Friends... Why I don't have friends?

  • Ookami

    Posts: 76

    Sep 16, 2015 4:51 AM GMT
    Hello! I would have post this on a friends section but there's none... That I see. This seem to be the closest.

    I don't mean online friends but real life friends or any kind of friends actually.

    So I was just wandering around here and thought of asking if there was anyone kind enough to "teach" me a couple of things about what is a friend and maybe help me find out why is that I'm so... Unfriendly?
    So... Don't be my friend... Just tell me your opinion... Is like... There must be a reason why everybody runs away in a couple of months... I mean I even have games and other valuable items ex-friends have leave at my home... They either die or stop valuating collectors editions... Which for a gamer is quite something...

    Thank you for reading.
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    Sep 16, 2015 5:08 AM GMT
    Ookami saidHello! I would have post this on a friends section but there's none... That I see. This seem to be the closest.

    I don't mean online friends but real life friends or any kind of friends actually.

    So I was just wandering around here and thought of asking if there was anyone kind enough to "teach" me a couple of things about what is a friend and maybe help me find out why is that I'm so... Unfriendly?
    So... Don't be my friend... Just tell me your opinion... Is like... There must be a reason why everybody runs away in a couple of months... I mean I even have games and other valuable items ex-friends have leave at my home... They either die or stop valuating collectors editions... Which for a gamer is quite something...

    Thank you for reading.


    You can't learn to be a friend if you ask me. You just have to be one.

    My definition or rule to be a friend is to just be one. That means don't act like you like me and then just stop talking to me and talk shit the next. Or treat me however you want.

    This may just be me but that's all I ask in order to be my friend. Don't be fake. I know you're not gonna be talking to me every hour of every day. Or that we are going to be hanging out every single day. We all have our own lives in edition to being a part of each others. Everyone needs time to themselves.

    I've had a lot of "friends" who just ended up thinking they could treat me however they wanted. Talk to me whenever they felt. Start talking shit about me behind my back instead of saying it to my face. Please, they were out the door as soon as I saw their BS. It's funny because then they would say I'm the jerk.icon_rolleyes.gif

    But I have some great friends, and we always have some great fun and laughs.

    I'm pretty easy to get along with man. I don't treat people bad.

    So hey if you wanna be friends or just chat buddies. Here is the welcome mat.

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    Sep 16, 2015 5:37 AM GMT
    Ookami saidWhy I don't have friends?
    Probably because you're not friendly.
    in-order-to-have-friends-you-must-first-
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    Sep 16, 2015 5:47 AM GMT
    If you want help, be helpful.
    If you want love, be loving.
    If you want friends, be friendly.
    If you want sex, be sexy.
    If you want company, be a companion.
    If you want free advice, this is the best I can do with what little you've given to go on.
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    Sep 16, 2015 6:00 AM GMT
    Having friends was always confusing for me. I've caught myself thinking I had no friends, being all antisocial, but that was actually really inconsiderate for me to think. Family can essentially be your dearest friends. Depending on the relationship you have with them ofc but never forget that. We as a human race are all just far removed relatives of one another, or at least I like to keep telling myself that. We're all family but we're not all "friends". I know I have co-workers that I see almost every day and we share a lot conversations and laughs but what's awful is the mindset of what a friend is supposed to be. I may not hang out with most, almost all of them, nor do I really keep in touch outside of work, but we are all friends even though none of us seem to actually see it as so.
    There's just so many ways you can be a friend. Be a doctor/nurse, a teacher, a pet owner... do charity work and pat your own damn self on the back for being a friend to those who needed it.
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    Sep 16, 2015 8:31 AM GMT
    In today's day and age, I'm willing to count online friends as real friends,

    Being gay that already makes befriending people hard. It's okay, I technically don't have any friends outside of the world wide web either, and maybe one day I'll get some, maybe I won't.

    Friends do more harm than good really.

