Where do people meet quality gay guys?

  • Leftswiper

    Posts: 90

    Sep 25, 2015 4:39 AM GMT
    This is gonna sound like a such a stupid question to ask on an online forum, because anyone who has the answer probably won't be here haha... but still gonna try.

    I've been in the gay scene here and in SF for a few years and can't seem to keep any guys. No one seems to have an attention span longer than a goldfish. This applies to platonic friends too. My gay friend circles have already changed twice in 3 years - they're my only friends, since I mainly moved to the bay area for work. Just wondering if it has anything to do with how gay SF is... maybe the gayest places brings out the worst in people.

    Ugh, just venting
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    Sep 25, 2015 4:41 AM GMT
    Don't worry boo boo. That's the gay scene in every major city. I face the same thing here in....Mia...errr.... I mean Uganda.....


    Just make a couple of core friends and you'll be good....
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    Sep 25, 2015 4:59 AM GMT
    Maybe it's not the guys, but rather you. You seem to have really high standards judging from your profile. And granted, yes, I do know something on where to find good quality men, however since you were so inclined to assume that no one here will have no recollection of answering your question, I will humbly keep my silence.

    Oh, and if you're just going to use your looks to keep a man, let me tell you something, you're only a dime a dozen, it could work for older guys, but not the one's you have your sights on.
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    Sep 25, 2015 5:01 AM GMT
    Talon saidMaybe it's not the guys, but rather you. You seem to have really high standards judging from your profile. And granted, yes, I do know something on where to find good quality men, however since you were so inclined to assume that no one here will have no recollection of answering your question, I will humbly keep my silence.

    Oh, and if you're just going to use your looks to keep a man, let me tell you something, you're only a dime in a dozen, it could work for older guys, but not the one's you have your sights on.



    You are such a high maintenance bitch. Has anyone ever told you that?
  • craycraydoesd...

    Posts: 599

    Sep 25, 2015 5:07 AM GMT
    Talon saidMaybe it's not the guys, but rather you. You seem to have really high standards judging from your profile. And granted, yes, I do know something on where to find good quality men, however since you were so inclined to assume that no one here will have no recollection of answering your question, I will humbly keep my silence.

    Oh, and if you're just going to use your looks to keep a man, let me tell you something, you're only a dime in a dozen, it could work for older guys, but not the one's you have your sights on.


    projecting much? Only "high standards" thing he has on his profile is a joking "must be 8/10 LOL". And his hotlist actually has hot guys, which makes sense since he isn't exactly ugly.
  • metta

    Posts: 39167

    Sep 25, 2015 5:16 AM GMT
    Personally, I think the best way to meet people is to meet people while you are doing things you enjoy. That way you are meeting people with common interests. Look for people that believe in honesty, integrity, and other values that are important to you.

    Living in San Francisco, I would think that there would be a LGBT group for just about any interest. Los Angeles has a lot of groups/organizations like that.
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    Sep 25, 2015 5:38 AM GMT
    With an attitude of a 'Limpit Mine', dissing everyone, saying they have an 'attention span of a Goldfish'. You probably won't meet anyone anyway. Does the word 'Bitch', maybe come to mind?
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    Sep 25, 2015 6:33 AM GMT
    Set your standards lower. Your 8/10 guys are chasing after 10/10 guys. They're not gonna give you the time of day.
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    Sep 25, 2015 6:57 AM GMT
    You meet quality guys doing quality things, at quality places, at quality times. In other words, your chances of meeting a quality guy in a gay bar drinking until 4:00 AM are slim to none.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Sep 25, 2015 9:48 AM GMT
    bruh, you won't meet quality anybody if you're looking for like-minded individuals. Variety is the spice of life. Mingle with different people and you may find someone.

    You literally said you'd like to meet a top version of yourself. That's narcissism in its ultimate form. If you want to meet someone like yourself just find a mirror and entertain yourself with it.

    If you are chasing 8//10's, they're chasing 10/10's, who are keeping to themselves. Perhaps you should give the time of day to someone who isn't 8/10, who you consider to be "below you", and you may be pleasantly surprised.
    And just for interest's sake, where do you consider yourself to be on this scale?

