I like this guy but my gaydar is broken

  • joovi

    Posts: 59

    Sep 16, 2015 7:19 AM GMT
    People my gaydar is so broken; I just don't know. I am going to an engineering school where 70% are male. You might be saying yesss!! but no, seriously, I only saw less than ten guys from the school on Grindr or gay apps and I don't know how to tell if guys are gay because they all either look nerdy or machos.

    There is this guy who happens to be in a lot of my classes. He might not be other people's type, but I think he is really attractive. He is into arts which is feminine and has a dick which is masculine; perfect. I tend to like quiet and cute guys. icon_smile.gif

    First day I talked to him is when he was doodling stuffs on his notebook. Man, his pattern doodles are awesome! So, I complemented him. He also complemented my drawing because it was amazing. ;) After that, we occasionally talked but we barely met, and I couldn't handle the crush.

    Semesters go by; I have him in a lot of my classes. But, we never talked again each other. So, this morning I talked to him just to be friend first by saying "Your name is *blank* right? Do you want to work on the homeworks together? I don't like working by myself and it takes so much time doing alone." He doesn't remember my name. "fml" But, he gave me his contact info.

    A little bit about what I observe from him. He is quiet and formal. He is almost always seen alone. I don't see him talking to "friends." I will see how it will go when doing homeworks together. I don't really want to surprise him if I ask him out one day.

    So, what are the things that I should pay attention and not do when you are in a crush? One thing for sure is that I will be myself at all time. If you have any experience like this please share; I would love to read em.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 16, 2015 7:55 AM GMT
    OMG, crushes are so easy to find out! If he's the shy type they will usually never make any first moves unless they are sure they have absolutely 99.99% chance with you. However if they are a shy minx that they are, there are ways you can find out if he like finds you attractive or is interested in you.

    1. Shy guys are guys after all. There is one thing a guy that is interested in you usually always do, and that is they will try to steal glances at you when you are not looking. So if he tends to stare at you a lot that means he's interested.

    2. If a guy is interested in you he will try and single you out in conversations, or find out more information about you. He wants to know more about you as a person and in your case more as a student.

    3. If a guy is interested in you he will try and hold your gaze (this is usually for more confident guys) when you are talking to him. And if he looks at you, look at his eyes. If he starts making a triangle shape with his eyes when you look at him, he's basically looking at you from one eye to the other then to your lips. This is big because no matter how shy or confident a guy is he can't get away with it when you assets where his eyes are going when he looks at you.

    4. If a guy wants to hang out with you more then he should means he is interested.

    5. If he introduces you to any of his friends or family members, means that he wants you in his life for one way or another.

    6. If a guy will listen to you no matter how boring the subject is means he's engage enough with you that what ever you say is actually interesting.

    7. If they are persistent and consistent. If they go out of their way to say hello to you everyday even just once, but every day, is a huge clue that they are interested.

    8. If they are they shy type and you're just starting to talk. Look to see if they can hold eye contact with you. A shy guys natural instinct when they engage someone they like is to retreat.

    I hope this advice helps you! and good luck! icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 16, 2015 8:18 AM GMT
    Well a sign of a crush is asking stupid questions or silly remarks.

    For example you asked him to help you on the homework, when really your true intentions were to get to know him more, damn the homework.

    I suggest you find out if he's gay asap. You've known him long enough so just flat out ask him. That way you can figure out what next to do.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 16, 2015 11:23 AM GMT
    Maybe he'll go out with you even though he doesn't identify as gay.

    Just tell him something along the lines of: "Hey, I'm really bad at reading other people so please don't get offended but do you want to go out on a date?".

    And then if he goes "Dude, I'm not gay!" you can just say "Too bad but on the bright side, you not being into guys is like the best rejection to get. Nothing to do with me."

    Or he might say yes. Or he might say that he wants to think about it.

    But if he says no then that should kill your crush. That's my experience anyway. And maybe you can still hang out as friends and make cool doodles.
  • tobyb

    Posts: 111

    Sep 16, 2015 5:25 PM GMT
    I would not ask him if he's gay or ask him on a date until you get to know him much better. I would probably avoid saying you're gay, unless it comes out really naturally, in case he's in the closet and not ready to be out and might even feel weird about hanging out too publicly with someone (you) whom he might think tells everyone you're gay.

