Is 20 too young for me?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2015 5:41 PM GMT
    I met a really cute and cool guy through mutual friends and really hit it off together. My friend sensed my attraction and told the guy (despite his own crush on him), then told me that the feeling is mutual. All I need to do is say the word. Except we're 7 years apart, and I'm not into being someone's "mentor". He's very mature for his age but I would be disappointed to find out later that it's still not enough to make it a relationship between equals, which is what I'm looking for...
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    Aug 28, 2015 5:45 PM GMT
    for a good relationship 7 years is nothing, not a big bap
    it's not like you are 40 and he is 20, that would be borderline pedophilia icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2015 6:04 PM GMT
    Just don't let him call you Daddy.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 28, 2015 6:15 PM GMT
    I'm sure 27 seems old to most 20 year olds, but it's all relative. 27 seems quite young to me.

    It's not that unusual for people to date someone older or younger. I have a friend who's 33 and dating a 20 year old, and they're very committed, but some of our other mutual friends who are in their late 20s or early 30s think it's to be frowned upon, in part because the 33 year old has had a pattern of dating guys in the 18 to 20 range, so they don't expect it to last.

    If you feel weird about, then you should go with your gut. But if it's love, star crossed or otherwise, then you just have to go with your heart.

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    Aug 28, 2015 7:31 PM GMT
    Also, the last guy I "dated" with who was that young wasn't mature for his age, and I felt horrible after for taking advantage of him. The only legit relationships I've had were with one guy 4 years younger and one 5 years older, and all my other dates were somewhere in between
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 28, 2015 7:39 PM GMT
    If you sincerely like him and want to try, I don't see the problem. 27 isn't old to me and it's only 7 years. Assuming that you're wanting to date him, I think as long as you two can connect, what's the harm?
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Aug 28, 2015 7:48 PM GMT
    ...Sounds like you answered your-own question.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Aug 28, 2015 8:38 PM GMT
    Aqueerius saidI met a really cute and cool guy through mutual friends and really hit it off together. My friend sensed my attraction and told the guy (despite his own crush on him), then told me that the feeling is mutual. All I need to do is say the word. Except we're 7 years apart, and I'm not into being someone's "mentor". He's very mature for his age but I would be disappointed to find out later that it's still not enough to make it a relationship between equals, which is what I'm looking for...


    There is mutual interest (which indicates that age difference does not matter) but it is TRUMPED by his lack of...whatever it is that you find wanting.

    So, YES...by your own comments, you two are not a match.
  • CheeseKraut

    Posts: 145

    Aug 28, 2015 8:52 PM GMT
    [quote]He's very mature for his age but I would be disappointed to find out later that it's still not enough to make it a relationship between equals, which is what I'm looking for...[/quote]

    Difference in maturity doesn't mean you can't respect someone as your equal and 7 years isn't that much difference.

    I do think 20 is awfully young to be in a long term relationship but he apparently doesn't.

    Why not try, just to see what happens if you try?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2015 9:24 PM GMT
    Hmm...I was expecting you to be 30-40 years old... I'm 21 myself and I do consider people up to 28 my contemporaries. You're 27! You know people are fully developed in their early twenties.. Plus some people tend to be even more mature, than the avarage person of the same age (like your guy is). So, NO he's not young enough to need "mentoring".

    If he'd be 19 I'd say yes, teenagers tend to significantly change themselves in a short period of time, through self-reflection etc., but if he's approaching 21 he should have figured himself out. also, if you hit it off, why would you be so worried about his age when the difference is just 6.1-7 years?
  • Sincityfan