    "I prefer guys who don't fit stereotypes": which stereotype are you referring to, because the self-absorbed gay man is a rather prevalent stereotype - one which you fit into very nicely.

    Treat others as you would like to be treated.

    Also, make friends with people who aren't gay as well. You can have more in common with someone than just your sexual orientation. Perhaps some non-homo person will introduce you t a quality guy. But to keep a quality guy, you've got to be one yourself.
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    Sep 25, 2015 10:06 AM GMT
    Well you live in San Jose, there isn't much of a gay scene there. Yes, San Francisco is a major gay city but from my perspective, (btw, I lived in both cities in the past) SF has a more older crowd of men. I guess, there are young guys in the city too. On your scale of *Hot 8/10, lol, this is just a subjective matter. I mean, I'm assuming you're into mid 20s/something AF blond guys?? Many of these guys are basically *slutting around in their 20s, most will hopefully grow out of it and settle down in their mid/late 30s. Having said all that, I think the best way to meet quality guys are through friends of friends or exes or online dating. Good Luck.
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    Sep 25, 2015 1:45 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidYou meet quality guys doing quality things, at quality places, at quality times. In other words, your chances of meeting a quality guy in a gay bar drinking until 4:00 AM are slim to none.


    Stop helping him icon_mad.gif
  • incognito75

    Posts: 3

    Sep 25, 2015 2:17 PM GMT
    Re: Talon. God, I HATE mindless QUEENS like this. I think he is the epitome of low quality.
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    Sep 25, 2015 2:29 PM GMT
    incognito75 saidRe: Talon. God, I HATE mindless QUEENS like this. I think he is the epitome of low quality.


    Me or him? icon_eek.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 25, 2015 2:36 PM GMT
    crazycrazydoesdoes said
    Talon saidMaybe it's not the guys, but rather you. You seem to have really high standards judging from your profile. And granted, yes, I do know something on where to find good quality men, however since you were so inclined to assume that no one here will have no recollection of answering your question, I will humbly keep my silence.

    Oh, and if you're just going to use your looks to keep a man, let me tell you something, you're only a dime in a dozen, it could work for older guys, but not the one's you have your sights on.


    projecting much? Only "high standards" thing he has on his profile is a joking "must be 8/10 LOL". And his hotlist actually has hot guys, which makes sense since he isn't exactly ugly.


    Honestly I don't care much about one's profile, as they will always put their best front to make themselves way better then what they appear to be in person. Personally I always go by how they express themselves in real matter topics (forum post) or how they articulate themselves. I don't project. Because my projection is a lot higher standards then just what a guy looks like. icon_rolleyes.gif So let's not go anywhere near of the matter that I can project anything what the OP has mentioned.

    You are correct, he isn't ugly, but who's to say that he is in league with any of the guys he's actually chasing? Or that he has anything other then his a bit above average looks to keep a man interested? What I find quite hilarious is that many men think that looking good is enough to sustain us, enough to satisfy others, but that's not how it really works, because if it did, majority of the well built men here would be in loving relationships.
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    Sep 25, 2015 3:48 PM GMT
    I can understand your frustration, if not offer any advice on how to resolve it, because I left SF after living there x 25 years for many of the same reasons you described. And NEVER lower your standards; the're yours after all, and you are the one who has to set and live by them. Good luck!
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    Sep 25, 2015 5:52 PM GMT
    Leftswiper saidThis is gonna sound like a such a stupid question to ask on an online forum, because anyone who has the answer probably won't be here haha... but still gonna try.

    I've been in the gay scene here and in SF for a few years and can't seem to keep any guys. No one seems to have an attention span longer than a goldfish. This applies to platonic friends too. My gay friend circles have already changed twice in 3 years - they're my only friends, since I mainly moved to the bay area for work. Just wondering if it has anything to do with how gay SF is... maybe the gayest places brings out the worst in people.

