Being older and single

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Sep 28, 2015 4:36 AM GMT
    http://instinctmagazine.com/post/gay-men-my-age-dont-want-date-someone-their-age-graham-norton
    "Graham Norton has said the reason he is still single is because men his own age only want to date younger men."

    "Well, I'm 52 and I'm single and on some level, I feel like I've failed because by the time you're my age, you really should be settled," he told The Mail on Sunday's TV Week.

    "But then I look at the relationships people around me have and I find myself asking, 'Really? That doesn't look like winning to me'. I've reached the point that when people ask, 'Are you single at the moment?', I say, 'Come on, you can drop the at the moment'. I'm single forever.

    "That's the weird thing. Gay men my age don't want to date someone their age."

    Agree? Disagree? Why?
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    Sep 28, 2015 4:47 AM GMT
    Interesting. I can kind of see that. Maybe that's why I'm hoping to find someone now so we can grow old together? I want to date someone now and around my age so we can enjoy our last bit of youth together and build a bond that will last into old age.
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    Sep 28, 2015 5:17 AM GMT
    I have to agree. For all the "ageism" people claim I rarely see any of it when it comes to relationships. Yes, I'm sure it does happen, but not to the extent that some make it out to be. Age is nothing but a number.


    I'm an attractive young(ish) male and would have no issue dating a guy in his 40's or 50's granted we were compatible and I found him attractive also.
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    Sep 28, 2015 5:36 AM GMT
    I agree that men your age only want to date younger.

    Have you ever heard of the saying "youth is wasted on the young"? Young people don't realize the potential they have in making a difference in their lives in the long run, but only care about what they can get and obtain now, never settling for anything less then face value. However, it will all eventually in time come back to haunt them. The price for vanity at a young age usually come with the stigma of loneliness in the present and in the future.

    For me when older guys want to date younger, it kind of reminds me that they want to stay relevant and cling on to to their youth. However, I feel no sympathy, because I'm sure at one point in their life they met someone that could have been a partner in waiting, but turned them away for the allure that they could do better. Time is a funny thing. It's the best remedy for broken hearts, however, relentless when it comes to the self realization that one might forever be alone. No one is to blame for the fact that you are single at your age, it's only you that can stake the final nail in that coffin.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Sep 28, 2015 5:45 AM GMT
    By the time you reach your 50's, life passes a judgement on you.

    You are either settled with your partner/mate/hubby or not.

    If you happen to be in your 50's, still single AND looking, you'll be facing a complex situation. Guys in your peer group are mostly (not always) either happily settled or are happy to be sugar daddies to some extent for much younger guys out there. The trophy boys/wives are usually seen as a natural reward life bestows upon successful middle-aged men with deep pockets and powerful networks.

    The fact that you, this Graham talkmaster dude or anyone else may find this to be unsatisfactory won't really change anything.

    Having a younger (sometimes MUCH) younger mate, is generally seen as the ultimate height of success among the other males. We are just wired that way.icon_lol.gif


    SC
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    Sep 28, 2015 5:48 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidBy the time you reach your 50's, life passes a judgement on you.

    You are either settled with your partner/mate/hubby or not.

    If you happen to be in your 50's, still single AND looking, you'll be facing a complex situation. Guys in your peer group are mostly (not always) either happily settled or are happy to be sugar daddies to some extent for much younger guys out there. The trophy boys/wives are usually seen as a natural reward life bestows upon successful middle-aged men with deep pockets and powerful networks.

    The fact that you, this Graham talkmaster dude or anyone else may find this to be unsatisfactory won't really change anything.

    Having a younger (sometimes MUCH) younger mate, is generally seen as the ultimate height of success among the other males. We are just wired that way.icon_lol.gif


    SC


    Why can't I have both???

    Mr. X was a power gay....






















    ....he has a boyfriend now.....icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Sep 28, 2015 6:07 AM GMT
    Talon saidI agree that men your age only want to date younger.

    Have you ever heard of the saying "youth is wasted on the young"? Young people don't realize the potential they have in making a difference in their lives in the long run, but only care about what they can get and obtain now, never settling for anything less then face value. However, it will all eventually in time come back to haunt them. The price for vanity at a young age usually come with the stigma of loneliness in the present and in the future.

