want.
    And if your child grows up to be a "fairy boy" as you describe, don't be surprised if he kills himself with a note expressing his disgust with the way you treated him.


    the fuck are you talking about? You think I speak to kids the same way I do here to you motherfuckers? Also my kid will never be a fairy boy because it's a SHE. But let's hypothetically say I have a boy in the future and he turns out gay and the fem kind, then I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'm very open minded and always encourage people to express themselves. You obviously never pay attention to what I say around the forums, but I dont blame you I dont pay attention to what you say either.
    Actually I do pay attention to what you say around the forums, otherwise I wouldn't be having this dialogue with you. You strike me as being a very intelligent person who's actually worth my time debating with (which is rare, BTW).

    With that in mind, take a few moments to dissect some gender norms that many people tend to adhere to. Let's start with the fact that all human embryos begin as female. From there, scientists are still trying to figure out what causes the X chromosome to exist, so us "masculine" guys are still a scientific mystery.

    I would go further from there, but instead I'll pass the ball to your court and let you "slam" me with your rebuttal. icon_wink.gif
  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    Aug 19, 2015 4:49 AM GMT
    straight women hating gay bars? either it's that gay men are often more fit than straight men (eye candy), or the femgays offend women by acting too much like them. . . could be both.