How often do fwb say I love you?

  • confusedbi

    Posts: 9

    Aug 19, 2015 12:52 AM GMT
    I've messed around with a guy several times over the past few months. I'm bi, not out, and just exploring. I told him that eventually I would still want to marry a girl and have kids. He just got out of a relationship, wasn't ready for a new one, so he said I was perfect for him. He said he doesn't like guys in the closet, but for play..... He only came inside me once (with protection) as he doesn't always end by cumming. While I was laying there on my belly and him still on top of me, holding hands, he said I love you. I wasn't sure what to say and he repeated it again after a few seconds. During one of our last post-sex cuddling, he asked, "so you want a fwb?". I said that would be ideal, although we've already talked about this at the very beginning. I suck at picking up signals. We haven't seen each other for a month and he finally told me that he's dating a guy right now so can't play, but hiking is cool (which is how we started). It was then when I realized that I have developed feelings for him, and looking back it seemed like he might have done the same at one point (or I'm just overthinking). A quick google search shows that this is rather common, and yes I know I broke all of the fwb rules. I almost want to say that we like each other, I would be willing to out myself. I really want some honest answers from him, but now that he's dating, it's probably not a good time. I don't want to ruin the remaining friendship that we have. Honesty can be a double-edged sword. We did agree to hike again in a few weeks. I know I'm not going to find answers about that here on a forum, but I would like to ask, is it normal to say I love you to your fwb while you're in the moment?
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    Aug 19, 2015 1:12 AM GMT
    Pretty often...both of them. Of course, we also hang out all the time outside the bedroom as well, and our friendships were initially based on hanging out together. The sex didn't start till after we'd known each other for a few months. That's my personal definition of "true friends" ...with occasional benefits. icon_wink.gif
  • confusedbi

    Posts: 9

    Aug 20, 2015 7:06 AM GMT
    That's where I've failed. We only met twice before we started having sex on the third meet up. However, in this time and age, I'm not sure if anyone is willing to spend time on a few more meet ups before starting the sex. He said he's not a flake and would confirm the hiking date last week, but I haven't heard back. I couldn't help it and texted him again to see if he wanted to grab some food and also talk about the hike, and of course no reply either. He probably thinks I'm too clingy now. I don't like him anymore, but would still be nice to keep as a true friend, and just an occasional text asking "how are you" is unsustainable. I guess I'll see if he replies as the date gets closer.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Aug 20, 2015 7:39 AM GMT
    confusedbi saidThat's where I've failed. We only met twice before we started having sex on the third meet up. However, in this time and age, I'm not sure if anyone is willing to spend time on a few more meet ups before starting the sex. He said he's not a flake and would confirm the hiking date last week, but I haven't heard back. I couldn't help it and texted him again to see if he wanted to grab some food and also talk about the hike, and of course no reply either. He probably thinks I'm too clingy now. I don't like him anymore, but would still be nice to keep as a true friend, and just an occasional text asking "how are you" is unsustainable. I guess I'll see if he replies as the date gets closer.


    Nope. You did not fail anything or anyone. If both of you happen to be sexually positive guys, beating around the bush, and postponing the sex part would have probably ended the friendship even before it actually began.

    Wow. Since no reply came from him, you quickly stopped liking him??? Why worry anymore about this? He is out of your system, and you can move on, possibly looking for someone else?

    Remember that we live in this (un)fortunate age of very cheap, instant communication. A dude gets so many WhatsApps, txts, voice msgs, snapchats, etc., per day before he gives up, and replies to the most urgent, and or most promising ones, and simply shrugs with his shoulders over the rest of them. So, consider giving him a break...

    SC

  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Aug 20, 2015 10:55 PM GMT
    Sounds to me that you made it pretty clear that any kind of relationship would just be temporary until you find a girl. I'm guessing he tried to see if you were interested in something more just in case, but when it wasn't reciprocated he decided to move on.

