Straight friends: "But gays are so racist, how do you put up with that?"

  • slowprogress

    Posts: 39

    Sep 19, 2015 1:12 AM GMT
    The other day I was recounting the "Anglophone treatment" my friends and I felt last weekend at a restaurant in Montreal. They hadn't noticed, and suggested that I might be too sensitive, to which I pointed out that I'm usually the oblivious one. Then they brought up the gays lol. I was really surprised they knew, since I've always thought the racism thing was our community's dirty secret. Instead it seems like common knowledge apparently...
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    Sep 19, 2015 1:18 AM GMT
    Would you mind revising that into a coherent paragraph as so we know what actually went on????

    We aren't your friends, and we don't know what happened in that restaurant in Montreal.....
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    Sep 19, 2015 1:20 AM GMT
    It's so much common knowledge that when I "came out" to my new BMX crowd (new area, new people) the darker-skinned guys were suddenly standoff-ish for a while till they realized I'm not the "gay stereotype" (i.e. racist, self-loathing, elitist bastard).

    Even the straight people have noticed. Fortunately it all worked out and we're all still best buds.
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Sep 19, 2015 1:31 AM GMT


    ...................
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2015 6:06 AM GMT
    You tell them that they are indeed correct and that they can thank God they aren't gay.
    I wonder if gay women are as picky about their partner's race as gay men are.
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    Sep 19, 2015 7:37 AM GMT
    and your ''friends ''sound like douchebags and homophobes icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 19, 2015 8:36 AM GMT
    Sheesh! Just because every white guy doesn't want to get it on with every Asian and black guy that crosses their path doesn't make them racists. Sometimes it might just be your personality or lack of one, your breath, or personal hygiene, your attitude, your slew footedness, your walleye, your fashion sense or lack of one, etc. It can be any number of things. It's not always about the color of your skin.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Sep 19, 2015 10:28 AM GMT
    I agree

    Racism is so rife within the gay community. It isn't about dating interracial which, yes, is something that I don't see much of in gay men, but even in interactions white sticks to white and black stick to black.

    When I sit with black gay men, they talk about attractiveness of all people, but the few white gay men who I have spoken to have not once mentioned anyone who was not extremely white as being attractive or even mentioned in passing as being personally interesting

    It' a tragic development and it's something that i can't stomach in the gay community
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 19, 2015 3:27 PM GMT
    giodude saidI agree

    Racism is so rife within the gay community. It isn't about dating interracial which, yes, is something that I don't see much of in gay men, but even in interactions white sticks to white and black stick to black.

    When I sit with black gay men, they talk about attractiveness of all people, but the few white gay men who I have spoken to have not once mentioned anyone who was not extremely white as being attractive or even mentioned in passing as being personally interesting

    It' a tragic development and it's something that i can't stomach in the gay community

    This is sad and embarrassing to the rainbow flag waving supposedly inclusive and accepting gay pride community that's promoted in the media.icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 19, 2015 3:41 PM GMT
    Having a preference isn't being racist. Why do people choose to go to that so often? Just like I don't sleep with women, that does not make me sexist. That makes me gay > = D. Get it right. : /
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    Sep 19, 2015 3:50 PM GMT
    It's amazing how a statement that gays are racist isn't challenged here, especially by the coterie that wouldn't allow such a generalization go unchallenged if it was made about blacks, women, lesbians, etc. In fact, they seem to support it.

    Check your slip; your hypocrisy is showing.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 19, 2015 3:53 PM GMT
    Kosmo123 saidHaving a preference isn't being racist. Why do people choose to go to that so often? Just like I don't sleep with women, that does not make me sexist. That makes me gay

    We're all gay here. If you're going to dismiss a whole race of gay men then what do you think that makes you?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 19, 2015 3:54 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidIt's amazing how a statement that gays are racist isn't challenged here, especially by the coterie that wouldn't allow such a generalization go unchallenged if it was made about blacks, women, lesbians, etc. In fact, they seem to support it.

    Check your slip; your hypocrisy is showing.

    You make some of most racist comments here, and now you want the rest of us to pretend you're not racist. That's a laugh.
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    Sep 19, 2015 4:00 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Kosmo123 saidHaving a preference isn't being racist. Why do people choose to go to that so often? Just like I don't sleep with women, that does not make me sexist. That makes me gay

    We're all gay here. If you're going to dismiss a whole race of gay men then what do you think that makes you?


    I'm not about to get in a debate on here so, this is all I will say. Go look up the definition of what it means to be racist. I have a lot of black friends. In fact, I have friends of all ethnicities. I don't have to go sleep with them to not be racist.
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    Sep 19, 2015 4:01 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidIt's so much common knowledge that when I "came out" to my new BMX crowd (new area, new people) the darker-skinned guys were suddenly standoff-ish for a while till they realized I'm not the "gay stereotype" (i.e. racist, self-loathing, elitist bastard).

    I'm sorry to hear this, Paul. We hope we're not the "gay stereotype" regarding racism, either. Nor sexism, or ageism, either, any negative "ism". It's unfortunate if we've gained this reputation as a group.

