Being asexual

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 17, 2015 7:19 PM GMT
    I was watching this video and thought what do you think about being asexual? would you be in a relationship with somebody with no sex?

    Anyway the video is irrelevant, but do you believe in somebody being completely asexual?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 17, 2015 7:28 PM GMT
    I don't know anyone who is asexual, so I don't know.
    But in a relationship, sexual compatibility is important. Every couple should discuss this, and make adjustment if necessary.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 17, 2015 7:50 PM GMT
    I've told this before that I've an asexual non-lesbian couple (they identify as str8 ) in my life, a cousin and her significant other. They've a very loving relationship together now for probably between 30-35 years. Though I give them separate rooms when they visit. They are inseparable, asexual, emotionally monogamous.

    They have experienced discrimination from within their own families. Once when living in a unit owned by my douchebag uncle, he forced his daughter's partner out of the house. We were horrified but even that was not the worst he did. My immediate family treated them as we do any couple, so they found sanctuary with us.

    In all these years, though living with only each other, they've never publicly acknowledged their union and they'd go as far as to deny it, even to we who acknowledge and accept. At a party about a year ago, the partner and I were chatting with a third person who asked how the partner was related to the party. She explained that she was a friend of my cousin. When that guest walked out of earshot, I told her that it kills me when she describes herself as just a friend. I would so love for them to feel they can live openly in this fucked up world, even if their relationship is not so easy to define.

    She didn't say anything in return but nodded knowingly. I think maybe she had a little tear inside. I know I did.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 17, 2015 8:23 PM GMT
    theantijock saidI've told this before that I've an asexual non-lesbian couple (they identify as stricon_cool.gif in my life, a cousin and her significant other. They've a very loving relationship together now for probably between 30-35 years. Though I give them separate rooms when they visit. They are inseparable, asexual, emotionally monogamous.

    They have experienced discrimination from within their own families. Once when living in a unit owned by my douchebag uncle, he forced his daughter's partner out of the house. We were horrified but even that was not the worst he did. My immediate family treated them as we do any couple, so they found sanctuary with us.

    In all these years, though living with only each other, they've never publicly acknowledged their union and they'd go as far as to deny it, even to we who acknowledge and accept. At a party about a year ago, the partner and I were chatting with a third person who asked how the partner was related to the party. She explained that she was a friend of my cousin. When that guest walked out of earshot, I told her that it kills me when she describes herself as just a friend. I would so love for them to feel they can live openly in this fucked up world, even if their relationship is not so easy to define.

    She didn't say anything in return but nodded knowingly. I think maybe she had a little tear inside. I know I did.


    that's interesting, I think the bond between people when there is no sex involved is much more deeper, genuine and stronger than many relationships where sex is the main focus.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 17, 2015 8:46 PM GMT
    bonaparts saidthat's interesting, I think the bond between people when there is no sex involved is much more deeper, genuine and stronger than many relationships where sex is the main focus.


    I think you'd be more correct if you said "the bond...can be (instead of is) more..." and that would align with your recognition of "many relationship where sex is..." but you've basically got that.

    When it comes to humanity, one size does not always fit all. And certainly human relations are rarely off the rack as so many people try to force each other into, rather they are a custom fit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 12:27 AM GMT
    No I wouldn't have a relationship with a asexual person, sex is way too important for me.
  • mystery905

    Posts: 745

    Sep 18, 2015 1:31 AM GMT
    It's called marriage.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 2:43 AM GMT
    mystery905 saidIt's called marriage.


    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 2:49 AM GMT
    theantijock saidI've told this before that I've an asexual non-lesbian couple (they identify as str8 ) in my life, a cousin and her significant other. They've a very loving relationship together now for probably between 30-35 years. Though I give them separate rooms when they visit. They are inseparable, asexual, emotionally monogamous.

    They have experienced discrimination from within their own families. Once when living in a unit owned by my douchebag uncle, he forced his daughter's partner out of the house. We were horrified but even that was not the worst he did. My immediate family treated them as we do any couple, so they found sanctuary with us.

