Do you feel a certain way when guys say they have plans with friends but don't include you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2015 1:03 AM GMT
    I had to call a guy out on some bullshit today, and he's too much of a coward to even acknowledge or respond back.

    We been getting to know each other, leading into dating over the past couple weeks. It's been over a week since met. But we been staying in touch. We been talking about this all week and last week, about making plans to either go to dinner, or hike, or something....and he said today (Friday) is when he'd be most free.

    Well, I get in touch with him today...and he says he would love to but has to go the gym and meet friends for dinner. I told him exactly what I said above, and that he's playing games, despite him claiming that the guy I was dating before him...was playing games with me and considered it "childish". Now who's talking?

    I know he said dating was weird for him, but I didn't think that meant retarded. That's very disrespectful. And it's not even dating, it's just doing what you said you were doing. And unless that was a cop out for meaning that he's going on a date with someone else, or doesn't see whatever whatever happening right now, there's no reason to not invite me along.

    I'm not trying to sound possessive or anything, but I've been included with friends of guys enough times to know I shouldn't be treated like that. Lucky for me, I'm going on a date....in about an hour with someone else so not a total wasted night.
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    Aug 29, 2015 8:23 PM GMT
    You should have firmed up Friday's date - place, time, activities - in advance instead of having just an open-ended discussion and then calling the day of to finalize. If he didn't want to commit in advance you should have taken it as a sign that he's just not into you and was leaving his options open for a better offer.
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Aug 29, 2015 11:50 PM GMT

    Man, whoa, that was a HOT read. Seems as though the two of you have the muy caliente aspect of your dating lives down pat. In a situation like this, I'd sing it out with the right oldie - sounds like you've got oral on your mind and not karaoke.
    ............................
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    Aug 30, 2015 12:32 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidYou should have firmed up Friday's date - place, time, activities - in advance instead of having just an open-ended discussion and then calling the day of to finalize. If he didn't want to commit in advance you should have taken it as a sign that he's just not into you and was leaving his options open for a better offer.


    Well, we been working on making plans all along...but he hasn't really been putting the effort to follow through. On one other occasion, he told me we would go out to dinner. But he's a college professor and was citing having to grade papers over the weekend. He's been interested, he was interested in me when I was dating his friend, and when his friend started acting funny...he was trying to lure me in back then.

    I also made plans for us to go to a party Saturday. That was NOT tentative. And even then he seemed wavery and disinterested. Maybe he was just trying to hookup, which we have not.NIm not really stressing over this 1 particular guy, but in general I think it's rude when people respond and tell me they're going to be doing something....and leave me out of it. As if, their friends would be SOOOO adverse to them bringing along a friend/date too. It's just people being stupid for no fucking reason.

    I've heard people deal with this kind of stuff before too. When my friends, and people I've met had people do these things to them....on every occasion they were being sneaky, or they'd run into at the bar after the person claimed to be doing something else. Gay men can't be trusted.
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    Aug 30, 2015 12:38 AM GMT
    Oceans_of_Flowers said
    Man, whoa, that was a HOT read. Seems as though the two of you have the muy caliente aspect of your dating lives down pat. In a situation like this, I'd sing it out with the right oldie - sounds like you've got oral on your mind and not karaoke.
    ............................


    Haha, Good one
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    Aug 30, 2015 1:21 AM GMT
    Given you have only known each other a short time, your reaction seems a bit extreme to me. I think many people compartmentalize associations and may have different friends based on common interests or common occupations, for example, and prefer not to mix.
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    Aug 30, 2015 2:00 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs27 saidDo you feel a certain way when guys say they have plans with friends but don't include you?
    No, because it happens so seldom that I really don't care.
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    Aug 30, 2015 2:04 AM GMT
    You've only known each other for a few weeks my man. The main thing you should be focussing on right now is getting to know and understand each other to see if there is enough chemistry to make you more than acquaintances. As you get to know him more, you'll learn how he sees friends, family and boundaries and he'll understand you more too. Some people are really protective of their inner circle. Others may understand that not all their friends mix well together so they may want to wait til the time or situation is right. If he's getting to know you and catching up with friends at the same time both groups are only getting part of his time.

    To me, the bigger concern is that he threw out that Friday was a date that he'd likely be free. I may be different, but I wouldn't have given you that date unless I was prepared to hold it for you or at least give you first chance to say yes/no. So maybe this is a sign to sloooow things down a little. Maybe follow his lead a little but also put your eggs in other baskets too so you have options.

    Good luck!
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    Aug 30, 2015 9:20 AM GMT
    I'm done with this guy. I'm not interested in him anymore. He's proven to be a coward, and that's a turn off. It's that passive aggressive attitude.
  • Tesseract

    Posts: 2

    Aug 31, 2015 12:52 AM GMT
    I find dog analogies work well with men. If I picked up a cute stray dog off the street, would I bring it over to a friends place in 14 days?

    Maybe he doesn't play well with some people (Looking at you, mailman). Maybe he gobbles up food off people's plates when they aren't looking, like a furry little bandit, and then is aggressive towards the waiter.

    Even IF things go well and my friends love him, maybe he's just a sneaky belly-rub slut, only using me for my pets and treats? So he runs away when someone else is giving out brand-name dog biscuits, and I have to explain to my friends why the new stupid rescue dog they love so much isn't around anymore.

    You made a good choice. The whole reason for getting a dog is so you can come home to someone that's happy to see you. Nothing sadder than a dog that doesn't even get excited enough to waddle across the room and see you.