Dating a much bigger/stronger guy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2015 5:31 AM GMT
    I've recently started dating this MMA fighter who is about 30cm taller and nearly 35kg heavier than I am. Things are going great, he seems like a very calm and loving person, but seeing him fight last weekend kind of scared me. I've done a bit of martial arts myself, but seeing his raw brutality in the ring made me wonder what would happen if we were to have a bad argument one day or if he lost his mind at someone on the street. I have a naturally small built, and although I've managed to put on a fair bit of weight since my freakish skinny teenage days, I am still lot smaller and weaker than he is.

    Anyone with similat experience willing to share their experiences or give some advice? Is it normal to feel kind of intimidated?
  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    Sep 07, 2015 7:33 AM GMT
    I've dated guys bigger and smaller than me.. I think it's about trust more than anything.. You'll know if you feel comfortable.. if you don't, then it's not going to work..
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    Sep 07, 2015 7:37 AM GMT
    Then that's the risk you have to take. If you're a skinny guy dating a bulked up guy.

    Me personally, If anything that's more of a turn on. I'm into S&M and things of that sort. I would like to be with a bigger guy and push his buttons to see what happens.

    To some people that wouldn't make sense I agree, but then again I'm black and gay so my whole life doesn't make sense.

    Best of luck to you.

  • Sep 07, 2015 8:21 AM GMT
    I think its all about trust. If you two become close then you might actually feel better that you have him by your side.
    Even a skinny guy can stab you with knife....

    But then there might be a problem of napoleon complex, I have it too.
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    Sep 07, 2015 9:34 AM GMT
    Boaxy saidMe personally, If anything that's more of a turn on. I'm into S&M and things of that sort.


    Haha likewise. I find it to be a huge turn on actually. I usually do go for guys my size or bigger, but this time around the difference in size, strength and fighting ability is just so large lol!
  • NursePractiti...

    Posts: 232

    Sep 07, 2015 1:01 PM GMT
    If your worried about what he would do in an argument then perhaps you need to examine that relationship. Does he treat you badly behind closed doors? Controlling? Keep you from your friends? If yes then run far away. But if not, have fun and enjoy the relationship. I have dated guys bigger than me mostly. But then, I am short. I have also dated guys skinner than me, built as me, etc. I look more to the personality than build. But that's me. And no abusive relationship. I have been there once. Five years. Never again.
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    Sep 07, 2015 1:40 PM GMT
    Nursemuscle, nah he's really caring and calm, it's just the thought I had, I mean, everyone loses their mind at one point. Truth is, we don't know each other that well, we've only been dating for about a month, but there have been no worrying signs so far.

    It might be a napoleon complex, but it's kinda weird feeling so powerless haha
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    Sep 07, 2015 2:05 PM GMT
    MMA could be his outlet for any pent up frustration which keeps him on even keel the rest of the time. I know that I am more tense and irritable when I can't exercise regularly. Better he's expending that energy in a healthy way. If you're not seeing any of the warning signs above I suspect you are fine. He may actually enjoy the feeling of being protective of a smaller dude.
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Sep 07, 2015 2:36 PM GMT
    You live that that possibility no matter who you are dating. If your date or partner whacks out, it may be a pistol, knife, or other object used for your demise.

    I am the tiniest in my household by a large margin. I am dating a guy who is 6'2" at 280. His body fat is about 4%. His biceps are larger than my thighs.

    Relax and you'll be fine.

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    Sep 07, 2015 3:41 PM GMT
    I have been privileged to have dated 2 bodybuilders in my life. Both very large and powerful guys. Both had very cocky attitudes which I loved. icon_cool.gif
    One was very aggressive especially while training for upcoming contests. (And before the usual NO-NOTHINGS chime in, one did steroids and one did not. (The one that DID do the steroids was nowhere near as aggressive as the one whom had NOT done them.))
    There were clashes at times due to attitudes. Despite my small size (compared to them), I can have a really aggressive and bad attitude too.

    When with someone who is physically superior in strength and size and can be aggressive you sort of just have to go with the flow. Always respect their physical prowess. Just never be scared. If you’re scared, then that is really not a healthy relationship for you, and it won’t work. You just have to respect their size and strength, know when to be forceful, and know when to back off. And they must respect your attributes both physically and mentally.