    In all these years, though living with only each other, they've never publicly acknowledged their union and they'd go as far as to deny it, even to we who acknowledge and accept. At a party about a year ago, the partner and I were chatting with a third person who asked how the partner was related to the party. She explained that she was a friend of my cousin. When that guest walked out of earshot, I told her that it kills me when she describes herself as just a friend. I would so love for them to feel they can live openly in this fucked up world, even if their relationship is not so easy to define.

    She didn't say anything in return but nodded knowingly. I think maybe she had a little tear inside. I know I did.


    Not asking this in a way that implies doubt, but how do you know they are asexual? I have not seen prior posts about them so you may have shared more back story that I haven't read.

    Thanks
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 18, 2015 2:58 AM GMT
    mystery905 saidIt's called marriage.

    That would be a very depressing marriage for anyone who isn't asexual.

    I didn't watch the video but I would only be just friends with an asexual, by choice, and by default.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 3:22 AM GMT
    I am kinda asexual, well I am gay, but sex is not very crucial for me, I don't think about it, I don't want it, it's not something I seek, I had a hook up kinda where I had no desire to have sex, I was kinda dragged into it, but it ended up with kissing and just cuddling I guess, but even that ended up with kinda a disappointment for the other guy, because he clearly wanted something more, I am glad I didn't do anything else

    here I shared something personal icon_confused.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 3:50 AM GMT
    I wouldn't mind being in an asexual relationship. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 4:14 AM GMT
    bonaparts saidI am kinda asexual, well I am gay, but sex is not very crucial for me, I don't think about it, I don't want it, it's not something I seek, I had a hook up kinda where I had no desire to have sex, I was kinda dragged into it, but it ended up with kissing and just cuddling I guess, but even that ended up with kinda a disappointment for the other guy, because he clearly wanted something more, I am glad I didn't do anything else

    here I shared something personal icon_confused.gificon_biggrin.gif


    Ive read about this, you are a romantic asexual, meaning you are interested in developing a romantic realtionship with a guy but you have no interest in sex.

    Honestly asexual people (as in no wanting sex) should stick together, because if you're in a relationship with someone with an average sex drive there is no way you're not gonna let them down, eventually they will want something you can't give them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 4:35 AM GMT
    ShiftyJK08 saidNot asking this in a way that implies doubt, but how do you know they are asexual? I have not seen prior posts about them so you may have shared more back story that I haven't read.

    Thanks


    I've known her since she was in a crib and as adults they followed us down to Florida. So I've also known them together for decades. We talk. I ask questions. So I know their story.

    They have sex with neither each other nor with others. They are in every way a married couple but for public recognition and that no sex thang. I know that sounds weird and it took family some adjusting.

    I personally tend to think one is more str8 and the other more lesbian but they both identify as str8 while living as asexual. Even while identifying, any such expression never seemed like an actual sexual attraction, rather more like saying so for convention's sake, not unlike a gay guy avoids the conversation or misleads others to get them to think he's str8.

    And they tend to be a little weird about sex. I'm not sure if this is the right word, but immature about it, maybe? I've noticed that more than once. They seem to view it not from adult eyes but almost from kid's eyes, realizing each time that "people do that!?!"

    Being with them is unlike being with most other people I know who are sexual. I've only encountered that one other time, a guy in college. With him I thought it was inhibitions because I had to teach him how to buy toilet paper in public at the supermarket, in front of everyone. He was that afraid of body stuff. I've lost track of him but I think he identified gay but lived as an asexual though I don't know what became of him. And I didn't figure it out better until later anyway. But on reflection I see similar traits in him that I see in my cuz.

    A real different experience than I've had with myself, being on sexual overdrive for most of my life and with my partners, also crazy bastards, and with my tricks, of course, or even with my family and friends, most of whom also are or have been a bunch of horny fuckers.