    The only time I ran into it in a major way was a gay couple with whom we had become friends. We drove down to Key West together a number of times, went over to their house for dinners. We hoped we'd found another local gay couple with whom we could become solid friends.

    But one of them was from Louisiana originally. And I guess as he got more relaxed with us he started slandering Blacks in our presence, and using the "N-word". I let him know I was uncomfortable with that. He also bad-mouthed the heritage of our Brazilian cleaning lady (who's here legally, in case any of you wonder). Apparently he has a problem with any non-WASPs, as he views them.

    I told my partner I couldn't accept that, and he agreed, so we let our relationship with them end. We will not endorse that kind of behavior, those racist attitudes. Fortunately, though, I really don't see that too much in our gay community. I therefore think, Paul, we need to repair our public image, if that's what people believe about us.
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    Sep 19, 2015 4:02 PM GMT
    As far as the anglophone incident goes, I'm going to take a wild guess and assume you got a bit of attitude for asking for an English menu. It happens in this city. I'm not saying it's ok and as an American expat with deficient French skills I've certainly run into my fair share of that. But honestly, compared to what the Francophones went through for generations from the Anglos here it's not that bad. For generations they were told their language and culture were worthless and backward. In my weaker moments I want to say get the eff over it, it's not my fault and it's 2015 already. But most of the time I try to be generous. And once they know I'm an American they don't expect me to speak French anyway. Practice "desole, je ne compre pas. Je suis en Americain." And you'll get a lot less attitude!
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 19, 2015 4:03 PM GMT
    Kosmo123 said
    HottJoe said
    Kosmo123 saidHaving a preference isn't being racist. Why do people choose to go to that so often? Just like I don't sleep with women, that does not make me sexist. That makes me gay

    We're all gay here. If you're going to dismiss a whole race of gay men then what do you think that makes you?


    I'm not about to get in a debate on here so, this is all I will say. Go look up the definition of what it means to be racist. I have a lot of black friends. In fact, I have friends of all ethnicities. I don't have to go sleep with them to not be racist.

    Well since your words can't possibly be hurtful, you might as well go tell your friends that you don't think their race is attractive, since that's what you're insinuating in public to people who aren't your friends.
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    Sep 19, 2015 4:03 PM GMT
    Kosmo123 said
    HottJoe said
    Kosmo123 saidHaving a preference isn't being racist. Why do people choose to go to that so often? Just like I don't sleep with women, that does not make me sexist. That makes me gay

    We're all gay here. If you're going to dismiss a whole race of gay men then what do you think that makes you?


    I'm not about to get in a debate on here so, this is all I will say. Go look up the definition of what it means to be racist. I have a lot of black friends. In fact, I have friends of all ethnicities. I don't have to go sleep with them to not be racist.



    Do us all a favor and please stop quoting "NotHottJoe." Many of us have that Pretend-PC-Hypocrite on ignore but when people keep quoting him we see his bullshit anyway. icon_mad.gif
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    Sep 19, 2015 4:08 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Kosmo123 said
    HottJoe said
    Kosmo123 saidHaving a preference isn't being racist. Why do people choose to go to that so often? Just like I don't sleep with women, that does not make me sexist. That makes me gay

    We're all gay here. If you're going to dismiss a whole race of gay men then what do you think that makes you?


    I'm not about to get in a debate on here so, this is all I will say. Go look up the definition of what it means to be racist. I have a lot of black friends. In fact, I have friends of all ethnicities. I don't have to go sleep with them to not be racist.

    Well since your words can't possibly be hurtful, you might as well go tell your friends that you don't think their race is attractive, since that's what you're insinuating in public to people who aren't your friends.


    They already know that. In fact, my best friend is black and knows that. Wanna keep going? Also, y are u so concerned with my preference? That's great if you see it differently. Keep that with u and don't be so self righteous and try to push it on me just because I don't see it that way. Same damn thing when religious people try to push crap on me when I tell them I am atheist.
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    Sep 19, 2015 4:14 PM GMT
    Kosmo123 said
    HottJoe said
    Kosmo123 said
    HottJoe said
    Kosmo123 saidHaving a preference isn't being racist. Why do people choose to go to that so often? Just like I don't sleep with women, that does not make me sexist. That makes me gay

    We're all gay here. If you're going to dismiss a whole race of gay men then what do you think that makes you?


    I'm not about to get in a debate on here so, this is all I will say. Go look up the definition of what it means to be racist. I have a lot of black friends. In fact, I have friends of all ethnicities. I don't have to go sleep with them to not be racist.

    Well since your words can't possibly be hurtful, you might as well go tell your friends that you don't think their race is attractive, since that's what you're insinuating in public to people who aren't your friends.


    They already know that. In fact, my best friend is black and knows that. Wanna keep going? Also, y are u so concerned with my preference? That's great if you see it differently. Keep that with u and don't be so self righteous and try to push it on me just because I don't see it that way. Same damn thing when religious people try to push crap on me when I tell them I am atheist.



