Feeling after hookups

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2015 5:17 PM GMT
    OK, I just need to get it off my chest to feel better. I've been seeing a guy for quick hookups a few times. And after each time, I just felt like being used, pathetic and sad little guy.

    We met, hardly talk to each other about anything meaningful, he humped me, left me there after coming and five minutes later I'm out of his apartment. And what's worst, the last time he was kind of chatting with someone on Skype, then after sex he just prepared for his date immediately. After some awkward silence, I just knew I need to leave.

    I don't hate him, I just hate myself letting this happen. Have you ever felt the same? Any experience sharing/ encouragement is appreciated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2015 5:21 PM GMT
    Have some self-worth and stop being a cum dump.
    Yes, I have felt it. Now, I don't do it or avoid it until I feel some sort of connection with the guy, even if it's a one time thing.
    I don't go to meet guys who have morning wood or are horny because they are tipsy. It's much better to meet guys before instead of seeing him for the first time naked in his or your bedroom.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Sep 09, 2015 5:24 PM GMT
    Sex is fun. If this guy isn't fun, dump him. It doesn't mean hookups in general are evil or that you should feel used, pathetic or sad. He's just an asshole. You're fine. Just move on.
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    Sep 09, 2015 5:29 PM GMT
    why do people always ask questions when they already have the answers.

    There are those type of people that will let you hear petty words of encouragement, however, I think the remedy for you is the harsh reality that you have no self respect for yourself. Stop being a doormat if you can't handle these type of hookups. Find someone else to quench your loneliness.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 803

    Sep 09, 2015 6:05 PM GMT
    recklissmind saidOK, I just need to get it off my chest to feel better. I've been seeing a guy for quick hookups a few times. And after each time, I just felt like being used, pathetic and sad little guy.

    We met, hardly talk to each other about anything meaningful, he humped me, left me there after coming and five minutes later I'm out of his apartment. And what's worst, the last time he was kind of chatting with someone on Skype, then after sex he just prepared for his date immediately. After some awkward silence, I just knew I need to leave.

    I don't hate him, I just hate myself letting this happen. Have you ever felt the same? Any experience sharing/ encouragement is appreciated.


    You need to ask yourself - does this activity serve me? Do the pluses of it outshine the negatives?

    If not, MAKE OTHER CHOICES that respect your body and person. Is better to use your hand and your fertile imagination for sexual stimulation than to surrender to "this mutual using of bodies".
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Sep 09, 2015 6:07 PM GMT
    hookups can be fun ,and you can be nice and friendly and even have intimacy ,even in a hookup, just look for a better hookup next time, this guy is a duch.
  • ursa_minor

    Posts: 566

    Sep 09, 2015 7:11 PM GMT
    well it is just a hookup.

    i think the feeling of remorse each time you hookup is associated with wanting more than sex.

    just relax and enjoy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2015 7:17 PM GMT
    A Hook-up can be fun, in the old days we called it 'camping' or a 'pick-up'. In the old days we did not have Instant Messenger, Skype, Face Book; Twitter or Whatsapp. It is very impersonal if the guy just wants you for a quicky and then has his mobile or tablet in hand afterwards. Sex is a wonderful and intimate thing, a moment of passion between two people. It is not supposed to be a 'Wham-Bam-Thank you', thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2015 12:18 AM GMT
    recklissmind saidOK, I just need to get it off my chest to feel better. I've been seeing a guy for quick hookups a few times. And after each time, I just felt like being used, pathetic and sad little guy.

    We met, hardly talk to each other about anything meaningful, he humped me, left me there after coming and five minutes later I'm out of his apartment. And what's worst, the last time he was kind of chatting with someone on Skype, then after sex he just prepared for his date immediately. After some awkward silence, I just knew I need to leave.

    I don't hate him, I just hate myself letting this happen. Have you ever felt the same? Any experience sharing/ encouragement is appreciated.


    It's a hookup. Just what do you expect?:roll

    Get some self respect and stop being a cum rag.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2015 12:57 AM GMT
    Did you guys just decide on fucking? Because he could just see you as a hole to fuck. Maybe you'd have more if you two discussed what you're both into and like done to each other if you haven't already.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2015 1:29 AM GMT
    I haven't hooked up in a long time, but never experienced what the OP is experiencing. I always viewed a hookup for what it is...a hookup for sexual pleasure, and I always felt sexually pleasured after almost every one (a few were boring, but most were great).
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    Sep 10, 2015 3:33 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidSex is fun. If this guy isn't fun, dump him. It doesn't mean hookups in general are evil or that you should feel used, pathetic or sad. He's just an asshole. You're fine. Just move on.


    +1

    A hookup was what a hookup is...a hookup...sex.

    You want, you'll need to get pictured, profiled, and start dating.
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    Sep 10, 2015 3:34 AM GMT
    Domino_dancer saidA Hook-up can be fun, in the old days we called it 'camping' or a 'pick-up'. In the old days we did not have Instant Messenger, Skype, Face Book; Twitter or Whatsapp. It is very impersonal if the guy just wants you for a quicky and then has his mobile or tablet in hand afterwards. Sex is a wonderful and intimate thing, a moment of passion between two people. It is not supposed to be a 'Wham-Bam-Thank you', thing.