    I could be in a relationship with an asexual person as I'm fully capable of emotional monogamy. I'd want some passionate sex on the side, however. Not as much as I used to require, but nor am I a monk yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 4:41 AM GMT
    theantijock saidI've told this before that I've an asexual non-lesbian couple (they identify as str8 ) in my life, a cousin and her significant other. They've a very loving relationship together now for probably between 30-35 years. Though I give them separate rooms when they visit. They are inseparable, asexual, emotionally monogamous.

    They have experienced discrimination from within their own families. Once when living in a unit owned by my douchebag uncle, he forced his daughter's partner out of the house. We were horrified but even that was not the worst he did. My immediate family treated them as we do any couple, so they found sanctuary with us.

    In all these years, though living with only each other, they've never publicly acknowledged their union and they'd go as far as to deny it, even to we who acknowledge and accept. At a party about a year ago, the partner and I were chatting with a third person who asked how the partner was related to the party. She explained that she was a friend of my cousin. When that guest walked out of earshot, I told her that it kills me when she describes herself as just a friend. I would so love for them to feel they can live openly in this fucked up world, even if their relationship is not so easy to define.

    She didn't say anything in return but nodded knowingly. I think maybe she had a little tear inside. I know I did.


    Reading about asexuality (I think the topic is very interesting) I found this blog of a 17 years old girl and she said she was completely asexual, and was looking for another girl as an emotional partner. What she basically described was a very intimate friendship where no sex or any kind of physical contact was involved. So yeah straight asexual people that look same sex companions is a thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 5:01 AM GMT
    David666k saidReading about asexuality (I think the topic is very interesting) I found this blog of a 17 years old girl and she said she was completely asexual, and was looking for another girl as an emotional partner. What she basically described was a very intimate friendship where no sex or any kind of physical contact was involved. So yeah straight asexual people that look same sex companions is a thing.


    That could have been a mixing of orientations, I don't know by your description of it. I've been in a mix-oriented relationship with an omni-sexual (though we called him bi at the time, but on reflection it was omni)and our sex was way hot together, and also a mix-preferenced one with very little sex in our main relationship though emotionally bound to each other.

    If my limited understanding of asexuality is correct, it's sort of the Buddhism of sexual orientation. Just as a person can be Buddhist and Jewish or Buddhist and Christian or I suppose also Buddhist and Muslim, etc., though I've not met one yet, similarly asexuals can lean towards or maybe even also be any other particular orientation be that str8 or gay or bi or omnisexual. I do not know the psychology/physiology of that, nor if there's conclusive research there, but that seems at least to me how it plays out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 5:09 AM GMT
    theantijock said
    David666k saidReading about asexuality (I think the topic is very interesting) I found this blog of a 17 years old girl and she said she was completely asexual, and was looking for another girl as an emotional partner. What she basically described was a very intimate friendship where no sex or any kind of physical contact was involved. So yeah straight asexual people that look same sex companions is a thing.


    That could have been a mixing of orientations, I don't know by your description of it. I've been in a mix-oriented relationship with an omni-sexual (though we called him bi at the time, but on reflection it was omni)and our sex was way hot together, and also a mix-preferenced one with very little sex in our main relationship though emotionally bound to each other.

    If my limited understanding of asexuality is correct, it's sort of the Buddhism of sexual orientation. Just as a person can be Buddhist and Jewish or Buddhist and Christian or I suppose also Buddhist and Muslim, etc., though I've not met one yet, similarly asexuals can lean towards or maybe even also be any other particular orientation be that str8 or gay or bi or omnisexual. I do not know the psychology/physiology of that, nor if there's conclusive research there, but that seems at least to me how it plays out.


    Not necessarily. Asexals might be straight, bi or gay though it's very common among asexuals (specially aromantic ones) to be confused with their own gender identity and sexual preferences so they call themselves 'pansexuals' or any of these other weird terminologies I can't remember right now.

