Does rejection build character?

  • zelon1

    Posts: 81

    Aug 22, 2015 12:59 AM GMT
    I mean, I've been rejected so many times and I'm a pretty nice guy. It has made me the type of dude that can easily empathize w/ oppressed individuals. I'm always up for making new friends and engaging in random conversations with any and everyone...no matter what you look like. I notice most gay men who are so immersed in the gay scene only socialize w/ certain types of people: Those they deem attractive.
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    Aug 22, 2015 1:06 AM GMT
    It depends on how the person can handle it. If it just gets them down, then no, it doesn't. If they can reflect on it, then yes, it does.
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    Aug 22, 2015 2:00 AM GMT
    I don't think it does. I think the character of a person is what determines how the rejection will be handled. After all, people have been killed over rejecting others. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 22, 2015 3:02 AM GMT
    IsigVinter saidIt depends on how the person can handle it. If it just gets them down, then no, it doesn't. If they can reflect on it, then yes, it does.


    +1
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    Aug 22, 2015 3:13 AM GMT
    MasterOfTheDomain said
    IsigVinter saidIt depends on how the person can handle it. If it just gets them down, then no, it doesn't. If they can reflect on it, then yes, it does.


    +1
    Just a reminder of how "character" can determine the outcome of rejection. He definitely "reflected" on it. icon_wink.gif
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2638049/7-dead-drive-shooting-near-UC-Santa-Barbara.html
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    Aug 22, 2015 3:40 AM GMT
    Rejection , realjocks is %100 on my list and %1000 over the top on age .
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    Aug 22, 2015 3:47 AM GMT
    No. Rejection tears at ones self esteem.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Aug 22, 2015 4:59 AM GMT
    Rejection is nothing else but a learning experience. So, this other dude does not want to have sex with you? Whatever his reasons may be? Quite frequently, this has less to do with you or your looks, and other qualities but more with him and his own issues at that time.

    You learn to shrug with your shoulders, and move on. There is plenty of fish in the sea.

    Soon, you learn that other people do not control your life but that you do.

    Someone rejects your business proposal, turns down your request for a raise or other benefits? A smart dude has already learnt to look elsewhere for someone else who will meet his requirements. If you grew up messing with other dudes, you have gone through the learning phase, and you know how to calibrate your search.

    The evolutionary theory says that we have been endowed with higher intelligence mostly in order to facilitate partner selection. If you practice a bit, you are likely to get better overall, and apply your experience and skill elsewhere, too.

    SC
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    Aug 22, 2015 6:19 AM GMT
    IsigVinter saidIt depends on how the person can handle it. If it just gets them down, then no, it doesn't. If they can reflect on it, then yes, it does.


    ^^^This, some people can take rejection well other can't. Some people just become bitter angry bitches because of it
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    Aug 22, 2015 11:38 AM GMT
    Depends on the circumstances.

    Everyone gets upset at rejection, some people just have harder shells.

    It's not just dating. I'm still bitter as fuck at a company I was fired from for racial reasons, and will never ever eat, or go inside one of those things again. "cough" "hack" chipotle "cough" "cough".

    But you completely did a 360 with that last statement. This is about rejection. We already know the gay community is racist my brother. The cassette has two sides, turn it over and lets move on.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 22, 2015 1:50 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said...I don't think character is developed. I think it's more innate...



    Agree.
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    Aug 22, 2015 2:16 PM GMT
    zelon1 saidI mean, I've been rejected so many times and I'm a pretty nice guy. It has made me the type of dude that can easily empathize w/ oppressed individuals. I'm always up for making new friends and engaging in random conversations with any and everyone...no matter what you look like. I notice most gay men who are so immersed in the gay scene only socialize w/ certain types of people: Those they deem attractive.



    giphy-1.gif
    This is very true and it's one of the main reasons I'm not fond of gay bars. Every time I go to one, I see the jocks all hanging tightly around each other, the black boys in their own little circle and the twinks and queens segregated at the other end of the bar. It's just gross. It's like being in high school again where the football jocks and nerds never socialize together. icon_rolleyes.gif And I've seen countless people get shot down and treated like lepers simply for saying hello to someone in one of these cliques.

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 22, 2015 7:25 PM GMT
    Radd said
    zelon1 saidI mean, I've been rejected so many times and I'm a pretty nice guy. It has made me the type of dude that can easily empathize w/ oppressed individuals. I'm always up for making new friends and engaging in random conversations with any and everyone...no matter what you look like. I notice most gay men who are so immersed in the gay scene only socialize w/ certain types of people: Those they deem attractive.



    giphy-1.gif
    This is very true and it's one of the main reasons I'm not fond of gay bars. Every time I go to one, I see the jocks all hanging tightly around each other, the black boys in their own little circle and the twinks and queens segregated at the other end of the bar. It's just gross. It's like being in high school again where the football jocks and nerds never socialize together. icon_rolleyes.gif And I've seen countless people get shot down and treated like a lepers simply for saying hello to someone in one of these cliques.



