Uh oh Crush on a guy at work

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 17, 2015 5:33 PM GMT
    I've developed a bit if a crush in a fellow gay guy at work (don't work with him) it's making for awkward behavior around him....

    We have an open office and he sits right in front of me at a group of desks with his back turned to me. That makes things awkward as is since I'm glancing up at him a few times per day and when he enters. It's not a gay bar- this is the office and eye flirting us I professional and probably makes him wonder why I keep giving him darting looks every time he returns to his desk.

    Making matters worse he initiated the usual friendly elevator small talk one morning with me so now I don't know how to act around him.

    Part of me says I should try to get to know him the other part tells me to remain professional since office romanced are fodder for silly romantic comedies. It's unlikely he even had any interest in me anyway.

    WhT do you guys advise for handling office crushes?
  • Dazza73

    Posts: 23

    Sep 18, 2015 10:35 AM GMT
    Just start another conversation, get to know the guy then ask him if he would like to go for drinks , you will know if he's into you ! I held a relationship at work and no one in the office had a clue it was if we were mates , go for it
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    Sep 18, 2015 12:54 PM GMT
    Also agree you should talk to him as you would anybody else, because a.) you being on a friendly basis will make any involuntary eye contact on your part seem less out-of-place
    b.) getting to know him as a person may take the mystery/excitement out of it for you and make it easier to deal with if it doesn't lead to more (given your concerns about workplace impropriety) and c.) who knows, maybe you'll click!
  • leanandclean

    Posts: 281

    Sep 18, 2015 1:06 PM GMT
    Erobert said

    ... probably makes him wonder why I keep giving him darting looks every time he returns to his desk.

    ... Making matters worse he initiated the usual friendly elevator small talk one morning with me ...

    ... It's unlikely he even had any interest in me anyway.




    Here's another interpretation :

    "I've got a crush on this guy at work and our chemistry is good enough for him to notice me looking at him. He started a conversation in the elevator so he could get to know me. It is likely that he is interested in me."
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 803

    Sep 18, 2015 6:04 PM GMT
    Erobert saidI've developed a bit if a crush in a fellow gay guy at work (don't work with him) it's making for awkward behavior around him....part of me says I should try to get to know him the other part tells me to remain professional


    There is a saying--"you do not shit where you eat". This is the workplace. Romance is NOT a good idea there even if interest appears to be mutual.
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    Sep 18, 2015 6:16 PM GMT
    It's true that we should try to never 'fish off of the company pier'. With that being said, I've done it and with a whole lot of care and maturity, it can work. The key is to be very professional about it. Don't let a lot of people know about your relationship. And when it ends, make no scenes at all about it. Be totally professional, no spats or bickering in the hallways or cubicles.
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    Sep 19, 2015 4:50 AM GMT
    FitBlackCuddler said
    Erobert saidI've developed a bit if a crush in a fellow gay guy at work (don't work with him) it's making for awkward behavior around him....part of me says I should try to get to know him the other part tells me to remain professional


    There is a saying--"you do not shit where you eat". This is the workplace. Romance is NOT a good idea there even if interest appears to be mutual.


    ^^^This!
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Sep 19, 2015 3:47 PM GMT
    "Beware of entangling alliances."

    Work is a form of politics. You can never tell who you will need as an ally so you need to be neutral, pleasant and attractive to everyone. This makes personal relationships very tricky. There is no reason not to be friendly but you had best tread very lightly otherwise.

    Remember also that at work anything you do or say can and probably will be used against you. This is not just about the two of you. It may also involve your mutual coworker who sits three desks over, says nothing, and is plotting a coup.
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    Sep 19, 2015 8:52 PM GMT
    My rule of thumb gay or straight... Never let it evolve into anything more than a crush. Romance and hookups in the workplace almost NEVER end well.
  • oldfart

    Posts: 328

    Sep 19, 2015 10:07 PM GMT
    Don't get your meat where you get your bread.

    If you come on stronger than he wants, you'll be embarrassed but you'll still have to face him every day. Even worse would be having a hot fling, then it's over, and you both are still there every day. Not a wise move.

    If you want to ease your attraction, you can get to know the person he his beyond your yearnings. Then you have a rational responsibility not to hit on this new friend.

    You're an intelligent adult. You can choose not to be a slave to your boner (or your romantic dreams.)

    And there's plenty of other meat on the market.
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1981

    Sep 20, 2015 3:46 AM GMT
    FitBlackCuddler said
    Erobert saidI've developed a bit if a crush in a fellow gay guy at work (don't work with him) it's making for awkward behavior around him....part of me says I should try to get to know him the other part tells me to remain professional


    There is a saying--"you do not shit where you eat". This is the workplace. Romance is NOT a good idea there even if interest appears to be mutual.


    I agree with this... it applies the same for straight people, btw.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2015 7:05 PM GMT
    LJay said"Beware of entangling alliances."

    Work is a form of politics. You can never tell who you will need as an ally so you need to be neutral, pleasant and attractive to everyone. This makes personal relationships very tricky. There is no reason not to be friendly but you had best tread very lightly otherwise.

    Remember also that at work anything you do or say can and probably will be used against you. This is not just about the two of you. It may also involve your mutual coworker who sits three desks over, says nothing, and is plotting a coup.

    LJay gives great advice here.

    Still, although office "crushes" are bad news, office "romances" are OK. A very high percentage of straights meet partners through office life - why shouldn't gays? After all, most people spend most of their time in the office world these days.

    Keep the "crush" feelings suppressed. If you two engage, and there is no mutual spark, it's just like anywhere else - a one-sided attraction. If you two should start an actual romance, be discreet, and keep it to yourselves.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 803

    Sep 24, 2015 12:07 AM GMT
    LJay said"Beware of entangling alliances."

    Work is a form of politics. You can never tell who you will need as an ally so you need to be neutral, pleasant and attractive to everyone. This makes personal relationships very tricky. There is no reason not to be friendly but you had best tread very lightly otherwise.

    Remember also that at work anything you do or say can and probably will be used against you. This is not just about the two of you. It may also involve your mutual coworker who sits three desks over, says nothing, and is plotting a coup.


    Brilliant advice.