If I were to get into a relationship again, it would have to be open

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    Sep 17, 2015 7:19 AM GMT
    Ive always felt serious relationships with men were atleast 5x harder and more drama filled than dating women. We're such physical creatures easily ready for sex. With sites like these, the hook up apps, facebook n instagram where gay men all follow model, fitness and bodybuilder types constantly looking for something hotter..how could you ever trust someone to be monogamous?

    So many of my problems in dating have stemmed from trust issues when i know im guilty of 'always looking' too. But part of me always kept looking because deep down i always assumed my partners still were too

    Ive come to the realization, that putting everything out in the open and not suppressing your desires to experience new ass every now and then..could cut out alot of the trust issues and constant worrying.

    To get to the point of even calling it an 'open relationship' i believe youd have to establish a deep connection with someone..that goes much further than sex

    Just thinking out loud..im sure many of you have a different opinions
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    Sep 17, 2015 8:13 AM GMT
    You're trust issues cause you to project them onto your partner because you yourself know that you find it difficult to be loyal.

    I don't know if they actually did ever cheat on you or if you make yourself believe they did just to alleviate the guilt of you yourself wanting to or having thought about cheating.

    When people get hurt from being cheated on, they aren't upset simply because they just weren't told about it.
    It's actually more to do with feeling disrespected and dishonoured by that person.

    If you know that you don't have the ability to sustain loyalty then I suppose your best option is an open relationship.
    I personally don't see how you can really have a "deep" connection with someone who's attention is going to be spread amongst other people while you yourself are going to be spreading your own attention to other men as well.

    That being said, to each their own.
    If you want to be open then the next time you have a "relationship", say you want it open from the start so that they know what they're getting themselves into.

    I often find that people who prefer open relationships are constantly on the lookout for the "best" one, or look to open relationships for just a small amount of consistency by coming home to the same face but just not committing to it.

    Generally it's more about the convenience rather than the commitment but it's your life and you can do what you want.

    By the way the world of gay men is shaping I'd say loyalty, monogamy, commitment etc, are going to be things classified as "overrated" or "old fashioned".
    Sex, the convenience of it and the ease of its accessibility is increasingly becoming more of a higher priority than the actual relationship itself, or other dynamics like loyalty etc.

    So at the very least you're following the trend right on time because the way relationships between gay men have been nowadays, I feel like the future of gay male relationships will become predominantly open and monogamy will really actually be something of the past.

    It's why personally for me am more and more happy about my decision to stay single.

    Do what works for you as long as the people involved know what the deal is.
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    Sep 17, 2015 8:27 AM GMT
    As long as you reach that agreement with your partner and establish ground rules then I'm sure it can work.

    Have you thought about a relationship where you're able to have sex with other guys but only together? Then you both get to experience new ass/cock every now and then but have it as a shared experience.

    I'm sure you're never short of offers anyway.
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    Sep 17, 2015 8:47 AM GMT
    DryMoan saidYou're trust issues cause you to project them onto your partner because you yourself know that you find it difficult to be loyal.

    I don't know if they actually did ever cheat on you or if you make yourself believe they did just to alleviate the guilt of you yourself wanting to or having thought about cheating.

    When people get hurt from being cheated on, they aren't upset simply because they just weren't told about it.
    It's actually more to do with feeling disrespected and dishonoured by that person.

    If you know that you don't have the ability to sustain loyalty then I suppose your best option is an open relationship.
    I personally don't see how you can really have a "deep" connection with someone who's attention is going to be spread amongst other people while you yourself are going to be spreading your own attention to other men as well.

    That being said, to each their own.
    If you want to be open then the next time you have a "relationship", say you want it open from the start so that they know what they're getting themselves into.

    I often find that people who prefer open relationships are constantly on the lookout for the "best" one, or look to open relationships for just a small amount of consistency by coming home to the same face but just not committing to it.

    Generally it's more about the convenience rather than the commitment but it's your life and you can do what you want.

    By the way the world of gay men is shaping I'd say loyalty, monogamy, commitment etc, are going to be things classified as "overrated" or "old fashioned".
    Sex, the convenience of it and the ease of its accessibility is increasingly becoming more of a higher priority than the actual relationship itself, or other dynamics like loyalty etc.

    So at the very least you're following the trend right on time because the way relationships between gay men have been nowadays, I feel like the future of gay male relationships will become predominantly open and monogamy will really actually be something of the past.

    It's why personally for me am more and more happy about my decision to stay single.

    Do what works for you as long as the people involved know what the deal is.


    Believe me, in all my serious relationships (only been 3) It was always clear that I was the more loyal and dedicated half. The reason behind that, is I tend to fall for the guys with unlimited options.

    Far as connections go, you can sleep with 20 guys..but still have that 1 that's always on your mind..that you genuinely care how his day went..when he talks..youre fascinated by every word.

    And I totally agree on this becoming far more common
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    Sep 17, 2015 8:55 AM GMT
    PulseFit saidAs long as you reach that agreement with your partner and establish ground rules then I'm sure it can work.

    Have you thought about a relationship where you're able to have sex with other guys but only together? Then you both get to experience new ass/cock every now and then but have it as a shared experience.