    It's funny how "NotHotJoe" has no problem insulting all older guys by saying that all older guys who date younger are "predatory." There's a reason half the members here have this stupid queen on ignore. He's the biggest hypocrite here, and that's saying a lot.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 19, 2015 4:32 PM GMT
    Radd said
    Kosmo123 said
    HottJoe said
    Kosmo123 said
    HottJoe said
    Kosmo123 saidHaving a preference isn't being racist. Why do people choose to go to that so often? Just like I don't sleep with women, that does not make me sexist. That makes me gay

    We're all gay here. If you're going to dismiss a whole race of gay men then what do you think that makes you?


    I'm not about to get in a debate on here so, this is all I will say. Go look up the definition of what it means to be racist. I have a lot of black friends. In fact, I have friends of all ethnicities. I don't have to go sleep with them to not be racist.

    Well since your words can't possibly be hurtful, you might as well go tell your friends that you don't think their race is attractive, since that's what you're insinuating in public to people who aren't your friends.


    They already know that. In fact, my best friend is black and knows that. Wanna keep going? Also, y are u so concerned with my preference? That's great if you see it differently. Keep that with u and don't be so self righteous and try to push it on me just because I don't see it that way. Same damn thing when religious people try to push crap on me when I tell them I am atheist.



    It's funny how "NotHotJoe" has no problem insulting all older guys by saying that all older guys who date younger are "predatory." There's a reason half the members here have this stupid queen on ignore. He's the biggest hypocrite here, and that's saying a lot.

    I didn't say older men were predatory. You said I insulted every older gay man, but really it was just you and antijock that had a shit fit.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 19, 2015 4:37 PM GMT
    Kosmo123 said
    HottJoe said
    Kosmo123 said
    HottJoe said
    Kosmo123 saidHaving a preference isn't being racist. Why do people choose to go to that so often? Just like I don't sleep with women, that does not make me sexist. That makes me gay

    We're all gay here. If you're going to dismiss a whole race of gay men then what do you think that makes you?


    I'm not about to get in a debate on here so, this is all I will say. Go look up the definition of what it means to be racist. I have a lot of black friends. In fact, I have friends of all ethnicities. I don't have to go sleep with them to not be racist.

    Well since your words can't possibly be hurtful, you might as well go tell your friends that you don't think their race is attractive, since that's what you're insinuating in public to people who aren't your friends.


    They already know that. In fact, my best friend is black and knows that. Wanna keep going? Also, y are u so concerned with my preference? That's great if you see it differently. Keep that with u and don't be so self righteous and try to push it on me just because I don't see it that way. Same damn thing when religious people try to push crap on me when I tell them I am atheist.

    I'm not concerned with your preference, but your claims don't pass the smell test. The whole, I can't be racist because I have a black friend is such a cliche. I'm surprised people still throw that out there.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Sep 19, 2015 4:38 PM GMT
    Was watching a video, and granted I wish the video wasn't directly geared toward just once race in the topic because the issue lies with more then just once race. But the guy makes very valid points. But he did get one tweet saying that black men get discriminated upon as well in the LGBT community.

    "A member of a group of people who is already suffering from great discrimination (gay people) is discriminating on another group of people (in this case Asians) yet is asking for fair treatment of themselves."

    or

    "The irony is that you're a homosexual that's racist" That one cracks my ass up.

    "If you're not into someone, fine, but don't make it about race"

    They say preference is not racist. "Oh, so you're saying that if they have a preference of none of the customers being black, that's not racist, that's just a preference right?"

    I really like this guy.



  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 19, 2015 4:39 PM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidAs far as the anglophone incident goes, I'm going to take a wild guess and assume you got a bit of attitude for asking for an English menu. It happens in this city. I'm not saying it's ok and as an American expat with deficient French skills I've certainly run into my fair share of that. But honestly, compared to what the Francophones went through for generations from the Anglos here it's not that bad. For generations they were told their language and culture were worthless and backward. In my weaker moments I want to say get the eff over it, it's not my fault and it's 2015 already. But most of the time I try to be generous. And once they know I'm an American they don't expect me to speak French anyway. Practice "desole, je ne compre pas. Je suis en Americain." And you'll get a lot less attitude!

    The OP didn't mention language. But nice attempt at dismissing the OP's story and derailing the thread.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Sep 19, 2015 5:01 PM GMT
    I didn't really think before that there's a level of racism in the gay community (naively so because I assumed that a group that has had a long history of systematic discrimination would be averse to any form of discrimination). In the past few years, however, having been exposed to some of the gay people on this site, I have changed my opinion. A case in point: Recently, an HIV positive guy who should know what discrimination is, said the following to me in response to my post: "I can just imagine you saying all of it with an Asian accent." Of course that did not merit a response from me. But what the comment demonstrates is pure ignorance and a manifest misperception of Asians and mixed Asians. This ignoramus, of course, didn't even know that I went to the best schools in the U.S. and the United Kingdom, and boarding school in Switzerland. So, yes, sadly there's a level of racism (both overt and covert) in the gay community.