    This asexual girl in particular said she didn't mind a guy or a girl, it was the same for her but she felt more at ease with another girl because they shared similar interests so that would make their relationship easier. If you think about it makes sense, imagine you take off sex and romance off the pic you only have is companionship and friendship left, and 2 girls will do their nails, watch soap operas and gossip together instead of watching games or talking about cars. Basically friendship between 2 girls or 2 guys is easier than a mix of each gender.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 5:53 AM GMT
    bonaparts said
    theantijock saidI've told this before that I've an asexual non-lesbian couple (they identify as stricon_cool.gif in my life, a cousin and her significant other. They've a very loving relationship together now for probably between 30-35 years. Though I give them separate rooms when they visit. They are inseparable, asexual, emotionally monogamous.

    They have experienced discrimination from within their own families. Once when living in a unit owned by my douchebag uncle, he forced his daughter's partner out of the house. We were horrified but even that was not the worst he did. My immediate family treated them as we do any couple, so they found sanctuary with us.

    In all these years, though living with only each other, they've never publicly acknowledged their union and they'd go as far as to deny it, even to we who acknowledge and accept. At a party about a year ago, the partner and I were chatting with a third person who asked how the partner was related to the party. She explained that she was a friend of my cousin. When that guest walked out of earshot, I told her that it kills me when she describes herself as just a friend. I would so love for them to feel they can live openly in this fucked up world, even if their relationship is not so easy to define.

    She didn't say anything in return but nodded knowingly. I think maybe she had a little tear inside. I know I did.


    that's interesting, I think the bond between people when there is no sex involved is much more deeper, genuine and stronger than many relationships where sex is the main focus.



    You obviously know nothing about relationships to say sex is the main focus. Sex allows people to express their feelings for each other in a way that nothing else can, but that doesn't mean it's the focus.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 5:56 AM GMT
    I actually know of a couple who are in a "straight" relationship where the woman is asexual, but they're also "open" for the man to have sex with other men since he's homosexual and heteromantic. They wanted to keep the whole straight couple image going on while satisfying the man's hunger for his sexual needs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 6:20 AM GMT
    David666k said
    bonaparts saidI am kinda asexual, well I am gay, but sex is not very crucial for me, I don't think about it, I don't want it, it's not something I seek, I had a hook up kinda where I had no desire to have sex, I was kinda dragged into it, but it ended up with kissing and just cuddling I guess, but even that ended up with kinda a disappointment for the other guy, because he clearly wanted something more, I am glad I didn't do anything else

    here I shared something personal icon_confused.gificon_biggrin.gif


    Ive read about this, you are a romantic asexual, meaning you are interested in developing a romantic realtionship with a guy but you have no interest in sex.

    Honestly asexual people (as in no wanting sex) should stick together, because if you're in a relationship with someone with an average sex drive there is no way you're not gonna let them down, eventually they will want something you can't give them.


    For me it takes a very long time to develop any emotional attachment to a person or have a 'crush' on somebody, I have sexual desire only if I like the person physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually and that takes time, I don't even think I am much asexual, because if I develop a romantic feelings for a person I feel very strong sexual desire for that person, but to go through all of that that takes time. But in my every day daily life I am pretty asexual, I don't really need sex, probably I am romantic asexual but to a certain point icon_lol.gif

    Funny thing is I find the though of a guy not wanting to have sex a turn on, that's a great challenge
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 6:22 AM GMT
    Swifterchris saidI actually know of a couple who are in a "straight" relationship where the woman is asexual, but they're also "open" for the man to have sex with other men since he's homosexual and heteromantic. They wanted to keep the whole straight couple image going on while satisfying the man's hunger for his sexual needs.

    what are the chances they met and fit each others needs though? Thats strange.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 6:26 AM GMT
    bonaparts said
    David666k said
    bonaparts saidI am kinda asexual, well I am gay, but sex is not very crucial for me, I don't think about it, I don't want it, it's not something I seek, I had a hook up kinda where I had no desire to have sex, I was kinda dragged into it, but it ended up with kissing and just cuddling I guess, but even that ended up with kinda a disappointment for the other guy, because he clearly wanted something more, I am glad I didn't do anything else

    here I shared something personal icon_confused.gificon_biggrin.gif


    Ive read about this, you are a romantic asexual, meaning you are interested in developing a romantic realtionship with a guy but you have no interest in sex.