    Posts: 409

    Aug 28, 2015 9:51 PM GMT
    bonaparts saidfor a good relationship 7 years is nothing, not a big bap
    it's not like you are 40 and he is 20, that would be borderline pedophilia icon_lol.gif

    rs_634x824-131220085417-634.Tom-Daley-Du
    It's not like he's old enough to be his father. ..oh wait.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2015 10:12 PM GMT
    I actually have a "friend" (not much of one lately) in his 20's, and he's dating a guy 7 years younger than him, and he's still a teenager, and it disturbs me quite a bit...we're actually not as close anymore because of it, but not because of the age difference per say, but that combined with the fact that my friend is immature and is notorious for always dating younger guys, due to it being easier for him to get a date with them. If you're dating someone younger who is mature, and you're immature, i find that a bit appalling; capitalizing off of a younger person's choice to take on more weight of maturity, when you're older and have no ability to be mature or wise to me is unfair.

    To the OP, as long as you're mature, and you have good intentions, as well as an ability to not take advantage of his age in some matters, you're fine. You seem experienced enough that your only motive behind the relationship is out of solidarity, not a back page agenda to increase your ego, or lack of confidence, like some predators do.

    Even though 7 years isn't really much, the age of 20 is still impressionable, and your brain is not finished forming yet, so I respect you a lot for posting your question; most gay guys I know don't give a fuck about anything you mentioned.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14360

    Aug 28, 2015 11:31 PM GMT
    TO23 saidI actually have a "friend" (not much of one lately) in his 20's, and he's dating a guy 7 years younger than him, and he's still a teenager, and it disturbs me quite a bit...we're actually not as close anymore because of it, but not because of the age difference per say, but that combined with the fact that my friend is immature and is notorious for always dating younger guys, due to it being easier for him to get a date with them. If you're dating someone younger who is mature, and you're immature, i find that a bit appalling; capitalizing off of a younger person's choice to take on more weight of maturity, when you're older and have no ability to be mature or wise to me is unfair.

    To the OP, as long as you're mature, and you have good intentions, as well as an ability to not take advantage of his age in some matters, you're fine. You seem experienced enough that your only motive behind the relationship is out of solidarity, not a back page agenda to increase your ego, or lack of confidence, like some predators do.

    Even though 7 years isn't really much, the age of 20 is still impressionable, and your brain is not finished forming yet, so I respect you a lot for posting your question; most gay guys I know don't give a fuck about anything you mentioned.
    Your brain is pretty much finished forming at age 20. The age of 20 is not all that impressionable, you are no longer a teenager. You are an adult. By the time you turn 20, your body has done almost all of its growing and developing. I don't buy all this latest bullshit that the mind doesn't finish forming until around 24 or 25 years of age. That is all just a glorified coverup for poor upbringing that has become commonplace these days.
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Aug 28, 2015 11:33 PM GMT
    Seven years difference isn't great, but your last line about a relationship between equals is confirmation you're a friend in need of honesty. Don' think a twenty year old can't be your equal; he can. However, I don't think at twenty it is fair to expect him to be ready for a relationship. He might be the most mature guy, but even a smart bright boy like that should be allowed to wander through the fields of Ambrosia, that are being twenty.
    HEY YOU - leave that kid alone.

    ...............................
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 713

    Aug 29, 2015 12:20 AM GMT
    who is this doormat friend of yours who basically set you two up even though he wants that guy for himself? Why can't I have friends like that??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2015 12:22 AM GMT
    roadbikeRob said
    TO23 saidI actually have a "friend" (not much of one lately) in his 20's, and he's dating a guy 7 years younger than him, and he's still a teenager, and it disturbs me quite a bit...we're actually not as close anymore because of it, but not because of the age difference per say, but that combined with the fact that my friend is immature and is notorious for always dating younger guys, due to it being easier for him to get a date with them. If you're dating someone younger who is mature, and you're immature, i find that a bit appalling; capitalizing off of a younger person's choice to take on more weight of maturity, when you're older and have no ability to be mature or wise to me is unfair.

    To the OP, as long as you're mature, and you have good intentions, as well as an ability to not take advantage of his age in some matters, you're fine. You seem experienced enough that your only motive behind the relationship is out of solidarity, not a back page agenda to increase your ego, or lack of confidence, like some predators do.

