dating with disabilities?

  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Aug 25, 2015 8:50 AM GMT
    I was sitting in my english lecture when i spotted a girl with no arms and no legs. She was busy undoing her knotted earphones with just her elbow stumps. She was having extreme difficulty but insisted on completing the task herself, and i just wondered what other simple tasks would be extremely challenging for her, including dating. My mind swiftly shifted to myself, and I wondered whether I would have the patience and je ne sais quoi to date someone with a disability

    Finding activities to participate in would be challenging, transport would be an issue among other things etc etc. As a very active person, I think I could date a paraplegic person, but I personally don't have the patience to date a full quadriplegic. The sedentary nature of bonding time would agitate me very quickly.

    DO you guys think it's wrong to reject someone on the basis of disability? Would you be willing to date someone with a disability, ad if so, what extent of disability would be able to tolerate (very self-centered mind set, I know, but let's be real here)?
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    Aug 25, 2015 4:42 PM GMT
    I personally don't mind dating and getting married with a physically handicapped person. If they are emotionally disabled then no, it's gonna be toxic. I'm not stable on that part, I'm too hasty.
  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    Aug 26, 2015 12:14 AM GMT
    Normally when people think of the word "disability", we tend to label it as ugly like downsyndrome or cerebralpalsy (a vegetable, no offence), but to date someone who's blind or deaf or been paralyzed from the waist down. . . I'd say the door could open halfway at least. I know not all disabilities are ugly, I've work with friends who have different kinds, even my landlords son has autism, and he's slowly getting up to speed now.
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    Aug 26, 2015 2:23 AM GMT
    I've always had a weird kind of boner thinking about some guy fucking me with his "residual limb" (aka "stump").

  • Aug 26, 2015 3:01 AM GMT
    I have cerebral palsy and sometimes it does put a damper on the love life and finding someone willing to see you as an equal even with your eternal baggage.

    What people need to remember about their disabled neighbor is that they may be at a loss for something, but in return they've gained something too. It may be a more humble look at life, being grateful for the things "normal" people find mediocre, like untangling headphones.

    Or being hugged, being told "I love you" by a person other than your mother.

    Look at the person for their similarities, not their differences.

    “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.”
    -Scott Hamilton
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    Aug 26, 2015 3:52 AM GMT
    I've dated gay liberals, many of which are handicapped by their liberalism.

    I didn't date this liberal but apparently she's handicapped. I don't see a dog or a cane so it must be a mental handicap:
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    What does it matter, anyway:
    27A4ABE600000578-3042448-image-a-20_1429
  • NursePractiti...

    Posts: 232

    Aug 26, 2015 1:51 PM GMT
    Wow, it just continues to amaze me on here how many people keep bashing liberals. The very people trying to clean the mess up left by Bush and company. The people fighting for everyone's rights including ours, not just a few rich folks. Keep voting against your own interests, see how far that gets you. This particular forum was to discuss dating someone who's handicapped. And you couldn't even do that. Keep it classy conservatives.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Aug 26, 2015 3:50 PM GMT
    giodude saidDO you guys think it's wrong to reject someone on the basis of disability? Would you be willing to date someone with a disability, ad if so, what extent of disability would be able to tolerate (very self-centered mind set, I know, but let's be real here)?


    OF COURSE it is "wrong" but understandable since humans reject at the drop of a hat (me, included).

    For me, it's those "first times" that make or break a connection and the level of intimacy of the relationship. I had a couple of buds (different time periods) who were deaf. Both were potential friends...not relationship candidates, so there was no pressure. I could "learn and practice" being with someone non-hearing. Because of having known those two, if I were to meet someone deaf now (as a possible relationship candidate), it would be easier for me.
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    Aug 26, 2015 4:20 PM GMT
    Dating a person with a disability is challeging but it can be rewarding . Depends on the individuals level of love, commitment, understanding and patience.

    I am continually amazed how the usual members always find a way to make a political comment on a thred that has nothing to do with the subjecticon_rolleyes.gif In this case demonstrates the level of sensitivity or lack thereof.
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    Aug 26, 2015 4:56 PM GMT
    i am currently engaged to a wonderful man with Depression,Anxiety and Aspergers yes it can be challenging at times but i remain strong for him and show him how much i truly care for him.... with that said i find it truly sickening and sad that theres people out there that look down on people with mental or physical disabilities, disabilities should NEVER be an issue when dating someone! i feel that it is more of whats in the mind and heart then what the physical body is or mentality of the person is!.... the guy i am dating and engaged to is 18 hes suffered enough with idiots and lowlifes so now its my turn to be his and his only
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Aug 26, 2015 5:10 PM GMT
    The views of a "disability" are mostly from the perception of the viewer. Most people won't even consider themselves to have a disability by how natural they go about their daily lives. Of course we live in a society where anything outside of the "norm" is cast with stigmas. The more you can break away from the labels and allow yourself to view a person for their character, the more you will understand that we all are human no matter the circumstances. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 27, 2015 4:26 AM GMT
    I have a few instances to where I can relate to this topic.