    I'm sure you're never short of offers anyway.


    If I were to do it, we would have to play together or we would need to tell each other who we hook up with. Just so eveythings in the open
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    Sep 17, 2015 11:20 AM GMT
    You're only 25. You may not be ready for a long term relationship yet. Don't panic. Work on your trust issues and re-evaluate the type of men that you are dating. There are men that want serious monogamous relationships.
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    Sep 17, 2015 11:49 AM GMT
    There are challenges in every monogomous relationship. An open relationship is just that, it is open. So you will be living with your partner as a House mate or Flat mate. There is also a chance that he may just find the perfect guy and drop you like a hot potato. If you are prepared to share the love of your life with every other guy out there, then go with the 'Open relationship'.
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    Sep 17, 2015 12:06 PM GMT
    Open relationships are fine, but I don't think monogamy is obsolete with gay couples. Hotjoe and dceric both have their separate long term relationships and I believe that both are married.

    Best way to see something different is to do something different. Get rid of the apps. Over time you'll realize you're not missing out. It's actually pretty liberating.
  • NealJohn

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    Sep 17, 2015 1:31 PM GMT
    There is no right or wrong relationship. You just need to find somebody with the same desires you. And trust me, they are out there.Specially in the muscle community
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    Sep 17, 2015 1:55 PM GMT
    Open relationships are friends with benefits. If you love and care about someone you're not going to want to share that intimacy with others. There's also the possibility of bringing STDs into your primary relationship, as you'd probably have no clue as to how many of the hookups are also hooking up with numerous other guys.
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    Sep 17, 2015 2:33 PM GMT
    Romero23 saidIve always felt serious relationships with men were atleast 5x harder and more drama filled than dating women...
    speak for your self. I had a wife and can say the ladies live for drama. Kinda enjoy that being gone from my life.

    Romero23 said... relationship' i believe youd have to establish a deep connection with someone..that goes much further than sex...
    i have said this too many times but ultimately your big gay relationship should be no less important that the one your parents had/have. the OP is 25 and smart, dosnt need the relationship baggage in his life right now, maybe never.

    Romero23 said... We're such physical creatures easily ready for sex. With sites like these, the hook up apps, facebook n instagram where gay men all follow model, fitness and bodybuilder types constantly looking for something hotter..how could you ever trust someone to be monogamous?...
    humans are also thinking creatures and along those lines have careers and complimenting none work activities. What percentage of ones life should be spent on your back in bed with the next mr right?

    Romero23 said... many of my problems in dating have stemmed from trust issues...
    the circle of people that depend on you and those you must trust only gets larger and larger. you have to relax and figure some small part will always fail and require some fix.
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    Sep 17, 2015 2:41 PM GMT
    tmac saidOpen relationships are fine, but I don't think monogamy is obsolete with gay couples. Hotjoe and dceric both have their separate long term relationships and I believe that both are married.

    Best way to see something different is to do something different. Get rid of the apps. Over time you'll realize you're not missing out. It's actually pretty liberating.

    With same-sex marriage now legal in the US I would have thought gay monogamy would increase. It isn't just the piece of paper itself that binds, although the marriage document is a legal contract, but also the weaving together of your lives that it facilitates. Joint home ownership, other real estate, shared goods, financial & business interests, income dependence, perhaps children, etc.

    The same "glue" that holds many straight married couples together. Because men are men, and whether straight or gay the urge to stray outside a relationship is universal, if to different individual degrees. Even happens with females. And have I ever known some cheating lesbians over the years!

    Whereas in past years we couldn't legally join our lives, and laws were further passed to deliberately block us from sharing our property and passing it on through inheritance. It might be difficult to be faithful when your relationship is entirely invented, imaginary and intangible between yourselves, without evidence or binding legalities, and in defiance of public laws and morals.
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    Sep 17, 2015 3:07 PM GMT
    I had one open relationship. We were incredibly honest and it was completely drama free. To this day I love him as one of my closest friends. The negative of being open is not what you would think. I found it hard to achieve the level of intimacy I would want because it was being diluted with our experiences with others. When you direct all of your sexual energy towards one person with whom you have complete trust sex has a better chance of becoming deaper and more intense. That being said, from the anecdotal evidence of the many long term gay relationships I see other people having I can't think of many that are 100% monogamous. I have come to the conclusion that monogamy is worth striving for but honesty is more important.
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    Sep 17, 2015 3:30 PM GMT
    Compaq saidOpen relationships are friends with benefits. If you love and care about someone you're not going to want to share that intimacy with others. There's also the possibility of bringing STDs into your primary relationship, as you'd probably have no clue as to how many of the hookups are also hooking up with numerous other guys.


