Is it worth trying to help anymore?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2009 5:31 PM GMT
    Hey guys I could use some help on this one.

    My friend is going to be twenty-nine this year and she's still unemployed. She worked as a babysitter until 2006 when her last client no longer needed her on a regular basis. She works as a on-call sitter, but its not really helping her grow as person and she wish she could do more.

    I don't want to put any extra pressure on her to go back to school or find a better job because she hears that a lot from one of her sisters. At the same time she doesn't seem to be putting the extra effort. I've suggested her apply to a two-year degree program or even a certificate program at a CUNY college.

    I've even given her the number to apply to the job where I'm working at now (you know the market research job, the one where I found out that Massachusetts doesn't eat anymore lol) and even told her I could help her with making a resume, but a lot of the time she isn't receptive or not really concerned about the future so much.

    I'm trying to be a good friend by encouraging her, but I haven't said anything about it in a while because I can't force her to do anything she doesn't want too. I don't know whether it's worth trying to help her this way anymore. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    I know a few people like that. It's a lost cause. Just let her be. But also let her know that you're available if she changes her mind and wants to actually do something with her life.
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    Jan 30, 2009 8:09 PM GMT

    Yep, only help people who are willing to help themselves. She'll come to her senses sooner or later.
  • EricPrado

    Posts: 206

    Jan 31, 2009 5:39 AM GMT
    You're right, you can't force her to do something she doesn't want to. But what you can do is just let her know that you at least tried to help her. You're already a good friend by giving her the number to the job where you're working AND even helping her out with her resume. Weather or not she chooses to take advantage of all of that is her choice. Hey, you already did what you could. The rest is up to her.
  • allatonce

    Posts: 904

    Jan 31, 2009 10:31 PM GMT
    I have to agree with everyone else. One of my best friends is the same. Just make it clear that you're available and try to make her feel good about herself. It could have to do with confidence/ fear of failure. Just be her friend to support her and leave the life coaching for someone else. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 01, 2009 2:29 AM GMT

    Hey tryingtolive, It's our humble experience that a friend can wear many hats, from coach to nurse to buddy to professor.....and then there's firefighter, the one that stands patiently below the window with a net ready to catch a person finally jumping after being told to over and over.

    He's gonna hold that net up so that when his friend makes the jump they don't break both legs in the process.

    Hehe, what a hamburger of a metaphor. When she gets up da noive, then you're there to help her avoid the pitfalls of starting something new and giving up at the first sign of difficulty...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2009 3:29 AM GMT
    Absolutely, it's worth trying to help! However, per your original post it seems your goodwill has reached this particular friend's saturation point. Considering the diminished returns you might consider giving her distance as she confronts her issues independently, reminding her less frequently that you are available as a resource. That way, she can reach out to you as her sense of resolution develops.icon_cool.gif