    If I were you, before chasing this guy further, I'd ask myself whether or not you want to try something serious with a guy or if you have a case of "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone". Honestly, a commitment saying "I'll be with you until what I really want comes along" isn't that attractive.
  • confusedbi

    Posts: 9

    Aug 21, 2015 12:43 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud said
    confusedbi saidThat's where I've failed. We only met twice before we started having sex on the third meet up. However, in this time and age, I'm not sure if anyone is willing to spend time on a few more meet ups before starting the sex. He said he's not a flake and would confirm the hiking date last week, but I haven't heard back. I couldn't help it and texted him again to see if he wanted to grab some food and also talk about the hike, and of course no reply either. He probably thinks I'm too clingy now. I don't like him anymore, but would still be nice to keep as a true friend, and just an occasional text asking "how are you" is unsustainable. I guess I'll see if he replies as the date gets closer.


    Nope. You did not fail anything or anyone. If both of you happen to be sexually positive guys, beating around the bush, and postponing the sex part would have probably ended the friendship even before it actually began.

    Wow. Since no reply came from him, you quickly stopped liking him??? Why worry anymore about this? He is out of your system, and you can move on, possibly looking for someone else?

    Remember that we live in this (un)fortunate age of very cheap, instant communication. A dude gets so many WhatsApps, txts, voice msgs, snapchats, etc., per day before he gives up, and replies to the most urgent, and or most promising ones, and simply shrugs with his shoulders over the rest of them. So, consider giving him a break...

    SC



    I'm trying to get it out of my system, but it's taking a while. I can do things to get it off my mind, but eventually when I have some quiet alone time, he comes up again. I'd really just like to know what he's thinking, but he may or may not give me a chance to find out. I'm trying to not think negatively about him. I was originally looking for a fwb to avoid this exact situation. I wanted to experiment with someone that I feel safe and comfortable with, a friend that I can hang out with in and outside of the bedroom, a real friendship. Not just a friendship just based on sex only. I'll just leave him alone until the proposed hiking date. I do understand that people are bombarded with texts, etc, but if I get something from my friends, I respond as soon as I see it and they do the same. I respect them.
  • confusedbi

    Posts: 9

    Aug 21, 2015 1:21 AM GMT
    Buddha saidSounds to me that you made it pretty clear that any kind of relationship would just be temporary until you find a girl. I'm guessing he tried to see if you were interested in something more just in case, but when it wasn't reciprocated he decided to move on.

    If I were you, before chasing this guy further, I'd ask myself whether or not you want to try something serious with a guy or if you have a case of "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone". Honestly, a commitment saying "I'll be with you until what I really want comes along" isn't that attractive.


    Yes that's what I told him at the beginning, even before the sex happened, same as how he told me he wasn't looking for a long term relationship, play around for a few months, then see if he can move on. I thought that playing with someone with some sort of emotional bond would be better than random one night stands. The original intent was to have no commitment, just fun. I wouldn't have known what to do if a guy falls for me. I got more than what I bargained for. I didn't think that I was capable of having such strong feelings for a guy, enough to consider coming out for him when needed. He said he doesn't guys in the closet so I don't know if he even tried to like me, then gave up afterwards. Of course he can also change his mind about not looking for another long
    term relationship, just like how I changed my mind.

    I guess there's a bit of both. If his new date doesn't work out and he's still interested in me, yes I'd totally try something further with him. Yes there's also a case "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone". I happened to attend a lesbian wedding last weekend and I didn't find it odd at all. The brides looked very happy together. I've realized that's what being bi is about, being able to pick either side, not just one or the other. If a person of either gender turns out to be the perfect partner for me and it makes me happy, then that's all that matters. I know I'm slow, sadly I've always been slow..

    I really want one more chance where we can just talk it out, even if the outcome doesn't change. Even if he liked me but gave up, or never liked me in that way/we're just friends, etc. Even as friends, I'd still like to hang out with him and enjoy his company.

    By the way thanks for all the replies everyone.