    But stop complaining and keep your head up. Think of the positives in your situation.
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    Sep 16, 2015 10:00 AM GMT
    BP201 saidHaving friends was always confusing for me. I've caught myself thinking I had no friends, being all antisocial, but that was actually really inconsiderate for me to think. Family can essentially be your dearest friends. Depending on the relationship you have with them ofc but never forget that. We as a human race are all just far removed relatives of one another, or at least I like to keep telling myself that. We're all family but we're not all "friends". I know I have co-workers that I see almost every day and we share a lot conversations and laughs but what's awful is the mindset of what a friend is supposed to be. I may not hang out with most, almost all of them, nor do I really keep in touch outside of work, but we are all friends even though none of us seem to actually see it as so.
    There's just so many ways you can be a friend. Be a doctor/nurse, a teacher, a pet owner... do charity work and pat your own damn self on the back for being a friend to those who needed it.


    A friend is someone who will get out of their bed at 2:00 AM and drive to your house to sit with your toddler because you just got a call that your wife's (now ex) mother has died and you have to run to the hospital. He does this even though he has to go to work in the morning.

    If you can't count on someone to do this for you they are not a friend but a mere acquaintance. I don't know a single coworker I could count on to do that for me.

    REAL friends are a rare treasure.
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    Sep 16, 2015 3:27 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    BP201 saidHaving friends was always confusing for me. I've caught myself thinking I had no friends, being all antisocial, but that was actually really inconsiderate for me to think. Family can essentially be your dearest friends. Depending on the relationship you have with them ofc but never forget that. We as a human race are all just far removed relatives of one another, or at least I like to keep telling myself that. We're all family but we're not all "friends". I know I have co-workers that I see almost every day and we share a lot conversations and laughs but what's awful is the mindset of what a friend is supposed to be. I may not hang out with most, almost all of them, nor do I really keep in touch outside of work, but we are all friends even though none of us seem to actually see it as so.
    There's just so many ways you can be a friend. Be a doctor/nurse, a teacher, a pet owner... do charity work and pat your own damn self on the back for being a friend to those who needed it.


    A friend is someone who will get out of their bed at 2:00 AM and drive to your house to sit with your toddler because you just got a call that your wife's (now ex) mother has died and you have to run to the hospital. He does this even though he has to go to work in the morning.

    If you can't count on someone to do this for you they are not a friend but a mere acquaintance. I don't know a single coworker I could count on to do that for me.

    REAL friends are a rare treasure.


    Well you have shitty co-workers then because I know co-workers that would do something like that for me but then again it's in our job description to assist others, so yea if youre a business man for example, you're not going to be surrounded by the greatest circle of people (generally)... I also have friendly neighbors that would do the same as well (I've watched their dog whenever they leave town, so)... it doesn't take much to be a friend, I just think people are so caught up in what they consider "real friends" people just plain forget about all the good people they have in their lives.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Sep 16, 2015 7:13 PM GMT
    Try getting off the Internet and make some effort. If you are looking for gay friends, go where they go. If you are friendly enough, they will respond to you and you will have a lot of them in a short period of time. That is if your intentions are to find platonic friends.
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    Sep 16, 2015 8:02 PM GMT
    Well there are several types of friends, acquaintances, just friends, someone you know and those close friends. I think most gay guys have a problem with friends because of the sex issue too much, it seems like most gay guys just want to be friends with **hot guys in order to sleep or fuck them. Then again, if you see a less attractive guy with a hot guy, they can never be friends. I Don't know, I think that having few a small circle of friends is better than a bunch of people you don't know. Then even when you have friends, there can be a falling out.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 16, 2015 8:19 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidIf you want help, be helpful.
    If you want love, be loving.
    If you want friends, be friendly.
    If you want sex, be sexy.
    If you want company, be a companion.
    If you want free advice, this is the best I can do with what little you've given to go on.

    Not bad for free advice.icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 16, 2015 11:46 PM GMT
    BP201 said
    UndercoverMan said
    BP201 saidHaving friends was always confusing for me. I've caught myself thinking I had no friends, being all antisocial, but that was actually really inconsiderate for me to think. Family can essentially be your dearest friends. Depending on the relationship you have with them ofc but never forget that. We as a human race are all just far removed relatives of one another, or at least I like to keep telling myself that. We're all family but we're not all "friends". I know I have co-workers that I see almost every day and we share a lot conversations and laughs but what's awful is the mindset of what a friend is supposed to be. I may not hang out with most, almost all of them, nor do I really keep in touch outside of work, but we are all friends even though none of us seem to actually see it as so.
    There's just so many ways you can be a friend. Be a doctor/nurse, a teacher, a pet owner... do charity work and pat your own damn self on the back for being a friend to those who needed it.