    There was a college professor at UCLA, I didn't have his class, but some of my friends did, and he was legally blind. He was also gay and on the weekends and stuff he would have parties and stuff for gay students. His partner was not blind, is also a instructor at UCLA. So there's one example of a gay person with a disability having a successful relationship.

    I was on a gay partyline called Interactive Male. I ended up talking to this guy who was a little older than me, but I really enjoyed talking to him. He lived in Los Gatos, which isn't that far from LA, but it's not near either. We talked for quite a while when we agreed to meet up at where he lived as he mentioned he was disabled, but didn't mention why. He unfortunately was in a drunk driving accident when he was seventeen or so, and because of that, both his legs from the knee area down are amputated, and he's paralyzed from the waist down for life. Due to the fact he constantly needs help and he can't be self sufficient of himself, and being that I was 21 at the time, I couldn't involve myself with him, but I to this day, frequently talk to him on the phone and I'm single now and so is he, but I don't know.

    Another instance, when I was in High School, there was a boy who was friends and close with at school, he was gay. He was Autistic and he actually ended up graduating with honors. He constantly fidgets and rocks back and forth, speaks very slurred and slow, and doesn't really give eye contact, but he was really into video games and art and that's what he went to college for and I lost contact with him, but I was really good friends with him and we messed around.

    The point is, I'm more than welcome to date someone with a disability, whatever it is, and I have seen many LGBT people with disabilities happy.



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    Aug 27, 2015 1:33 PM GMT
    Boaxy saidI have a few instances to where I can relate to this topic.

    There was a college professor at UCLA, I didn't have his class, but some of my friends did, and he was legally blind. He was also gay and on the weekends and stuff he would have parties and stuff for gay students. His partner was not blind, is also a instructor at UCLA. So there's one example of a gay person with a disability having a successful relationship.

    I was on a gay partyline called Interactive Male. I ended up talking to this guy who was a little older than me, but I really enjoyed talking to him. He lived in Los Gatos, which isn't that far from LA, but it's not near either. We talked for quite a while when we agreed to meet up at where he lived as he mentioned he was disabled, but didn't mention why. He unfortunately was in a drunk driving accident when he was seventeen or so, and because of that, both his legs from the knee area down are amputated, and he's paralyzed from the waist down for life. Due to the fact he constantly needs help and he can't be self sufficient of himself, and being that I was 21 at the time, I couldn't involve myself with him, but I to this day, frequently talk to him on the phone and I'm single now and so is he, but I don't know.

    Another instance, when I was in High School, there was a boy who was friends and close with at school, he was gay. He was Autistic and he actually ended up graduating with honors. He constantly fidgets and rocks back and forth, speaks very slurred and slow, and doesn't really give eye contact, but he was really into video games and art and that's what he went to college for and I lost contact with him, but I was really good friends with him and we messed around.

    The point is, I'm more than welcome to date someone with a disability, whatever it is, and I have seen many LGBT people with disabilities happy.

    +1
    As I read your post, I wonder if the more exposure to various disabilities one has, the more incline to develope a relationship after friendship? I being Deaf, tend to find most gay individuals willing to engage with me and I have had develope good friendships.. That being said, dating or havig a relationship tends to be a different story.



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    Nov 17, 2015 3:32 AM GMT
    Well this thread is quite interesting to me as have recently become disabled. I had surgery on my spine due it being tethered, while it was a success, & I am not paralyzed at all, I am having to use a wheelchair. I don't know yet if the physical therapy I'm getting will result in my walking again, ( fingers crossed ), but if/when I progress there I know I won't just be walking regular, or running as I always have. I'm curious as to how this is going to work dating. I've been basically married for the last almost 8 years, & my ex & I broke up last month. I'm not cocky, but I've never end had trouble dating since coming out at 30, but I know how superficial some gay men can be, & it's a bit scary to wonder what the future holds. Either way I'm going to work my hardest, do my best, continue to be a good person, & treat others how I wish to be treated. Continue to dream, & plan to be a parent someday, & not feel sorry for myself as I know there are always people that have it worse.
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    Nov 19, 2015 5:51 PM GMT
    I'm missing both my legs above the knee and have wondered how it would be dating. I didn't really date before I became an amputee because I wasn't fully out yet. My anxiety before dating again was knowing that gay culture can be superficial. So, to compensate for the loss of my legs I worked on my upper torso. That has made me satisfied with myself, although, not having legs will always be an issue for me. It is something that will bother me for a long, long time. I've heard from other amputees that it is something that I will never get "accustomed" to. There are many limitations to my mobility which I've learned to work around and there will be things that I can never do. I've somewhat made peace with that. Part of me wonders what guy would want to date someone that they have to assist?

    Just keep in mind, when you see someone with a physical disability that they are fighting a battle in their mind and that their insecurities are the same (or greater/different); and above all, they just want to be treated like a "normal" person. For myself, I don't like it when people go out of their way to give me special treatment. It is something that I had to get used to and now I appreciate the kind gestures that people offer me. I keep in mind that it's the thought that counts and people are just doing what is ethically right in society. I've learned to accept help gracefully. It also shows me that there are still good people out there.