    That's part of the reason why I don't see the point of the bar culture because most people in it aren't open to meeting new people who may not be in their "clique".
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    Aug 22, 2015 7:44 PM GMT
    Well, I have a mutual Buddy List of eight guys, only one of those guys has become a real friend who messages me regularly. I have narrowed my Hot List down to 100, cause only those guys were thankful enough to say, "Thanks for the Hot List". I refuse to make my Profile seem as if I am hard-up or just ready to get in a guys pants. Does 'rejection' make me stronger in character? No, it makes me wonder why I bother with 'Chat-site's' in the first place. Maybe I should just go stand on a street corner with a board around my neck that reads, "Available for the taking". Maybe that would work?
  • oldfart

    Posts: 328

    Aug 23, 2015 3:23 AM GMT
    No, rejection just sux.

    And that is a good observation about so many of us who are self-absorbed and have trouble with basic social skills.

    You can be part of my world, always.
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    Aug 23, 2015 11:56 AM GMT
    Rejection only means what you make it mean and only has the power you give it. A person who response, "No, I'm not interested" is just that—not interested, by whatever criteria they have set up to qualify as "interesting". And god knows what that might be.

    This expression of non-interest has nothing to do with your value or worth, unless you yourself choose it to give it that meaning and allow it to have power over you to affect your emotions. If you choose to let the experience of rejection be a confirmation of your own sense of unworthiness or low-self esteem, that is something you do to yourself.

    Frankly, the person who rejects you doesn't know you well enough to be truly rejecting the real you, so don't give it any more weight than necessary. More often than not, they are rejecting what they perceive as you, which more often than not, is inaccurate.

    Don't let your emotions get the better of you. Know the reality of what is really happening. This is true character—being able to discern what is true and what is not, what is helpful and what is not, and what you should give power to or not. You're in control of your emotions. Not them.

    As long as you are true to who you are—"pretty nice guy"—then I don't see a problem with you finding a person who resonates with your spirit and person.
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    Aug 23, 2015 12:17 PM GMT
    I used to work in fundraising and one of the first things I learned from a pro, is that if I wasn't hearing "no" a lot then you I wasn't doing enough fundraising. Once I learned to handle rejection in fundraising, I was able to apply what I learned to my own life. If we let rejection hold us back from taking a chance, we miss out on far too much. What's the worst that could happen? If he says "no" it wasn't meant to be. It takes a lot of "no" to get to one "yes".
  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Aug 23, 2015 12:21 PM GMT
    it depends on their upbringing, my parents were risk averse and faced a lot of ostracisation due to cultural issues, race, religion, so i was always bought up to be safe.

    i have always had a great fear of rejection, it's why ive tried hard and stayed in relationships that were bad for me. but i have to come to terms with rejection i guess.
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    Aug 23, 2015 4:39 PM GMT
    I can deal with rejection so many levels. I work in food service & I grew up in a household where I heard the word "no" quite often. My 2 boys also heard it growing up & it was for the best in their upbringing. However, if the basis for your rejecting me is based on material things, then I'm not losing any sleep & I know what you're about altogether. I've become quite perspicacious over the years, so I don't let them get too close. I've become a tough cookie to crack over the years, so sue me.

    It's all about in how mature one is in handling rejection. It builds character, but it also reveals it...
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    Aug 26, 2015 11:25 PM GMT
    I think it depends on how you react to it. If you face rejection and have this sort of *Victim mentality, then you eventually will grow mean and bitter at the world. But if you take rejection in strive, as not so personal but a learning lesson, then I think you will grow as a person. As for character, I don't think people change that much. Well maybe we will change to be with the person that we want to be with and compromise to the max.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 27, 2015 12:15 AM GMT
    Domino_dancer saidWell, I have a mutual Buddy List of eight guys, only one of those guys has become a real friend who messages me regularly. I have narrowed my Hot List down to 100, cause only those guys were thankful enough to say, "Thanks for the Hot List". I refuse to make my Profile seem as if I am hard-up or just ready to get in a guys pants. Does 'rejection' make me stronger in character? No, it makes me wonder why I bother with 'Chat-site's' in the first place. Maybe I should just go stand on a street corner with a board around my neck that reads, "Available for the taking". Maybe that would work?

    I wouldn't put too much thought into the hotlist feature. It would be a mistake to assume that people here pay much attention to the automatically generated hotlist emails. It's all about the forums.
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    Aug 27, 2015 12:31 AM GMT
    I think so. Rejection can force you to reevaluate and maybe even improve yourself or influence you to change your mindset and surroundings. If everything was always handed to you and you never experienced any adversity or doors shutting, how would you know who you are?
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    Sep 02, 2015 7:25 PM GMT
    MasterOfTheDomain said
    IsigVinter saidIt depends on how the person can handle it. If it just gets them down, then no, it doesn't. If they can reflect on it, then yes, it does.


    +1


    +2
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Sep 02, 2015 7:45 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidIt all depends on the person and how they respond to life's situations.

    I don't think character is developed. I think it's more innate. But people can be swayed into tapping into their "character" so long as the level of rejection doesn't swallow them up. I believe there are times when people can get overwhelmed by rejection when they take it to heart. They can shut down and withdraw. Whereas others become more humble and learn to take it all in stride.


    This.
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    Sep 02, 2015 8:00 PM GMT
    Rejection does not build character, rejection is just fucking rejection icon_lol.gif