    A friend is someone who will get out of their bed at 2:00 AM and drive to your house to sit with your toddler because you just got a call that your wife's (now ex) mother has died and you have to run to the hospital. He does this even though he has to go to work in the morning.

    If you can't count on someone to do this for you they are not a friend but a mere acquaintance. I don't know a single coworker I could count on to do that for me.

    REAL friends are a rare treasure.


    Well you have shitty co-workers then because I know co-workers that would do something like that for me but then again it's in our job description to assist others...


    If it's in your job descriptions to "assist other" they aren't doing it out of a sense of caring or friendship but obligation. You'll have to pardon my incredulity at something like that being in one's job description. Sounds far a bit too far fetched to obligate people to each other outside their regular work hours.
  • Ookami

    Posts: 76

    Sep 17, 2015 1:46 AM GMT
    Thanks for the replies! I didn't expect to get even one!

    Okay well... I'm friendly... As far as I know... I'm always offering to help others and I don't look for the outside on my friends... Or the inside... I even tried to befriend people that... You know... Who have say that they are lonely, but no, still they stop messaging me after a couple of weeks... lol?

    Even people on the PSN like they add me and go all like "OMG YOU ARE AWESOME" let's play again and so, and like two days later... Not even reply to my lobby invites :l

    I don't want real life friends at least not on this area, I tried... Enough... I also don't mind if my friends were gay or not or females or shemales or males or anything along the way.
    I want frieds... Friends... Not lovers or free sex... I could get sex easily but I don't have sex by choice.

    And of course employees are friendly with me, but I'm tired of causing them stress, apparently they are always available for chat or to go shopping and stuff.
    Until I came to realize if I never call them, they never call me... So I guess Boss/Employee friendship is not real and I don't have any other co worker besides third party people that is particulary annoying... More than me.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14385

    Sep 17, 2015 12:51 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidIf you want help, be helpful.
    If you want love, be loving.
    If you want friends, be friendly.
    If you want sex, be sexy.
    If you want company, be a companion.
    If you want free advice, this is the best I can do with what little you've given to go on.
    +2,000,000icon_smile.gif
  • BBBBuilder

    Posts: 24

    Sep 17, 2015 5:06 PM GMT
    You're suffering from depression, Ookami. Seek professional help. Really, do it NOW.

    Sorry for being blunt, but I've seen it happen too many times.

    Deal with that, and consider this:

    - You have friends. Unless you're a psychopath (probably not; hopefully not! /ThatWasAJoke).
    - Acting on above, look up a friend and chat with him/her. See if they want to hang out later, have a beer (or something non-alcoholic but men are easier to talk around a bar table). Start simple, small talk. Don't have big expectations from the get-go.
    - Don't change or act differently just to have more friends - friends are not the end goal; they're people that along on your own life journey.
    - Get comfortable with yourself. Confident. Being alone is often better than hanging out with people that can't care less about you.
    - Play games. Read a book. Exercise. Hit the gym. Swim in the pool. Hit the track. Hit the sandbag. Craft something. Study a new subject. Pick up a new skill... Bottom line is, elect an activity you like or something you want to achieve, and set out to do it. Commit to it and be fully invested.
    - Don't look at your friend list/facebook/whatever longer than 3 seconds without taking some sort of action. Treat it like radioactive material. Put some fight club mentality to it, works great ("YOU'RE NOT YOUR NUMBER OF FOLLOWERS AND LIKES!").




    The subject of friendship itself is something way more complicated, and an interesting read if you have the mindset to keep learning about the world. I came across the term "Fair-weather friends" myself while doing my own research (until then, I had never heard of it) and after reading about it, I've realized that a lot of people I thought of as friends (which to me were the same as 'close friends') were really just Fairweather friends; people that come and go through your life as easily as leaves in the wind. If you're a greek or history buff, Aristotle's Nichomachean ethics also helps put things into perspective, but it's not something set in stone and there are many others to look up and study.