    Perhaps you should let people define their own relationships and what they mean to them. If it's not for you then it's not for you, I don't get why people have to belittle other people's life and relationship choices when it's nothing to do with them. You are not the arbiter of anyone else's relationship, and have no right to dictate what a relationship is, or 'should' be.
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    Sep 17, 2015 3:51 PM GMT
    There's only one valid way to live your own life: how some other guy tells you to. Conform or die.
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    Sep 17, 2015 5:18 PM GMT
    friendormate saidI had one open relationship. We were incredibly honest and it was completely drama free. To this day I love him as one of my closest friends. The negative of being open is not what you would think. I found it hard to achieve the level of intimacy I would want because it was being diluted with our experiences with others. When you direct all of your sexual energy towards one person with whom you have complete trust sex has a better chance of becoming deaper and more intense. That being said, from the anecdotal evidence of the many long term gay relationships I see other people having I can't think of many that are 100% monogamous. I have come to the conclusion that monogamy is worth striving for but honesty is more important.



    100% this.

  • HottJoe

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    Sep 18, 2015 2:29 PM GMT
    If I saw my husband with someone else it would be like the watching the pages of a treasured manuscript blow away in the wind, lost forever as though it was never written. It would just be crushingly over.
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    Sep 18, 2015 4:24 PM GMT
    From the posts of so many others and not on this particular thread but on many others regarding a similar subject, I've come to the conclusion that monogamy for gay men nowadays is generally:

    A) too old fashioned or obsolete
    B) too hard or is an "unrealistic" expectation due to "nature"
    C) too inconvenient

    Of course there are the few that are truly monogamous, I don't mean married but still sleeping with other people.
    I mean legitimately one committing to one other only.
    That sentence itself probably irks a lot of gay men already.

    Anyway true monogamy in the world of gay men is becoming a dying breed.
    I feel it'll just get washed out in the future because honestly it really does seem that more and more gay men really don't want monogamy.

    It's sad but again I could be wrong because only time will tell.
    Gay marriage kind of seems pointless at this stage because it's all about its legalities and nothing about its principles.

    I'm so glad I'm asexual and have never been interested in hooks ups or having a relationship.
    I wish I could turn straight because on a lot of levels I just don't mesh with the gay world.
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    Sep 18, 2015 5:23 PM GMT
    I think the problem is that monogamy is supposed to be naturally special, and people think finding that is like finding an item at the grocery store. It's not easy finding anyone you want to sacrifice opportunities with other prospective people for, and the guys you meet who say they want to settle down and seem like they're waiting for everything to turn into the typical relationship when what you're both feeling is completely mundane, to me is obnoxious and petty.

    Monogamous love is rare, and it is even rarer among men.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

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    Sep 18, 2015 5:30 PM GMT
    Romero23 saidIve always felt serious relationships with men were atleast 5x harder and more drama filled than dating women. We're such physical creatures easily ready for sex. Just thinking out loud..im sure many of you have a different opinions


    NOT all men are moved this way.

    If I proposed to enter into an intimate relationship, my man and I would discuss the particulars. There would be no "preset social box" to define it. Am more a man of the heart than the loins.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

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    Sep 18, 2015 5:32 PM GMT
    PulseFit said
    Compaq saidOpen relationships are friends with benefits. If you love and care about someone you're not going to want to share that intimacy with others. There's also the possibility of bringing STDs into your primary relationship, as you'd probably have no clue as to how many of the hookups are also hooking up with numerous other guys.


    Perhaps you should let people define their own relationships and what they mean to them. If it's not for you then it's not for you, I don't get why people have to belittle other people's life and relationship choices when it's nothing to do with them. You are not the arbiter of anyone else's relationship, and have no right to dictate what a relationship is, or 'should' be.


    +100
  • spirou

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    Sep 18, 2015 9:48 PM GMT
    well i feel like relationship come from frequent sex .

    1 sex time does not make a relationship but as you get together more then once every week . emotion kick in and that where monogamy relation can accure .

    when both party are satisfy
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    Sep 18, 2015 10:07 PM GMT
    FitBlackCuddler said
    PulseFit said
    Compaq saidOpen relationships are friends with benefits. If you love and care about someone you're not going to want to share that intimacy with others. There's also the possibility of bringing STDs into your primary relationship, as you'd probably have no clue as to how many of the hookups are also hooking up with numerous other guys.


    Perhaps you should let people define their own relationships and what they mean to them. If it's not for you then it's not for you, I don't get why people have to belittle other people's life and relationship choices when it's nothing to do with them. You are not the arbiter of anyone else's relationship, and have no right to dictate what a relationship is, or 'should' be.


    +100


    +2. Two friends of mine have been in an open relationship for more than 20 years. And they're still very happy with each other.
  • HottJoe

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    Sep 18, 2015 10:14 PM GMT
    ^I'm guessing it's easier to come up with examples of open relationships than monogamous ones. It's all good. I just get annoyed when people knock monogamy. Just the other day someone said that monogamy is unnatural and that men who want monogamy have a mental disorder.
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    Sep 18, 2015 11:27 PM GMT
    HottJoe said^I'm guessing it's easier to come up with examples of open relationships than monogamous ones. It's all good. I just get annoyed when people knock monogamy. Just the other day someone said that monogamy is unnatural and that men who want monogamy have a mental disorder.


    There you have it! People get upset if they think you judge or opine and yet they do the same thing. I can come up with more examples of monogamous relationships. They're out there but when they do these studies or whatever looking into behavior, they focus on hookup sites and apps and aren't always taking into account the people who aren't into that.