    Ugh, just venting


    SF is a transient city. It's always been that way since the gold rush. The high cost of living keeps young people moving,rather then settling here for life, unless you are a trust fund baby. That and the weather keep you on your toes rather then settle down into any predictable day to day behavior. I meet guys every week everywhere I go; its a super friendly city in that respect. It's kinda like being on perpetual vacation. I wonder if my relative stability is a reason I have all the young gay friends I can handle.
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    Sep 25, 2015 10:21 PM GMT
    It could be your age group man. That isn't to say that gay guys in their twenties aren't capable of meaningful friendships/relationships, because it certainly does happen. But the male brain matures at around age 25. The guys I've gone out on dates with that were even 27-30 are still pretty immature compared to guys in their mid 30s and older I've gone out with. The conversation is different, the attention span and emotions are different too. I will say that I've noticed that the guys you click with tend to remember you and sometimes come back several months later out of the blue.

    The other thing is sometimes a guy's physical attraction level to you determines whether or not he's going to put in the effort. If he's in a horny mood, he might prefer to spend his time on Grinder or at a gay bar than just hanging out with you and friends.

    Again, this isn't a rule at at all and I know plenty of immature older guys. But hang in there. The best is yet to come!
  • svteuro

    Posts: 3

    Sep 25, 2015 10:46 PM GMT
    When you realize that leftswipers are typically alone.....
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    Sep 25, 2015 11:31 PM GMT
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    Sep 26, 2015 12:06 AM GMT
    I'd like to know too. I thought the last guy I'd met was a quality guy, but turns out he didn't want to buy the cow. =p
    All my friends later told me I could do way better as far as looks go, but I thought it was the personality that mattered. I guess even nice guys have bad intentions.
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    Sep 26, 2015 1:50 AM GMT
    Standards aside, since everybody has their own standards and it varies so much that you can't really judge, I think that finding a quality guy is very difficult. I am not sure about other people, but it just seems like the gay community USUALLY are not the monogamous or long term relationship kind of group. There is always the thought of I could do better or this guy is hotter/better or I am too young to be tied down. So someone whom you think is quality will eventually not be because you are always wondering if there is something or someone better. Again just my observations.

    Also, honestly speaking, we are guys. I would say a good 80% are always thinking of sex and usually not with the same person. I feel like you will find that quality guy once you mature more and really find out what is important to you and what is not. I am also a big believer on there is that someone who is right for you. The more you look for it the more you wont find it. Once you become more comfortable with yourself and understand what you need vs what you want you will be able to find THAT guy.

    Enjoy being single. Maybe do some soul searching. Don't stress yourself out and it will come when it comes. I am not saying don't put yourself out there, but more of go with the flow and mingle. Just don't expect prince charming right off the bat because it is expectations that lead us to all of the bad emotions.

    Maybe try dating guys whom you normally wouldn't date? It might surprise you!

  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    Sep 26, 2015 2:31 AM GMT
    Hear this ...look for good insides not outsides
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    Sep 26, 2015 10:42 AM GMT
    Leftswiper saidThis is gonna sound like a such a stupid question to ask on an online forum, because anyone who has the answer probably won't be here haha... but still gonna try.

    I've been in the gay scene here and in SF for a few years and can't seem to keep any guys. No one seems to have an attention span longer than a goldfish. This applies to platonic friends too. My gay friend circles have already changed twice in 3 years - they're my only friends, since I mainly moved to the bay area for work. Just wondering if it has anything to do with how gay SF is... maybe the gayest places brings out the worst in people.

    Ugh, just venting


    I live in the Bay Area also, try the newest trend.... Meetup.com, there are two good meetup groups one of which I am in and have met some great people. Go on Meetup.com and search under LGBT. I know the feeling though I moved out here 3 years ago and this is the only thing that has worked for me so far, it helps that majority of the people I have met are all transplants!
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Sep 26, 2015 3:03 PM GMT
    Where do people meet quality gay guys?

    Folsom Street Fair - this Sunday?

    Seriously, the odds of getting into a long term relationship in SF at your age are not great - Save it till your 30s. Almost every gay guy I know is in a long term relationship - I know hardly any single men - and they've had the same friends for many years - but I don't think any of these men met their partners until into their 30s. Be yourself, be real, have fun and sex, and do the marrying bit when you have more experience under your belt.