Why is it soooo difficult to find boyfriend in London?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2015 4:45 PM GMT
    I have been searching for over three months now, sometimes I am feeling like giving up, is it because I am looking in wrong places (grindr, okcupid, match.com) but all I find is guys that either are happy with friend with befits type of relationship, or just want quick sex.
    I have been advised to go out more, but I am not really into gay scene, whenever I was going to Soho, I felt being perved by 40yo guys. I don't have any gay friends either, I have no intention of getting more friends, I am looking for boyfriend that I can build future together with, have kids one day.. PLEASE ADVISE!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2015 6:36 PM GMT
    It's the story of every big gay cities.
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    Sep 27, 2015 7:20 PM GMT
    peters89 said............I felt being perved by 40yo guys.


    This is going to go over well with a lot here.

    __morphic__ saidIt's the story of every big gay cities.


    You think it is easier in a small city?

    The fact is that younger guys have so many more choices than older men and particularly when they live in big cities. If you aren't finding what you want it could be that you are being too selective and writing guys off before you get to know them.

    The problem is that more choices mean they can be more selective. It also creates an attitude that everyone can treat dates as a disposable commodity. Moreover there is less incentive to make friends and network through them when you can pull up an app and look at all these profiles. So no one really gets to know each other and are making to decisions based on superficial qualities. Eventually when they have exhausted all the profiles in the app and have looked at all the other sites then it is time to move to the next big city and start the superficial search all over again.

    In a small city you quickly run out of dating options. The guys serious about finding someone may have to settle for a few extra pounds of baggage or compromise in other ways. When it doesn't work out the first time couples may give it a second or third try.

    Both environments are challenging in their own way.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Sep 27, 2015 11:56 PM GMT
    I have to agree with friendormate, it's just part of life in the gay world, big city or small city. I can understand the frustration but you just have to keep your head up. Easier said than done, I know but that's all there is to it.

    You're in a big city full of gay men so it's only a matter or time before you meet someone who's on the same wavelength of yours. Just keep looking but remember to have fun as well.
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    Sep 28, 2015 1:23 AM GMT
    peters89 saidI have been searching for over three months now, sometimes I am feeling like giving up, is it because I am looking in wrong places (grindr, okcupid, match.com) but all I find is guys that either are happy with friend with befits type of relationship, or just want quick sex.
    I have been advised to go out more, but I am not really into gay scene, whenever I was going to Soho, I felt being perved by 40yo guys. I don't have any gay friends either, I have no intention of getting more friends, I am looking for boyfriend that I can build future together with, have kids one day.. PLEASE ADVISE!!!

    And let me guess.. You're lusting after guys that are younger than you. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Edepic

    Posts: 87

    Sep 28, 2015 1:58 AM GMT
    The assumption that the love of one' s life should be easily available and delivered up, as the song goes, signed sealed and delivered, in 3 months time speaks to a level of inflated entitlement that should warn all suitors to head for the hills. The prejudice against anyone over forty indicates a mean spirited ageism, no less virulent and toxic than sexism or homophobia.
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    Sep 28, 2015 2:30 AM GMT
    As a creeper over 40, I got some advice on this very website by another creeper over 60: he said, quality comes with quantity. Make MORE gay friends, old or not, and you'll have better pick'n.
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    Sep 28, 2015 7:14 AM GMT
    Match.com doesn't work, I deleted my OKC recently and I don't even log on Grindr anymore. You should be open-minded and make more friends, then friends of friends will intro you to the next bf. Lol, I was dating my ex when I was 26 for about 3 yrs, I've been single for a while now. But yeah, I still like online dating, not sure what the gay scene or the guys in London are, I've only been there twice. But most of them seem nice, maybe you should join a club, team or an organization and just have fun, then the guy will just magically appear.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2015 7:23 AM GMT
    http://www.outeverywhere.com/
    https://soulmates.theguardian.com/

    Those are two ideas, as well as trying to chill a bit about it. Takes most people much longer than 3 months. He'll arrive, just enjoy the ride. ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2015 8:36 AM GMT
    You seem to only be looking online or on apps.

    What are your hobbies and interests? Why not join some gay groups that share those hobbies, as a starting point. You might meet someone through that or meet someone through the people you meet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2015 10:57 AM GMT
    Awww man....if only you didnt want kids... O:-)

    Serious note: I reckon the reason you are feeling down is not because you are boyfriendless, but because you are not in love. If you feel you have a lot of love to give, then try channeling that to other people in your life, even strangers. Maybe that ll lift your spirit up a bit.

