Do now legally married gay men allow their husband to have "sex on the side"?

  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Aug 22, 2015 1:48 PM GMT
    In the last 2 months I have been propositioned by 3 gay guys who are legally married to guys who live quite far away.

    All 3 guys were (in my opinion) attractive, more-or-less in shape guys in their 40's & 50's, college educated, steady jobs with their own homes, not what I would have termed "sluts", quite desirable guys.

    Is this a new trend in gay marriages? Why bother to get legally married if you are still going to have NSA sex on the side?

    Am I just hopelessly old fashioned?



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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2015 2:04 PM GMT
    What do you know about the reasons why those couples got married? As long as they are happy with their arrangements, why do you judge?

    And what has a college education to do with being a slut or not???
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Aug 22, 2015 2:11 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidWhat do you know about the reasons why those couples got married? As long as they are happy with their arrangements, why do you judge?

    And what has a college education to do with being a slut or not???





    You look vaguely familiar, rather like one of the 3 guys I described above. Still mad that I politely passed?




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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2015 2:12 PM GMT
    I'm 25 years older than my legal spouse. When I'm 75 he will be 50. At that age I may not be able to keep pace with his sexual desires for any number of reasons. In that situation, I would have no problem with his finding some NSA action on the side. I would never want to hold his sexual libido hostage. I love him too much to see him unhappy.
  • metta

    Posts: 39169

    Aug 22, 2015 2:15 PM GMT
    This is about the gay community, in general:


    A Look At The Promiscuity 'Culture War' In The Gay Community


    "What's going to happen next in terms of how gay men have sex is going to be very interesting."


    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-promiscuity-culture-war-among-the-gay-community_55d4c748e4b0ab468d9f6211
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Aug 22, 2015 2:44 PM GMT
    "Sex on the side" is s behavior that is much older than marriage. Couples come to all sorts of arrangements. And not just gay couples. If you don't want to hook up with married men, then don't. Voilà.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2015 2:48 PM GMT
    I know a lot of gay couples who have some sort of open understanding. My experience has always been that it's better to be honest and open than to be monogamous and shocked.
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    Aug 22, 2015 2:48 PM GMT
    There seems to be a separation of the physical and emotional portion of relationships.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Aug 22, 2015 2:55 PM GMT
    rnch saidIn the last 2 months I have been propositioned by 3 gay guys who are legally married to guys who live quite far away.

    All 3 guys were (in my opinion) attractive, more-or-less in shape guys in their 40's & 50's, college educated, steady jobs with their own homes, not what I would have termed "sluts", quite desirable guys.

    Is this a new trend in gay marriages? Why bother to get legally married if you are still going to have NSA sex on the side?

    Am I just hopelessly old fashioned?



    icon_confused.gif


    I don't think this is something that is exclusive to gay men. I have seen straight couples behave this way as well. I feel nowadays people are getting married for all the wrong reasons, mainly the fear of being alone. In my opinion if you are married or in a relationship, yet still on the prowl you need to reevaluate some things.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2015 2:55 PM GMT
    It's not the trend in gay marriage or straight marriage. It's always been there. Look at all the people getting busted on the Ashley Madison website. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2015 4:02 PM GMT
    Enjoying an honest, open relationship does not make someone less equal.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2015 10:43 PM GMT
    Bunjamon said"Sex on the side" is s behavior that is much older than marriage. Couples cole to all sorts of arrangements. And not just gay couples. If you don't want to hook up with married men, then don't. Voilà.


    Every main course should come with a side dish and of course some dessert.
  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    Aug 23, 2015 1:29 AM GMT
    Guess I am old fashioned also because I would not hit on someone married other than to say on here great build.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2015 1:34 AM GMT
    All is good except small cocks!icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2015 3:23 AM GMT
    Face it, gay marriage is not a marriage. Its a way of saying two monogamous men love one another to want to be a couple on paper, but really they're not wanting a relationship, but companionship for fear of being alone. Therefore, they decide to take the plunge knowing very well, that one or both will not stay together because I've been hit up by many partnered/married gay men. They want their companionship AND their sex, too. It's all about ME, not about we - when it comes to gay marriage. Statistically, I have read somewhere (INSTINCT magazine) that only 15% of gay marriages will last. The divorce lawyers are loving the new law that was upheld by the SCOTUS.
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Aug 23, 2015 3:51 AM GMT

    Today, I got blatantly cruised at Tom Thumb by a married couple pushing a toddler in a kid's cruiser. One was 6'5" and the other black and muscly, I got the hell out of there after that. Can you say ouch?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2015 4:00 AM GMT
    Hiker98 saidFace it, gay marriage is not a marriage. Its a way of saying two monogamous men love one another to want to be a couple on paper, but really they're not wanting a relationship, but companionship for fear of being alone. Therefore, they decide to take the plunge knowing very well, that one or both will not stay together because I've been hit up by many partnered/married gay men. They want their companionship AND their sex, too. It's all about ME, not about we - when it comes to gay marriage. Statistically, I have read somewhere (INSTINCT magazine) that only 15% of gay marriages will last. The divorce lawyers are loving the new law that was upheld by the SCOTUS.