    Even though 7 years isn't really much, the age of 20 is still impressionable, and your brain is not finished forming yet, so I respect you a lot for posting your question; most gay guys I know don't give a fuck about anything you mentioned.
    Your brain is pretty much finished forming at age 20. The age of 20 is not all that impressionable, you are no longer a teenager. You are an adult. By the time you turn 20, your body has done almost all of its growing and developing. I don't buy all this latest bullshit that the mind doesn't finish forming until around 24 or 25 years of age. That is all just a glorified coverup for poor upbringing that has become commonplace these days.


    Whether it's finished forming or not, at age 20, our social system and education system still pretty much has you, and there has been little time for you to develop a sense of self outside of a major institution of socialization, which is necessary for you to be able to effectively establish what you need in another person, and for yourself. Your own conscious self is more powerful than a lot of the tiny calibrations that are occurring post adolescence, but the fact of the matter is that at 20 years old you're still a fucking kid, sorry. I was incredibly intelligent at age 18 to 20, and from those years to what I am now at 23, I might as well have been a complete idiot with the decisions I made.

    Also if you supported your theory with something more than a conspiratorially driven criticism, I would maybe say your statement has a bit more credibility. On top of that, your frontal cortex which is responsible for making decisions, legit finishes forming last, and to say that everyone has theirs finished at around 20 and not 25 for some, when some people begin puberty at 11, while others start at 16 or even later, just doesn't even make any rational sense on an empirical standpoint, unless you have some kind of ground breaking evidence to support it.
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 713

    Aug 29, 2015 12:40 AM GMT
    ^^There's a strong pro-pederasty contingent on this forum, and their philosophy is basically "legal age = anything goes" Acknowledging that age-gap exploitation can and frequently happens within the limits of the law makes them defensive. icon_lol.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 29, 2015 5:18 AM GMT
    7 years is not that far apart. If it lasts ... when he's 30 you'll be 37
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14360

    Aug 29, 2015 1:57 PM GMT
    TO23 said
    roadbikeRob said
    TO23 saidI actually have a "friend" (not much of one lately) in his 20's, and he's dating a guy 7 years younger than him, and he's still a teenager, and it disturbs me quite a bit...we're actually not as close anymore because of it, but not because of the age difference per say, but that combined with the fact that my friend is immature and is notorious for always dating younger guys, due to it being easier for him to get a date with them. If you're dating someone younger who is mature, and you're immature, i find that a bit appalling; capitalizing off of a younger person's choice to take on more weight of maturity, when you're older and have no ability to be mature or wise to me is unfair.

    To the OP, as long as you're mature, and you have good intentions, as well as an ability to not take advantage of his age in some matters, you're fine. You seem experienced enough that your only motive behind the relationship is out of solidarity, not a back page agenda to increase your ego, or lack of confidence, like some predators do.

    Even though 7 years isn't really much, the age of 20 is still impressionable, and your brain is not finished forming yet, so I respect you a lot for posting your question; most gay guys I know don't give a fuck about anything you mentioned.
    Your brain is pretty much finished forming at age 20. The age of 20 is not all that impressionable, you are no longer a teenager. You are an adult. By the time you turn 20, your body has done almost all of its growing and developing. I don't buy all this latest bullshit that the mind doesn't finish forming until around 24 or 25 years of age. That is all just a glorified coverup for poor upbringing that has become commonplace these days.


    Whether it's finished forming or not, at age 20, our social system and education system still pretty much has you, and there has been little time for you to develop a sense of self outside of a major institution of socialization, which is necessary for you to be able to effectively establish what you need in another person, and for yourself. Your own conscious self is more powerful than a lot of the tiny calibrations that are occurring post adolescence, but the fact of the matter is that at 20 years old you're still a fucking kid, sorry. I was incredibly intelligent at age 18 to 20, and from those years to what I am now at 23, I might as well have been a complete idiot with the decisions I made.