    Go for it. And enjoy! NOTHING compares to being with someone MUCH bigger! (Muscle wise) icon_biggrin.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 07, 2015 3:46 PM GMT
    As Always, it depends on the individual man.

    If you like him, if you trust him, then "It's ALL good".
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 07, 2015 4:16 PM GMT
    I know what you mean. The first time I was with a bigger guy it felt odd. But you soon learn that big guys have all the same insecurities as everyone else. It might not be about size or strength but it will be about something. We're all a bundle of strengths and weaknesses and confidence and insecurities. Just get to know him. You'll find if your relationship works, he'll be as vulnerable to you as you are to him. That's part of what binds you together.
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    Sep 07, 2015 4:18 PM GMT
    My guy's a bigger, more muscular guy than I am.

    I'm a runner and a mover... he's a gym rat. He could kick my ass quite thoroughly if he was ever so inclined... but we're lovers, not fighters. icon_cool.gif
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    Sep 07, 2015 4:32 PM GMT
    #troubleinparadise
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    Sep 07, 2015 5:27 PM GMT
    Stop bragging bro
    and
    I think you're using "Napoleon Complex" incorrectly; if not, than it's the MMA fighter that should be worried.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 07, 2015 5:29 PM GMT
    Clearly you don't live in a country where size doesn't matter, thanks to permissive gun laws.
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    Sep 07, 2015 6:22 PM GMT
    I date a guy who can out box and wrestle me. In spite of my size he is also not far off in strength. I enjoy the fact he can not only take me out but stand up for us in a bad situation if we were confronted. It would not all be on me.
    That said he has never raised a hand in anger that I have witnessed.

    Don't look for trouble where there is non
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2015 6:36 PM GMT
    I think you have nothing to worry about.
  • aax_aax_aax

    Posts: 80

    Sep 07, 2015 7:20 PM GMT
    silly thing to worry about ;)
    http://theoatmeal.com/misc/frame/cat_kill
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    Sep 07, 2015 9:01 PM GMT
    So he is 200 cm tall and 100kg heavy. Makes you feel safe an secure. That's great. But in the bedroom, the only question is, does he rip you apart? If not, it's all good.
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    Sep 07, 2015 9:42 PM GMT
    OP's worst nightmare (or best fantasy): fabulous 1994 Jaclyn Smith Lifetime movie about her character's roid raging cop husband - played by a real life former Marlboro Man and Calvin Klein model Brad Johnson lifting weights in his underwear a lot - abusing her:

    2u4rezc.jpg

    See the entire typically Lifetime-titled movie, "Cries Unheard: The Donna Yaklich Story," here:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7DRLI5JhXg

    Domestic violence has never been so hot!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2015 10:05 PM GMT
    Longblack saidSo he is 200 cm tall and 100kg heavy. Makes you feel safe an secure. That's great. But in the bedroom, the only question is, does he rip you apart? If not, it's all good.


    100kg for someone who's 2m tall is actually skinny.
  • Descamisado

    Posts: 95

    Sep 07, 2015 10:48 PM GMT
    I currently work out alongside MMA fighters. The leaders of the fitness routines also spar with people in cages. Nobody has ever been anything but supportive and encouraging to me, but I too am a little taken aback when I see them sparring. There must be an on/off switch for that "raw brutality" that we see, and somewhere in their training they're taught how to use it. My guess is it's more of a conscious decision than an involuntary reaction. (Once when I was grappling with a guy, he told me "Pretend you don't like me.") Obviously this is quite different from an intimate relationship, but all in all I think you have more to fear from a guy who's nice all the time but sometimes suddenly "snaps" than from a guy who channels his aggression into a specific outlet.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Sep 08, 2015 2:11 AM GMT
    98pound women rule all kinds of men and keep their balls in a jar, think about that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2015 2:53 AM GMT
    I'm short so I get this a lot because so many guys are taller than me...

    It comes down to trust. You just have to trust him until he gives you a reason not to.

    Great, he's vicious in the ring. But the ring is not your personal life, and he's fighting for a living: to put food on his table, pay his way in the world, et cetera.

    Again, you just have to trust until he gives you a reason not to.