How old were u?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2015 3:30 AM GMT
    How old were you when u came out and were with a guy for the first time? I personally have never been with a women and didn't have my first experience with a guy until I was 26. Very religious and southern family.

    I actually used to hate myself for being gay. Anyone else?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Sep 06, 2015 3:35 AM GMT
    23..Almost got married at 22..Dodged that bullet.
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    Sep 06, 2015 4:00 AM GMT
    First secret boyfriend at age 16. Came out at 21 to my friends and coworkers. Got caught by my parents at age 23. Dad couldn't handle it and had a heart attack less than a year later (thank 'insert deity'!) And yeah, I was also raised in a very conservative southern religious family.

    Fortunately I've spent well over half my adult life in larger cities where being gay isn't such a big deal.
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    Sep 06, 2015 4:15 AM GMT
    27, mostly because I never wanted to come out and also because I wanted to save myself for someone special.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Sep 06, 2015 4:26 AM GMT
    16
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    Sep 06, 2015 4:29 AM GMT
    I came out to my parents a few months prior to my first (and only) sexual encounter. My first time was when I was 20 and I deep-throated this Puerto Rican dude's dick.

    No, I've never resented being gay.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Sep 06, 2015 4:44 AM GMT

    I too know what it's like to "come out" in The South"

    For me there's no simple answer to that question because I realized I had a serious attraction to men when I was 15. That was 1965. There's no way to relate those times into the context of 2015. My mother found out when I was 16 but kept it silent from my father, a career USAF officer. For that era she was quite understanding and compassionate about it, but not in the manner anyone today would think of understanding and compassion. That was because she was French and didn't have the same view of homosexuality as Americans, but still it was pretty backwards from a 2015 perspective. She told me about how men in Europe married women and kept their private affairs with either men or women or both private and quiet.

    I was 20, in Auburn University, married and had a pregnant wife the first time I heard the word "gay" applied to homosexuals. By that time I'd had sex with other guys in the manner most men did - by sneaking around.

    The process of coming out for me really didn't start until 1977 when I was outed in South Florida and lost a job over it during the insanity against gays Anita Bryant launched. I was 28, four years into a relationship with a man who, like me, was a single father with custody of a son the same age as mine. In that time an "out" gay man with a child would have been dragged to court and had his son taken away by the courts, so there was no way for us to have ever been completely "out" during that time.

    I didn't tell my father until 1984. I was 34. He surprised me. He said he'd suspected since I was a teen and then rambled on for several hours about all the gay men he'd known of in the Air Force, and how he'd always tried to turn a blind eye to it. It was a pretty good experience for us both. He'd met my lover and liked him, but he was concerned for the well being of our sons - as were the majority of the gay people during that time who found out we had children.

    The boys thought they had it all figured out by the time they were 13 and pretty much "gave us their permission" to stop being so uptight about it in front of them - as long as we didn't embarrass them in front of their friends. That was a friggin milestone and several tons off our shoulders. It began a slow process of them asking questions as they become comfortable with the answers they might hear. It all started off with "do you guys ever hold hands like married people?" and, over time, expanded to them wanting to go in a gay bar and see what all the fuss was about when the summer they were 18. Steve and I were more nervous about taking them to a bar than they were about going in one. They went to college at the time "gay" was just starting to become "cool." They'd bring home friends who they'd "come out" to as being the sons of gay dads... Another huge milestone. Great times were had by all. It made it easy for Steve and I to ease out to more and more people.

    I guess it was a slow process, over decades that we really didn't take notice of too often. By the time Steve and I started (1988?) coming "out" to to straight people, neighbors, employees, business associates they all seemed to already know and be fine with it. We changed as the times changed.
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    Sep 06, 2015 4:40 PM GMT
    16 with a mate of mine .
    My parents knew i was attracted to both sexes , as the had seen me with girls and boys ..lol...
    They didn't care as long i was not hurting anyone in the process ..
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Sep 06, 2015 5:52 PM GMT
    i came out openly when i was 15. People were nice about to my face but i didn't get invited to parties and guys didn't want me in their social circle etc.

    I've never had any romantic experience with a guy. Not even a first kiss yet. I'm kind of bummed about it because all my friends, gay and straight are hooking up and dating and shit and i'm just sitting here being ugly and rejected by everyone i've ever liked.

