Embracing sexual freedom

  • De_Couteau

    Posts: 11

    Sep 07, 2015 8:57 AM GMT
    Howdy- I usually lurk around here but never post. However, it's late and I've had some things buzzing on my mind lately so I figure it can't hurt to survey some opinions.

    To try to put things concisely- I was in a relationship for about 4 years (essentially my entire college experience) before it ended on mutual terms. I really had no desire to be in a relationship for a very long time after that. The past couple of years I've had an increasingly intimate friendship with a guy who initially presented as straight, but eventually confessed to be bisexual after a night of booze and physical stimulation (I know, I know..). The details of that are probably better suited for another thread.

    But since officially telling myself to give up on that fantasy turning into a relationship, I've kind of thrown my hands up in the air again. While being hung up on this guy, I'd go through spells of feeling rejected and dealt with it by chasing a series of hook-ups until he'd remind me why I was falling in love with him. They'd then leave me feeling guilty and I'd go out of my way to try to prevent myself from over-indulging again. Now that I'm giving up on the relationship ideal once more, I find myself "over-indulging" but feeling less and less guilty about it.

    I guess I've never really had a good grasp of where I fit with my sexuality or my identity within the communities I pass through on a daily basis. I never really prepared myself to think in terms of "rejecting hetero norms" or living a life of sexual liberty because I just wanted to feel like a casual member of mainstream society with my little quirks and orientations as sidenotes. So it all feels strange to think of me not stressing over things like group sex, naked parties, blowing more than one guy in a day and wanting to explore more and more men- and not feel guilty, but slightly excited and optimistic about it.

    Has anyone else felt a change in perspective from feeling guilty about these things to embracing them? Maybe I'm just really really horny this month.

    Thanks for reading- I appreciate it icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2015 5:55 PM GMT
    This post makes no sense, so let me Trump it for you.

    "You are a tremendous man, a perfect man in most ways. Just stop expecting others to do all the work, because you remain tremendous. Fabulous really, amazing."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2015 8:36 PM GMT
    Enjoy yourself just be safe and always treat others you encounter as you would want to be treated in return.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2015 1:24 AM GMT
    Sorry for the text-wall. And I hope readers find it salient. This is my first post on this forum.

    This kind of makes sense to me, although I think I'm coming at this from the opposite end to the OP. I have been in a long-term (22 years + 2 married) committed relationship in which we've agreed to be monogamous. Window shopping is OK, but no purchases, or trial runs. I don't think my partner has slipped, but I have to admit that I've succumbed to many moments of weakness, albeit never anything more than a 1NS, if even that much. It was mostly between the 10 to 14 year marks. For the past 10 years, my sex life (with another person) has been pretty non-existent.

    For years, I've been deeply troubled by the notion that my hubs and I are not really all that compatible, sexually. This has recently been exacerbated by other factors that I won't mention here, except to say that we hardly have sex at all anymore. And it's not for lack of trying. I've attempted many times to rekindle the spark. But I still love and care for him, and I still want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I still have sexual needs, that weren't, haven't been, and still aren't being met. And I dealt with it by having NSA sex, viewing porn, and playing out my extended sexual fantasies in creative writing, all behind his back. To his credit, he's known all along, at least that I've been up to SOMETHING, but never called me on it or given me grief. But the idea of hurting him by being blatant about the fact that I wasn't getting what I need from him really fucked with my mind. Pushing down my sexual frustration, and denying myself the kinds of sex I wanted, I've come to understand is really unhealthy, and results in depression, irritability, aggression -- to name a few -- that just seems to come out of nowhere.

    But after spending yesterday writing a fantasy involving my UPS guy, and getting really worked up about it, while my hubs was not at home, something just clicked for me and I just decided I would pour out my guts to him when he got back. I won't bore you any more with details (unless you want them), but, suffice it to say, now that I've come clean about my sexual needs and proclivities that I've been keeping from the person I am closer to than anyone else, I feel so liberated. It's like coming out all over again. We talked about me getting my needs met safely and in ways that wouldn't compromise our relationship (the practical and emotional logistics are still a work in progress, of course). And I feel like a boulder has been lifted off my shoulders, and a wall that has been standing between me and my hubs for years, has been shattered.

    I know that some people have open relationships and deal with it very maturely. I can't say that I have been one of those. But I'm starting to see the potential.