When does stereotype gets in the way of fun?

  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Feb 01, 2009 2:39 AM GMT
    Hey guys, I know there's quite a lot of gay/racial posts here recently, I'm not here to whine or adding to the fire but some personal experiences got me think this from a different angle.

    We all have preferences and stuff that turns us on, and it's hard to explain where those come from. I mean, a simple buzz cut on the right guy just looks hotter to me than if he's had longer hair... It's irrational but what's rational about sex right?

    Similar, I've got no problem if someone is attracted to certain race of men because of their features - as long as he sees the other dude as a person first, and not just a sexual object in that skin color.

    However, I've encountered some guys so obsessed with certain stereotypes it made me wonder.

    Case in point, when I was dating, I had more older white gentleman expressing interest in me - disproportionally high than others, that is until I tell them I'm mostly of the top variety, then they loose interest.

    And when I was looking for hook ups, I had comments such as 'you are very hot, shame about your small dick size(?!)", and "I don't do Asians cause they are mingy" and in one case after I sent them some pics "Are you asian (Duh yeah, see the pic)?" followed by "you look really hot but you are not White".

    Fair enough to each their own, I'm not hung up on it but ain't they denying themselves some good fun just because of their very own narrow target circle?

    Is it not strange to dream about hook up or dates with a "Hot latino stud with 9 incher, 6'2 tall, 190lbs, and speaks with a Boston accent" but when a real hot guy come along you'd reject him on the grounds he doesn't fit 1 or 2 of your ideal image of a man?

    It's pretty hard to be a gay man in a lot of cases - pressure from society and peers etc, why make you life even more difficult for yourself lol.

    One other example, I have a friend, very handsome and great body, educated and good personality. He got rejected on grounds on being Black but not "Ghetto"' enough. WTF??! I guess the other guy was only looking for a black dude because he wanted a gangsta?

    Interestingly enough, with all the encounters I've had over the years, it does seem more white dudes got these hangups, I've had great times with bros from pretty much all races but more masc white guys around my age seem to turn me down based on my racial stereotype than any others. This is like the flipside of the coin of the older white gentleman prefers sweet asain bottom scenario from above...


    I guess what I wanted to say is: Enjoy life guys, and don't miss a chance when a nice one comes along.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2009 3:14 AM GMT
    offshore saidI guess what I wanted to say is: Enjoy life guys, and don't miss a chance when a nice one comes along.

    I agree with you on one level, yet I would violate it on another.

    I find you physically attractive (no, make that hot), and you're being Asian is irrelevant to me. You also write well and appear intelligent, which is another kind of turn-on to me.

    BUT... you're 26 years younger than me. Aside from the fact I've got a partner, that kind of age difference could never work for me, despite all your obvious great qualities.

    Does that mean age preference is a stereotype? Would YOU want a guy as old as ME? Is skin color preference a stereotype? Is any kind of preference a stereotype?

    I dunno, but maybe I kinda know what you mean. Some gay guys have such a strict formula for what they want, that they disregard great guys who lack just that one feature. They want a bear and nothing else. Or a twink or a certain skin shade or whatever.

    I think it's important to realize that these choices by others are not a general referendum on US. It's about THEM, and their narrow choices. I'm not a bear, and won't appeal to a bear lover; does that make me a total failure? Of course not!

    Nevertheless, any kind of rejection can be tough to accept. That's normal. We just have to realize that none of us will appeal to everyone. We will appeal to those who want something we have that appeals to them, but maybe not to others. Or maybe come across that special guy who doesn't see the world in terms of formulas, but in terms of the individual. Trust me, a few of them do exist.

    To find that person we just have to keep trying and trying. And not misjudge and underrate ourselves by the shallow snap judgments of others.
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    Feb 01, 2009 4:39 AM GMT


    When you said this, "Case in point, when I was dating, I had more older white gentleman expressing interest in me - disproportionally high than others, that is until I tell them I'm mostly of the top variety, then they loose interest."
    it made me think of the older gay men I've known that have a love of youth. One of the common thoughts about Asians is that they age very slowly in the looks department. For those older guys lusting over youth, what a plus. That's just one reason, there are more; as an example, often a swimmer's build, often less body hair ( no manscaping required; it's natural!). These are just a few of the things that some older guys see as a prize.


  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Feb 02, 2009 6:09 AM GMT
    Thanks Vespa, I think I got what you mean, it's certainly a different angle of looking at it.
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    Feb 02, 2009 7:18 AM GMT
    I don't know, if someone's ethnocentric or specific down to the color of their 5000th hair from the right it's their problem. I think it's an insecurity and control thing for some people. For a lot it may be a preference but for what? Because they want someone who looks exactly like them? Why do people need someone who's exactly like them? Because they want to believe that they are the standard for society? Or maybe it's just a preference such as age, size, body shape, and whatever else. Maybe it's just what they know, and they like sticking to what's familiar. Either way there are plenty of more fish out there.
  • Tiller66

    Posts: 380

    Feb 02, 2009 8:27 AM GMT
    Well i think your hott and really i try not judge men completly by looks more on the vibe between us.I had a kind of strange relationship with a black i thought was really hott but no matter how it flet phsically he did'nt get me off very oftenbut i had a black coming around that was'nt much to look at but got me oof every time. So i figure that the ones that just focus on the outside will miss out on the best onesicon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2009 9:48 AM GMT
    The point of not being prejudiced is to keep an open mind.

    If you 'make it a rule' never to date outside your own ethnicity, then you've just closed down your options with a rule.