    But i suppose i do have it good because at the moment that's the only problem i have in life
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    Sep 06, 2015 5:54 PM GMT
    27 when I finally acknowledged to myself that I was gay and started telling others about it. 28 when I first had sex with another man. I had fooled around with a very few women in my late teens and early to mid-20's but never gone "all the way" with any of them. I've never "hated myself" for being gay but for a long time I had just been afraid of not being mainstream. Being gay has truly been a blessing for me because I think this has made me a lot more open, interesting and empathetic person than I might otherwise have ended up being.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Sep 06, 2015 6:10 PM GMT
    First boyfriend in Middle School, first relationship in high-school, came out to close friends at about 22, gradually to everyone else thereafter. My seriously right-wing christianist brother is the only one with a problem, but I've largely cut him out of my life. Happily, I belong to a very Open & Affirming church (Trinity Episcopal, Seattle), where I headed the official O&A study group (Trinity was unofficially very welcoming since way back when), and started the annual Matthew Shepard sermon.
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    Sep 06, 2015 6:18 PM GMT
    Raised in humanist family. Never a word heard at home against gays though there was some indirect homophobia directed towards me by my inhibited brother throughout my life. He'd vote for our rights but also he'd treat me as less than hetero.

    Exploratory touchy feely stuff throughout my childhood among myself and my friends, sleep overs, summer camp, that sort of thing.

    First full on sex (oral) at 16 with a guy probably 18 or 20, freaked me out a bit; and then not again until 17 by which time I was hitting the bars in Lauderdale. Super fun.

    First came out to heteros in 1975 senior year high school. Was a disaster. I was only in that school for about a year or more but lost many friends. Out of around 15 only three remained friends. That hurt.

    Went off to college and back into closet. That sucked.

    Came out again in sophomore year to my roommate of a year and a half and at that time best local friend. He outed me to everyone the very next day. Freaked me the fuck out. Everyone was respectful. In retrospect some guys were coming onto me. But I couldn't handle it. I changed schools.

    So in my junior year I started new school as an out and proud gay man, determined to never again make a friend who did not know me as gay.

    That's when I came out to mom, telling her that "I think I'm bisexual" though I knew I was gay. Her very first words to me were: "oh, I always thought I was bisexual too." And then we went out to lunch.

    Being out about who I am was not really my problem. It was coming out that sucked. I never did like being gay in this world. I think this world is a douchebag. But I always did like being gay.
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    Sep 06, 2015 6:59 PM GMT
    Just starting to come out. (23 y/o)
    Already came out to my sister.

    Might take me awhile to come out to my brother and mom.
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    Sep 06, 2015 7:06 PM GMT
    First time with a guy was 21. It took me 11 years to process the fact that I wasn't going to procreate or have grandchildren or any of the other Norman Rockwell-ish accoutrements.

    That was the most difficult part.
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    Sep 06, 2015 7:35 PM GMT
    bon_pan saidFirst time with a guy was 21. It took me 11 years to process the fact that I wasn't going to procreate or have grandchildren or any of the other Norman Rockwell-ish accoutrements.

    That was the most difficult part.


    The few Bi guys I allowed myself to pursue eventually revealed that I was just fun for them for this exact reason. They wanted a family and hence a woman. Kind of avoid Bi guys now.....
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    Sep 06, 2015 9:31 PM GMT
    First boyfriend and sexual experience at 7. Was active until 13 then got back at 18. Been in and out of the closet so many times I'm not sure where I am right now. I sometimes "come out" to some people 5times. Dont remember who I told and who I haven't.

    No really, I had sex with a boy for the first time at 7 years. He was 10.
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    Sep 07, 2015 2:26 AM GMT
    Came out when I was 12, had first gay experience at 13, and lost virginity when I was 14.
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    Sep 07, 2015 2:23 PM GMT
    19
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    Sep 07, 2015 4:15 PM GMT
    First time was 16... kept mostly a secret and on the down-low up until I was 32. Lots of boys on the side, even during the years I was married to a woman.

    Divorced her for reasons having nothing to do with my sexuality, and decided to embrace my man-to-man sexuality fully. Came out to Mom at 32, other friends and family after that, then finally at work at 34.
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    Sep 07, 2015 5:23 PM GMT
    14 caught in the basement. What the hell is going on down there. Oh shit.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14372

    Sep 07, 2015 8:49 PM GMT
    32icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2015 6:59 PM GMT
    Not out but was very very curious. Not well informed and the first thing i stumbled upon was craigslist. Tried it and and lost my v card earlier this year. Soon realized it wasn't safe and moved to grindr and went into a slut phase. Stopped soon after as I got tired of not getting what I want and the time investment.
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    Sep 08, 2015 11:39 PM GMT
    I was around 22, when I first started to have sex with a guy. I came out shortly after that, came out to the family at 26. Been with a girl when I was 24. But it started way before that, even in HS, college, even though I went out with girls, I always like cute hot guys. Lol esp. the swimmer jocks. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_razz.gif