    For me when older guys want to date younger, it kind of reminds me that they want to stay relevant and cling on to to their youth. However, I feel no sympathy, because I'm sure at one point in their life they met someone that could have been a partner in waiting, but turned them away for the allure that they could do better. Time is a funny thing. It's the best remedy for broken hearts, however, relentless when it comes to the self realization that one might forever be alone. No one is to blame for the fact that you are single at your age, it's only you that can stake the final nail in that coffin.


    I agree with what you say, however, I don't think most don't intentionally drop relationships seeking someone better. I think usually what happens is people sometimes just pick the wrong person, and then hang in there too long trying to make a doomed relationship work because it becomes comfortable. Then by the time they realise it's never going to get better it's too late and the dating for them has dried up. Another good saying is hind sight is 20 20
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    Sep 28, 2015 6:08 AM GMT
    Preference doesn't necessarily evolve with age. A lot of men have age preference locked in permanently. At certain age if you aren't settled, then your prospects are dim.

    I think 36 is maximum limit on being unsettled and still being able to find someone that meets your preference. After that, men tend to want to date much younger or can't find anyone within their own age bracket.
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    Sep 28, 2015 10:18 AM GMT
    I think that in general, gay men who are older and successful tend to want the best in everything including boys. lol, It shows in straight men too. Most older guys in their early 50s don't want to date each other because well, the shallow answer is they want a hot eye candy guy on their arms to show off. Lol, so this creates a lot of cute, younger sugar babies/daddies situations and some of these relationships turn into real love, some do not. Most gay guys want to re-live their youth vicariously through their bf/boy-toy. I guess there are some genuine older gay guys out there that want to date each other, you wouldn't find them in the clubs. But I guess I shouldn't be saying this considering I'm not 52 yo. Just my take on it. icon_razz.gificon_redface.gif
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    Sep 28, 2015 12:04 PM GMT
    Talon said I'm sure at one point in their life they met someone that could have been a partner in waiting, but turned them away for the allure that they could do better. Time is a funny thing.


    True!

    But the same could be said of most of us. We all have moments when we look back and think "why did I let that one get away?"
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    Sep 28, 2015 12:43 PM GMT
    I only have dated younger men because as many gay men age, they become cynical and bitter. I'd much rather date a hairless Asian who speaks very little or no english any day.
  • Nakedman1969

    Posts: 247

    Sep 28, 2015 2:27 PM GMT
    No its guys that are older than me that want to date me and I don't want them. I mean come on now why would I want someone older than me. If I could find someone my age maybe I would date them.
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    Sep 28, 2015 2:32 PM GMT
    By the time you hit 50 the outcomes of your life choices becomes apparent. It's generally not a pretty site: HIV Poz, fat, drug addicts don't make good dates. My friends from college are dead so you are channeled toward younger guys and amazing they are interested .
  • Coachfan

    Posts: 125

    Sep 28, 2015 3:00 PM GMT
    Age shouldn't be an issue, but it often is. I prefer men my age or older. You share more life experiences.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 28, 2015 3:35 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    Talon saidI agree that men your age only want to date younger.

    Have you ever heard of the saying "youth is wasted on the young"? Young people don't realize the potential they have in making a difference in their lives in the long run, but only care about what they can get and obtain now, never settling for anything less then face value. However, it will all eventually in time come back to haunt them. The price for vanity at a young age usually come with the stigma of loneliness in the present and in the future.

    For me when older guys want to date younger, it kind of reminds me that they want to stay relevant and cling on to to their youth. However, I feel no sympathy, because I'm sure at one point in their life they met someone that could have been a partner in waiting, but turned them away for the allure that they could do better. Time is a funny thing. It's the best remedy for broken hearts, however, relentless when it comes to the self realization that one might forever be alone. No one is to blame for the fact that you are single at your age, it's only you that can stake the final nail in that coffin.


    I agree with what you say, however, I don't think most don't intentionally drop relationships seeking someone better. I think usually what happens is people sometimes just pick the wrong person, and then hang in there too long trying to make a doomed relationship work because it becomes comfortable. Then by the time they realise it's never going to get better it's too late and the dating for them has dried up. Another good saying is hind sight is 20 20

    I don't think they pick the wrong person. I think they can't commit. I think they stop loving themselves before they stop loving their partner, which is why breaking up is painful. They are losers, really, and are going back into the dating pool trying to get back the years they lost by dating younger.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Sep 28, 2015 3:38 PM GMT
    One thing I find funny in all these endless discussions about older/younger is the frequent complete absence of anyone commenting that older guys can be extremely sexy. In a different way than "experienced, settled, confident," etc. I'm talking physically. Older in-shape guys can have a mass that most younger guys do not. The head changes shape from youth and some guys who may have been OK as young men look great as older men. Combine that with some developed taste and an absence of trend-chasing and you can have a solid, sexy guy.