    You could bring up the subject by showing him that recent bit of news (an op-ed in the NY Times,l i think) about how there are few out LGBT people in STEM departments of universities, and why. An easy way of exploring the topic without putting him on the spot, and it sounds like he would not like that.

    On the other hand, I would avoid saying anything to suggest you like girls (unless you do). If he asks if you think some woman is attractive, you could say things like "i guess so, but it's not really my thing," or "I'm not really into that." So you're not deceiving him, but also not freaking him out by saying "Hell no, KWEEEN! I is as gay as the day is loooong."

    Be nice, make a friend, if it starts to feel like it could be something more, you'll know. Just don't confuse him into thinking that you're not gay by hiding who you are.

    Good luck!
  • Uncharted95

    Posts: 26

    Sep 16, 2015 11:15 PM GMT
    Try and talk about his previous relationships, if he mentions girlfriends then he's probably just straight :p
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 17, 2015 12:37 AM GMT
    People who are shy normally do not make friends easily. This includes people who are lonely, they become independant of themselves. Do the homework thing and then invite him to join you to watch a movie or a milkshake. Gently break the ice, so you don't reveal your crush, this might scare him off. Trust me, your gaydar will soon kick in.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 17, 2015 1:05 AM GMT
    Curious thing about gaydar - I envision it as being analogous to survival skills. You develop and perfect gaydar when you must, and it atrophies when you don't need or use it. But almost any man can have it when absolutely necessary.

    Now that gays are more openly accepted in the US, gaydar's usefulness is declining. A generation or more ago, when being gay was still a crime & potentially dangerous, and gays were living undercover, gaydar was much more essential.

    You develop the skills you need. Whether you're a subsistence hunter who learns to track his quarry, or a gay man who can identify a potential companion through observation.

    Well, that's my pet theory, anyway.
  • joovi

    Posts: 59

    Sep 17, 2015 3:33 AM GMT
    Thanks everyone! You guys gave very kind words and caring instructions. Pheww! I might have done some of these if I didn't know. icon_smile.gif I will keep an update how things go; but it's gon take awhile...
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14062

    Sep 17, 2015 12:36 PM GMT
    What the hell is "gaydar"icon_question.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 17, 2015 1:07 PM GMT
    roadbikeRob saidWhat the hell is "gaydar"icon_question.gif

    gaydar = gay radar

    The ability to recognize when another guy is gay, without being told. My online dictionary says the word was invented in the 1990s. But my gay friends say they remember it being used by at least the '80s. My own gay experience doesn't extend back that far to confirm.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 17, 2015 6:20 PM GMT
    joovi saidSemesters go by;

    I am so hoping this is an exaggeration...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 17, 2015 6:48 PM GMT
    Hang out more. Work on homework together in each other's dorms/apartments in a room. And see signs. If he looks at you lot, then he's interested. If he touches you lots (headlock, poking, tickling) it could be something too.
  • spirou

    Posts: 38

    Sep 18, 2015 12:47 AM GMT
    Uncharted95 saidTry and talk about his previous relationships, if he mentions girlfriends then he's probably just straight :p

    this is the best advice you can get .

    straight man or not afraid to mention previous girlfriend . that a more open subject then being gay . talking on what type he iike , what he is doing to find love . that kind of talk .

    also , if he as not had a girlfriend yet ( or it been a while ) . you might consider him being straight curious . most every man love sex . and if he get a chance to do it with you , he might take it .

    as long as you are discret on it . he wont run away

    it not as you'r gayradar is broken . but more man are going for the gay experience with out being be gay . there is just a bit more BI out there . that you wont be able to tell the difference between BI or straight . except that BI man are willing to have sex with men .
  • joovi

    Posts: 59

    Sep 18, 2015 2:58 AM GMT
    Thanks everyone! So, we were talking when we were coming out of the class; he was interested in the conversation. Then, he said call me when you are studying; I was like yes! it's my opportunity. So, I called and texted him today, but he never replied. >.> But, it's okay or just give up. I dont' like it when people don't follow up; it should at least be a courtesy. icon_sad.gif
  • spirou

    Posts: 38

    Sep 18, 2015 10:02 PM GMT
    hey oh . you just call him today .

    not everybody have their cellphone on them or can answer right away .

    wait couple of day at least . can text him again and see .

    shy guy are not the most active on phone text / talk .