    Precisely!!
    Gay men have become wayyy to comfortable with that and often choose convenience over commitment.

    It's almost like nowadays monogamy and marriage for gay men is just a worst case scenario safety plan of not dying alone.
    To each their own but honestly for me there is no real honour in that kind of relationship regardless of if both people involved mutually understand that's what they're doing.

    A great and deeply bonded relationship doesn't just spontaneously happen, you always have to work at it.
    I just don't see that coming from an open one simply because your attention is divided all the time.

    It's like someone saying yes they want to come home to the same face and have that little bit of consistency, but otherwise they still want to sleep with other people because that's just what they want.

    Personally for me that just illustrates immaturity but to each their own.
    The pattern in which relationships seem to be becoming nowadays really just further makes me want to stay single because I just don't like how it looks and what it's becoming.

    Even gay marriage is purely a legality, I honestly believe the amount of gay couples who want to get married is very small, and even then more so out of the convenience of the legalities that come with being married rather than what the commitment of marriage actually means.

    Who knows I suppose only time will tell what gay marriage really means to gay people but judging how sex seems to be the be all end all for sooo many gay guys, I don't see it meaning anything real.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Aug 23, 2015 5:57 AM GMT
    Hiker98 saidFace it, gay marriage is not a marriage. Its a way of saying two monogamous men love one another to want to be a couple on paper, but really they're not wanting a relationship, but companionship for fear of being alone. Therefore, they decide to take the plunge knowing very well, that one or both will not stay together because I've been hit up by many partnered/married gay men. They want their companionship AND their sex, too. It's all about ME, not about we - when it comes to gay marriage. Statistically, I have read somewhere (INSTINCT magazine) that only 15% of gay marriages will last. The divorce lawyers are loving the new law that was upheld by the SCOTUS.


    Typical bull posted by a sock account with no pic. Real statistics show that same sex marriages in Massachusetts have the same 10 year divorce rate as opposite sex marriages. Go troll some other site.
  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    Aug 23, 2015 8:37 AM GMT
    Some relationships (gay and straight) are open..other relationships aren't, but some people screw around (a huge problem in straight marriages apparently).. if you don't want to get involved don't... I'm not sure an open relationship would work for me honestly.. but I don't judge and if it works for some people then good for them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2015 10:33 AM GMT
    Why bother to get legally married if you are still going to have NSA sex on the side?

    Marriage is about more than sex. Different people get married for different reasons. I would venture to say that for many gay men, in addition to loving their spouse, some important considerations are the financial and tax consequences as well as legal benefits of being married versus single.

    For some of these couples, non-monogamy is going to be a deal breaker. For other couples, sex outside of the marriage is no big deal - they see a distinction between the physical act and emotional intimacy. Where problems related to non-monogamy occur, I think it is usually because both spouse's aren't on the same page as to whether they are going to be 100% monogamous, monogamish, or have an open relationship.

    I also don't think that an agreement that "sex on the side" is ok is exclusive to gay marriages. My sense is that there are plenty of straight couples that have this arrangement - it is just that they are discrete about it so only their inner circle of friends know.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2015 7:13 PM GMT
    did your father allow it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2015 9:10 PM GMT
    There's beauty and meaning to the words—commitment, fidelity, loyalty and selfless love—especially in a marriage relationship. It's not just about getting one's needs met thru using another person's body. We're human beings, higher evolved than the animals. It's not just about being "old-fashioned". We aspire to a higher ideal and deeper, fuller expression of love and intimacy.
  • oldfart

    Posts: 328

    Aug 24, 2015 12:45 AM GMT
    Straight men have cheated on their wives for millennia. Does that mean straight marriage is not real?

    Marriage is a practical relationship, based on common values and spirit. And sexually open relationships for gays are nothing new.

    Condemning gay marriage and how a couple uses it is as illogical as condemning interracial marriage, or Catholics remarrying after divorce, or atheists marrying...name you prejudice.

    But if a married guy of any persuasion comes on to me, I want to know a bit more: how does that third party feel? If there's any bad vibe, forget it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2015 2:43 AM GMT
    Hopefully we'll never be that hetero-normative.
    Besides, he has really horrible taste in men.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2015 3:44 AM GMT
    Gay Marriage is about money for most gays, not love.

    If any of you are the exception, good for you.