    The attraction to a young man may be for the shallow reasons most often cited by ageists (and very probably because that has been the personal experience of those guys), but there are other reasons, too. Personally I don't need to find someone with whom I "share more life experiences," I want a guy who shares my value system and who broadens my range of interests and vice-versa. Plus, one real issue confronting all two-career couples, gay and straight, is that in today's economy, especially in the States, you have to be pretty mobile to follow opportunities, especially in the early part of your career. An older, financially settled guy can usually figure out how to deal with that issue better than a younger guy simply because he has more control over his financial affairs.

    Sometimes things just aren't as they appear.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 28, 2015 3:42 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidBy the time you hit 50 the outcomes of your life choices becomes apparent. It's generally not a pretty site: HIV Poz, fat, drug addicts don't make good dates. My friends from college are dead so you are channeled toward younger guys and amazing they are interested .

    You are not being channeled by outside forces. If you were interested in a relationship with a man who is your equal, then you would settle for no less than a man your age who has the same maturity and attractiveness that you do. They're obviously out there, as any gay twenty two year old can attest.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 28, 2015 3:48 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidOne thing I find funny in all these endless discussions about older/younger is the frequent complete absence of anyone commenting that older guys can be extremely sexy. In a different way than "experienced, settled, confident," etc. I'm talking physically. Older in-shape guys can have a mass that most younger guys do not. The head changes shape from youth and some guys who may have been OK as young men look great as older men. Combine that with some developed taste and an absence of trend-chasing and you can have a solid, sexy guy.

    The attraction to a young man may be for the shallow reasons most often cited by ageists (and very probably because that has been the personal experience of those guys), but there are other reasons, too. Personally I don't need to find someone with whom I "share more life experiences," I want a guy who shares my value system and who broadens my range of interests and vice-versa. Plus, one real issue confronting all two-career couples, gay and straight, is that in today's economy, especially in the States, you have to be pretty mobile to follow opportunities, especially in the early part of your career. An older, financially settled guy can usually figure out how to deal with that issue better than a younger guy simply because he has more control over his financial affairs.

    Sometimes things just aren't as they appear.

    You're saying older men are hot but you're not interested, which is the complaint of Graham Norton in the OP.

    It is bizarre that young men are all over the old guys, according to the old guys, and it seems, at least anecdotally, that the young guys are Asian or Latino dating old white guys, and if that's true, it adds to the sense of there being inequality in these relationships.
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    Sep 28, 2015 3:50 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Alpha13 saidBy the time you hit 50 the outcomes of your life choices becomes apparent. It's generally not a pretty site: HIV Poz, fat, drug addicts don't make good dates. My friends from college are dead so you are channeled toward younger guys and amazing they are interested .

    You are not being channeled by outside forces. If you were interested in a relationship with a man who is your equal, then you would settle for no less than a man your age who has the same maturity and attractiveness that you do. They're obviously out there, as any gay twenty two year old can attest.


    *laughing hysterically at this pompous edict about what an equal is*

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Sep 28, 2015 4:00 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Destinharbor saidOne thing I find funny in all these endless discussions about older/younger is the frequent complete absence of anyone commenting that older guys can be extremely sexy. In a different way than "experienced, settled, confident," etc. I'm talking physically. Older in-shape guys can have a mass that most younger guys do not. The head changes shape from youth and some guys who may have been OK as young men look great as older men. Combine that with some developed taste and an absence of trend-chasing and you can have a solid, sexy guy.

    The attraction to a young man may be for the shallow reasons most often cited by ageists (and very probably because that has been the personal experience of those guys), but there are other reasons, too. Personally I don't need to find someone with whom I "share more life experiences," I want a guy who shares my value system and who broadens my range of interests and vice-versa. Plus, one real issue confronting all two-career couples, gay and straight, is that in today's economy, especially in the States, you have to be pretty mobile to follow opportunities, especially in the early part of your career. An older, financially settled guy can usually figure out how to deal with that issue better than a younger guy simply because he has more control over his financial affairs.

    Sometimes things just aren't as they appear.

    You're saying older men are hot but you're not interested, which is the complaint of Graham Norton in the OP.