    Some chaps here suggest you devote more of yourself to being friendly to others; while I think that is true, from what you posted I don't think that's the best for you right now: build yourself up first.
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    Sep 17, 2015 10:35 PM GMT
    I am a lonely person too. I have almost never had any good friends all my life. I have good social skills for which I usually get compliments and even offered a good position at a political party. But I don't know something about me that doesn't attract people. When I was in college, I would usually get compliments and all but all my classmates will do everything behind my back. Its very depressing since I get compliments for my personality and I have not yet been able to have some decent friends. But now I got used to it. I see my life without family and friends. Its like a trauma for me since I am asian, couldn't imagine my life without aleast family. Frankly, my aquintances and classmates/colleagues respect me but never ever it goes to friendship.
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    Sep 18, 2015 12:04 AM GMT
    In my opinion it's easier to make friends in Latin America. I don't connect with a lot of Americans and people from other Anglophone countries.
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    Sep 18, 2015 12:17 AM GMT
    Trigun700 saidIn my opinion it's easier to make friends in Latin America. I don't connect with a lot of Americans and people from other Anglophone countries.


    lol latin americans are americans too, in fact anyone in America is an american. America is a continent with 35 countries inside, USA being 1 of them.

    Regarding OP; look at your profile, what you wrote there is an introduction card saying "Im extremely boring and not interesting". I picture you all depressed with zero will to have fun or do anything entertaining, not someone I'd like to hang around with. Practice social skills, value yourself more and be friendly in general.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Sep 18, 2015 12:32 AM GMT
    Ive always wondered how gays can have friends when there is so much backstabbing lying and gossiping going round.
    Then i realized that they just "pretend" to like eachother
  • BBBBuilder

    Posts: 24

    Sep 20, 2015 2:57 AM GMT
    venue35 saidI've always wondered how people can have friends when there is so much backstabbing, lying and gossiping going around.
    Then I realized that they just "pretend" to like each other.

    FTFY. Because since you are gay yourself, you do realize that what you originally described paints you as one who just pretends to like others ... right?

    Personally, I don't care at all about the tags and titles that people have. Any stereotype you can think of, it's just a way to remain in a comfort zone. That's my .2c.
  • MarvinMartian

    Posts: 128

    Sep 20, 2015 5:20 AM GMT
    It isn't enough to just want to "be friends". Friendship requires a couple of things:

    1) Common interests. And no, drinking or fucking isn't enough.
    2) Unstructured time. A lot of it. Doing some kind of activity together, regularly, over a long period of time. This is why people make friends in school, because you are thrown together with many people your age and you have classes and spare time to spend together, and why it's harder when you enter the work world, because your peers are now your co-workers and during work hours you're mostly working, not socializing.
    3) The willingness to build a friendship slowly. You don't become friends with anyone instantly. it's like courtship, which is really just building a friendship with sex involved. When you try to skip the beginning stages, you appear too eager and a little scary. Which may be why people drop you.
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    Sep 20, 2015 5:37 AM GMT
    ^

    I've made my best friends with only steps #2 and #3. I would replace #1 with common personal traits.
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    Sep 20, 2015 5:53 AM GMT
    Just to put things in perspective, I would add that the country you're in can make it harder for you. I came from Brazil and it's 1000x easier and faster becoming friends with Brazilians (and possibly all Latinos) than Canadians and Americans.
  • Ookami

    Posts: 76

    Sep 22, 2015 5:54 AM GMT
    Yikes... Most Latin people usually stop replying or just plain told me I'm annoying lol
    So... I guess after all the information and replies you guys have give me... I'm the one that makes it hard lol No pun intended...
    When it comes to real life I'm pretty much hopeless I guess... Because there's not enough time to spend in one or another city, I'm always traveling or working. But I will try to wander around online looking for people that might be... Looking for a friendly... Wolf? :3
    Thanks guys!
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    Sep 22, 2015 6:37 AM GMT
    Ookami saidFriends... Why I don't have friends?
    Because you're an asshole.