    Also if you supported your theory with something more than a conspiratorially driven criticism, I would maybe say your statement has a bit more credibility. On top of that, your frontal cortex which is responsible for making decisions, legit finishes forming last, and to say that everyone has theirs finished at around 20 and not 25 for some, when some people begin puberty at 11, while others start at 16 or even later, just doesn't even make any rational sense on an empirical standpoint, unless you have some kind of ground breaking evidence to support it.
    A 20 year old is definitely not a kid, they are an adult regardless of their prior socialization. As for making irresponsible decisions, that doesn't automatically end at age 21 like it is falsely percieved. Making irresponsible, horrible decisions is commonplace throughout your twenties not just between the ages of 18 to 21. All this so called empirical evidence is all unproven theories and baseless propaganda to cover up the ultra permissiveness and poor upbringing. A 20 YEAR OLD IS AN ADULT, PERIODicon_exclaim.gif It is time to make all 20 year olds fully legally responsible for all their actions because they are old enough and mature enough to do so regardless of what all these so called professional experts claim. They have all the rights of an adult so therefore they should shoulder ALL THE RESPONSIBILITIES of an adult, age 20 is not too young to do so. Enough of this nonsensical bullshit of considering 20 year old adults little children. My viewpoints are not conspiratorial criticism, they are based on reality and life experience. All this nonsense about the frontal cortex not being fully developed until the mid twenties is all theories and big worded, inconclusive gibberish. These so called experts are all full of shit. Following their professional advice has led to a bumper crop of societal misfits that remain financially dependent on their parents to almost age 30. That is not good.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2015 2:01 PM GMT
    My bf is 6 and a half years older, bothered me a bit at the beginning but its not that much of a difference, honestly you'll find immature ppl older than you all the time, your concern should be his level of maturity for a relationship and life desisions not his age in this case.you would be surprised with how many youngsters have more maturity and self control than older ones. Go for it, best of luck
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    Aug 29, 2015 2:05 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidJust don't let him call you Daddy.

    Lol omg this made my day xD
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14360

    Aug 29, 2015 2:09 PM GMT
    robbaker saidYes way too young .it's disgusting what these gay men have become just to get with them boys and break them in . it's pedophilia statutory rape etc but then again it wouldn't be too bad .the more dads break in them lads the better .leaving their asses drenched tired breathless crippled and unconscious. that way them other dads will have no other choice left but to play amongst themselves and a better chance for me to have one of my very own on a regular basis icon_smile.gif so bring it on boys when you meet with these gay older men and make sure you bring your Obamacare insurance with you you'll definitely need it ;)
    A 20 year old is a man, not a boy so the serious crime of pedophilia is totally irrelevant. Anyone who considers a 20 year old man a little boy is flat out wrong.
  • you_know_Its_...

    Posts: 261

    Aug 29, 2015 4:18 PM GMT
    theonewhoknocks said^^There's a strong pro-pederasty contingent on this forum, and their philosophy is basically "legal age = anything goes" Acknowledging that age-gap exploitation can and frequently happens within the limits of the law makes them defensive. icon_lol.gif


    A lot of gay men like to hide within the margins of the law, and have no ethical standards apart from it. Basically if it's legal it's ok.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2015 6:11 PM GMT
    You people using the term Pedophilia to describe sex between consenting adults need to educate yourself. Pedophilia is someone who is attracted to children under eleven years old. Just because you disapprove of their age gap does not give you the right to call them Pedophiles. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2015 7:41 PM GMT
    Radd saidYou people using the term Pedophilia to describe sex between consenting adults need to educate yourself. Pedophilia is someone who is attracted to children under eleven years old. Just because you disapprove of their age gap does not give you the right to call them Pedophiles. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Pretty sure they're trolling lol