    The good old days before proximity sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2015 6:04 AM GMT
    I don't think I ever felt that way but that's most likely because I'm similar to the guy. I think there are two conflicting philosophies when it comes to hooking up. Some people want some form of intimacy involved, and others just want to get off. I'm in the latter and I believe that guy is as well.

    I prefer to be like that because it makes life simple, plus sex is just sex to me when it comes to hooking up.

    I think a good way for you to avoid being in that position is to have a better sense of control. I think urges get the better of people and makes them impulsive, and that impulsiveness leads to fucking people that they normally wouldn't consider if their brain had any say. Buyers remorse is a bitch lol
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    Sep 10, 2015 12:36 PM GMT
    I think a lot of gay guys go through a slut stage where they just hump/get humped by anything and anyone. We're men, and men tend to love sex. And having casual sex as a gay man is just so damn easy!!

    It sounds to me like you're ready to get out of this "hookup phase". I reckon it's perfectly normal. You are exactly where I was a couple of years ago after my last Grindr hookup. I felt horrible and ashamed. It wasn't as fun as it used to be when I was younger. So I simply stopped it. I got out of all dating websites for a while, spent some time reflecting on my experiences and why I was feeling the way I felt and only started dating again once I achieved the mindset I have today.

    You've probably heard tho, but man, sex is SO MUCH funner when you actually have chemistry with your partner. It's just so much better!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2015 2:21 PM GMT
    Nice to see so much gay men speak about self respect n not just about pleasing a hard dick. Im proud!!!icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2015 2:27 PM GMT
    Is it normal that iv never went through a slutty/random hookups stage? I find it sick. We gay (into same sex), not animals nor the things that the rest of the world thinks we are .lol sometimes....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2015 3:04 PM GMT
    No one can make you feel bad without your consent. If you're not getting any satisfaction from the "relationship", and instead what you're getting is self-hate, then why stick with it?
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 803

    Sep 11, 2015 7:27 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidNo one can make you feel bad without your consent. If you're not getting any satisfaction from the "relationship", and instead what you're getting is self-hate, then why stick with it?


    Are you sure? Sounds like another bit of trite self-improvement propaganda.

    A person can TELL HIMSELF that he does not feel emotional pain through another's actions, but this is all nonsense.

    We experience emotional pain early and repeatedly via contact with family and other trusted folk. Those "emotional buttons" have plenty of time to get well-grooved enough to take on a life of their own.

    People just use different methods of camouflage. Like over-developing their physiques and hiding behind them. Or fixating on sex to the point of addiction and telling themselves they do not really care. By saying shallow sexual/emotional callousness is "just how men are".

    Maybe if the "gay" community was more interpersonally inclusive, nurturing, and emotionally uplifting, it would seep into how we deal with one another in one-to-one relationships.
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    Sep 12, 2015 1:47 AM GMT
    FitBlackCuddler said
    DOMINUS saidNo one can make you feel bad without your consent. If you're not getting any satisfaction from the "relationship", and instead what you're getting is self-hate, then why stick with it?


    Are you sure? Sounds like another bit of trite self-improvement propaganda.

    A person can TELL HIMSELF that he does not feel emotional pain through another's actions, but this is all nonsense.


    We experience emotional pain early and repeatedly via contact with family and other trusted folk. Those "emotional buttons" have plenty of time to get well-grooved enough to take on a life of their own.

    People just use different methods of camouflage. Like over-developing their physiques and hiding behind them. Or fixating on sex to the point of addiction and telling themselves they do not really care. By saying shallow sexual/emotional callousness is "just how men are".

    Maybe if the "gay" community was more interpersonally inclusive, nurturing, and emotionally uplifting, it would seep into how we deal with one another in one-to-one relationships.


    What about the people who are emotionally disconnected or detached? It's rare to come in contact with those people but they're out there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2015 3:10 AM GMT
    I have done this; but, I haven't met guys who are such a jerk like this.

    First, let me tell you a few things. You are beautiful, powerful, lovely, warm, caring, optimistic, joyful, and kind. You are the only one on this earth who can make you feel like you no one has ever love you like this. ;) So, this is not your fault that you are seeing what is uncomfortable. You are being kind to yourself, and you should feel appreciative to yourself rather than feeling hateful. You are feeling this because you love yourself, and you just want to get out of this.

    Second, take action. Your body doesn't feel good, now it's time to make it feel right and good. Your body wants to feel happy and comfortable. You are powerful to provide it for your body. I believe in you. icon_wink.gif

    Third, try to feel the self-love. It's one of the best things ever. I don't know if anyone does this, but I say/think gratitude to myself. Esp, at night, I say I couldn't have done this without you. Yes, to myself. Guys, this might look narcissistic, but it actually makes me feel appreciative of myself, people around me, and my life. icon_lol.gif