Meeting Someone "For Keeps": Have you deliberately opted to be "just friends" with him inspite of your sexual attraction, just so you'd be on the safe side of keeping him?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2009 9:17 PM GMT

    I just noticed a pattern of behavior with me lately. No matter how much I am drawn to someone I find sexually attractive, I just end up befriending that person... this is the case offline and well, online. For fear that jumping on the romantic wagon may be too risky.

    This way, by being friends, they just become their real selves. And I reckon you get to know a person more when they are relaxed and with their defenses down. Isn't that the point of it all? How many of you have taken that one-way friendship road (without showing any trace of romantic inclination towards the other person) for thinking it's the only way to keep him safely, if you know he's a really a keeper?

    I ask this 'cos it's beginning to hurt already. Right, Paul? icon_wink.gif

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    Jan 31, 2009 5:57 PM GMT
    Zimster, That's what happened with me. We first started out as friends. There was always an attraction but I was doing my thing or town should I say. He was doing his.

    Then all of a sudden I asked him if we should date? We talked it over, kinda like an interview. We decided against it.

    Few months later. We were just hanging out like usual. Bam we kissed and never went back. It's been great
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    Jan 31, 2009 7:18 PM GMT

    That's very encouraging. A few months won't hurt and I think is reasonable... provided he, no, actually theyicon_eek.gif (I'm keeping my selection bigger by the numbers) don't get into a serious relationship... but it's okay if they do... I guess? icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2009 10:45 PM GMT
    hmm I don't do it to know I'm going to keep him safely.. I do it because I've no interest in a relationship, I am usually romantically attracted to a lot of guys, I don't know why, but I just can always find so much in most people that I find attractive.. but alas, I can't date them all.. so.. 98% of guys I meet get put into friends cause they are just not gonna happen..
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    Feb 01, 2009 12:09 AM GMT
    Yeah, this happened to me...Became great friends, then a drunken night led to intimacy and I was sprung...But he didn't quite catch the same feelings. In his mind, the sex just made us closer friends...

    So I had to decide, continue to be friends only to pine after the guy and watch him date other men or sever ties and lose a great and close friend...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2009 6:36 AM GMT
    Well, if I'm sexually attractive to someone, it's hard to be just friend, unless it's friend with some benefits. But when it gets to friend with benefits, it can get complicated...
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Feb 02, 2009 7:16 PM GMT
    Careful what you wish for Zim....

    I just got rid of a "supposed" friend who did just that
    who got all possessive on me because he was thinking we'd get together someday
    I kind of thought this was the case but he was really a good friend up until now and did some really nasty stuff
    I know love hurts and all's fair but be honest....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2009 8:13 PM GMT

    GQJock,

    I can clearly see your point of concern. Sometimes, this is the scenario of "friendship" in my head... esp. when I gain weight later in life...

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2009 11:25 AM GMT
    I do it a lot. There's people I meet and become friends with, but grow really strong feelings towards. The problem is that I'm not sure if it's a developing love, or if it's just my usual love of the chase, and by that stage, I don't want to risk losing these people as a friend. Love is bullshit.
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    Feb 04, 2009 3:55 AM GMT
    I'm in that situation right now. Although, we both are sexually attracted to each other. But we talked about it. He's already stated he makes a much better friend than boyfriend. So, we accept what the relationship is.

    I would much rather have him in my life as a friend than not be in my life at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2009 5:50 AM GMT
    MplsInShape saidI'm in that situation right now. Although, we both are sexually attracted to each other. But we talked about it. He's already stated he makes a much better friend than boyfriend. So, we accept what the relationship is.


    OHHH... I'm so interested!!! I've been waiting for a reply like yours: a case where both are sexually attracted to each other. Did you have sex yet? I mean the kind of "let's-just-get-it-over-and-done-with" sex... icon_question.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2009 1:54 PM GMT

    TODAY, I CHANGED MY MIND. FUCK FRIENDSHIP, I HAZ A LOT OF THOSE ALREADY!!! icon_mad.gif

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 13, 2009 1:56 PM GMT
    Is it really that unusual for two guys to date awhile and keep it in their pants until they get to know each other better?
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    Apr 24, 2009 6:41 AM GMT
    I don't like pushy or desperate people. If someone was too pushy or desperate towards me we would neither date nor even be friends. I try too hard to avoid being pushy or desperate myself and therefor conceal or downplay my romantic interest. There's one (in a far away city) who has been on my mind for 8 or 9 months. I make it a point to try and meet whenever I happened to be in that city and arrange my route to pass through there when I can. Through my persistence we have met about 4 times. We also email, chat and text average a few times a week. As we get to know each other better I keep seeing signs - which I would rather ignore - that I'm just not his type, and sometimes it brings tears to my eyes. I make it a point to hide that (easy enough from so far away) as I refuse any remote possibility of being perceived as desperate. At this rate I'm sure we will friends for a long time to come even if nothing deeper comes of it