    Honestly asexual people (as in no wanting sex) should stick together, because if you're in a relationship with someone with an average sex drive there is no way you're not gonna let them down, eventually they will want something you can't give them.


    For me it takes a very long time to develop any emotional attachment to a person or have a 'crush' on somebody, I have sexual desire only if I like the person physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually and that takes time, I don't even think I am much asexual, because if I develop a romantic feelings for a person I feel very strong sexual desire for that person, but to go through all of that that takes time. But in my every day daily life I am pretty asexual, I don't really need sex, probably I am romantic asexual but to a certain point icon_lol.gif

    Funny thing is I find the though of a guy not wanting to have sex a turn on, that's a great challenge


    Are you sure the reason it takes a long time for you to develop attraction to a person is not actually trust issues?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 6:35 AM GMT
    David666k said
    bonaparts said
    David666k said
    bonaparts saidI am kinda asexual, well I am gay, but sex is not very crucial for me, I don't think about it, I don't want it, it's not something I seek, I had a hook up kinda where I had no desire to have sex, I was kinda dragged into it, but it ended up with kissing and just cuddling I guess, but even that ended up with kinda a disappointment for the other guy, because he clearly wanted something more, I am glad I didn't do anything else

    here I shared something personal icon_confused.gificon_biggrin.gif


    Ive read about this, you are a romantic asexual, meaning you are interested in developing a romantic realtionship with a guy but you have no interest in sex.

    Honestly asexual people (as in no wanting sex) should stick together, because if you're in a relationship with someone with an average sex drive there is no way you're not gonna let them down, eventually they will want something you can't give them.


    For me it takes a very long time to develop any emotional attachment to a person or have a 'crush' on somebody, I have sexual desire only if I like the person physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually and that takes time, I don't even think I am much asexual, because if I develop a romantic feelings for a person I feel very strong sexual desire for that person, but to go through all of that that takes time. But in my every day daily life I am pretty asexual, I don't really need sex, probably I am romantic asexual but to a certain point icon_lol.gif

    Funny thing is I find the though of a guy not wanting to have sex a turn on, that's a great challenge


    Are you sure the reason it takes a long time for you to develop attraction to a person is not actually trust issues?


    it's not trust issues, that is just how my brain works, only after a longer time I realise I actually like someone and yeah I am pretty cautious but that is just how I am, still does not mean I fall for the wrong person and I f I do fall in love, then it's pretty extreme, then pretty much death can tear me apart or great distance, like thousands of miles distance .... till I get over it icon_lol.gif even if that person is complete bastard, once I have strong feelings for someone that is till life, but to have that, it takes lot of things and it doesn't happen fast




  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 6:52 AM GMT
    David666k said
    Swifterchris saidI actually know of a couple who are in a "straight" relationship where the woman is asexual, but they're also "open" for the man to have sex with other men since he's homosexual and heteromantic. They wanted to keep the whole straight couple image going on while satisfying the man's hunger for his sexual needs.

    what are the chances they met and fit each others needs though? Thats strange.


    I have no clue. I guess some people really are made for each other?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 18, 2015 6:54 AM GMT
    Swifterchris said
    David666k said
    Swifterchris saidI actually know of a couple who are in a "straight" relationship where the woman is asexual, but they're also "open" for the man to have sex with other men since he's homosexual and heteromantic. They wanted to keep the whole straight couple image going on while satisfying the man's hunger for his sexual needs.

    what are the chances they met and fit each others needs though? Thats strange.


    I have no clue. I guess some people really are made for each other?


    Yeah sure but to actually cross path to that person, specially under such strange and uncommon circumstances is weird, though good for them obviously.