    It is bizarre that young men are all over the old guys, according to the old guys, and it seems, at least anecdotally, that the young guys are Asian or Latino dating old white guys, and if that's true, it adds to the sense of there being inequality in these relationships.

    No, exactly the opposite. I'm partnered to a young guy but dated exclusively in my age group prior. I take individuals at face value (and body value) and find "hot" in all age groups. As to your RACIST slur about Asians and Latins, I think the reason you do see these two groups represented in older/younger is because both of these cultures are highly family oriented and both teach respect for all members of the family, not just some cheap Hollywood version. So many guys of limited intelligence seem to want to reduce human relations to the Cliff Notes level of complexity.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 28, 2015 4:08 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    HottJoe said
    Destinharbor saidOne thing I find funny in all these endless discussions about older/younger is the frequent complete absence of anyone commenting that older guys can be extremely sexy. In a different way than "experienced, settled, confident," etc. I'm talking physically. Older in-shape guys can have a mass that most younger guys do not. The head changes shape from youth and some guys who may have been OK as young men look great as older men. Combine that with some developed taste and an absence of trend-chasing and you can have a solid, sexy guy.

    The attraction to a young man may be for the shallow reasons most often cited by ageists (and very probably because that has been the personal experience of those guys), but there are other reasons, too. Personally I don't need to find someone with whom I "share more life experiences," I want a guy who shares my value system and who broadens my range of interests and vice-versa. Plus, one real issue confronting all two-career couples, gay and straight, is that in today's economy, especially in the States, you have to be pretty mobile to follow opportunities, especially in the early part of your career. An older, financially settled guy can usually figure out how to deal with that issue better than a younger guy simply because he has more control over his financial affairs.

    Sometimes things just aren't as they appear.

    You're saying older men are hot but you're not interested, which is the complaint of Graham Norton in the OP.

    It is bizarre that young men are all over the old guys, according to the old guys, and it seems, at least anecdotally, that the young guys are Asian or Latino dating old white guys, and if that's true, it adds to the sense of there being inequality in these relationships.

    No, exactly the opposite. I'm partnered to a young guy but dated exclusively in my age group prior. I take individuals at face value (and body value) and find "hot" in all age groups. As to your RACIST slur about Asians and Latins, I think the reason you do see these two groups represented in older/younger is because both of these cultures are highly family oriented and both teach respect for all members of the family, not just some cheap Hollywood version. So many guys of limited intelligence seem to want to reduce human relations to the Cliff Notes level of complexity.

    I didn't make a racist slur. I just pointed out the phenomenon which you gave an explanation for. You're saying young white men are just too superficial to date old guys. Lol, sure. Keep telling yourself that.icon_lol.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Sep 28, 2015 4:21 PM GMT
    Nope, not true at all. you just can't help yourself. You feel the need to slander someone or group in every post. Sure smacks of insecurity. I wonder if you're really partnered.
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    Sep 28, 2015 5:03 PM GMT
    It is a sad concept that Guys who get older get put on the back-burner. It also leads to insecurities. Then a vicious circle develops. Older Guys then tend to date younger Guys and vice versa. No one is out looking for a relationship, but just out to see how virile they can remain in their sexuality, young or old. Then we reach a point of discriminating before we actually get into a relationship, i.e. does he snore; will we be a perfect couple; maybe he has too much flab; does he have annoying habits; or what if he maybe Farts too much; and 'Oh dear, he has too much acne; is he finacially secure; the list goes on? If only, there was real love out there and not Guys constantly looking for 'Mr Perfect', who by the way is a fantasy? Then there will be far less single Gay Guys, young or old.
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    Sep 28, 2015 5:13 PM GMT
    I think men over 50 years old, who are still single, is a red flag, unless they came out very late or had a very recent break up. Generally, there is a reason why these men have been single.
    This doesn't mean I can't be that 50 years old guy.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 28, 2015 5:14 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidNope, not true at all. you just can't help yourself. You feel the need to slander someone or group in every post. Sure smacks of insecurity. I wonder if you're really partnered.

    Every post? That's a stretch. I post on a wide range of topics. Also, if I were single I would be looking for a bf, not talking about my husband.

    The point of the OP is that men in their 50s can't find guys their age to date, because guys their age are dating younger. What would be your advice to him?

    My advice is to date guys your own age, and that's especially important for younger guys to hear. It seems like a lot of guys aren't taking relationships seriously. They focus on career and then try to make up for it by buying love.