    *Personal & Non-expert Opinion*
  • tictactoe

    Posts: 29

    Sep 28, 2015 11:33 AM GMT
    Maybe it's because there are no gay men in London.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14303

    Sep 28, 2015 11:44 AM GMT
    You are in a massive city, what do you expecticon_question.gif Big cities like London, Paris, Toronto, Mexico City, Sydney, etc. are very impersonal and very busy places where you are basically just a number. It takes quite a long while for a newcomer to get adjusted and acquainted with the big city environment. You are not going to make friends overnight that is for sure.
  • Sincityfan

    Posts: 409

    Sep 28, 2015 7:25 PM GMT
    xrichx said
    And let me guess.. You're lusting after guys that are younger than you. icon_rolleyes.gif


    He's 26 not 99. The biggest age gap he will encounter is 10 years if he dates a 16 year old. ...and 10 years is sort-of socially acceptable as he is not old enough to be seen like the kids father like that one perv that wrote the harvey milk movie.

    Try sports teams, gym classes, etc. avoid bars and clubs as those are mainly hookup locations. You're attractive enough. I guess.
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    Sep 29, 2015 12:28 AM GMT
    peters89 said I don't have any gay friends either, I have no intention of getting more friends,

    Sorry, but the way to find a BF is to find a friend that you enjoy being with sexually as well as platonically. That means getting more friends, like MickeyTopogio said. You live in one of the biggest cities in the world, with more gay men than any other place in the world. Start meeting some guys, who will know other guys - socialize a lot, and you will eventually meet a guy for whom you have mutual attraction. If it doesn't work out the first time ([probably won't), repeat; keep on repeating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2015 1:47 AM GMT
    1) Get cuter
    2) Get less demanding
    3) Get more used to being alone
    icon_twisted.gif This is just how I deal.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2015 8:42 PM GMT
    Everyone's on Tinder, and because there's all of the Grindr type apps and this one only uses photos you'd put up on facebook it's a lot classier and you're more likely to find guys that actually want to meet up for a date or for a coffee.

    When you plan to meet up with them though only plan it a couple of days in advance, leave it too long and it never really happens. Also maybe set your sites on guys around your age or older than you as young guys (me included) tend to talk to guys on Tinder and get bored a day later and stop replying. Happy Hunting!

    P.S also as a side thing that's worked for me is to have that one friend who seems to attract gay guys. They're normally a girl and I'm not sure what it is about them, might be pheremones or something but they always have a ton of openly gay friends. It's an easy way to meet guys and if you have in stuff in common with the girl (e.g a sense of humour) you'll likely have stuff in common with the guys she's friends with too.
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    Oct 06, 2015 11:18 AM GMT
    xrichx said
    peters89 saidI have been searching for over three months now, sometimes I am feeling like giving up, is it because I am looking in wrong places (grindr, okcupid, match.com) but all I find is guys that either are happy with friend with befits type of relationship, or just want quick sex.
    I have been advised to go out more, but I am not really into gay scene, whenever I was going to Soho, I felt being perved by 40yo guys. I don't have any gay friends either, I have no intention of getting more friends, I am looking for boyfriend that I can build future together with, have kids one day.. PLEASE ADVISE!!!

    And let me guess.. You're lusting after guys that are younger than you. icon_rolleyes.gif


    No I was looking for older guys in the past, as in my head I was convinced that guys my age are just plain stupid and immature..
    My ex partner was around 40yo, I knew about the age gap but it didn't really bother me till I realised from my own experience, being older doesn't necessarily mean you are more mature..
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    Oct 06, 2015 11:21 AM GMT
    huhwhat said1) Get cuter
    2) Get less demanding
    3) Get more used to being alone
    icon_twisted.gif This is just how I deal.


    Well maybe you can deal with it. I don't get upset every day because I haven't found boyfriend. I realise those things take time.
    Less demanding? Hahaha you have no idea what replies and messages I am getting from guys on the gay apps and websites.
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    Oct 06, 2015 11:24 AM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidMatch.com doesn't work, I deleted my OKC recently and I don't even log on Grindr anymore. You should be open-minded and make more friends, then friends of friends will intro you to the next bf. Lol, I was dating my ex when I was 26 for about 3 yrs, I've been single for a while now. But yeah, I still like online dating, not sure what the gay scene or the guys in London are, I've only been there twice. But most of them seem nice, maybe you should join a club, team or an organization and just have fun, then the guy will just magically appear.


    Thanks for advice icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2015 1:40 AM GMT
    peters89 saidI have been searching for over three months now, sometimes I am feeling like giving up, is it because I am looking in wrong places (grindr, okcupid, match.com) but all I find is guys that either are happy with friend with befits type of relationship, or just want quick sex.
    I have been advised to go out more, but I am not really into gay scene, whenever I was going to Soho, I felt being perved by 40yo guys. I don't have any gay friends either, I have no intention of getting more friends, I am looking for boyfriend that I can build future together with, have kids one day.. PLEASE ADVISE!!!


    Ha I like your post, more advises. 3 months is nothing, I've been single on and off close to 4 yrs now, I had about 2-3 serious ltr in my life. There are other guys who keep looking for a long time too. 40s year old guys are not that bad, well I like some of them anyway. I like making more gay friends, well the non-sexual ones but seem like most gay guys want to be your friends to sleep with you. But I think you're a cute guy, just keep trying I guess. icon_razz.gificon_biggrin.gificon_cool.gif